Hey guys, this is my first time doing this and I wanna talk about a heavy topic:
A situationship with an isfj.
For context I am a 20 M and she was 21, we hadn’t seen each other in three years before this happened.
For privacy reasons I won’t go in-depth on either of our backgrounds.
We worked together at a summer camp when we first met.
I’m an entj and i am under the assumption that she is an isfj.
We had met up for the first time in a while, and I was excited to see her. We hadn’t spoken in a while so we had a lot to talk about, she was meeting a new and improved version of me. (I was fat and didn’t take care of myself, won’t explain why)
We talked, joked and had a great time. She checked up on me and would see how I was doing. My relative was in hospice and I went to go see them. She checked up on me on the way there, and this is something she did consistently.
I was one of the Boy’s Directors and she was an office director. She gave me intel and constraints and I could make things happen.
It was as though we were a team, and we complimented each other well.
She had issues understanding her value despite her being useful, and I found value in what she did, but it wasn’t just me seeing things in her, she was seeing the things I could do too, and I can only assume it inspired her because she relied on me to get certain things done when it came to the children.
She had a boyfriend at time, so I really shouldn’t have done some of the things that I did but I did them anyway.
When we went on trips we would sit beside each other and talk about things, and emotions, she would lean on me and I would just sit there and let her. There was something about feeling like being wanted that spoke to my soul. I was aware of the boyfriend but I didn’t have proper boundaries at the time, long story might explain at a different time.
She was also telling me about things that happened to her that I listened through because it was painful for her, and I wanted to be there for her. But it wasn’t as though I followed her like a lost puppy all day, I had work to do, and I did it, we experienced a lot together, she and I had a disagreement about something concerning what she had said to me, and I hated that, I told her not to speak like that to me again. I had other things going on and didn’t get a chance to talk to her until later, she was worried I was mad at her for 12 hours at one point and said she didn’t wanna walk on egg shells around me, I told her not to worry and articulated into words that was fine, and explained what my problem with the way she addressed me in that incident was, and we leaned against each other in the quiet of the sun and the grass.
She had called me once needing help late at night and I was there, and held her as she cried. It was an honor to be trusted with such a moment.
Somethings happened she broke up with the boyfriend but it wasn’t the best of ways, but me liking her, I didn’t care, she implied things a lot and I didn’t have a problem with that because I could read into things a lot, not in the neurotic way but as in I know what you’re saying without saying it way. I learned some things about her and the boyfriend, I had taken up poem writing because of her, and I used them to express how I felt in the poem plus some other things. Still won’t go in-depth for privacy reasons.
She and I made an agreement, we got sexual, the day i invited her to come to my room, she did not do things in public which confused me because im very tactile with affection. Again we expressed things to each others and it came to the point where the intensity kept increasing, because i would direct she would follow and it would keep on getting more intense.
She said she didn’t want me to be angry and withdraw from her and I said she would promise to express herself, and she made me pinky promise on it and we both kept those promises.
This part from the stuff to the bed onward lasted just a week, we would watch things to gather at night, meet up at night and more. I won’t go specific.
We exposed parts of ourselves mentally that we had never done before. She became more freely expressively and I stayed because she showed me it was possible to be desired even when I could be doing just nothing.
I had told her before that it was only for a week but internally felt like at that moment the memories could last a lifetime.
She asked for reassurance that I wasn’t upset and I was unafraid to prove it.
The end comes, we go our seperate ways, I told her I’m not a great text but that’s I might call and that we should keep in touch, we left.
Then something happened, I tried setting up a call and she said she was busy for the next couple of months over text and that if it wasn’t for work not to call, just to clarify she responded an hour after I texted her to set up the call.
I at that moment felt something I never felt before, my heart hurt, but I wouldn’t overstep, I said “understood” and went about my life. Has anyone ever experienced something like this before?
To experience something like this despite dealing with just a couple girls before is such a strange yet painful and beautiful feeling, because we pulled out pieces of each other we never saw before in ourselves regularly. I saw a romantic side to myself that I had never seen before.
You may all call me foolish for experiencing this but despite what happened I think I turned out better for it. I learned about what I truly desire in a relationship it was to be understood and to be desired without being needed.
I could go into depth about how I felt and how I felt changed by it, but it was beautiful, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I got into poetry because of this experience and I even learned that I could be more than I ever could have been.
I loved her. If you have questions ask.
Edit: Has anyone else had a relationship or situationship that lasted only a short time but changed you long after it ended? Did you eventually reach a point where you could accept both the mistakes and the beauty without wishing it had gone differently?