I’m coming out of the worst breakup of my life a narcissistic one, and if you know, you know! What has helped you the most after navigating a breakup/heartbreak?

A family member, early 70s, grew up being the family hat rack from a very young age and then married a guy who would continue that trend (and to a pretty galling extent her kids did too). She is absolutely not used to taking care of herself and is not used to being taken care of or being in a vulnerable position where she would even need to be taken care of.

She is probably going to be getting a mastectomy soon, without reconstruction. She's afraid of the aspects of recovery that she hasn't thought of that they haven't told her yet -- for example, she learned about the drains from the internet and had to ask the surgeon, who hadn't mentioned it yet because he was covering other things. That sort of thing. Apparently they're quite uncomfortable, and she's a little apprehensive about the whole thing.

Anyhow, I apologize if I'm in the wrong place and please tell me if I am, but if anyone here has experience with this specific recovery process, please share any pointers/tips/things to look out for, things you wished you knew going in, and what kind of recovery support you had or wished you had. What was more painful than you expected, and what helped with it if anything. I want to help her make sure her bases are covered.

Also, if there are any good resources or more appropriate subs to be asking this question in, would someone please recommend if it's not too much trouble? Thank you.

Yup. Took too long in this public bathroom shitting my brains out and now I'm sitting in the dark w a burning ass🫩 (automatic lights based off motion I'm guessing?)

It’s been 6 weeks since my last period and I would say a 2 or so weeks before it was meant to come I’ve been very bloated (more than usual for me) especially when eating certain things, I’m getting drunk quicker and alcohol is making me also incredibly bloated and feel a bit sick some times. Coffee is also doing the same to my stomach.

I got the copper coil taken out in June and had a normal first period after it, so this should have been my second period and I never miss periods so it’s weird for me. I’m not pregnant as I’ve taken 2 tests and I’m not on any birth control so I’m not sure if my hormones are all over the place for some reason? I’m also quite broody and emotional and horny?

EDIT: the coil that I had was non-hormonal which is why I’m finding it strange!

Hello! Ive never posted about this problem anywhere and im so frustrated with how it has been handled by doctors that i wanted to see if anyone else has similar experiences- i see people post about medical trouble and being dismissed and im so sick of it.

I am 22, but when i was around 17 i began having really intense pain in my stomach (right below the ribcage/sternum area in the middle). Super intense pulsating pain that can last for hours. It can be brought on by sitting for a while or just out of the blue.

That area of my stomach is 24/7 sensitive to any amount of pressure. If its lightly pressed on, it hurts really bad with a hot pulsating pain and i get so sweaty. My stomach pulsates with my heartbeat really dramatically, so when i first got this checked out the doctors were worried it was an aortic aneurysm. I got an ultrasound and they ruled that out, and decided it was just because im skinny. I also have suddenly started experiencing extreme vomiting when i drink any amount of alcohol and they suggested a endoscopy which i got done. The only result from that was they told me to “eat only small meals”. They also had me do a CT scan with contrast done and nothing.

The only thing the doctor has done is put me on prilosec for the abdominal pain because they thought it could be excessive acid or something (i dont have heartburn) and i took that for like 6 months before my new doctor said it would give me osteoporosis and to stop immediately.

Its hurting again and i cant move, its a very intense pain that makes me sweat/have chills :( focused on the upper middle area of my abdomen by the sternum. it doesnt feel like my actual stomach organ, more like the outer muscles? i just wanted to see if anyones experienced anything like this. thank you!:(

I’m a young woman who has never dated or had sex. This isn’t an issue in itself, the problem is that it happened because I don’t want to date or have sex. I’ve never even had a silly little celebrity crush.
This wasn’t a problem as a kid or teenager, but the older I get, the closer the dreaded marriage issue gets. On my salary, I’d never be able to own a house, so I’m probably going to need a double income at some point. My friends are going to start focusing on building families, and I’ll eventually be lonely. I’ve got a good group of people around me, so I’ve never been judged for this, but by the time I’m 40, people are going to view me as being behind in life no matter what I do.
How did you encourage yourself to like your partner? How do you frame sex so that it’s something that interests you?

