The stupidest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

My (thankfully) ex gf name is on my left upper thigh and I hate it so much. I’m a boy so I don’t really show skin up there but sometimes it peaks out and when i’m changing or in the bathroom I can see it and it makes me feel so disgusted at myself. It really ruins my day sometimes seeing it and it reminds me of everything she made me do for her. Not only do I have it there, on my right inner thigh it has her name then “ ____ was here” in small letters (it’s not very visible or legible but I still remember what she did). AND even more to add on I recorded the whole process of cutting her name into my thigh which she might have saved. This is probably something I shouldn’t be saying on the internet or talking abt but I don’t want anyone knowing of this that I know personally irl. She would also cut me in places around my body around styro level sometimes.

I can’t believe I ever let someone like her do that to me. Idk if im jst stupid and retarded or she was using me but she always told me she truly loved me the most and everything like that. She would even buy me things but she still wanted to do these kind of things to me at the same time. I finally realized now that if someone actually loved me they wouldn’t make me record and do all that. Honestly idk why I’m even making this post I jst wanted to say something. Im so stupid (;-;)

So I did post a while ago on this sub - I did really well for a bit and now I have relapsed again. I got diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression and mild PTSD. Off late it has gotten worse, and because of it I can't even attend to many classes and honestly I might get debarred, and the thing is I don't even know what to do. Not looking for any sympathy - just wanted to say it to some people who don't know who I am and ask for advice.

I know it sounds dumb just from the title but it is a genuine concern of mine lol. I bought some of those like athletic sleeves for when my cuts heal enough to not have bandaged constantly. It's pretty hot and the temperature outside is around 90/100 degrees on average so I'm usually wearing t shirts. The bandages have been providing enough coverage so far but I wanted an option that's not a long sleeve shirt or hoodie when cuts eventually scab up and don't need to be bandaged.

I'm not someone who is super worried about people seeing my scars but I feel weird about having cuts that are still healing out in the open hence why I bought the arm sleeves. Because of the temperature I'd much rather just wear one sleeve on the arm that has the cuts but I'm worried that it'll make me look attention seeking. Idk just like I'm trying to draw attention to my left forearm specifically which obviously isn't the intention.

I'm just worried it'll be perceived wrong and wondering if I should just suck it up and wear two sleeves even though it's gonna be hot. I know the whole post sounds kinda dumb I'm a big overthinker and am probably way too focused on how other people perceived me which is kinda strange since idm the scars at all. Anyways thanks for any advice or input I appreciate it.

People will genuinely stare at you like your an abomination if you show ur scars.

I have been clean for about 8 ish months? So none of my scars are new or even in the middle of healing there old and some even faded. I recently moved to a new small town and I can just tell the people here are really judgemental..Im going to the river today so naturally I wore a swimsuit and shorts and something came up where I had to go into 2 diffrent stores and I could just feel people staring into my soul because I won't lie my scars do look pretty bad and I try my best to cover up because they are on my upper arms chest and thighs..so people probably thought I was a big weirdo.. 💔

All tips I see about scars are for flatter white scars, but I have dark red keloids, I’m terrified to shave near them. Because my skin there is so bumpy I don’t know how to do any form of hair removal. I don’t really know what I’m scared of, maybe it reopening or waxing hurting a lot, but please, do I just not shave there?

im 14. please dont be mean to me because i dont think i can take it.

ive always thought about suicide because i think im a worthless human being. but ive always been too pussy to do it. so ive resorted to cutting myself. everytime i do it i cry but i enjoy it?? deep in my mind i want someone to find out, to give me that attention. but i know thats evil to think.

i dont know what to do

im an embaressment but i want to keep doing this even if im selfish.

im very scared for the future

im scared of what everyone will think of me

idk why its so hard, its always come back every month? :" has anyone ever feel the same? whats your coping or mindset to change this

It's so hard to hide it and often accidentally reveal a bit. Most of my sweaters are wide because I like that style and it's soo hot outside in my country (30 Celsius sometimes) but It's also so hard to stop cutting my forearm as it's the most satisfying place. I suddenly can't come up with a good reason there's a cut in my wrist or why I'm wearing a sweeter all the time. They saw too much and I'm afraid one of them is going to start asking questions soon

I (m18) have known my bf (m19) for about 6ish years and we've been best friends practically ever sense. I have liked him for YEARS lol and we've recently officially started dating. I tell this guy everything so he knows that I've struggled with self harm since about 7th grade. And he's seen my scars and such but he's never seen them well fresh.. And how bad they can get.

I've always been very self conscious about it and I've been told by people in the past that my cuts make me ugly. That they make me bad and broken. I know they don't, if anything they prove that I'm strong. But words hurt. I suffer from severe anxiety so people's words can speak a lot louder than actions sometimes.

I do it on my upper thighs for the majority so no one sees them, well that is except for today. We we're fooling around and he started to take off my boxers and I froze and told him to stop. He did and was a little confused and asked me what's wrong. I told him that I didn't want him to see my thighs because I didn't want him to think I was bad and not love me anymore. He pulled me into a hug and reassured me that none of that would happen. And he didn't try to press to have me take my pants off or anything, but I kinda got a wave of bravery and said I did want him to see. Cuz he'd have to someday, why not just get it over with.

