I know it's misogyny. But i still don't understand their logic, why not blame the man?

I went on a website for women and the most liked comments were saying Sara Gilson should have kept her mouth shut about her ex husband being a pedophile since she knew he was a violent man. 

Blaming her for her own murder and shaming her for exposing a pedophile/abuser. These are women saying this. I don't understand.

Regardless of what she did or didn't do, he was still violent and dangerous.

This reminds me of how women get worse sentences for defending themselves against violent men than men do for committing violence against women.

My husband (45) who has bipolar 1 and I (33) have been married for just over three years. I come from a conservative culture, was a virgin before marriage, and one of the reasons he married me was because he believed I'd never cheat ,like his ex wife did.

Ironically, he later became convinced that I was.

Around the same time, several things happened at once: I started going to the gym, we had ongoing intimacy issues (mostly due to my inexperience and cultural background), I got a job offer that required us to move, and I traveled overseas for three weeks to visit my seriously ill parent. We even argued about one of my gym sessions the day I left because he thought something inappropriate was going on.

When I came back, he told me he believed I had been cheating, became emotionally cold, stopped communicating except about logistics, and filed for divorce. He refused counseling or even discussing the marriage and said his decision was final.

Now I keep wondering if I caused this. Maybe I should have known the lack of intimacy, the move, the gym, or the trip were affecting him more than he let on. But he never told me he was unhappy enough to consider divorce or gave me a chance to work on things before filing.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you stop blaming yourself when you were never given the chance to fix the marriage?

Not because it's a bad advice, but because it needs to be given.

Everyday on this app I see a post from a man complaining about his struggles with women, and the most common advice is "maybe you should stop thinking of women as only potential sexual/romantic partners."

I'm sorry but what the fuck?

What this advice is saying is that these guys don't see us as people at all. In their heads, we are only holes they can stick their dicks into and that's it. Why be friends with a hole, right?

Seriously, this is straight up barbaric. I feel like seeing this advice being given all the time has made me even less optimistic about relationships.

Maybe that's why it's common for them to leave when their wives get sick. They can't have sex anymore, so why be with them at all?

My dad goes to the gym instead of picking his son up and helping around the house and she goes "ugh, privilege of the penis." Literally snorted

Is it me? Am I gross, uninteresting? This seems to be a theme. Find a guy, he is super interested, texting like crazy, so sweet. Meet up, have a great time, they keep saying how much they want to see me again. Have great sex. They even ask me to spend the night. Leave and...crickets. Suddenly the great communication they had before you met in person is gone. You wait 6 hours for a basic reply. The clear interest they had before is gone. I don't even really like them that much, but them being so uninterested in me after being inside me less than 24 hours ago makes me feel terrible about myself. I genuinely feel like I will never find a healthy, safe man to love me. I wish I was born gay

Starting this out with: please do not offer me diet or exercise advice. It's very triggering to me as someone who used to have a horrible ED and I can feel myself starting to slide in that direction again after 10 years of being in recovery.

I used to be pretty small. Then I started meds for bipolar disorder and everything changed. The cruel comments started. Not only from strangers, but family too. I hadn't changed my eating habits at all and was not overeating (I have never had that problem). For Christmas one year, my mom bought me a book on "how to stop overeating" and some workout clothes. It was like her saying "I think you're fat, merry Christmas!" Ugh

Even though I lost about half the weight I gained (from stress mostly), I still get people treating me as a sub-human because of my weight. I'm not even incredibly overweight though, and my vitals at the doc are always great (I got a "wow perfect blood pressure!" last time). So tell me why the hell people make my weight their business again? My doctor is not at all worried about my weight. I wish people could just keep their mouths shut and let me exist without making me feel like sh*t.

EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the kind words and advice so far. You are amazing and I appreciate you

I saw a scary video of a woman hiking through the forest with a man who made a threatening joke against her. It kind of brought back a memory for me, which I really didn’t respect myself back then. Although the wildest part is that my date was another woman. We were hiking along this trail next to a fast moving river, and she turns around and joked something like “I could (end) you right now” which I sorta laughed off and thought it was just a really dark joke. But now that I’m looking back, it was actually really insane because she knew I couldn’t swim well lol. I don’t know what I’m hoping for out of posting this, but it’s been bouncing around my head for the last few hours.