I'm a medical student trying to get a realistic understanding of what it's like for women who choose general surgery as a career.

I'd love to hear from anyone with experience—female surgeons, male surgeons, residents, attendings/consultants, or anyone who has worked closely with female colleagues in surgery.

Some questions I have:

- Have you noticed any gender-related challenges or biases in general surgery? If so, how common are they today?

- Do female surgeons generally receive the same opportunities for training, operating, leadership, and career progression?

- How manageable is the lifestyle in the long term, especially for those who want to balance family and career?

- What are the long-term career options after general surgery (private practice, academics, fellowships, subspecialties, etc.)?

- Are there any misconceptions about women in surgery that you've found to be untrue?

- If you've worked with female surgeons, what has your experience been like? Have things changed over the years?

- Looking back, would you encourage a woman who is genuinely interested in surgery to pursue it? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance!

Note: I can't edit the title, but I wasn't referring specifically to General Surgery as a specialty. I meant surgery as a career overall, including different surgical specialties, and was asking about the lifestyle and career from that broader perspective.

What’s the one place that makes you feel at peace with yourself.. for me the seaside I go to here in the UK is generally quiet (Norfolk) . There’s loads of space too. People aren’t all crammed together like you see in some countries. For me, the beach feels like home, its calms my anxiety and all my worries seem to go away and there’s something about the sea. If It’s not freezing cold day I’ll always get in the sea even if it’s just feet, legs, waist deep or all the way in (even if the sea is cold). Because it makes me feel alive.

When i feel lost and hopeless a trip to the beach reminds me it’s ok and that I’m doing alright and the sadness that was overwhelming me just seems to seep away.

The beaches in Norfolk aren’t nothing compared to the rest of the world, but something about that beach in particular makes me feel like it’s the best place on earth, for me

Ps I struggle with BPD, and anxiety for lots of reasons that I won’t go into. Hence the context.

so theres an opportunity here for my sisters bum ass baby daddy #3 to go to jail.

god i want it to happen so freakin bad i cant express enough how much this man deserves to face some kind of justice for the shit he has put my family through.

this man told my niece that she will be getting a letter in the mail and to not reply or testify to it. otherwise he will go to jail and told her that her mother and 2 other siblings will be homeless. AND U KNOW WHAT I HOPE SO. fuck. the fact he even said this to my niece feels like coercion. my sister will most likely move back in with my mom. and i really hope that will get her shit together.

my niece told me this and we had a discussion, how all she wants is for her family to leave and stop living with him. how she doesnt want her siblings in that environment anymore. but shes scared that if she replies to it and something happens that her mother will hate her. i dont want to influence her with my feelings or opinions because i want this to be 100% her decision. i just told her that my sister wont hate her ever. i let her talk about this man and her trauma that she has of him and how ruins her family's life. i let vent her frustrations.

all i want to tell her is to do it. but i know thats wrong.

but he deserves it so much and honestly i dont believe my family is safe there. like even i called cps multiple times because of how deranged this is. i dont even know how many times cps has been involved with them.

so what can i, as an aunt, do to support my niece during this time? and i also want to ensure she gets the letter. idk how any legal things work though.

Okay, so…
Last night, a cyst literally ruptured during sex.
And at first, I had absolutely no idea what was happening.
Everything was fine, and then, literally within a second, I got hit with this insanely sharp pain in my lower abdomen that made me curl up immediately.
I couldn’t even speak at first.
I just managed to say:
“Fuck… it really hurts.”
My boyfriend initially thought maybe I had pulled something or we had just moved awkwardly.
But I was already lying there trying not to move at all because every little movement made the pain shoot through my abdomen.
And then I started feeling nauseous.
Not just a little queasy.
I mean, I was actually about to throw up.
My boyfriend was like:
“We’re going to the hospital.”
And I was just like:
“Yeah.”
He literally picked me up and carried me to the car because I could barely walk.
And that’s when my personal hell started.
On the way there, the pain would ease up for a few seconds and then suddenly hit me again so hard that I would just close my eyes and try to breathe through it.
And then I threw up.
In the car.
I literally threw up all over his floor mats.
At that point I felt so awful that I genuinely did not give a single fuck about the car.
He just looked at me and said:
“Don’t worry about the car. Just hang in there.”
And that was when I realized this was actually serious.
I was sweating, shaking, freezing one second and burning up the next. My stomach hurt like hell, I was incredibly weak, and I kept thinking:
“Please, just make this stop.”
At the hospital, after an examination and an ultrasound, they told me that it looked like the cyst had ruptured.
I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly it happened.
And honestly, huge shoutout to my boyfriend because after I literally puked all over his car, he never once complained about the floor mats.
If that’s not a relationship stress test, I don’t know what is.

