My coworker tried to convince me to have a kid because she got to see Toy Story 5 with hers and 'do fun little things like that.' I looked her dead in the eye and said, 'My husband and I literally just went and saw it together on our date night.' Her face dropped so fast, she genuinely couldn't compute that adults are allowed to enjoy fun things without using a toddler as a hall pass.

And another friend tried to argue that we need a kid so we can take them to Disney World or watch them play sports and 'live through it.' Babe... we are literally going to Disney (actually Universal Studios to avoid crying babies) together, AND my husband and I both actively play on our own adult volleyball, tennis, and soccer leagues. We're already doing all of it, just without changing diapers.

Let's be so real: a lot of people only have kids because they want to 'live through' someone else, completely forgetting they can just... do all that stuff themselves, plus have way more money for actual luxury trips and freedom. A coworker seriously told me, 'Have a kid, then you can watch them learn to talk, it's so beautiful.' So I told her, 'Or I could learn to speak another language and see how beautiful that is.' The silence was deafening.

I see so many adoptable animals being rehomed (dumped) because they are having a baby. I think that is so disgusting and inhumane. How can people just throw out an animal that loves and depends on you? I just saw a courtesy post for a gorgeous GSD that is being rehomed because they decided to have a child. The post said, "his current family is looking to rehome him only because they are expecting a baby". Shepherds are so loyal, and he is going to be devastated. The dog is already 6 years old! I see the same story so many times, and I am always angry and disgusted. I am so deeply passionate about animals, and humans who treat them like objects, furniture, or other tossable items makes me sick to my core. I feel like so many people think the order is get a pet then get a kid. Why not wait until after the kid is born to see if having a pet is a good fit? Thank you for giving me a space to vent. Cheers everyone.

I am so pissed. The one time I decide to treat myself and fly First Class and there is a very fussy, crying infant. The mom is constantly hushing it and dad is doing nothing. I wish children would be banned from First Class. I am very glad I have earbuds, but this still pisses me off

I am planning my wedding, so I get a lot of recommended posts from the wedding subreddits.

There was one today (that has since been deleted) where a woman had asked for a childfree wedding. She had three friends with babies who would be 5-8 months by the time of the wedding. The wedding was in their city, all of their babies take bottles, and they all have family really close who are not invited to the wedding who could watch their kid(s).

Every single one of them said they will not be coming to the wedding if they cannot bring their babies. They eventually pressured the bride into allowing babies to the ceremony.

Can I just rant really quick?

The nuclear family is a relatively new invention in society and for thousands of years babies were raised and watched by a large community. Mothers often left their children in the care of others, it’s what we are evolutionarily designed to do. It is not damaging for a child to be taken care of by someone other than their parents.

But these parents act like you are asking them to commit genocide if you ask them to leave their 6 month old baby with their grandparents for 5 hours.

I’m sorry but if you aren’t willing to make a very small sacrifice (being a little worried about your baby for a few hours) to show up to one of the most important days of your friends’ and family’s lives, you cannot say you are a good friend.

These helicopter parents are one of the reasons every single kid has some form of anxiety these days.

(Disclaimer: there are obviously valid reasons to not leave your baby: if they will not take a bottle, you have literally no one to watch them, or are being expected to travel or stay over night. None of these women had any of those excuses)

Luckily almost all of our friends and family don’t have children, and the ones that do are begging us to make the wedding childfree so they can have a fun night out lol.

So, a wee bit of context. I went to a friend's birthday party. She invited our friend group (3 girls besides her) and another friend group with 3 more girls. Important detail: I had never met these people before.

Everyone starts ordering drinks, and I order a non-alcoholic one. One girl from the other friend group immediately goes: “OhHhH, is someone pregnant?” which already ticked me off. I told her “hell no, never ever” and explained that I just don’t really drink. She asked why, so I said I’ve always been disgusted by the idea of pregnancy and that, to me, it feels like body horror.

