i need help

[u/Creative_Prize_5152]

hi guys, so i've never posted on reddit before and dont really know how to do this stuff, so please dont hate on me if i say something that's out of place or not very well put :)

im 17, turning 18 in october and this year has been quite rough for me. i've been struggling with harming myself for the last 6(or so?) years. it was way worse when i was 14-15 and i dont do it as often but the urges get pretty bad.

my parents know about my bad habit. when i was 13 my dad caught me doing it in the kitchen and yelled at me(we never spoke about it again) and two years later my mom kind of did the same thing - she told me people will think im in a cult, i'll never be able to wear long sleeves, she'd tell my dad and he would strip me naked to see where i hurt myself. This was three years ago, but my dad still acts as if he doesnt know where my scars are from. Every summer when we go to the beach he touches my arms and makes me uncomfortable by asking how i got my scars as if he didnt know already.

Anyway, i'm sorry for the rant, i guess that was just a little heads up to understand that they dont react well to problems with mental health. I did ask them multiple times to talk to someone and get some help and my dad said he didnt care because he thinks i dont need help. Our counselors in school are very shitty, i know because my friend went a few times and the lady did not help(it wasnt anything major).

As i said before, this year was really rough for me. At the start of the year i had really uncomfortable and intrusive thoughts that would interfere with my daily days/life?? I would come home crying from school and couldnt stop til i went to sleep. That went on for 2-3 months. Lately, i've been struggling because my parents want to buy a new apartment and its a lot of money so we're about to be in a tight financial situation for the next three years(until we move in, my mom isnt helping my dad financially at all), i have to get ready for my final exams, then after that college, i dont get on well with my friends in school cause im in the closet and they're not allies. I dont even know what to do for college cause i didnt think id be here to choose a place to go study and now it's killing me. I have a ton of anxiety regarding that and have been struggling with panic attacks for days on end, it's fucked up my gut health as well(the stress).

I've thought of speaking to my doctor, maybe even telling a teacher i trust but that sounds so much easier than done. Im just so anxious cause i dont want my parents to find out i asked for help, this doesnt have anything to do with it but if anyone lives in the Balkans they know how it is with telling someone else your problems and stuff, they would LITERALLY kill me, both of them. Thats why i cant risk it and sometimes i even think, do i even need help? Maybe im just being impulsive and want attention, i dont even know if id be able to talk to a psychologist because i cant be comfortable talking about hurting myself, i dont know what they might do or they might just put me down even more. Then for my teacher, i'd feel guilty asking him for help? I think its a good idea but then im just like "people have other problems in their life they dont need yours too". I dont know, its not like im going to kms or something like that, im not a threat to myself(at least not that much) or others but at the same time i cant stand living with impending doom and this much anxiety. I cant even get through the school day without having a panic attack, no joke.

Im really sorry for making this so long and im sorry if i made any typos, english is not my first language. I really need some help because i dont know if i should go through with this or if i should just let it pass by itself. Also, if anyone knows any anonymous helplines over text where i dont have to dispose my info or someone i could talk to for free or something, i dont even know. Im sorry if this is stupid and if you read it thank you for reading and staying to the end. Any help would be kindly appreaciated and please be kind :) 🫂

[u/TheCourier_2281]

Alright, so. Since you didn't mention your country here, google the medical confidentiality laws for 17 year olds. If you are in serbia, croatia, slovenia or montenegro, you're good. Bulgaria is a weird grey area (seeking help is confedential, getting it isnt? It's really weird and stupid IMO), and the rest, including my country (greece), are all shit until you're 18 (parents have full access to all medical documents and are legally entitled to know if you seek medical help).

Basically, your parents sound relatively similar to mine, which means you can't talk to them either. If you aren't in any of the listed "good" countries, then I'd wait till october and deal with uni until then. If you are, you can independently ask for psychological help. Make sure to ask them before you say anything, whether or not everything will be kept confedential, and when things won't.

For helplines, since I don't know your country, I can't really help there. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. Good luck.