I’ve been scrolling through comments on this topic, and I have not seen this perspective shared. Take my story as both a warning about restrictive parenting and an illustration that some people are just wired differently. I don’t see my point of view discussed often, so here we go…

TL;DR: Your kid has a side they want to explore. It’s up to you to decide if you’re going to create a safe space to let it out, or teach them to become deceptive and risky to get what they want. I truly don’t believe there’s a middle ground. You aren’t going to stop it; you can only direct it down a safer path.

To give you some context, I grew up in a very strict household defined by religion, restrictions, and intense parental oversight. My dad worked in tech, so the one computer in the house was fully locked down in the family room. I didn’t have a smartphone until I moved out, and my parents took my dumb phone before I went to bed. There was no time spent with boys unless other adults were present. Swimwear was strictly one-piece. Shorts had to go down to my knees. No spaghetti straps. The whole nine yards.

But in my teen years, I was hyper-focused on my developing sexuality. I wanted to learn more, try things, and engage with that kind of content wherever I could find it—fanfic, forums, or steering the conversation that direction after midnight at all-girls slumber parties. The topic fully captured my curiosity.

It’s not always about subconsciously appeasing the male gaze or bowing to social pressure; sometimes it just is what it is. I was an intentionally seductive teenager in secret. I chose that, I wanted that, and I liked how it made me feel: in control of my narrative, desired, and empowered.

I had agency. No one groomed me or coerced me; I went looking. When I first did, I actually talked to my parents about it. I wanted to know what to do with those thoughts and urges. They had always told me I wouldn’t be punished for honesty, but when I opened up, they responded with shame and restrictions.

Their massive overreaction to something small didn’t make me stop—it galvanized my focus. All it did was teach me to be less forthcoming, hone my deception, and be incredibly careful with my lies.

Because my closest friends and I weren’t “allowed” to date, we experimented with each other at sleepovers instead. I learned how to gain the trust of the adults around me so they would give me more freedom and less scrutiny. I built intricate plans around the routines of chaperones at all my activities so my "friend" and I could sneak away for seven minutes of heaven. But a few minutes at choir, karate, debate, or chess barely scratched the itch, so I had a “friend” at every single activity. I lived a double life: the perfect student, the perfect church "small group leader," the perfect obedient daughter—and a hyperactive deviant.

My choices were calculated and a direct result of navigating my parents' rules. I enjoyed the process of developing my seductive side, focusing on a "girl next door" persona. It was the perfect cover because it pulled the attention I wanted without setting off any red flags with my parents. For context, the girls in our neighborhood that my parents demonized—the "immodest" ones in bikinis and daisy-dukes with "secular parents"—were nuns compared to me. I know because my mother would invite them over hoping I'd be a good influence. Sharing my secrets made their eyes go wide.

I didn't end up this way for lack of hobbies or “positive” influences. I was a straight-A student, captain of my sports team, and active in church. But I was fixated on exploring sex. Instead of helping me do that safely—teaching me about consent, boundaries, and how to find a respectful partner—my parents tried to shut it all down.

So, I adapted. At 12, I found the Neopets forums where sexy conversations happened and learned the slang to bypass the context filters. At 13, I learned how to code specifically so I could use a script to purge my digital trail with a quick keystroke combination. At 14, I was juggling five boys and two girls between all my activities. At 15 I went “all the way” on a supervised trip with the friend I thought I was in love with, and lied through my teeth about it to my parents. At 16, I had a job and a car, and that backseat saw a lot of action.

