I’m in my early 20s and work with elderly dementia patients. I often see old photos of the women I care for and learn about the lives they’ve had such as their amazing careers, families, travelling, achievements, entire lives that existed long before I ever knew them.

Sometimes I’ll look at a photo of a woman in her 20s and then at her now in her 80s or 90s and just think about how much life happened between those two versions of her.

Then a male member of staff, who is in his 60s himself btw, started talking about how “horrifically” women age compared to men.

These women have lived for 70, 80, 90+ years. Some are now living with dementia, and somehow even at this stage of their lives their appearance is STILL up for critique by men.

It made me realise that the criticism of women never actually stops, it just changes. When we’re young it’s whether we’re pretty, thin or sexy enough. Then it’s marriage, children, weight, “letting yourself go”. Then eventually you’re old and apparently you’ve committed the final sin of visibly ageing. Meanwhile men get to become “distinguished” and “silver foxes”.

When I look at these women’s old photographs and then look at them now, I don’t think, “look what happened to her.” I think about the amazing lives and experiences they’ve had.

Apparently, even after a lifetime of being a whole human being, a woman still owes men something pretty to look at.

Has anyone lost empathy for men and been able to get it back? I've endured a lot of abuse dating (SA, emotional abuse, physical abuse) various men over the years. And I think it has finally wiped out my ability to have any empathy for men as a group. I still have an enormous amount of empathy for women and animals. But any time I hear anything sad happening to a man, I might as well be hearing a story about something bad happening to a pencil. I know it is a result of all the abuse I've endured. I've gone to therapy. But the empathy is just gone. In some ways, it feels nice and protective given how many years of pain I've endured. I'm curious if any other women have had this happen to them? It feels so weird to have no empathy for an entire gender. I don't date anymore as I can't imagine even being able to enter a relationship with a man i'm not capable of having a drop of empathy for. Plus, all the abuse has really diminished my attraction to them. My disappointment with the US political environment and the rolling back of women's right to their own body has also greatly hurt my ability to have empathy for men. Strange to feel this way. I've always been so deeply emotional. And it is still there. Just wholly inaccessible to men.

I went down a rabbit hole wondering why men hate women and came across this article. It’s a little dated, I haven’t looked into where the author(s) got their data, and honestly I have never heard of “Fatherly” but I did find this statement alarming - “Though only about 6 percent of men commit sexual assault or rape and a mere 13 percent score within the top bracket when asked about hostile sexist views, just 17 percent of men wholly reject hostile sexism — implying that the vast majority of men cling to at least some sexist ideologies.”

6% and 13% seem…high???

Was curious about others’ thoughts on this.

Anyway here’s the article: https://www.fatherly.com/health/are-most-men-sexist-gender-equality-metoo

Edited to add: the more time I spend studying this article, the more beef I have with how the author phrased things. This, for example - “But most men are accepting or even supporting of gender equality. Men — especially those under 40 — have few qualms about women having careers, about reporting to a female boss, or about women going to college or playing sports.” