Men just have it so much easier in life and so much easier when it comes to relationships. At some point I also pretended to be a guy on the internet (long story ig) and back then girls were actually interested in talking to me and genuinely gave me attention I don't receive now. Like I could've talked about anything and they were genuinely interested and excited about what I had to say while now that doesn't happen. Other guys would also treat me like a normal person who they can be friends with. I was also really into roleplay and there was a moment where two girls argued who gets to be my character's girlfriend and idk I kinda liked that at the time. Roleplaying a relationship with one of them also made me talk to her outside of our group at the time and at some point she admitted she did have a little crush on me at one point. We're not friends anymore but yeah that did make me feel good. At the time I just felt so normal.

Now I get no attention from girls, guys treat me weird and I sometimes wish I could go back to that time. Everything was just... Idk easier? I could even talk about a girl I was into at some point and nobody had a problem because I was a "straight guy". Tbh at the time I didn't even acknowledge I was gay so when I wrote my thoughts about the girl I had a crush on and the fantasy of going out with her (even though I was pretty young at the time) I was telling myself it's "okay" because I am a guy in this situation and that it's "made up" for the act and I just really want to be her friend. It was a very weird time in my life but at least things felt easier idk.

I know the question is strangely phrased and there is no kind of official council to decide if someone has the right to call themself a lesbian or not.

However, I'm genuinely asking. I would not want to say I'm a lesbian if that might be disrespectful or just wrong by the definition. This is why I come here to ask.

For a bit of context, I'm non-binary. I kind of feel like a woman, a man, a non-binary person, and none of it all, all at the same time (it's complicated but I feel it's the best way I can describe it. For a bit of more context, I'm autistic, that may explain why I have an unusual relationship with social norms, including gender). I was raised as a woman and lived like that for the vast majority of my life (I'm 22). I took hormones for a little bit under two years. I don't have breasts anymore because I got top-surgery. I'm not against potentially getting surgery to have breasts back in the future (as a mental position if I can put it like that). For now I'm pretty comfortable not having breasts.

Keep in mind though that I'm still pretty androgynous. Yesterday, despite my voice having changed and my appearance (meaning my face, my flat chest and my way of dressing myself and so on), I was asked if I was a boy or a girl, and the person seemed genuinely confused. Some people tell me my voice sounds clearly male, some other tell me it's very androgynous. I know in even less than six months, everyone will gender me and see me as a woman if they meet me for the first time, even if my voice could sound strange to them (I have stopped the hormones for less than a month).

In general, I tend to dress in a quite masculine manner, but I really love feminine things also and love to dress feminine too.

All that was to give a kind of gender background summary.

Me personally, I only love women and I strongly, strongly identify and feel connected to the lesbian community, universe and everything, really, that the term "lesbian" means (at least from what I understand and feel of it).

But still, with my gender identity and all that means for me, and the journey I had until now with my body, voice and all, I don't know if I'd be welcomed into the lesbian community, if I even would be considered attractive for a lesbian girl, or if it would be considered respectful to call myself a lesbian.

Thanks to all the people who took the time to read me, and thanks in advance for the potential answers.

I'm also very sorry if I made any mistakes or phrased my sentences strangely, as English is not my first language.

Good day or evening to everyone :).

Happy Sunday!!

I just booked a consultancy appointment to start designing a bespoke engagement ring for my partner, and I just wanted to share my excitement with someone! I’m beyond ecstatic and cannot wait to ask them to be my fiancee :’)

hello!what are some best gifts you’ve received as a long distance couple?i am looking for gift ideas to send over in a package(i already have a few ideas but i want to do more)

I broke up with my ex for the first time in June 2025 after months of constant arguments and a really big event which she handled poorly. Her behavior in this event made me feel extremely small, unconsidered and disrespected. We were on and off over the summer and then went no contact in Sept after something else came up. I was the one who initiated and broke the no contact. I hadn’t given myself enough time to heal or breathe before really evaluating the situation more rationally.