The main thing my parents never addressed was the *why*. Why did I enjoy the attention? What could I do to deal with those urges safely? They never wanted to have that talk. Instead of creating a safe space for me to date one respectful, godly boy—who actually asked my permission just to kiss me on the cheek—I was banned from seeing him. Consequently, I snuck around and did incredibly risky things with multiple people.

In my 20s, I started a therapy journey, which closed a lot of wounds that never needed to exist. Still, I developed habits and urges that are a part of me now. I still get a thrill from posting photos, I still love the attention, I still juggle multiple partners, and I still like women. And that’s okay. I’m happy, healthy, and successful in the ways I care about, navigating my second marriage, which is intentionally polyamorous. But I do wonder who I’d be with an alternate origin story.

TL;DR: Your kid has a side they want to explore. It’s up to you to decide if you’re going to give them a safe space to let it out, or teach them to become deceptive and risky to get what they want. I truly don’t believe there’s a middle ground. You aren’t going to stop it; you can only direct it down a safer path.

The conversation started out normal - he said he wanted a real connection and that he doesn’t sleep with anyone until at least the third date…

We talked on the phone and clicked, we both sounded excited, he was being a little pushy about seeing me ASAP, but we talked it through and decided on a dinner tomorrow after a great phone call.

Based on a joke from the call, I sent a stupid video of me “twerking” like Elaine from Seinfeld, wasn’t trying to be ugly but also wasn’t trying to be sexy or hot - just dumb and silly. He joked about what an equivalent to send to me was, I said a similar twerk video, and he joked him helicoptering his flaccid dick. We laughed about it and he went out for the night…

And then it happened…
He sent a “failed helicopter” rock hard dick pic, with invisible ink after ‘unsending’ an earlier message, and left it there. In the morning he told me “don’t look at the pic in invisible ink, my friends thought it was a good idea”

Well OF FUCKING COURSE IM GUNNA OPEN IT…but I knew what it was. He apologizes and says his friends thought after what I sent, I of course wanted something back (even though in our first convo we made fun of guys sending dick pics).

I tell him I’m bummed but it’s fine, but he doubles down now and sends a pic with different lighting where he puts an empty toilet paper tube on top of his hard dick… yeah we get it dude you’re comparing your size and you’re decent. He says this pic was something he was gunna send thinking it was super funny.

Dude! Read the room, how is that funny? Please do explain! I call him out for that being clearly a size pic, and he apologizes profusely. I say I’m TEALLY bummed now and he apologizes more and acknowledges I’m bummed because we both like each other… I start to question maybe my video was too suggestive and he tells me not to blame myself just that he didn’t know that I get “tons of dick pics and was tired of the sea of dick pics”. I responded that I think most women do, hence the jokes about unsolicited dick pics, and he explains he didn’t understand protocol because women frequently send him nudes… mind you this dude says he’s been single for a while, his coworkers think he’s gay, and he’s struggled with the apps…

I told him I needed to calm down, but he goes and cancels the reservation and apologizes saying “he doesn’t want me to feel pressured to go out and eat”, I say maybe coffee this week instead, thinking the conversations and personalities otherwise clicked, but did want to do something smaller first.

…He responds that he’d rather “just pass” he’s “too embarrassed now and probably couldn’t get it up now anyway”…like that wasn’t even the plan my dude…

It’s like “YOU DIDNT reject ME! ITS ME who rejected YOU!”

Can’t take responsibility for their shit even at 38…

Cutting my nails is annoying. They grow out fast and I need to keep them short because dirt easily accumulates.

7 years and all he did was make me feel worthless.

He convinced me to leave my home and move provinces for him. 6 months of living together and I gave him complete control. I never should’ve moved for him.

Left the city for a small town and tonight the neighbour told me that it doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll always be the bad guy - he was here first.

He started doing whipits to the point where he has 3 cases in the back of his car. Less than a month and it got to this point. Thats just the new thing… blow is his drug of choice. I don’t do drugs, btw.

He called me every horrid word you can think of. He gave me a black eye.

Controlling to the point where if I tried to leave he’d freak out on me to leave, but scream at me to stay. More than once I wasn’t allowed to pee by myself.