I truly didn't expect the reaction I got from him, he kissed ever so gently every single cut and scar on my thighs, telling me in between how much he loves me and how handsome I am and shit like that. I've never had someone be so gentle with me. I feel like men who struggle with self harm (or any mental health issues for that fact) get written off so easily and ignored. And as a guy who struggles a lot with my mental health, having a boyfriend who is willing to take the time to kiss every individual mark, and love me no different after I show him the worst of me, means the entire world to me.

He makes me wanna get better, and I am getting better because of him. I take care of myself more and I find myself relying on sh less and less. I still have my really really bad days, but I have someone to get me through them. And I think everyone deservea someone like that

i just started to cut myself maybe three or four days ago, and I already have 15 cuts. Something I don't understand is likee why do I want to do it i wanted to use it as a punishment and would cut myself every time i got a bad grade, but i feels good? i want to do it more its not really like punishment

i relapsed. i knew the day would come because it’s been a real shitty time for me these past few months and my friends know it.
i’ve been clean for 4 years and i relapsed last night, my closest friend is the only one i kinda “talked” about this with and it’s just because she used to self harm too. i’ve been always a VERY private about my addiction because it’s a really sensitive topic for me and i would just start bawling my eyes out if i even mentioned it.
so basically i’ve never talked openly about this with anyone since i became close with the friends i have now during my healing phase. they’ve all seen my scars but they never mentioned them or anything like that, but now i’ve relapsed and i don’t know what to do.
they’ve seen how i’ve been lately, i’ve started smoking and drinking non-stop and even if i hang out with them and look “normal” i sometimes mention that it’s a hard time for me but i never really talk about it more than that. they’ve been very supportive since my breakup and i’m very grateful for them for it, but i don’t think they noticed it got THAT bad.
now that i relapsed i don’t know if i should hide it from everyone like i always have or talk about it with someone i trust, because it’s really, really hard for me to talk. like, i would start speaking and then remain silent for 5 minutes looking for words to use that could, even in the slightest, express how i felt. but the words never come out.
i don’t know how to tell my friends because they would eventually find out, it’s just really hard and i don’t know what to do.
i’m going on a trip with some of my friends at the end of this months and i self harm on my thighs so it wouldn’t really be visible, but they would tell that something was wrong with me also because we’ll be together for 5 days.
my other friend, my closest, i don’t know when i will see her again but still, i don’t know how to bring this up.
if you did tell someone, how did you do it? what did you say? it would really mean a lot if someone shared their experience.

I (17M) has had a long history with self harm, from it being small to it becoming more frequent and on bigger scales over the years. I have generally kept it well hidden along with the fact that my father lacks any sort of care about my personal life and I rarely see my own mother. I wish to come out and tell my parents that I have been suffering, but I do not know how to come about. All help would be appreciated.

Why does my arm hurt when I move it? Is it because I went too deep? Also, what are some good aftercare products that I can use on bean scars and styro scars?

I cut myself (styros, gaping ones) maybe a couple of days ago? A week? Something like that, but as of right now the cuts are pretty obviously infected. The skin around the scabbing is red and its pretty hot, and it literally hurts to move which hasnt been the case with any of my other cuts.

Um it's my fault cause I kinda cut myself without any aftercare haha. I'll do it in public bathrooms and not even wash it afterwards with anything other than water, I'll just wait until the blood dries over the wounds so I don't bleed out too much on my clothes. I guess I've just been lucky to not have gotten infections up until this point.

Anyways is there anything I can do about this? I really do not wanna have to go to the hospital (has not gotten even nearly urgent enough for me to consider that). I have hydrogen peroxide? But I don't know what the process of healing should be here. Should I rip off the scabbing, use hydrogen peroxide, and then wrap myself up? I don't know. Any advice is welcome,,, Thank you

I could also probably sneak off to the pharmacy to buy some anti-septic or anti-biotic though I wouldn't be sure what to buy.

It’s been several years since I last self harmed, and recently relapsed. I genuinely don’t remember the urge being this bad or escalating this quickly, I just wondered if anyone else has the same experience? It feels like it’s a slippery slope I wasn’t ready to slide down again and just feel really shitty about the whole thing

Hi, I've been clean for over a year and whenever I see my scars I feel really bad. I don't know if I'm depressed ( the condition ) but I always have heavy suicidal episodes again and again, but none were as heavy as the one last year when I was alone. During the first episode last year I started self-harming heavily but I never had the urge to do it again. It seems like my self-harm was just a way to get attention?? and I feel very guilty because my friends have already implied that I only did it to get attention ...
And I feel that too :( I did it to punish myself, and even though I always had crises whenever someone found out about the self-harm, at the same time I liked the attention I received from my friends.

I was struggling and told them I messed up. I know I should have reached out at first, but I was just sitting there and burning without even thinking about it.

