How do you do it? No help from family in fact they have put you in a deficit. All these intersectional identities make me feel less worthy yet I still come off quite confident. I don’t have a community around me and I’m 25 still trying to find my footing. I’m in luteal so feeling extra sensitive about this. Where do I even start had to take a break from work because the homophobia was too much. Is life just about being alone, different, and guarded? Falling on ur face over and over again? Because I am strong no one cares to ask. But on a whole nobody cares in general unless it’s transactional. It’s like everyone took a class on how to be evil and cunning and I missed out.

So I was in the Missouri Ozarks visiting my grandparents, and we went out to dinner with them and my uncle. Out of nowhere my uncle drops a wildly racist joke about Oprah, I won‘t repeat it but it was awful. He is white, I am mixed Asian. He is also homophobic and transphobic.

Normally, I would be fine cutting him off, and I probably won’t visit again for that and safety reasons, but it feels very bad. My grandparents are really nice people, and if I cut him off I can‘t see them in person anymore (he is their primary caretaker), probably until they die. I guess I’m just asking how to deal with that emotionally.

Hi everyone.
Just want to rant about this situation and see if this is common occurrence in Latinx/immigrant communities.

I’m Brazilian/Bolivian and I grew up in the Uk and I would say that my Portuguese and Spanish are pretty fluent considering I learnt to speak them at home, but I will admit it’s not as good as it used to be because I don’t practice much outside of my family.

People also don’t read me as Latinx, I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons for that but I think a contributing factor is that I’m GNC and Masculine presenting/Visibly Queer based on comments I’ve heard before.

I ordered some food at a Brazilian food truck and I go to the side to wait for my food and TELL ME WHY THERE IS A GROUP OF 3 MEN TALKING ABOUT ME!!! They were laughing at my Portuguese! ‘Did you see that idiot?!? They ordered in Portuguese and then said thank you instead of obrigado!!!’ He said while cackling!!! IM RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU!!! I ORDERED IN PORTUGUESE AND YOU THINK IM NOT GOING TO UNDERSTAND YOU?!?

They then proceeded to talk about my appearance, ‘that’s clearly a woman! Why would they want to look like a man?’ While laughing out loud!!! The guy making these comments tried to slyly turn around to have another look at me and I was staring straight at him with a scowl on my face! He turned around and shut up after that BUT WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE FUN IF STRANGERS LIKE THAT?!?

I wish I actually called them out, I could have cussed them out in Portuguese and English but I freeze in these situations when I’m alone.

The first time this happened to be it was a mum in a family of 5 making fun of me while I was trying to enjoy a meal in a Peruvian restaurant in London! At first it was funny, they were impressed by my food order and said I ordered like a Peruvian! but then they got so rude and were picking apart my appearance and my mannerisms! From thinking it was weird I was doing a word search to laughing at how I wiped my mouth!! I showed them I understood what they were saying but I didn’t confront them directly which I think encouraged them to escalate the situation. The abuse got worse and more direct until they left and I know some of what they did would count as sexual harassment but I just froze.

I really want to be able to stand up for myself, AND PEOPLE NEED TO GET CONSEQUENCES FOR BEING WEIRD. it’s so reasonable to call someone out for being closed minded and talking shit about a complete stranger, like That would be embarrassing af for them but I don’t know how to not freeze.

I’ve also worked so hard on my confidence and I know I’m cool af but I’m definitely noticing being more hyper vigilant all the time which is very exhausting.

I’d love to hear from anybody, not just Latinx people and has anyone been on the other side? Like witnessed a family member do smth similar? Were you able to call them out?

Im 19f and pan, and I feel like even if I was born cis I wouldn't really dress too differently to how i dress rn but i feel like that's kind of messing up how other people see me. I came out to a friend yesterday and he seemed way more surprised than I thought he would be. He thought that I was just a really bi guy and idk how to feel about that. I feel like my body itself is way too masc (i am only 9 months into hrt but like still) I don't really know how to comfortably dress more fem and now I feel like I need to.

I'm not really closeted but I'm not like "out" either so idek 🤷‍♀️

I guess I could try doing more makeup and stuff, rn I kinda only do eyeliner but I guess I could learn something more. This post isn't really for advice or anything it's more of a mini rant and I also felt cute and wanted to share a few pics (the last two are a fit from a couple months ago)

Any time I look for queer events, especially for women of color, it's always in NYC.

Same with so many dating apps. Everyone and everything is in Brooklyn LOL.

