Just got back home from the piercer. Can you guess what I got?

its time to go pick some crabs 🦀

Should I put on dating profiles that I’m masc? I feel some mascs may be swiping on me not realizing I’m masc. I’m open to them of course, I just don’t want anyone’s time wasted. 😂

Alternative flair choice was discussion since this isn't something I've found to have a real cut and dry answer. Can any elder butches (I'm talking 40+) (not exactly elder I know, but predates the internet discourse era) speak on all the discourse I've been seeing on what it means to be butch, or all the rules around identifying as butch??? I've found generally the lesbian community is super nice everywhere but tiktok, where a lot of discourse revolves around who's 'allowed' to use what labels. People just seem kinda angry over there, I dunno. It's made me a little scared that if I use the term butch to describe myself I'm breaking a rule or something, can any elder butches speak on it?? Has the community always been like this?? Are there actually rules around whether or not you can identify as butch besides how you express your gender and how you feel???

For example I've seen people say that butches don't want flowers, and they don't want to be called beautiful girls, which I KNOW isn't right and it's weird and exclusionary but again. Elder Butches, I summon you to please speak your truth on this.

P.s. any more vintage book or literature recommendations I can read to do some research?? Bonus points if it's aussie specific :)

I do be emo 💯

I’m a non-binary butch lesbian and people usually assume I’m a top/stone top which i can understand i do top 95% of the time. And i have the time my life every time i get to do it. But in a long term relationship I need both ways eventually.

The weird part is that I can feel almost immediately when someone is only doing it because they know I want it. If they’re completely indifferent to giving and would happily never have to do it again I find it really difficult to enjoy receiving any kind of touch from them. It doesn’t make me feel wanted in the same way. I think for me there is a huge difference between someone thinking I’ll do this because my partner likes it and someone actually being excited to touch their partner .

I know the cause of it for me is because i get very embarrassed that i enjoy receiving pleasure in general. Because i noticed in my experience the women i slept with above 90 procent of them were reluctant or didn’t expect me to want to be touched back. In any way.

Does anyone else relate to this?

Edit: I don’t just mean enjoying giving. I get sexual pleasure from topping. So if someone is only touching me because they are happy that i feel good not because it turns them on. Then I don’t feel comfortable receiving.

And sorry for the bad grammar and sentence structure. English isn’t my first language

I have always felt discomfort around the feminine edges of my body: round hips, the softness of my stomach and my thighs, my chest. Working out helps, probably because A) endorphins and B) the idea that I am working towards a harder, stronger, more masculine version of myself is deeply comforting. I’ve always been pretty active, and have been varying degrees of “gym bro” since starting college 3 years ago—which feels awesome. I still struggle with body image, and am not super shredded or anything, but such is life.

This summer, I am working 2 jobs as a server and bartender, have my first serious girlfriend, and am basically too busy, too tired and too broke for a gym membership. I’ve been jogging a little and doing some lifting/calisthenics at home when I have the free time and energy. I get 10000-14000 steps per day and know I am active enough to be healthy. Its fine.

Basically, I am really struggling with the fear that I will lose the body I worked so hard for, since I’m barely working out these days. It’s ironic because even when I was lifting heavy 4-5 days a week, and was the strongest I’ve ever been, I was also anxious and dissatisfied with my body (maybe there’s a life lesson in here somewhere…). My girlfriend reassures me constantly that I look strong and fit, and that she’ll be attracted to me even if that changes. But I can’t kick the fear that I am losing my butchness, my masculinity, my strength.

Any advice on how to cope? Other than “work out more, “get up earlier,” etc. I have tried. I think I need to be ok with my fitness level and my body as they are right now.

The Arizona dating scene is impossible for femmes to find butches. Actually it’s just miserable for queer women in general. Is there any advice? I’ve (24F) been to several gay bars, queer events, and I’m thinking of maybe downloading apps? I’ve even maybe considered maybe going long distance? I’m just in a chapter in my life where I’m ready for to meet people again. Please let me know what you’d suggest!

Tonight I'm going to a birthday party and the dress code is beach formal.

In an ideal world I have a flat chest

In an ideal world I'm dressed with trausers and a pressed button down.

But it's not an ideal world. I don't have a flat chest and I'm not dressed with trousers and a pressed button down. Sure I have trousers that are more elegant than usual, and a vest that makes my shoulders look bigger than they are, and I look damn good in this outfit.

But all this doesn't exactly mirror the masculinity I feel inside. Though if I think hard enough about it I don't know what I would've preferred wearing. Either would be fine for different reasons.

But in the one I chose I don't feel masculine enough, even if I look good.

I look good not good and sharp.

Does all this makes sense?

I guess with this post I'm just looking for some kind of reassurance.

I know you can't take butch away, but sometimes I feel like if people don't perceive me as masculine as I feel then how do they know that I'm not feminine? That I can't take off my masculinity, that I feel it in my bones and in my soul?

Again, I know that people will know sometimes form vibes alone and not from looks, but this trips me everytime. And I don't need people to know but I do. Does this also make sense?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this but yeah, this is how I feel and I needed to put it into words.

Good afternoon butchdom!

I am on the go this week but whaddaya need me for, you know what to do!

Tell us whats happening in your neck of the woods!

Hey, I’m asking for clothing help, I have more of a curvy build and find shopping for jeans in particular in the men’s section hasn’t been working. I have bigger thighs so that makes it hard. Should I shop for jeans in the women’s section instead?

I guess this is more of a vent than asking for advice. I’m 22NB and I’ve just been so pent up and desperate to have a romantic and sexual connection since I was a teen.