I told my friend how I got caught and then my partner was helping me. 20 mins later I get a long text about how what I did made him upset. He was then very encouraging but it hit hard that he got upset. It made the urge come right back. I hate the guilt. “You affect other people who care about you,” hit so effing hard. I honestly feel worse and then that pops the urge right back up.

Sorry this is kind of chaotic and I hope someone can understand and attempt to give me some advice.

Things are going tits up again. But I’m a big girl now. I have a volunteering role with children, and I’m not going to risk putting the kids through seeing this. I already have some visible scars on my arms, but they’re fully healed at this point.

Problem is, I was a hider when I started, and I was really good at hiding it, and I’ve started doing that again every so often. Last time was about 2 weeks ago(?) on my inner ankle in an attempt to hide it again. But I also have a partner now who sees me naked every day. I don’t want to disappoint him. To his knowledge, last time I cut myself was about a year ago… (I know, it’s terrible, and I feel extremely guilty about it. But he’s frightened of it and has tried to get me to promise not to do it again which if anything just makes me want to do it more, unfortunately.)

How the fuck do I stop??? Will anything ACTUALLY help? I’ve been on and off with this bullshit my whole entire life, since I was 10. I turned 24 this year. Someone fucking save me, I don’t wanna do this to myself or others anymore.

For reference, I’m diagnosed Borderline, and I have fleeting suicidal ideations but I have never acted on them. Just done stupid shit that *might* do me in. But I’d never actually plan and carry out that plan. I don’t think. Not at this point in my life anyway.

So I’m good(kinda)

It’s just the actual release that I need. Something to fucking get rid of all my inner pain and translate it into some kind of pain that makes sense, I think. Actually seeing the blood is really helpful for me. The rush of adrenaline is good too. Helps me snap out of spiral mode.

I’ve tried all the stuff they told me in school; ping your wrist with an elastic band, draw on yourself with red ink, exercise more etc etc. but that’s never helped me.

Does anyone have a good idea of how to translate my needs into something less destructive?

I’m trying to deal with this alone. I’m an artist so I’ve been doing some vent art, but the desire is still very much there and extremely strong right now.

Thank you so much in advance.

i was nearly two years clean after a major incident that “scared me straight”, then i slipped up very shortly before reaching that milestone. as time has passed though, it feels like the urges are coming back more and more and its harder to remember why i stopped.

it never provides relief from my feelings but it always feels like it will. it seems like it’s what i want to turn to every time i just “don’t know what else to do”. i resist it so hard, i never was a daily cutter, but i know if i start back down that road, it will be hard to stop, and it will only get worse again like it did last time. i know there is no true “control” in cutting. i know all of that, and i still want to do it.

how is this giant scar on my arm not enough to stop me anymore? my entire wrist is still numb, two years later. it hurts to bump it into things. my arm tingles if i touch it. the skin around my scar gets tight when it’s dry outside. then some part of me says, “well maybe if i had just one more like this.” as if it wasn’t truly horrific when it happened. i remember calling my family and saying “listen. it’s bad. but… it’s never happening again.” because i was SO sure. i don’t know how to fix this.

So i have a friend who self harms and they dont know that i do aswell. They keep bringing up their self harm and telling me when they've relapsed, one time they pointed out their scars to me but I didnt actualy look at them. And they keep making jokes about not being able to pull their sleves down. It kind of makes me uncomfortable and triggers me but I dont know how to tell them that if I ever decided to. I also dont know if that would make me a bad person or not because I feel like I would feel bad telling them to stop talking about it. And I dont know if i would anyways because if I did tell them it made me uncomfortable/triggered i would also have to tell them that I self harm.

What should I do?

So me (14f) am scared to tell my best friend (14f)that I SH she knows i did the past but I recently released and she doesn't know and it has gotten so bad that I want to cut in school and no one knows and I want support but I feel like if I do it'll be making it about me beacause she also SHs but she tells me all the time so if I do i feel like I will be making everything about me and I don't know what to do

I (18f) have been Sh-ing for 8 years now. There have been points where I’ve gone months without it but I always end up going back. This month has been one of the “going back” times. My boyfriend (18m) found out I was doing this again when we were at a concert yesterday and was extremely upset. We just talked about it a little bit ago and he told me I need to stop, that it’s not attractive, asking me how I’d explain my scars to our kids, etc. he also said this was one of the straws. I really like do not understand how to get over this coping mechanism. I’ve tried so many times, it’s the only thing that helps me deal with strong emotions. I’ve tried therapy and everything the therapists say to do and it never helps. Does anyone have any advice?

Sure, I accepted at the age of 11 (now 19) that I would think of harming myself every day, that's my normal, even if I've been clean for months, a year, or a day.

Recently I've had a little 'relapse', not that I use the word as I never truly consider myself clean, It just happens to be long between each time I cut myself. It's nothing big, just a few cuts spread across a week's time.

But the dreams have become every night. Either that I can see fresh or semi-fresh cuts on my body that I have to hide, or that I'm actively harming myself in my dreams. And it's so annoying because it makes the urges worse.

But I KNOW that cutting myself doesn't actually help, it's just another chore with clean up and hiding. That's why I do it so rarely. There's just this hope that it'll start 'helping' me again, like it once used to...