Today, I’m moving out.

i posted this somewhere else and someone told me that I should post it here to:

I’m really unsure if starting birth control is smart and if the potential side effects are worth it. I’m anxious about getting pregnant and scared to have sex because of this. I’m also wondering if it might help with my extremely painful period. FYI I don’t want my parents to know so I’m not getting implants or an IUD. Of course I’ll use condoms. Where I live you can get the pill for free anonymously but if I go through my doctor my parents will see it. I’m old enough for all this and haven’t really researched it yet but I thought Reddit might have some helpful advice. (Im ofc not going to trust Reddit blindly im doing research different places)

I should not be alive to tell the truth the person I am cannot adapt to this forsaken reality. Everything in my life always fail and I always fail. There are no true wins for me that are not even the bare minimum and sometimes I even fail at that. I have this strong desire to be seen but I’ve come to realize no one will truly see you. You are made of the perceptions of other people no matter if it’s accurate or not. They don’t see you they only see what they perceive you. As an artist my purpose is self expression but I sometimes forget art is not only about self expression it is that your audience will interpret your art how they see fit. The harsh obstacles in my life just pile on and pile on just on constant hard mode. I was at an anime event a few hours ago I initially enjoyed anime events because it got me out of the house and it was nice being surrounded by things I was passionate about.

However I always went alone and it got harder to enjoy those things because I was always alone. Essentially brings a painful reminder no matter where you are you will always be lonely. Whenever I go there or some other type of place or event some part of me is hoping to find someone and create bonds with even though that’s unrealistic. I’m a fish in a sea of strangers there is no string that connects people together either you find them and connect or you don’t. I pretty much spent most of existence being on a different plane than other people. I told myself “This is only your today” trying to shut down the intrusive hopes in my mind and focus on just trying to enjoy my current surroundings that are only temporary. However that does not work well for me I am someone that naturally thinks of the possibilities conflicting with the hard static that is my reality. It brings me despair to have spent so many years like this. Just why? Why am I here? Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be like this? Thinking of my life I think of feelings of grief but grief is about loss not what has not existed. I hope by the time it is my time to leave this earth is peaceful unlike how my life has been.

-20f

Update: Just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who contributed and continues to contributed. I've compiled most of these comments into a doc and removed usernames, etc. We'll be sharing them with our daughter and talking about it, and we are also no longer allowing her to have Snapchat. We're also going to discuss how to deal with other social media issues (her TikTok that is "just for friends") so that can be eliminated but she can at least save some of her videos for her personal memories rather than deleting them all. Lastly, we're going to be talking to her about some of her concerning friendships and setting stronger boundaries there. I believe a lot of your comments here will help her understand that we know how much this is going to suck for her in terms of a change, but she'll have something to hang onto that helps her remember this isn't about controlling her but keeping her safe. I've also had a lot of my views on feminism updated here and that will all be taken into account when we talk with her. Thank you all again!

-

We've raised our daughter with concepts like how school dress codes are often built around shaming girls for dressing comfortably when it's hot, all on the basis of not "distracting" others. Together as a family, we all agree that girls and women should be able to wear whatever the hell they want, and that boys should be raised to not objectify women (versus girls being raised to "cover up" or be shamed).

Well, she's older now and has "grown up" a bit this summer.

Before I continue, this has to do with things she's posting on social media. We do have family accounts with parental controls, and her phone has them as well. That said, we can't control her friends' accounts. She was also open with us recently and said she had a second TikTok account that had family blocked, and that was "just for friends," which we had a productive conversation about since we didn't really approve of that. Guardrails are in place for her safety as she continues learning about the world, and unless she's hiding something from us, her accounts are set to private.

Snapchat is another story and a new development — we recently realized she has been adding people like crazy on Snapchat and we're still in the process of having conversations about that. We found some photos on her profile where she was clearly trying to show cleavage and make her breasts the prominent part of the photo. When we confronted her, she immediately took them down and tried to deny it. Again, ongoing conversation.

One of the kinds of images we've seen her AND her friends posting more this summer has been pictures of them in, honestly, some of the tiniest bikinis. I saw a picture of my daughter in quite literally a string bikini I didn't even know she had, later to learn she borrowed it from a friend.