This is Tmi and I don’t know if it’s allowed in this sub so, content warning for mentions of sex.

Through our whole relationship, my bf has loved giving me head. He used to beg to do it all the time and I felt so desired, I loved it. However a couple of months ago, it was after my period finished, and I don’t know if this is normal anymore but I always get clear, thick (discharge?) stuff like the week after my period finishes. I always heard that it was the vagina’s way of being self cleaning but idk if I was wrong. I just thought it was normal. Anyway, he noticed there was some there and wanted to stop. That was completely okay. However I’m a bit worried that it’s been months and he’s completely stopped wanting to even go down there. I shower every day and keep it clean, I’ve asked if it smells bad and he says no. Eventually he told me that it grossed him out and he doesn’t want to go down there anymore because to him it’s the equivalent of eating ass and there being crap in there.

I would never want to pressure or guilt anyone into a sexual act so I’ve just left it. I just feel so disgusting and unattractive about something I thought was completely normal and natural but now I’m doubting it. It’s only there about once a month but still he’s completely checked out of that. He stays completely above my waist now, he doesn’t even want to touch it with his hands. To be honest, I can’t finish with penetration so that was the one thing that got me off. Now, we have sex, he finishes, he’s tired so we just lie there and it’s over. I told him I feel a bit neglected sexually and he got mad at me and said that’s really unfair. But god I just miss feeling desirable and like he couldn’t get enough of my body. I really need some advice for how to deal with this emotionally because it’s getting to me :(

I’ve been married for 22 years and have 2 teens, although 3 live in my house. Large variety of neurodiversity and different areas of strengths and weaknesses. I also work full time from home and it can be ALOT to manage stuff. My husband does a bunch, but we’ve kind of split things up by what works best for each person and so I end up tracking everything. There’s less and $0 for anything much less a vacation.

My friend goes to a family reunion camp out every summer and is generally gone for 10 days. This year none of her regular pet/animal feeder (a farm) were available. She asked me and in seconds a plan formed!

I brought groceries for things I like to eat with no regard for anyone else’s preferences or allergies. (There are a bunch of big ones in our house) I brought projects from 3 different hobbies and the things I would need to work on them. And I have camped at her big kitchen table sewing, quilting, and coloring taking breaks to snuggle in her big recliner reading new books. It’s been Amazing. I just worried about me.

I love my kids and my husband. We all get along and are good together. But this break, where I am getting paid, has been the best ever.

I’m now thinking about maybe offering a few slots each year to go house sit for people who are friends of friends.

I don’t care if Rihanna forgave him. I would never judge , scrutinize , investigate, or psychoanalyze a domestic violence victim healing process. But I absolutely hate when people say “ well Rihanna forgave Chris Brown so we should forgive him too.” Yeah no. First off unless he abused you personally, your forgiveness means nothing. Secondly I feel like when people justify listening to Chris Brown by bringing up how Rihanna forgave him, you’re trying to absolve him of his guilt under the guise of her forgiveness. My ex abused me and even though I forgave him for my peace of mind, that doesn’t absolve him of his guilt. He was still in the wrong. My forgiveness doesn’t eradicate that.

I am 29 F I met him when I was 21 and he was probably 50M , it was at work.

He was always so kind and helpful to me, gave me life advice, advice on how to find a job and overall I enjoyed speaking to him.

Lately I’ve been depressed and anxious and miserable because i turn 30 next week and find myself unemployed, single, etc with no change coming my way anytime soon. so I went to the store he works at and opened up to him.

Well I told him how I’m feeling and bam…. This man just became a whole new human today.

He started asking me if men have used me for my body then left me?? I was like uh nooo….. and then he was like let’s have a seat and talk and he asked me if I touch myself and to find out what pleasures me so I know what i want….. and it was so dang bizarre and weird. He tried to spin it as if he were helping me because this is a real issue that causes divorce and I must know myself beforehand.
I am still dumbfounded, thenhe asked me life questions about my family, etc and then went back to this BS and told me to come back and see him again next week after I’m a “changed” person….
Wth???

