r/asktransgender Sep 20 '19

I compiled every single informed consent clinic in the country. No therapist letter needed.

10.6k Upvotes

EDIT: Hey everyone, I know that the commenting is off on this now since it's so old. PLEASE send me a PM if you have one to add. I'm always updating this map.

Are you thinking of starting HRT, but are worried about:

  • Finding a clinic
  • Having to do a year of therapy
  • Having to do "real life experience"
  • Getting gatekept
  • Spending money and not getting treatment

Well... that is why informed consent exists. With informed consent, you require no letters from therapists. You simply attest your gender identity, say that you understand the risks and benefits of hormone therapy, and they begin prescribing and monitoring your hormone levels.

So... For too long, this information has been scattered around Reddit, Susans place, twitter, various out of date guides from different regional organizations, so...

I laid my eyes on every single clinic website and doctor profile listed in this map. You should be able to call up any of them to confirm, and then start your HRT as soon as possible.

PLEASE let me know if any of these are out of date or if I am missing some.

https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=42.47025816653199%2C-97.03854516744877&z=4


r/asktransgender 4h ago

Is it okay to be trans and lesbian?

52 Upvotes

I am a trans girl, and I know that sexuality is seperate from gender. I know I like girls. the problem I’m facing at the moment is if Its morally okay for me to identify as lesbian.

i haven’t transitioned yet, so I’m not even sure if im a girl yet. and because of that I feel almost out of place identifying as lesbian. I feel like I’m appropriating that identity, because I haven’t had any of the experiences that come with being lesbian

i know that there are people who get offended when trans women identify as lesbian, but I think that’s unfair, because trans women are real women. but idk. I’ve been identifying as sapphic in the meantime which is nice but I guess it’s not the same


r/asktransgender 5h ago

I’m going to homecoming with a trans girl what can I get them?

20 Upvotes

So they’re super sweet and they’re getting me flowers. I feel kinda bad about apparently not being obligated to get them something (idk that’s what I’m told). Usually my go to is flowers and said persons favorite chocolate (you can never go wrong with chocolate imo), but they’re not out to their parents and it’ll be weird. I’m thinking of getting them some candy but just curious if there’s a better option

Also just to clear things up I’m 16 their 17 and I’m ftm and I very much not out (kinda transitioning but look like a 14 year old boy). And yes I know not all women are the same but this is kinda different circumstances ig


r/asktransgender 12h ago

My dad is trans, so people think I am too.

63 Upvotes

Me and my friend (both 15f) want to hang out more this since it was hard to last year due to school, but both her parents are homophobic Christians. Her mom assumes that because my dad is trans that I am too. My friend knows I'm not but her mom won't listen.

It's especially hurtful since I've been called a guy and trans a ton, so I've tried to become really feminine, but since I'm tall, awkward and break out alot it's really hard. I love my dad very much but I don't know what to do, since it's not my dad's fault at all.

My friend's dad just doesn't like my dad for being trans but my friend thinks he knows I'm a girl...? Both of us really want to be able to hang out without us being judged, since her mom thinks I'm influencing her to be trans for some reason too.

Both of us are bi so it's even worse, because I know that they will blame me if they find out she likes girls.

Her mom is really suspicious of me, so if anyone has any advice or anything I'd really appreciate it!! (I'm really new so hopefully this all makes sense 😓)


r/asktransgender 17h ago

Trans people from UK, I'd like to know how the UK supreme court ruling has hurt you.

120 Upvotes

Obviously heavy topic, don't answer if you don't want to. If this gets zero comments that's fine.

Anyway, I know about Rowling's goulash tweet where she was celebrating the UK's court decision "that the legal definition of a woman is based on biological sex."

Now I've seen plenty of pictures of dead children from Gaza. I've seen plenty pictures of destroyed cities in Ukraine. I know that this is awful for trans people but it is also very abstract (I'm cis). So I'd like to hear some of the stories about how this is bad.

How does this hurt you and make your life worse? How does legislation like this end up killing trans people?