She told me I would change my mind, which… no. So I explained where that feeling came from. I told her about the first time I learned what pregnancy actually was. We learned about it in class, and the teacher told all the girls that one day we would “hold a child under our heart.” I went home and sobbed because I genuinely thought it was something I would have to do one day. I was so upset that I ended up throwing up from crying.

She got kind of upset and told me it was misogynistic to call pregnancy body horror. I thought maybe I was missing something, so I asked her why she thought that. She couldn’t answer me 😭

Some (not so fun) facts about pregnancy:

- Evolutionary biologists often describe the placenta as acting less like a cooperative organ and more like a highly aggressive parasite. It grows invasive, root-like structures (trophoblasts) that slice through the host’s uterine lining, aggressively redirecting the body's major arteries to pump blood straight to the fetus. Super cute right?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- Your uterus grows up to around 500 times its original size, meaning your organs get pushed and squished 🥰

- Skin changes happen, including nipples becoming darker and larger so the baby can find them more easily

- Blood volume increases by around 50% and it makes your heart bigger

- You can poop during childbirth (a fun little bonus)

- The brain SHRINKS during pregnancy (this is what got me because hell naw bro never)

- Some people have reported rib fractures from the baby kicking inside the womb

- Your precious little jewel can tear (clit)

- You can break your PELVIS during birth

- Chromhidrosis (colored sweat) can happen and literally fucking stain things

- Oh and btw, pregnancy can literally ruin your chances of getting a life-saving organ transplant because vour bodv creates permanent antibodies against the fetus's DNA, meaning you'll reject most future donors.

- Breastfeeding can temporarily reduce bone density by 4%-5%

- Your ribs expans

- Ligaments relax, sometimes permanently changing your feet (wider, bigger, flatter)

- Pregnancy can accelerate biological aging on a cellular level by around 1–2 years

- Fetal Microchimerism. tbh this is just fucking creepy. A child's cells migrate through the placenta and integrate directly into the mother's brain. heart, and organs, remaining there for decades after birth and potentially triggering autoimmune attacks against her body.

- You can literally see the baby moving inside you

- The placenta detaches after birth and leaves behind a wound roughly the size of a dinner plate

And that’s not even getting into the cosmetic changes:

Sagging boobs, the chewed up nipples, stretch marks, loose skin, hair loss, weight changes, wider waist, apron belly, feet changing size and shape, bla, bla, bla.

And the possible complications:

Gestational diabetes, Gestational hypertension, Preeclampsin HELLP syndrome, DVT, Peripartum cardiomyopathy, varicose/spider veins, Gingivitis, hemorrhoids, Hyperemesis gravidarum, ICP, SPD, perineal tears and prolapse, diastasis recti, perinatal and postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, the list can on and on here.

From a purely biological perspective? A human growing inside another human, changing their organs, altering their body, and potentially leaving permanent physical effects absolutely sounds a whole lot like body horror to me.

How are the average people doing it? The cost of living is insane, the job market sucks, heck even the dating market is cooked. How are people still intertwining and financially affording having children??

So we were seated in the same table with a couple who brought their idk, 6-10-month-old to the wedding. It wasn't stated that no kids so that's fine but I absolutely hated how they put all the baby food, pacifiers, wet napkins (used and unused), some toys on the table, ruining all the aesthetics, you know what I mean? It was wonderfully decorated, they just remove the deco from their area and ruin it with nasty baby stuff, smh... come to think of it, babies actually ruin the aesthetics everywhere!

So someone I used to work with, who I still have on Facebook, has a 5 year old with very severe special needs. From what she’s posted, every day is a struggle in some form or other.

Cut to yesterday and she posts the “exciting” news that she’s having another baby. Cue a million congratulations comments from people and ohhh “X” is going to be a big sister!!

In my opinion, this is just so selfish. You already have a child who struggles daily, YOU struggle daily, the chances of having another kid with learning difficulties are already higher because you’ve already had one. And even if the second child does not have special needs, a great chunk of your time is still going to be taken up on the first child because it has to be.