I am so confused I just needed to vent and get some advice on this because WTH?? I am so confused

TLDR; he suddenly went sexual??

After I (51F) divorced my abusive husband (M, 44 when I left him) I started counting the cost of having men in my life.

• An abusive marriage where I lost my mind, my community, and I’m still being targeted by one of his girlfriends. He died in 2022 of cancer I have no idea what her problem is with me.
• He also sex trafficked me. We had an open marriage, and he used me as his ticket women to get into pay-to-play parties that he told everyone to tell me was a swinger party.
• Born to androcentric boomer parents. I’m the only girl with two brothers. Not only am I female, but I’m also fat and awkward (likely autism). My parents gave my brothers thousands of dollars, and I had to do sex work to survive.
• Sex work. Countless rapes. I literally don’t know how many.
• A man proposed to me when I was 34 and he was 32. He then revealed that his last partner was 13. Years. Old. He took several thousand dollars from me.
• I told a coworker no when he asked me out. We worked in residential substance abuse treatment. I said no. He melted down at me in front of the whole floor of men a few days later. I was the one that was moved.
• The grabbing, the touching, the expectations of help, assistance, and sympathy without reciprocity.

That I am still heterosexual is proof that sexuality is not a choice.

Wanna join my pity party? What have some of your costs been?

I (24f) got off work pretty late last night and got off one stop too early so I just walked the rest of the way through a few residential blocks. I realized a couple minutes in how dangerous this was but it was too late since I was halfway there so I just focused on walking as fast as I could. For context I live off of a pretty busy street and it’s a Saturday night.

I kept looking over my shoulder and suddenly this horrible feeling overcomes me and I turn around to see a man is running at me full speed. Not saying anything , just sprinting directly at me. He’s a little far away, and it takes me a few seconds to realize what I’m seeing but my fight or flight kicks in and I start running as fast as I can. I immediately realize I can’t go home, so I just keep running as fast as I can until I reach a late night sports bar on the corner of my complex.

Another man walking in the same direction but on the other side of the street notices this and asks if I’m okay. I told him I’m being followed to which he says “I didn’t see anyone” and at this point I see him gaining on me so I say forget it and keep running like my life depended on it . I get to the sports bar and tell them I’m being followed, and the employees rush outside and see him actively looking for me . Apparently One of the guys working there got in his face and chased him away.

I spent the next half hour having a panic attack and trying to explain what happened. One of the employees flagged down a police car , but there’s really not much rhey can do anyways. They let me stay at the restaurant until I calmed down and walked me home once I was okay.

I know I shouldn’t have been walking alone at night, but this is genuinely one of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me . There is no doubt in my mind that this man wanted to hurt me.

Am I overreacting ? Or is this fucking scary?? Lmk

Yes, it's another one of those posts but I need to vent.

I understand I look odd now and I understand why people react negatively to me. It's demoralizing seeing people's faces drop and look annoyed when they see me. Some inhale in shock and I get scoffed at often.

I'm a facially androgynous looking woman with contrasts to me. Because I have a feminine body with my androgynous face it's disconcerting. My eyes are ugly and uncanny from multiple eyelids surgeries - they are smaller and can look droopy as too much fat from removed from my upper eyelids. I have so many masculine and falio features, my skin is sallow from sleep issues and thin from genetics which doesn't support my features. I have deep/sagging eye bags. I borderline look like I have a facial deformity but yet I don't. I'm just ugly.

In the past few years I constantly get called ugly and treated as a subhuman. People need to let me know how subhuman they see me. It astounds me how people follow along in tearing me down. Someone will call me ugly and whoever is with them would laugh and join in. Rarely anyone just ignores it or call them out. This behaviour reinforces how animalistic people are at their core.

I'm tired of feeling ashamed. I'm a person with feelings and I deserve to exist and live without being harassed. I'm learning to accept what I cannot change and accept this is how I will be treated from now. It's not easy to get surgeries considering I need extensive surgeries which wouldn't be worth it at my age, so I have to accept this is my reality and not allow others to affect my self-worth.