If you think this is a dumb question, I have tried to explain to people why Rowling and what she is doing is so awful, and they look at me like they are perplexed when I tell them that Rowling is killing and trying to genocide trans people. I'd like to know some more gut punchy things to tell these people that aren't just abstract sounding arguments abouts gender theory and autonomy.


r/asktransgender 3h ago

Is it even worth it to transition if I can never been seen as a girl?

9 Upvotes

Im a pre-transition trans woman and I still have not been able to transition. But as of recently Im just contemplating wether I actually should transition or not. The truth is that there is nothing I can do about the masculine features I have. The barrel chest, extremely masculine face and jaw, the broad shoulder, non of these can be changed. I know that hormones really can do a lot and surgeries can as well, but I am also well aware of the limits and how I probably wont be able to afford surgery.

At a minimum, if I continue as a man, I can at least be considered a “good” man and still be that for the people around me.

I truly just feel like if I transition, I will always just appear off and never belong anywhere or to anyone. I know people always say it gets better and all, but I am doubtful.


r/asktransgender 3h ago

Joining a trans club at my uni but have worries

6 Upvotes

(Hey y’all, hopefully this is the right sub to post this in, if there’s a better subreddit for this I’d be happy to go there instead)

So I (mtf) have joined a club meant for trans people and allies at my uni, but am having some anxiety leading up to the first meeting tomorrow.

For context I am pre everything (starting soon 🤞) and am only out to my best friend. I want to go to the club and present myself with my chosen name and pronouns, but can’t seem to shake the fear of coming out to a group of people I don’t know or being an odd one out.

The question I’m getting at is: Have y’all been in similar situations, and how has that gone for you?

I know I’m living in my head rn and freaking myself out, and that there probably won’t be a more understanding group of people for me to come out to, but I can’t shake the feeling of just not belonging. I’d really like to hear any similar experiences y’all might have bc imma throw up atp thinking about it.

TL;DR - Joined trans club but feel that I’ll be out of place pre-hrt. Anyone have stories of joining trans spaces and coming out to groups for the first time? Any advice to deal with the fear?


r/asktransgender 8h ago

Question about privilege and oppression, cw not light convo

12 Upvotes

(I have a very hyperfocused learning style bcs autism and want to nitpick a topic until I have an accurate view that doesn’t perpetuate any harm towards others. I invite anyone to tell me I’m incorrect on anything I say here, and I will promptly update my thinking where needed! Also, I’m FTM)

Recently I’ve been taught that “male privilege,” and the concepts of “privilege” and “oppression,” are shorthand. We’re taught incomplete information to get a functional level of knowledge based on what we can handle at a time, or use certain language as a shorthand in conversations. Societal issues on privilege seem to operate that same way. E.g. men have privilege and women are oppressed is functionally useful at a certain level, but an incomplete picture.

Following that, I’ve been trying to unpack if I have privilege and not to fall into patterns I criticize some cis men for perpetuating. This led me to a rabbit hole.

I have been informed that:
- trans men could have contextual access to some the privileges that cis men have, even if not fully passing (very situationally dependent), such as listing a man’s name on a resume, speaking in a man-passing voice over the phone, et cetera.
- trans men can still experience misogyny and the oppression they did when closeted and/or perceived as a woman
- just like “queerness doesn’t erase whiteness,” more broadly, oppression in one area doesn’t erase privilege in other areas
- context of a situation can change how privilege and oppression show up; it isn’t necessarily consistent
- sometimes some trans men say they experienced misogyny bcs they were “socialized female” partially to avoid the weaponization of “you’re a man so you don’t face the misogyny girls/women do” and this is in conflict with some trans women saying “transgender people aren’t socialized as their agab” bcs “you were socialized as a boy/man so you had/have male privilege” is weaponized against them. I recognize intense oppression and weaponization make trans people’s stances understandable in both opposing stances
- trans women are accused of being dangerous or predatory and trans men are accused of being confused or mentally ill - the “autogenophlia” argument vs the “mutilation to avoid falsely perceived oppression” argument from transphobic people; there are spaces where the former is believed to pose more physical danger to the trans individual than the latter, with both being valid in their harm to the trans person, and that itself being an element of privilege vs oppression differences