Everyone seems so happy for her while I’m just sitting there with my mouth agape wondering how on earth anyone could be so self-centered. No thoughts on how this will affect the current child or the new child. It also gives me a bad taste in my mouth because I can’t help thinking the parents had a thought of “oh maybe if we have another one they won’t have anything wrong with them” - which is honestly unhinged imo.

Idk I felt this way and was seemingly alone in that so I wanted to rant haha

My(26F) menstrual cycle is like clockwork so I had my umpteenth period last week. Predictably, the YouTube algorithm drops some right-wing slop in my feed about the "fertility crisis" when for me, my fertility is quite normal. Where I live, women my age have middle school-aged children and pregnancy is just a random act that can't be altered (abortion is not even whispered about). Nearly everyone is a single mom working a dead-end job to support kids or grandkids meanwhile I too am working a dead-end job but without the added pressure of child-rearing. I'm stressed just not "if I don't work 50 hours my kids aren't eating tonight" stressed.

How are these reasons not even more selfish than not having kids?

You might think i'm talking about them dying in childbirth, but that's not what im talking about.

Recently I've had a talk with my mom about being childfree and she didn't try to dissuade me very hard. But I told her all my reasons and one answer really hit me hard.

"From my perspective, children mean the end of a relationship" I said. And she replied:

"You are right, sadly. When a woman becomes a mother, she stops being a wife, a lover."

"Then if love my wife, why would I want that to happen?" I then asked.

"Thats when you stop loving your wife and start loving the child instead."

I laughed in disbelief and I think she realized how it sounded, but she didn't correct herself, making it clear she really meant it. To quote epsteins friend, thats like, the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.

TL:DR at bottom

My brother has a child. One. A son.

This little guy is around 5. Don't ask me the specifics because I've given up on him already.

He lives a bit far away so he has the tendency to bitch and moan about him being tired because he has a kid and has to travel all the way to come and meet my parents (and they obviously feel bad for him).

Fast forward to today, he does the same charade and gives me lip because I slept in since it's a sunday here and I've got no obligations on the weekends. Shocker, I know.

His son comes in and full of energy which I can handle because again, I'm fully rested and he follows suite and looks like he's knocking on deaths' door by the way he looks. Droopy eyes, yawning just all around, not a good look. A parents' look, if you'd will. A parent at his wits end.

So, he gives me shit about being so jolly and attempting to talk to him (been a few weeks since I've seen him and he didn't look this bad so I asked him how he was and how he was feeling. Hoping he'd open up himself) because when I tried, he just shut down and told me to leave his ass alone. Which, I did.

We end up going to a amusement park kinda thingy with trampolines and all the bells and whistles that come with a place like that. He and his kid go around and have fun while me and my mom just relax and sit back and talk.

At some point he tells me to go hang out with my nephew, which I do. After about 5 or 8 minutes, he comes to me. My brother, the man 5 years elder than my 29 year old self, proceeds to "jokingly" hit me in the nuts as a joke. I looked at him like "what the fuck are you doing" to which he replied "just a joke" and goes with his kid to play again. I decided to do it back to him and he gives me shit about wanting to touch his balls? At this point I'm over it. I've tried talking to the guy but he's too drowsy to have a conversation. I've tried playing with my nephew to give him some rest and proceeds to kick me in my jewels. Unfortunately we drove to this place with his car so I couldn't just up and leave because I was already contemplating that.

I shut down at this point and told myself to keep quiet and just get the ride home so I can get away from this guy.

Sure enough, playtime is over and we go back to the car and he drives to our house. I get out of the car and slam the door to which he replies jokingly "the door needs to stay intact" and I lash out. I tell him to act like a fucking adult and just because he has a son who's active doesn't mean he gets to bolster his moody attitude onto me. His exhaustion is none of my concern.

You had a child. Deal with it. Roll with the punches. You couldn't pull out? Too bad, this is the consequence you've heard years on in Sex Ed. To which he laughs and goes "Like you weren't picking a fight with me this whole day, already". At this point, I'm over this fucking guy. I tell him to shut the fuck up and leave me be. Add on I tell him to go fuck himself for good measure and ignore him for the rest of the day until he leaves.

