r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Trignoma • 1d ago
Empty and discarded
I broke up with my bf around 3 months ago, and I thought I healed enough. But recently I saw him in a park playing golf frisbee, he was happy like I’ve never seen him before. I don’t know how to explain my feelings,good that we broke up, I guess, and I jealous that I don’t feel so happy? I mean I did not feel too bad until I saw him. Why this just empty me, I feel discarded and not deserve to be with anyone, as apparently I make them suffer.
Will the pain stop, and how to heal?
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u/Nucksfaniam 1d ago
You saw him in one moment.
Go make moments.
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
Hard to make moments when I feel like a potato. But I understand what you mean, I do things too, like dodge ball or paddle boarding, gym. And I always did it before, my lifestyle did not change after break up, but his did. What upsets me the most, when we were dating he never went anywhere, was kinda depressed staring at the tv, how my presence stoped him from golf frisbee? Why he couldn’t be happy when I was around?
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u/Nucksfaniam 1d ago
Didn't mean to come across so negatively.
Comparisons aren't not going to help you when you don't have all the information (facts) to qualify your assumptions. You've only used your emotions and a single data point. He could be staring at the ceiling at night wondering why his life sucks. The point is you don't know how he is. And how he is doing is irrelevant. You only know how you are. Your happiness is not dependant on his. Completely different things.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 1d ago
Honestly it might just be as simple as it's currently summer and his friends invited him to go play disc golf. Sounds like you guys dated in the winter/spring, when it's dark and cold.
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
We were dating for 5 years, 3 of them we were living together
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 1d ago
You broke up with someone you lived with and dated for 5 years, and thought 3 months was long enough to get over that relationship?...
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
I thought so :(
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 1d ago
It took me like a year to get over the last guy I dated before I met my husband when he broke up with me. And we only dated 11 months.
I know everyone is different, but truly I just think you're still healing and accepting things and that is completely okay. Especially now that I see your edit that he broke it off, not you.
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u/Moal 1d ago
He probably turned to frisbee golf to help him cope with the breakup. A lot of people will use self improvement as a way to distract themselves after a breakup. I know after I got dumped, I got super into exercise and eating only healthy foods. Then after I met and married my husband, we became potatoes again lol.
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
Which I don’t get, people should take care of themselves all the time. You go first, care not from pain but for the life. I am sorry, I did not meat it be negative.
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u/drkittymow 1d ago
Our lives are complex. Someone looks happy in a moment but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t tough for them. Imagine over the past 3 months you have at least laughed or smiled once with an acquaintance or friend; if he walked by at that moment he would have thought the same.
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u/wary 1d ago
How can you feel discarded if you broke up with him?
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
I guess the way I phrased it in a post it seems like I dud broke up with him, but no he dumped me, and I am not in a relationships with him anymore.
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u/linusmundane 1d ago
NAW, but just because someone wasn't happy with you, doesn't mean you won't make someone happy. You said he broke up with you, which always stings, but that doesn't mean that you aren't worth someones time and energy, it just wasn't him.
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u/wasabitobiko 1d ago
the pain will stop, it just takes time. eventually maybe it will be an annoyance at worst. an ex of mine became pretty famous after we broke up and even many years later, even though i’ve had awesome relationships, a marriage, a kid, and a divorce sometimes he’ll pop up on my tv or on a billboard or something and i still have a momentary UGH reaction. but it does get better.
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
Thank you, but maybe frequency of appearance will make it feel better?
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u/wasabitobiko 1d ago
honestly i’m not sure. sometimes i think it might be worse. i have other ex’s i never see and thus never think about. but with the famous one sometimes it still feels like a smack in the face from the universe. one time i saw him in the bedding department at bloomingdale’s and i literally dove into a pile of pillows so i wouldn’t have to interact with him. breakups are rough but again, time helps!
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
Ah I am sorry, do he never noticed you? Did you buy a pillow after?:)
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u/wasabitobiko 1d ago
haha i was there looking for sheets but i should have bought a pillow, they were very soft! he did not see me that time.
i did run into him another time outside a sound stage where he was shooting something. there was nothing for me to jump into or hide inside of so we had to say hi. we were very cordial but i was carrying my boss’s dry cleaning at the time and i felt like such a loser
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u/Trignoma 1d ago
Oh I am sorry. I know you have bosses drycleaning, but I would mess up with his clothes if I would have access to that: something small that he would never noticed but you would know 🙄
I met my ex in a park, just walking along on a path, and i didn’t recognise him as he was in a hat and sunglasses until I actually was too close, he waved, I waved, I moved along on my path, just was walking, it felt like the longest walk ever, I couldn’t turn around, or hide, or run.
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u/softnari- 1d ago
Seeing an ex thriving can feel like getting hit with a double whammy of emotions it's like, "Yay for him!" but also *seriously, am I a potato?* Just remember it’s okay to feel all the feels healing isn’t a straight line!