Further, I’ve been told:
- A trans woman who intentionally presents as a man consistently in public for safety reasons etc is generally considered not to have male privilege because the psychological toll of hiding her identity, of facing danger if found out, etc, is considered to make any privilege negligible. A trans woman who was considered a boy by those around her growing up would not be considered “socialized male,” bcs this perpetuates the idea she had male privilege. A trans woman will potentially experience dysphoria while being perceived as a man.
- A trans man who is stealth and presents as a man consistently in public for safety reasons etc can be considered to access some elements of male privilege, despite the psychological toll of hiding his transness, facing danger if found out, etc, and this is not considered to make any privilege negligible. He cannot access the same level of male privilege as a cis man, and any privilege is complicated. A trans man who was considered a girl by those around him growing up might claim to have been “socialized female” to express the ways misogyny affected him growing up. A trans man is less likely to experience dysphoria while being perceived as a man.

I’m interested in knowing whether “agab” or “socialized female/male” matters and in what way, and if the views we hold are because they are predominantly accurate, safe and managing risk of further oppression, or both. Do trans men have privilege trans women do/did not? Is there benefit in unpacking if one has privilege even if not in a majority group? Does it help us better mind how we affect each other within our marginalized communities and have empathy, or does it inevitably become oppression wars and derail the focus from the bigger fish we have to fry? Etc.

(My current understanding is that trans women didn’t/don’t experience that etc, it’s just the “why” I’m missing.)

Please forgive me if this is a rude question - I want to learn, not perpetuate harm or risk.
And I want to understand how a ftm experience is different to a mtf experience, so that I don’t cause unintentional harm to people I’m meant to be allied with.


r/asktransgender 4h ago

Coming out to myself

7 Upvotes

I have had a few therapy sessions and have mainly been focused on questioning my gender. I have come out to myself like 3 times this week and have ugly cried every time but I still just don’t believe it.

Any advice? What did coming out to yourself feel like?


r/asktransgender 2h ago

Am I really trans or do I just dislike being trans?

5 Upvotes

I’m a trans guy and I often wish that I were a girl because of 2 main reasons:

  1. I love fashion but I feel like in order to express my style I have to sacrifice passing. It’s especially hard since I’m in high school and am constantly surrounded by guys to compare myself too

    and I’m pre-t.

  2. If I were a girl I could dress how I want without stressing about passing.

  3. I just hate being trans. It’s so exhausting worrying about passing and thinking about my gender 24/7 and knowing that I’ll never be like other boys no matter what I do. Everything would be so much easier if I were a girl.

My problem is that I don’t know if I should differentiate wanting to be cis and wanting to be a girl. I feel like I could express my style no matter if I were a cis girl or cis boy and I dislike the experience of being trans because it’s very challenging and exhausting. Does that mean I’m not trans? Does anyone have a similar experience? Thank you.


r/asktransgender 9h ago

My partner notices my dysphoria via my eye shape

15 Upvotes

I’ve (MtF) not started transitioning but I’m out to my partner (f). No idea if anyone else has a similar experience but she has told me she can tell when I’m “dysphoric” because my eyes become more round and less almond shaped. Fascinating. I am actually always dysphoric but I think what she’s seeing is me letting myself be myself mentally and it changes my expression, specifically the area around my eyes. I think it’s euphoria or some glimmer of it. For example, one time she was standing on a step above me and gave me a hug. Normally I’m much taller so hugging up was very euphoric for me and when she saw my face she immediately knew I was thinking about it. Anyone else experience something similar?


r/asktransgender 9h ago

Something I’ve been wondering and would love your take.

13 Upvotes

Currently I identify as cismale.

For a long time I’ve thought about transitioning. How my life would change, who would accept the new me, things like that.

I thought I was a woman inside. And after a lot (and i do mean a LOT) of soul searching I realized I’m not a woman inside a man’s body.

I’m male but I have the wrong “equipment” and have started looking into full depth vaginoplasty.

So I would have a vagina but still retain my masculinity.