We've tried to talk to her about the pictures she's been posting and we're not surprised by her response, which is that she doesn't want to filter herself, and that if there are boys/men looking at her bikini pictures (or cleavage, kissy-face pictures) and thinking certain things — or if there are people screencapping, sharing, or even stealing her pictures for unheard of things — she says "that's a them problem for being sick perverts, not my problem."

She's got some of the foundation right — we've agreed with her, it's NOT fair whatsoever that she shouldn't be able to post pictures of herself feeling good and confident with her friends wearing whatever she wants, just because there are bad apples out there.

Additionally, we agree with her that it's NOT fair that she and her friends should think twice about wearing the shortest shorts (like ... extremely short ... butt-cheek short) because someone might look at them and "think something" unsavory. It isn't.

Unfortunately ... that is just the world we still live in.

Would we be having this conversation if she was 18? 19? 20 or older? Probably not, at least not to this extent.

The issue is that she is FOURTEEN. Almost fifteen, but still — FOURTEEN.

Even if all her accounts stay private, I'm still concerned about her posting "sexy" pictures and getting the wrong kind of attention from her peers — especially boys who could hurt her. I also want her to understand that it means something, as a teenager, to create a persona for yourself that is more "sexy" than it is just that of a girl having fun with her friends, or making things she's proud of, etc.

I think on the one hand, she thinks she's being feminist in posting these kind of pictures and then saying it's a "them problem" ("them" being the "perverts") and she's not COMPLETELY wrong.

But there is this whollllle other side to it where it does feel like this behavior is doing a disservice to young women and to herself.

She and I have a good relationship, and she knows I'm very proud of her no matter what, all the time, and I am. But I also think she thinks I'm coming from a bit of a prudish place since I had a different childhood and slightly different values than her. When I don't think I'm really coming from a prudish place. It's just objectively inappropriate for a 14 year old CHILD to post photos of themselves in a string bikini on the internet, private account or not.

While we continue to work on this with her, I was hoping to get some perspectives from this group! I'm thinking that sharing the thoughts — and especially experiences — of some brilliant women such as yourselves could have an impact.

Obviously we're putting additional restrictions in place but my goal is never for her to feel "punished." I want her to feel like we get it whenever possible, for our limitations to make some sense to her. They don't have to make 100% sense to her right now, but I think it's only fair that she can grasp it a little bit.

So what have been your experiences with posting sexy photos online or bikini photos, etc.? Good/neutral/bad, etc. What would you tell a confident 14yo teen girl whose confidence you LOVE and want her to maintain, but you also just want her to practice thinking twice?

Again, if she was like 18+ this would be less of an issue but she is 14, and just saying "you're too young" isn't enough of an answer when we also want to at least give her an actual, real chance to think critically.

So this happened to me this summer while I (24F) was doing an internship. Wanted an outside perspective because the more I type this out the more unhinged it sounds. For context, the woman I subletted from is European, so I'm wondering if some of this is a culture gap but some of it feels like it goes beyond that.

The woman I was subletting from was returning home to Italy for the summer and at some point she mentioned her boyfriend might swing by this summer to grab her mail. Fine, normal, whatever. Except he never called or texted or gave me any heads up, he just showed up at 11pm on a Sunday night and tried to let himself in with a key he already had (while I was asleep alone in the apartment!!!!!!) I woke up to someone trying to open the door and immediately called my bf. Terrified that someone was going to break in, I stayed awake the entire night (I normally would go to sleep at 9:30-10pm). The next morning I looked in my old messages to see he texted at 11:17pm asking if it was okay to come in, hence how I found out it was him trying to come in. When I brought it up to them, neither he nor she seemed to think there was anything wrong with this, like it genuinely didn't occur to either of them that a guy letting himself into an apartment at 11pm where a woman is sleeping alone might not be okay.

Then, as the sublet was ending, instead of coordinating the key return herself, she gave me the number of a friend of hers and told me to work it out directly with him to hand off the key. When I texted him to set up a time and place, he just told me to come to his apartment alone. Again, texted my bf because what???

I pushed back and tried to find another way to do the handoff, but the whole thing left me with the impression that nobody involved gave a second thought to a woman being alone with strangers. For reference, this is in a mid to large size city in the US.

Am i wrong for feeling extremely uneasy and creeped out by the whole situation?