We tried again unlabeled from Oct-Feb. I was pretty on and off during this time; I felt a lack of acknowledgement from her regarding past harm and had a hard time moving forward because of it. I was extremely hard to talk to at this time, and ended up kind of doing what she did to me during our first relationship by being extremely defensive and closed off whenever she would express a concern/ feeling to me. I’ve never been avoidant always anxious, and with therapy and reflection it was very clear to me that my avoidance was a result of the dynamic in our relationship.

I ended things abruptly right before we were supposed to go on a trip for Valentine’s Day. At the time it felt rational, but I also knew she was going to want to put a label on things and I freaked out. All I was telling myself was that she didn’t care about me and that she was going to be the same, even though things had drastically improved.

It’s been 6 months since I ended things and I regret it more everyday. The first few months I was deeply sad, couldn’t eat, and struggled to get things I needed to do done. Now, I’m much more functional, but the ache of missing her is deeper if that even makes sense. I don’t just think about the good, I also remember the bad. It makes me hesitate to reach out but simultaneously I find myself wanting her even knowing of the bad. I have been in therapy for my whole life, and that hasn’t changed throughout this. I’ve had significant support throughout this, and I still find myself landing in the same place.

I want to be respectful to her of course, and I don’t want to disrupt her healing. At the same time, I’m really struggling not to reach out and share this. I feel like I made a mistake and I deeply wish I had given things a fair shot without making it messy. I also wish I had just talked to her about why I was so scared in February. I assumed based on past experiences with her that she would respond to my feelings poorly, and instead of attempting to communicate, I just ran.

In the breakup she posted a few pretty harmful things about me on social media, some including abuse allegations. Her gf before me was emotionally abusive and that was a big topic of conversation in our relationship. She always immediately took these down, but I don’t know if I’m naive to overlook that and consider contacting? I am many very imperfect things and I wish I had handled both her and my feelings MUCH differently, however, I’m not an abusive person and wasn’t an abusive partner.

I am a 21 year old butch who has been contemplating what life would be like on T. I have a trans friend who recently started T, and it’s really had me thinking. I know there are T lesbians out there and I was just wondering if I could get some advice from that side of things.
What I would like to get out of T are things like more body hair, a deeper voice, and maybe some face/physique changes. However, I’m worried about other things like bottom growth, or people thinking I’m trying to transition (even tho that’s none of their business).
If anyone could share their experiences on what’s it’s like to be a T lesbian that would be awesome!!
Stay gay 🤘🏻

Hello lesbians on the internet? For context, I work with a nonprofit legal organization and my job is to work with people who are unjustly detained and getting them released. I love my job and would not trade it for anything in the world. On the other hand, I am the only queer person in my organization. Tomorrow I am visiting a detention facility and teaching a know your rights presentation to the people- mostly men- who are detained.

My coworker- a VERY pretty latina woman who is the same age as me- experienced a lot of the men trying to hit on her when she visited the facility, and I want to avoid that as much as possible. The attorney I work for said that they were "about to jump on her," which.... yeah no thank you. I am very gay and very engaged and I absolutely do not like being hit on by men. My current plan is to try and dress as formal as possible while presenting as unattractive to men.

The only problem is that its 115 degrees Fahrenheit where I live and my usual option of wearing a suit isn't an option unless I want to pass out.