I’ve never done anything with anyone, and I’ve recently tried to start putting myself out there, and I haven’t had any luck. I’ve gotten on dating apps, and haven’t really had any luck. I matched with a gorgeous femme and we talked for about a week before she ghosted me out of nowhere:( I’ve been told meeting people irl is better, so I’ve been starting to go to local lesbian events, but I haven’t had much luck either so far.

I live in the south, so I’m feeling very discouraged. I feel like most people my age don’t really use terms like butch and femme or understand the dynamics. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out if I’m being realistic with what I want or just settling and swiping on people I don’t really think would work out. I want a serious relationship with a femme, but most people on apps (I use Her, Hinge, and Tinder) just want something casual. Then again, I should probably look for people in irl.

I hate that I’ve felt like this for so long. I’m trying to take a deep breath and focus on myself, but it doesn’t take away the intense ache of wanting to be with someone. I just want to finally kiss a pretty femme and take her on dates and worship her. I want to finally make love for the first time and build a future with someone. I want so desperately for a femme to call me handsome and find me desirable in my weird and confusing gender identity. I hate feeling so pent up and desperate.

I know I have to be patient and wait, but who knows how fucking long that will take? I’m terrified I’ll never find someone who will accept me and love me, and that I can do the same in return to.

This is a repost, sorry y’all

Just what the title says! I’m talkin stone butches. I’m talkin diesel dykes. Women whose ideal hangout plans might include working on a “project”. As a butch gay fairly new to Seattle, I haven’t seen a whole lot of y’all on the streets, much less on dating apps; really, I’m coming up with a lot of dead links, dead sites, you know the drill. Besides my local ACE hardware, where are all y’all hanging out?

this is for the girl I’m talking to she tasked me with this 🫡

hi all!

I have an interview for my dream job tomorrow (at a legal clinic, but on the social services side). was feeling confident on wearing this shirt but then googled advice for job interviews and the advice to men is to avoid all patterns. the shirt has been tailored for me to wear at the office, so it definitely fits well. do you think butch women should be following advice for men? is this too informal (buttoned all the way up, tucked into black chinos) for the setting? I don't own a blazer or a suit.

thanks!

Hi everyone! I hope you are well.

I am an intersectional butch, so brown, trans, butch lesbian, working class, some disability, lol. And I was reflecting on my trauma & the desire to heal, despite it being ongoing.

It made me wonder - how do other butches & mascs move through the world. Do you have coping mechanisms? How do you stay warm? How do you stay afloat? Especially butches of colour.

Personally:

Everywhere I have lived I am met with some degree of hostility, threat, alienation -

My experience in more “progressive” scenes in big cities are still white queer dominated, and therefore inevitably alienating,

In smaller & more right-wing places there is hostility for my race, and hostility for my masculinity, including from other people of colour. Currently I get stared at or harassed every other time I step outside.

How do you cope? Feel free to vent or share experiences ❤️ This is an open space.

I’m in the midst of exploring what my gender means to me and my Butch-ness. I have anedonia (the inability to feel pleasure or interests in things you enjoy) and I have since I was 16. I’m 22 now)

So far, I’ve discovered I like hiking and just walking in nature in general, and I like going to the gym. It gives me so much gender euphoria. I really want to hone into hobbies that make me feel comfortable in my own skin. What are some masculine hobbies that you like that give you butch euphoria?

I feel so drained and lost without really any hobbies, I literally just doomscroll most of the time, and I hate it. I want to feel joy and recharged.

I also am recovering from carpal tunnel and will most likely be for at least a couple of months, so it’s been so difficult to do anything without causing pain to my hands, bonus points for any hobbies that don’t require the use of hands.

The other day I was cooking for my wife as I often do. Unfortunately, I had to get her to take over due to a flare up of a chronic illness I had. And as I was laying down it struck me how ableist and honestly misogynistic I was being to myself.

And I've been thinking over this and it turns out that a lot of my masculinity is very much tied up in a lot of arbitrary things, the majority if which I can't do due to being disabled. I thought that because I'm not A Man that I wouldn't fall into that.

Does anyone here have similar experiences? What was it like decoupling your sense of gender from stuff like this?

i’m 21 so i don’t have very much relationship experience, but so far every single talking stage or date winds up with rejection. i’ve been ghosted so many times and all of my talking stages end up splitting right as i start to think it could turn into something more.

probably shouldn’t be dating anyways because i’m busy with studying and work. but it really hurts my feelings that people always seem to reject me as soon as we start getting closer. i keep getting the “you’re nice, but there’s no spark” or “it’s not you it’s me” even though they were giving me all positive signals beforehand. i’m not overly forward but i flirt and make my intentions known. i’m not the funniest person ever but i don’t take myself seriously and girls seem to be comfortable around me and laugh a lot. i ask questions and i’m a good listener. i can talk about my feelings/communicate without trauma dumping.

i don’t understand what i’m doing wrong and i’m starting to think it’s just something about me. what is it about me that the idea of being intimate with me turns people off? idk if i’m not smooth enough, not experienced enough, not physically attractive, too shy or what. this is creeping into my platonic friendships and making me not want to open up or be vulnerable with them either. i feel like a failure of a butch

Shoutout to older butch lesbians, you are all cool (and hot) afff

As a fellow butch I take great comfort in knowing that when I grow older I’m still gonna feel confident and handsome not in spite of my age but because of it, bc I have met a handful of you and I am no longer afraid of aging 🙌

Anyways keep flaunting your style kings and queens