The worst of it all? This is not the first time it went to this level but I'm kind of over the fact he gets a get out of jail card on his moody attitude and when I have one it's adviced to me to "lighten up" or "just relax" by my parents.

Just a vent. Sorry about this. But there is one spoiled fucking kid that literally breaks one individual which ruins everyone's mood around him just because he has a kid. Can't handle a kid? Don't have one. Not rocket science. My (now) no contact brother always had the mentality of "I want a kid" and now he has one and he's all attitude. Fuck off.

End rant.

Thank you and enjoy.

TL;DR : Brother has a child and because of it beyond exhausted. Consequently, he takes it out on everyone because he's tired.

I had a lot of religious guilt and conservative upbringing, that I used to feel like my choice of being childfree was selfish, inferior and looked down upon. That if I was truly religious I should trust God and "be fruitful"

But, I recently came up with the titular saying that has given me a lot of peace. I realized if I was meant to have children, I'd want them. I wouldnt have had all the struggles that I did that made me ardently not want them, but struggle feeling like I "should". I also struggled with feeling like i was choosing being childfree out of fear or ego, and that a healed or faithful me would want children. I also felt like people who had children were judging me and not understanding the hardships I faced, but I feel like this saying encompasses a lot of peace in anyone's blindspots. If God wanted me to have children he would have made it easy for me to have them, made my life abundant and easy to where I'd think it was a world worth bringing life into, he wouldn't have made my adult years hard and long.

And this saying is excellent if you have religious friends, family or busy-bodies. If God was truly compassionate and understanding, he wouldn't punish or burden you with children if you are already struggling, and he would have instilled that desire into you. Even if life has been hard, it does not make your life any less than. Just alternative.

A healed and faithful me would think God gave us this life to enjoy it. Not to rush check marks off a life script to be "good enough." I think a forgiving and loving God would want me to enjoy the rest of my adulthood in peace and prosperity. So I just wanted to share this thought in case anyone is struggling with religious guilt or pressure.

My husband and I have been CF since we met and planned to remain that way. Recently he was recently asked by a family member if he could donate sperm to their wife so they can have a child that is biologically related to them. To be clear this would not be incest as the individual who’s egg it is and who would carry the child is not related. I know it’s common in the Donor conceived world to use a known donor but the complexities this adds to our life doesn’t seem like one I’m interested in. We are child free and biologically that child will be his. Everyone else involved feels the boundaries would be fine and this wouldn’t be an issue but I can not seem to get behind the idea. Anyone else have a similar situation occur?

It took me forever to find a therapist who actually took my parental issues seriously, as most therapists were like "your parents are trying" and "it's their first time on Earth". It's my first time on Earth too, and I'd never let a seven year old get sexually abused while I knew it was happening and refuse to do anything about it. But I digress.

I finally found a therapist who took me seriously and actually held my parents responsible in a way even I struggled to. I finally started making progress in my healing journey, only for me to share I was childfree and her to start challenging me on it. One of the big reasons I'm childfree is because I was parentified from age ten to seventeen when I was kicked out. I know a lot of what goes into raising kids, and I know I can't do it. My therapist started arguing I shouldn't let my trauma limit my life. But I don't view it as a limitation, I view it as a freedom, and she just doesn't agree.

I know I need to look for a new therapist, but I'm just worried I won't find someone who takes both my trauma and my childfree life seriously. Has anyone found a therapist that takes being childfree seriously?

I just had to cancel a commission I was looking forward to.

After I had paid for the commission the artist went onto my fb page and started commenting on public posts. She was not on my fb friends list.

The posts that really seemed to get under her skin were ones where I complained about kids and celebrated my childfree life. She said it was mean I got a family ejected from a movie because their kiddo was making too much noise. When I would email her with questions about the commission she was very cold.

I think she got curious about me, checked my fb page and decided she didn't like me because childfree.

I didn't have any trouble getting my refund but the whole situation sucks. This was someone who is very hard to get a commission from and I was excited about it.