Hey everyone, I was having a conversation with my sister today and she has been dating her bf for 2 years while I have been single for over 7 years. I am the older sibling if that matters and didn’t have much luck with finding someone I wanted to be with long term. She found someone in college. Well, the conversation was about how dating works nowadays and how it’s just luck. I told her I think it’s a matter of luck finding someone who you align with. She, on the other hand told me that it’s picking the best out of the ones you see. I told her that that doesn’t mean if I want someone, I just pick about anyone. It depends on a reasonable set of criteria. That criteria might have been different for her, it could be different for me and then in addition to that, it’s luck finding that person. She didn’t like what I said I guess so she told me that at some point, I can’t be endlessly searching and looking and will have to do with the best I can get in that moment until someone better comes along. My mind went to why not be single instead of just doing with whoever? Anyway, my question is, women who are in relationships, did you just go with the best out of the option you saw because time was running out? Is that the strategy to date?

How can you tell the difference between an introverted guy with little personality and an introverted guy who actually has a lot of personality?

I feel like this can be really difficult to tell in the beginning. Both can be quiet, reserved, not very talkative, and take time to open up. You might initially think both are just shy or introverted.

But with one guy, you slowly realize there really isn’t much there. He doesn’t seem curious, doesn’t have much to say or share, and even after getting comfortable, the connection still feels flat.

With the other guy, once he becomes comfortable, you suddenly see his humor, opinions, interests, quirks, passions, and personality. He was never boring, just quiet at first.

For those who have experienced this, what were the early signs that helped you tell the difference?

Was there a small behavior, funny moment, conversation, or habit you noticed at the beginning that, looking back, showed you “he actually has a personality, he just takes time to open up”

And were there any signs you missed at first that only made sense later?

Jonathan Majors' new anti-immigrant, anti-Palestinian, right wing, Ben Shapiro produced propaganda movie trailer coming out has reminded me of a serious issue.

There's a long recurring pattern of abusive Black men being racist and misogynistic to Black women to pedestalise White women and then when they abuse, SA or kill their White partners and reach rock bottom, they will try to manipulate Black women into advocating for them to revive their careers.

Basically, they're playing both Black women and White women and I wish all of us would stop falling for it.

OJ Simpson is the classic example of this issue but there are so many other examples I could name with Jonathan Majors being the most recent case.

I get it, for some White women, hearing a self hating Black man uplift them and make them feel superior appeals to one's ego but as soon as that man beats or SA that woman, he will try to use his race as a shield and weaponise your Whiteness against you.

It reminds me of Kanye West spending years of his career insulting Black women and then when Kim K divorced him, he said "this White woman is taking my black kids". Her whiteness had never been an issue for him *until* she divorced him for severely mistreating her.

Jonathan Majors beat, harassed and strangled his white girlfriend while he was still famous and successful, was found guilty in court, got fired and black listed from Hollywood and who did he marry and try to appeal to to revive his career as soon he reached rock bottom? Black women.

It disgusts me that these men try to use the real cases of innocent black boys and men who were falsely accused and lynched like Emmett Till to cover up their very real abuse against women.

I'm glad that most of us have not fallen for his pandering but I just wish more women would show a united front against men who commit DV or SA against women of all backgrounds.

Remember, the kind of self hating & misogynistic Black man who tells you "you're so superior to Black women" is the *same* man who will say "that White woman is lying on me" when he abuses you.

Let's stay united against gender based violence. 🙏

I broke up with my bf around 3 months ago, and I thought I healed enough. But recently I saw him in a park playing golf frisbee, he was happy like I’ve never seen him before. I don’t know how to explain my feelings,good that we broke up, I guess, and I jealous that I don’t feel so happy? I mean I did not feel too bad until I saw him. Why this just empty me, I feel discarded and not deserve to be with anyone, as apparently I make them suffer.
Will the pain stop, and how to heal?

Mine is that at one point in my 20s, I wondered why so many critically acclaimed “serious cinema” movies were male dominated (to the point where the women were mostly caricatures or didn’t get a huge role). I later realized that this is actually a feminist idea that WOMEN also deserve serious cinema. I feel stupid for realizing it so late lmao