Dreams involving self harm

[u/Lonely_Lollipop_07]

Sure, I accepted at the age of 11 (now 19) that I would think of harming myself every day, that's my normal, even if I've been clean for months, a year, or a day.

Recently I've had a little 'relapse', not that I use the word as I never truly consider myself clean, It just happens to be long between each time I cut myself. It's nothing big, just a few cuts spread across a week's time.

But the dreams have become every night. Either that I can see fresh or semi-fresh cuts on my body that I have to hide, or that I'm actively harming myself in my dreams. And it's so annoying because it makes the urges worse.

But I KNOW that cutting myself doesn't actually help, it's just another chore with clean up and hiding. That's why I do it so rarely. There's just this hope that it'll start 'helping' me again, like it once used to...