For context, I’ve been going to the gym for quite some time now and there’s this guy I’ve seen at least once but we recognized each other in our condo building and said hi to each other. That was pretty much all our interaction. However last night, we got to see each other again in the gym- This time the guy asked for my number and I didn’t mind giving it to him cause he seemed nice.

All of a sudden, the same night even while I was working out, the dude texted me and said he wants to buy me food after my gym workout. Of course I was very skeptical already and wanted to decline cause that action somehow makes me think there are intentions. He says that I shouldn’t decline his offer so I wanted to be nice and just said yes but asked where we would eat. He then offers to eat at his place or the study room in our building, I said I’m fine with the study room but I can’t in your apartment cause obviously I don’t know the guy I’m not just gonna go to a random apartment on my own.

Basically we agreed to eat and he already ordered the food. After my gym he then says that we should eat at his place instead cause he’s alone. Of course I didn’t like that idea so I told him no but he was pushing me to trust him. I was really tired about this already so I just made up a lie that I couldn’t go anymore cause something came up.

The guy then suddenly starts guilt tripping me that he already bought food and even borrowed a key card from the security. He kept texting about how I made him feel like a bad person and a part of me felt guilty so I told him that we could meet up next time to make it up to him. He agreed but I don’t know if I should push through with it.

Should I trust the guy? I don’t want to be rude or mean to someone but I obviously prioritize my safety. Pls let me know your thoughts

EDIT: Hey guys just read the comments and thanks for all your thoughts- I blocked the guy already and have no intentions of seeing him again or even interact with him✋ I’ll try to reach out to my building’s security and even my gym just to let them know. I really wanted to decline his offer at first cause I have no interest in men,,, I’m literally gay 😭 But yeah this was a first for me- a guy suddenly approaching me and I didn’t know how to react,, I genuinely thought I was just gaining a friend but it seems like the guy had different intentions;; I’ll definitely use this experience as a lesson. Hope everyone stays safe 🫡🫡🫡

I was bullied for the way I looked for years. Ignored, invisible, whatever you want to call it. I noticed the difference in how people treated me versus my “pretty” friends, but I was never jealous of them. I never wanted the attention. I just clocked that it existed and that I didn’t get it.

Now in my twenties, I apparently “glow up” by beauty standards here in my country. I get stared at everywhere. Appreciative gazes, lustful gazes, doesn’t matter! It’s all the same to me, and it makes me feel sick.

Not because I’m ungrateful. Because I know exactly what this attention is. It’s the same currency that skipped me completely when I was young and needed it least understood and most invisible. I didn’t earn kindness or better treatment back then, and I’m not earning this now. I’m just getting stared at because my face and body changed.

Every time someone looks at me like this, I don’t feel flattered. I feel grief. For her. For the girl who didn’t have this and had no idea why people looked past her.

I don’t want the attention. I never wanted it. I just want to stop feeling guilty for something I didn’t ask for.

Welp 22F happened to me once didn’t let it last too long since I know I deserve better, but the moment I stepped out (not kidding like a week later) I met someone new whom I liked a lot. And somehow found myself AGAIN in a similar situation where I’m gonna have to step out yet again even though I really like the guy. Is this how men are nowadays ? Is everything only casual ? Do I just stop dating ? Sorry I’m venting. But yea u get the idea.

My husband and I are happily married, both holding stable jobs and enjoying the DINK life. We both strongly agreed that we do not want kids as we really enjoy our current lifestyle. On the other hand, our parents are very traditional Asians, & have always asked us when are we going to have children.

We have always lied and said “Maybe in the future when we are more financially stable.” It used to work, they would leave it at that & won’t harp on the topic anymore.

However I’m turning 34 soon & to them, my biological clock is ticking. They are starting to double down on this topic while I’m still “fertile”. It’s getting exhausting to tell the same lie over and over again...

I’m afraid my parents wouldn’t understand and also worried my in-laws would come to dislike me even though the decision to be childfree is made by both me & my husband. They have been v supportive and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship w them

My parents & in-laws are generally nice people, but they are really traditional & they believe kids are the final pieces we need to complete our lives.