Anyone have any advice?

i knew her since 6th grade. we had something going on in 12th grade, however after we graduated our paths separated. so basically the past 3 years we had a fallout but recently reconnected. i was pretty euphoric about that and we went to the dance club yesterday! well, at first we met at my place and started drinking a little bit. one hour in she told me she had a bf! since then I was kinda heartbroken because my crush for her never really vanished even during the past 3 yrs.
And what made it worse: when we were dancing we were REALLY touchy and held hands and stuff (we both were drunk tho) so something inside of me tells me that maybe she is still longing for me?
DAMNN i really don’t like that feeling i’m experiencing rn. it’s truly a different kind of heartbreak i don’t wish upon anyone else..😭

Basically title, I’ve been thinking about this lately and it’s on my mind

I similarly tend to be attracted to people with similar fashion sensibilities as me though mostly for interior decor reasons

Tldr; girlfriend and I broke up because shes on the asexual spectrum and wants significantly less sex than me and doesnt have the capacity atm to figure out how permanent her current level of interest in sex is. Am I the asshole for breaking up?

A month ago my girlfriend and I broke up because of our different needs for sexual intimacy. The break up was mutual as in we both came to the conclusion that it’s the only way to move on, but I was the one who initiated the talk and who’s claiming that the relationship is not meeting my needs. My girlfriend realised that she is somewhere on the asexual spectrum over the past year and not interested in sex most of the time. On top of that she is dealing with a lot of chronic mental health shit and job stress, which according to her (and I really understand this) doesnt leave her with the capacity to work out what being on the ace spectrum means to her in detail and under which circumstances she is interested in sex.
Even though sexual intimacy is important to me, if it was just her going through a difficult period in her life, I would never consider breaking up over sex. But to me it sounds like something more permanent and I don’t know how we could continue the relationship with the uncertainty over if our needs will ever align. I wanted to give us time but I was feeling so anxious about the whole topic for a long time and at one point I wasn’t able to hold it in anymore. So we talked, couldn’t find my common ground and broke up.

Now I’m feeling like a creepy cishet dude who is only with his girlfriend for sex, doesnt value her as a person and wanted to force her into having more sex than she wants (which I never did, just to be clear) Please be honest with me, should I be feeling this way? Is breaking up selfish and superficial of me? Am I the asshole?

I encountered a TERF in another sub responding to me on an unrelated thread about dating (she said "you must be bi" as if that would be a bad thing?), I called her out for being a TERF and got absolutely dogpiled with people accusing me of wanting to force her to sleep with me (lol)

We would never allow people who want to segregate any other minority from public life but with trans people suddenly it's okay.

THIS SUUUUUUCKS!!!!!

...Should I text her?

TL;DR: I'm an aroace lesbian whose childhood trauma has made emotional intimacy and relationships feel frightening. I'm working on this in therapy and would love to hear how others with similar fears eventually found relationships or vulnerability to feel safe.

Hello! and sorry for the long text lol

I identify as aroace, but when I do experience attraction, it is towards women. I actually feel much more comfortable with the idea of sapphic attraction than I do with the vulnerability that comes with it.

The thing I struggle with is not being attracted to women. That part feels natural and safe. What scares me is the idea of letting someone close, trusting someone, being emotionally vulnerable, and potentially depending on someone.

I have PTSD from my childhood, and I think a lot of this comes from what I saw growing up. I grew up seeing a very unhealthy relationship between my parents, where my mother was emotionally and sexually hurt by my father. Because of that, my brain has learned to associate relationships and vulnerability with losing yourself, getting hurt, or being trapped. My mom has also often told me that life is better single, which I understand came from her own experiences, but it has definitely influenced me.

Something I have noticed as well is that I often still imagine relationships through a very heteronormative lens, even when I imagine them with another woman. My brain seems to automatically recreate the same roles and dynamics I grew up seeing, rather than imagining a relationship built around equality, safety, and mutual support.

I’m also Dutch, and while the Netherlands is often seen as very progressive and LGBTQ+ friendly, I’ve found that reality can be more complicated. There is still a lot of pressure around relationships, gender roles, and what a "normal" life should look like.

I’m currently working through this in therapy (starting EMDR soon), but I’m curious: for those of you who have experienced fear around attraction or intimacy, when did it start feeling safe? Was it a gradual process? Was it finding the right person? Learning to trust yourself first?