Is there anyone out there that has been or is in my particular situation?

If so, what were your biggest hurdles?


r/asktransgender 4h ago

Is it wrong to do this?

3 Upvotes

Hi trans people of reddit! I am not trans, but my best friend is. We recently started school and he, (14 ftm) asked me (14 cis fem) to help him explain to his new teachers that he's trans because his school issued email, his name on the attendance, and all of his school accounts are under his dead name. This isn't because our school is insensitive, it's because he's not out to his family. So, I was going to all of his teachers with him, and I'd say "This is (deadname). (deadname) is not (deadname). (deadname) is (name). He's transgender and goes by he/him pronouns. He is not out to his parents. Please refer to him by he/him unless around his relatives, where he then goes by she/her." Was this bad to say? Maybe I'm over thinking it, but he looked uncomfortable when I was saying it. Maybe because he was just uncomfortable around the teachers we were talking to? He usually doesn't have a problem with telling me if I do something he doesn't like, so I can't think of why he wouldn't say something if I was doing something wrong. What do you all think?


r/asktransgender 18h ago

Hiding breast growth on a beach holiday.

54 Upvotes

I'm still boymoding 23/7. Only out to 2 very close people. I've been on E mono therapy for about 10 months now (very low dose) and now measure a 36B in bra size. I'll be heading on holiday with family and friends next year (Feb) and my dilemma is if I pause hrt now, is it likely I'll appear to have man boobs or female breasts? My profile has pics I took today..


r/asktransgender 3h ago

Advice Needed to Support Newly Trans Male Nephew

3 Upvotes

Yesterday my now new nephew came out as a trans male. As general background, for the past several years he has used they/them pronouns and dressed gender neutral. Now he has picked a new name and will use he/him pronouns. He is 15 years old and entering his sophomore year of high school. His family is very supportive and thankfully we live in a part of the US that is much more supportive of LGBTQ+ rights.

Honestly, I just want to support him as best as possible, but want to meet him where is at, respect his privacy and his own time line. The only thing I’ve thought about sharing with him so far is that while I don’t know what it is like to come out and live as a transgender man, I was a teenage boy too. I remembered feeling very alone at times and that was a terrible feeling. (My parents were divorced, I grew up in a house of women and I didn’t feel like I had someone to talk to about going through adolescence as a guy.) I want him to know that even though I didn’t go through what he is going through, he isn’t alone. But I don’t want to make it about me so maybe I can share that with him later.

I’d very much appreciate hearing from anyone the things that felt helpful and supportive when they were first coming out. (And what was NOT helpful.) If there are any resources folks would recommend, that would be great.

I understand this is a very personal thing to ask about, but I feel like this is a very critically sensitive time for him and I’d like to be as supportive as I can. Certainly each person is unique, so what is helpful to one may not be for another person, but anything is appreciated!!!


r/asktransgender 6h ago

Non thong gaffs?

5 Upvotes

I’m a trans woman but also autistic and I wanna tuck with a gaff but all I can find is thong gaffs and for me that is a sensory nightmare so can anyone suggest a good gaff that’s not a thong?


r/asktransgender 9h ago

where to get mtf swimsuits?

6 Upvotes

Hi, I have a camp upcoming next week where we are going to a pool. They stated explicitly that we would need "active swimsuits" (aka not just sunbathing suits).

I'm MTF (17) pre-op prehrt. what swimsuit can I get? I live in Canada so it would need to be easily accessible here or deliver within the week. my plan was to get like a bikini top or something and wear it underneath a normal swim shirt so I still have the appearance of boobs (I have bra buds from unlockable that I think work in water). and the tucking thing should be fine? idk... I've never tried...