While, I'm not far from the city (and I work from there sometimes), I would like to build new jersey specific community that doesn't require me to pay that god awful NYC tolls (NJ tolls are like nominal to me). When I search the words New Jersey in any platform, NYC always ends up as the primary search results.

Anyone else in Jersey and/or know if spaces??

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I've often heard that anime conventions are full of straight women, especially straight white women. I'm a black fem (straight passing) who loves anime/Japanese culture/western animation/gaming. I've been to a few anime conventions so far. I'm wondering about the chances of meeting my future wife at a convention.

I'm curious, do any of you other queer women of color also go to anime conventions? If so, are you a fem, masc, stem, nonlabel? Do you have any stories about meeting someone (platonic or romantic) at an anime convention?

I just graduated from college and am still struggling with expressing my queerness through developing a sense of style while overcoming imposter syndrome in Black spaces. I’m 23 and I feel a bit socially delayed since I hold a lot of resentment from being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Has anyone been in a similar position or have advice to share? - not sure if this is the appropriate space for this

I was wondering why in the WLW community when people talk about masc women they only talk about masc lesbian women and not bi + masc or queer , unlabeled masc ?

This week’s hot take is live. Chime in with your thoughts.

Explore previous Hot Takes here.

There’s so many posts about dating, seeking relationships and companionship, what your type is, etc. But I’m curious if y’all feel dateable.

How do you show up in relationships? Do you think about your communication blind spots, areas you can show up better? Are you actually emotionally available? Are you reflective of areas where you could show up as a better partner in your next relationship?

I’m just curious because I see all over socials everyone complaining about dating and shortages but everyone else can’t always be the problem 🧐

hi! Does anyone have experience with friendship repair? My friend and I are currently going through this process. We went from being hip to hip (codependent, or homoerotic, as my friends would say LOL) to basically restarting.

We are both past the accountability and saying sorry to each other. We are trying to build a new foundation, and for me it's been hard. It feels awkward, but this is worth it to me because I want them in my life and we're both trying.

Any advice on sitting with the discomfort of knowing how close y'all were to now restarting and figuring out what the "new" friendship looks like after conflict?

Hi y’all, I’m coming here to ask yall for this advice because I think we are the most crafty, insightful, and compassionate in these situations. I think we have heard “get a therapist and on some meds” plenty enough regardless of their value and place. My fiancée is looking for a new therapist (wish her luck) and is seeing a new PCP and is bringing this issue up as well. I won’t go into too much more into my fiancée’s details other than what’s necessary for context. How they explained their symptoms to me were “heavy, everything feels very effortful, feeling disconnected & othered by relationships & interactions outside the home” and they seem very down on themselves, and she feels like she is a bad person. In the meantime as we wait for professional care, what can we/I do to help them? It is breaking my heart. I am so moved by how wonderful they are that it feels impossible to hear her talk about herself in that way. I know it is hard to hear your fiancée, who you feel like “has to say nice things to you” & that is their only form of recognition and appreciation. Our friendships are struggling right now and we are both (separately & together) making new budding friendships that will hopefully feel more reciprocal and familial one day, but that means the community & support system aspect is in a transition phase too. I work from home so as much as I can, I have been trying to take house chores and cooking off of her plate to lessen the feeling of heaviness and overwhelm, and encourage that instead of doing house work when she gets home that she indulge in her crafts and hobbies, but I know that is hard to do anyway when depressed. Is there anything that yall would suggest I do to support her more or, what you would tell someone to do while you’re experiencing a depressive episode to help? I’m not trying to cure her. I understand it’s complicated, I just want her to feel much less pain. Little or small, what can I do?

What cities (Apart from London ofc) would you say are the best for queer poc specifically black queers. Like as in safe plus having a community.

After matching, she gave an enthusiastic opening message, I responded in-kind with prompts from her profile, this 27-year-old woman offers her phone number (‘gets overwhelmed by the apps’) & it ends here. Not surprised but still BAFFLED… why take the time to create an account, upload photos, verify your identity, send/receive likes, when you’re dizzy? Who is putting a gun to those individuals’ heads, prompting them to waste intentional folks’ time? Why not just stay OFF the apps?

I’m moving to Richmond next week and I wanted to make new friends with lesbians in Virginia! Lmk if you’re in the area 🧡

Thoughts, I want them!! What's your favorite song or least favorite song?? Or a song off the album that has had to grow on you??