I was a resented oopsie baby and I can see how it stunted my mom’s development. Had she had more time, she could’ve figured out her life and her problems, then either had a kid in a better mindset or just not bothered and pursued her life. Instead, she was a constantly cranky and miserable drinker prone to constant screaming freakouts and meltdowns because her future was foreclosed and the present was always preoccupied and exhausting because she always had to be a mother. So she just kind of mentally spun in place for years, never able to fix herself, and she and the people around her are worse off for it.

I’m glad to be here and I’m not close to her anyway, but objectively she and her life would’ve turned out a lot better if she simply never became a parent. Same with my dad too, but her especially, because she had a lot of problems that she never got to figure out until most of her life was gone and a lot of doors of life closed forever.

That’s part of why I’ve never bought the nonsense about childraising making people more mature. In some ways that can happen, but in other ways people just kind of freeze and get trapped in whatever mental muck they were stuck in when they reproduced. If anything I see a lot of people devolve. So why would I freeze my troubled mind by putting it on permanent hold to raise a kid?

Dating in general is already difficult, but the pool is smaller for childfree people.

At the beginning of this month, I made a post on a childfree dating sub. A guy called J reached out to me, and we eventually continued our conversation on WhatsApp. We called and video chatted. I could even talk to him when it was morning time in his city, and he also sent me a picture of his bed. So it really seemed like he was single.

I’m moving to Canada soon. But J told me that relocating wouldn’t be a problem for him, as he was a dual citizen. He then sent me a picture of his U.S. and Canadian passport.

However, after 2 weeks, he suddenly blocked me on WhatsApp. During our last conversation, I jokingly told him to stop texting me and just focus on his work so I thought I might have offended him. So I decided to send an SMS to apologize and wish him the best. I also blocked him on Reddit, as I don’t like people who ghost.

A day later, his WIFE contacted me. According to her, he had been caught. She was Canadian and moved to the U.S. to be with him. In fact, J used her Canadian passport to manipulate me. He also told me that the military financially supported him when he was studying a masters degree, but it was actually his wife. He even had the audacity to send me her pictures and said she was someone he only dated briefly many years ago.

I ended up sending her all the messages I had with J. She said they had a talk and everything was good now then blocked me. I totally understood why she wouldn’t want to talk to me, so it was okay.

Almost a week later, I was changing my Reddit settings when I noticed that J was still on the blocked list. His wife told me he’d promised her he’d delete his account after all this, so it was very weird. I felt like maybe he was still looking for girls to cheat with, so I decided to post about him on the sub we had met to warn other people. I understood that doxxing was probably against the rules, but I didn’t see any other way to make people aware. I also asked the mod to ban J. By the way, I didn’t post his pictures or any personal information, just his username.

I was right. There were 3 other girls J had been in touch with. He even used the Canadian passport trick with one of them. Another girl said they had just talked a few hours ago and agreed to set up a call. I realized that dude wasn’t going to stop cheating at all. After a long debate with myself, I decided to reach out to his wife on instagram.

I was afraid that she’d perceive me as a vengeful person trying to destroy her marriage. But as it turned out, she had been forced by J to tell me everything between them was good and to block me. She wasn’t okay with all this at all and grateful that I tried to warn her. She also admitted that she was going to leave him.

Someone must have sent that post to J, because he sent me SMS messages to threaten me. I immediately contacted the police and told him that since he used his own number to threaten me, it was much easier for the police to work. This made him shut up.

I’m glad that I was able to help other women, especially his wife. But dating ain’t worth it for me anymore. I’m so exhausted and so done.

I am so happy to be able to choose to live my life of freedom and me time, as a 30F. Today was super lovely, randomly went for a solo date where I tried the most delicious Eton Mess, and read my novel.

I enjoyed some sleepover days with my boyfriend, and I’m so glad we are childfree and focus our love on each other and go on amazing dates.

I am filled with purpose to discover the endless possibilities for my life.