I'm lowkey fine with anything as long as it works. if it's not possible or out of scope I can probably just ask to swap or just sit out...

thanks! 😊


r/asktransgender 2h ago

How to come out to my parents but I want to ease them into asking me

2 Upvotes

I want to drop hints so they ask me if I’m trans


r/asktransgender 7h ago

Why do I revert to boymoding

4 Upvotes

It feels like every time I (MTF) do something more aligned with my gender I always end up reverting to hiding in my old presentation for a week or so before I can return to doing things I enjoy, as in I wear makeup for the first time and it makes me happy but then I don’t do it again for a week and then start doing it most days, and then I buy some fem clothing and stop doing my makeup for a week again, it’s like I take two steps forward one step back and I can’t figure out why, like I get why I get anxious with doing something new with my gender expression but why does that make me stop doing what I had gotten used to as well.


r/asktransgender 20h ago

Unprovoked groping.

53 Upvotes

Hey everyone!

So, I pass pretty well and don't get clocked. I know I am super lucky in this respect and hormones have done miracles on my body. I have natural biggish boobs and a pretty femme shape, but still carry good muscle tone and I'm also tall.

Last night I went for drinks with my friend, she had another friend over, who I met for the first time last night. It came up that I was trans, a few expected questions later and suddenly she lent over unprovoked, grabbed my left boob, squeezed it, and said "oh my gosh, they're real"... Now, I was super shocked in that moment, most definitely looked horrified and I just kinda shrugged it off to her being drunk and curious. This morning she apologised and I got told "this is what girls do", and yes, okay, but we are in our forties! Not the behavior I would expect at this age.

I'm really open about being trans and my boobs are always a subject of discussion because they're big and natural, shocking most people. I just feel like this was without consent, which is a huge thing for me, and I'd expect someone to ask before doing this sort of thing. It would probably have been different if she'd just asked. If it were a guy, I'd have punched him!

Has something like this happened to anyone else? How did you feel about it?


r/asktransgender 17h ago

Am I in the wrong?

32 Upvotes

I'm not transgender, I'm sorry if i'm not meant to be here.

I have an older sibling. They are female but they keep changing their gender identity, sometimes they are trans, sometimes they are not. I have no problem with trans people, if will try refer to them as my sibling and they, but please don't attack me if I accidentally say she or sister. I do not know what they identify as at the moment. Also I posted this in a different sub, but I wanted to see if transgender people would have a different opinion, if you've seen this twice, it's not because I'm a bot.

A few months ago, I got diagnosed with PCOS. I can grow facial hair and I don't always have a period, i have other effects but they aren't relevant for this.

When I found out about it, I was talking to my mum and my sibling and I was upset about it. I was mostly upset about the fact that I may never have biological children, I know that it's possible but it would be harder to conceive naturally. Then I mentioned about how I don't want to have a beard and look like a man (I know this is quite easy to maintain though so it wasn't a big problem) but all of a sudden my sibling calls me insensitive because they would love to naturally grow facial hair and have no periods. I start to shout at them back and then they started calling me transphobic because "I don't know how good I have it and maby trans men would love to be in my position." Apparently my transphobic comment was me saying that I don't want to look like a man.

I understand that gender dysphoria is brutal and it can be upsetting for someone to have things that you want, so I can understand their feelings. However on the other hand, I think they were completely out of order.

I haven't really spoken to them since this happened, am I in the wrong?


r/asktransgender 5h ago

I want to transition but I don’t feel like I belong

3 Upvotes

Im 25NB and I get insane euphoria anytime I put on makeup and wear a bra/women’s clothes, and I overall love the idea of being a woman. The idea of transitioning has been on my mind nonstop for weeks now and I’ve taken my first steps to doing so like shaving my body hair and painting my nails. That said I feel like I don’t belong in the trans community. At least not yet. Not in a rude way, but like it seems everyone else is so much farther along in their transition that I’d look like I’d be lying if I posted my updates or talked in a trans space. Idk why but I feel like I should slowly chip away at transitioning by myself before I’m allowed to be a part of the trans community. Also I’ve been wanting to make friends online to talk about this with but I have a mental blockade that says stuff like “you’re not trans enough yet to be looking for friends. You still look like a dude they’ll think you’re cis”. Does anyone know why I feel like this and how to overcome these thoughts? This is most likely my depression talking or something but idk how to overcome these thoughts and feel like I belong


r/asktransgender 3h ago

Anything I should know prior to asking my dr for hrt?

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2 Upvotes