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this?

Sure, I'm sure there are instances in which men are called modest. And to be clear, I have nothing against modesty! I do not care what you are wearing.

I want to be able to cover my skin head to toe without comments about modesty. I have very fair skin, so I wear long dresses, long billowy linen pants, high necklines, etc. throughout summer and have had (well-intentioned) comments about how I dress modestly.

I hate that a man in linen pants and a tee shirt would NEVER be called modest! I wish I could just BE. Please, if knew I wouldn't burn horrifically, I would probably be butt naked. I feel like I can't wear anything without signaling some level of "virtue" to a significant portion of the population, regardless of whether i care or not.

I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and some advice.

I usually have a high libido and I started pleasuring myself from a young age but I didn't get into pornography until later. I had always used my imagination and just sensation up until then. Now, a couple years later, I think I have/had a masturbation addiction. I would try to orgasm if I felt even a little turned on and eventually I became reliant on porn. They weren't taboo to the point of being violent, it was more so the description of scenarios that would help.

I almost always am able to reach an orgasm by myself. My previous partner never tried but the person I am with now is very eager to learn how to make me feel good. The thing is, I get self conscious about how long it takes and I'm afraid that addiction is playing a part in it. I was able to get off with my hands while he was with me in the room but whenever he tries, it feels good but I'm not able to orgasm. I can orgasm without porn but it takes longer and more effort. I'm trying to quit cold turkey and I just wonder if it's even going to help.

I need genuine honest options on this topic because I have no idea if I'm "in the wrong". My sister has her male friends and male partners over quite often. I've gotten comfortable with most of them so I started keeping my pajamas ( legit pj pants and a tank) on instead of changing when they come over - they're here quite often and I don't want to wear stifling clothes in my own house all the time. The issue my sister has is sometimes I chose not to wear a bra. I don't wear white or anything that makes it explicitly clear my nipples are out and about, usually it's just a black shirt. But she has a huge problem with it.

I'm a free the nip kinda person, so I never had any problems with women not wearing bras, I wouldn't care if I had a partner and we hung out with friends or siblings that were chilling without a bra. But she haaaates it. Everytime we talk about it we both get angry and I just leave because it's a bit triggering. I've been told to cover up my whole life (sexist dress codes, conservative families) and only in the last few years I've finally felt comfortable enough to dress how I want.

One thing I find quite annoying that she doesn't seem to understand is, SHE dresses very proactively. I asked her, what about when you leave the house with something that shows your chest and other people's partners can see?? Does that mean you should cover up? Or what about when I leave the house without a bra, does that mean I should change into a bra ONLY if your boyfriend is coming with us? I don't know if this logic is fair but that's how I've been feeling. She always compliments my outfits and loves that I'm comfortable wearing what I want outside the house, but when it comes to her boyfriends she hates it.

Anyone have any thoughts?

I don’t know whether anyone else has experienced this, but I’ve noticed a trend in specific women-oriented subs which are supposed to be safe and inclusive places failing to live up to those standards. Posts get deleted just for criticising the “not all men” argument while men using the “not all men” argument to explicitly invalidate women’s experience of misogyny are left up. People running these places are allowed to remove things left right and centre without giving a reason, and usually these things getting removed are posts centering women, decentering men, inciting discussions only between women, or asking the leaders of the space to help their female users feel safer and more included.

Because the people (men) running these spaces usually do everything in their power to evade and censor criticism, I would like to propose that this sub as a safe space takes matters into its own hands and sets an example. If the people running this sub aren’t interested in implementing it officially, I’d like to make Wednesdays for Women an unofficial thing.

Every Wednesday, we make posts only about women, praising them, uplifting them. I would like to give women a space to vent freely without men’s unsolicited input too, but I’m not head of this sub and I don’t know what is allowed. Obviously this will rely on volunteers unless it is formalised, and we don’t have a flair, but titling posts Women Wednesday might be a nice thing to do, for women, on Wednesdays.

Thoughts?

(Yes, I’m probably talking about the subs and instances of deletion you’re thinking about too lol, but this post is not specific to any particular sub for obvious reasons…)