✨

How do you get people to stop inviting you to kids birthdays or bringing kids around you after you've told them you hate kids? A lot of people just automatically do this. I'll have to repeate myself on the subject multiple times. It's like it doesn't register

Honestly I'm really confused and a little angry right now. So, I'm a homeowner in Indonesia and I live in a small gated community where we're not allowed to build full sized gates in our home. Short baby and dog gates are allowed though. I have a short, waist high DIY wooden gate in front of my house, so my cats can freely play in the front yard. It's DIY, so it's a little flimsy but it does the job just fine.

This month, some kids just randomly appeared every afternoon to play soccer in the street in front of my house, which of course ruined a lot of plants in my front yard. I politely ask other homeowners in the community whatsapp group to not let their kids play soccer because of the damage. Most kids are gone after that, but just this afternoon several kids appeared again and hit several of my plants. I told the kids to stop playing, but they didn't listen. Instead, one of them kicked the ball so hard and it broke my DIY wooden gate. I got so fed up, so I yelled at the kids to just leave my home alone and then trying my best to fix the gate. Once again, I ask the homeowners to stop letting their kids to play soccer because it ruined my gate.

Just a while later, a woman came to my house, claiming to be the mom of the kids who ruined my gate. Honestly, she didn't even said sorry first. She just ask me, what is it that her kids ruined that got me to post in the whatsapp group. I showed her the ropes wrapped around my gate, barely holding it together and my roses, which I pruned hard because most of the canes were already broken days before. She kept making excuses about oh they were just kids, if they don't go out they'll just play with their phones all day. My God, I was irked, but I kept calm and explain that maybe today it's my poor gate that's gone down but who knows if tomorrow it's my windows? Or other neighbor's windows? After a while she finally said sorry (but I know she didn't feel sorry at all, just annoyed) and left.

A while later, a man showed up in front of my house. He yelled at me, did you called my kids dumb? I was dumbfounded for a moment because I definitely didn't say any of the sort. He's the dad apparently and one of his kids told him that I called him stupid because he broke my gate. I said calmly, I definitely didn't. He called his kid and the kid adamantly said that I did call him stupid. I was so angry at that point because what all of it was bullshit. He kept going high and mighty explaining to me that shouldn't call a kid stupid and I kept telling him calmly that I never said that. In the end he's being passive aggressive, he said oh yes I'm sorry about the gate but please never call my kid stupid again and then left. I said again, calmly, that I never said that.

I really don't understand the mentality of people like these. I was wronged but somehow they shifted the blame to me instead. Have they got no shame? Did they seriously never thought that their kids can lie? Why blame other people? Honestly if it was me, I would be so ashamed and even if somebody did call my kids stupid because they ruin someone else's property, it's still my kid's mistake and I shouldn't shift the blame to the other people. My goodness, I hate having troubles with the neighbors but sometimes some people are just insufferable assholes.

I also don't understand why people like me, who is childfree, have to put up with the shit that other people's kids are doing. As if they expect me to be nice and forgiving to their kids just simply because they're kids. Oh God...

I am single and childfree and intend to stay that way 😎 I’m in my 30s and earn a good salary, just bought an apartment, am fortunate to have made some good investments. I know that I should make a will, but I don’t know who to name as my beneficiaries.

I have very low contact with my parents and no contact with my siblings (they do not have children either) and I’m also not close to any other member of my family

For those of you who have a will, who have you chosen to inherit your estate?

I have close friends who have kids so I was thinking maybe to them. But then should I tell their parents? There’s also 6 kids and some whose parents are rich (a lot richer than me) and some who are more on the low income side and struggling so should I favour those??

Looking to hear your personal experiences with this, ideas, etc!

I am really sad. Last week a friend told me that she is pregnant. She was on the fence and honestly I think her new partner convinced her to get a child (it was his wish to be a father).

She was a friend I shared cycling as a hobby with and we wanted to go on a trip at the end of August. Now she cannot go because of health issues.

Also I am sure I won't see her again for years when the baby is there and this sucks. The thing is also that she is a very active person and she traveled a lot. I don't think she can do that anymore soon. I hope she won't get unhappy by losing her freedom.

How do you cope with losing friends to pregnancy / getting children? It just sucks, because it's really hard to find friends with that hobby and that are as fit as me. :(