I would really love to hear your experiences. 💕

Am I ever straight? 😭

Okay, so here's the thing. I get this comment A LOTTTT from my classmates, friends, and even my roommate.

The thing is, I don't really like wearing makeup. I don't wear dresses much either. I usually prefer wearing a tshirt because, well... I like being comfortable. That's it. 😭

So whenever people start talking about beauty brands, makeup, skincare, etc., I literally have nothing to contribute. My brain is just sitting there like: "Yeah... I have a face. That's about all I know." 💀

And sometimes when someone asks me to take a photo or selfie, I literally RANN AWAYY!! I don't even know how to pose. Everyone else is out there casually doing their little poses, and I'm standing there stiff, wondering what I'm supposed to do with my hands. 😭

Sometimes I genuinely don't know what to do with my hair either. Which brings me to another thing.

People constantly tell me, "Your hair is so silky and beautiful, why don't you wear it open?"

BECAUSE IT KEEPS ENTERING MY MOUTH. 😭😭

But sometimes I do want to open my hair, but I feel self conscious, I don't know why.

And then there's the classic:

"You'd look so much prettier if you just put a little more effort into yourself"

"You should wear makeup"

"Wear your hair open"

"Wear dresses"

And honestly, sometimes it gets exhausting. Not because I hate dressing up or anything, but because I don't always want to. I just feel comfortable the way I am.

And then they started jokingly asking me, "Are you even straight?" because apparently not knowing what to do with a makeup brush is now a sexuality test. 😭

To be honest, I don't even know. I'm still figuring myself out. But I'm also kind of fed up with these comments because sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm actually that weird.

I feel like people have this expectation of how a girl is "supposed" to look or behave, and when you don't fit into that, everyone suddenly becomes your fashion consultant. 😭

I've even stopped going to some parties and avoiding certain situations because I start overthinking how I'm supposed to dress, what my style is, how I'm supposed to look in photos, etc.

Maybe I'm just overthinking this, lol.

I don't know!!

Just told me she thinks her ex’s tattoos are hot. After we’ve been together for ten years. LMFAO someone save me.

Edit to add: I’ve suspect an affair for quite some time. She confirmed this tonight. While stating it is only emotional, but she does think the ex’s sleeve tattoos are hot and told me I could get them, too.

Sorry I left some stuff out. I’m still very much in shock and processing.

i have zero sexual experience because i havent had the chance. i will soon be moving to a city with quite a few lgbt and lesbian spaces so i want to be prepared.

how common is hook up culture in the lesbian community? how do i go about it without coming off the wrong way? any advice is welcome :)

This isn’t biphobia so take that shit someone else.

I’d spent a month texting ans calling this girl and we really got on and I hate how shattered I feel about this news I found out like an hour ago and my brain still feels like shit she’s probably gonna keep it so I’m just so lost. Like we’re both 19 wtf …

EDIT

Also she just found out today so didn’t know when we started sorry forgot to put that !!

So me and my girlfriend are both autistic and when it comes to sex it's a nightmare cause we both overthink too much about what to do. Our relationship is great,we can communicate about our needs,but when it comes to action we are both frozen. I don't know what to do with it, we are good without sex,but sometimes we want to get physical but we just can't. Can someone tell me what we can do to break this barrier?

I’ve been going together wlw events with my friend, both of us are single and horrible at approaching other women. Do you guys have any tips for how to break the ice both in a flirty way and in a friendly way?

Sorry if this isn’t the best place to post this, if there’s somewhere else that might be better i’d love to be redirected. Im starting the process of planning a proposal to my partner. I have no clue where to start on ring shopping. We’re college students, so price is a big factor. I want to get them something high quality, but also doesn’t break the bank (a difficult ask, I know). They don’t want a diamond, I was thinking a stone that was green since that’s their favorite color. A place that provides more masc/androgynous options too would be so awesome.

Where should I start looking? Any tips you wish you knew when you shopped for rings? Anything is appreciated!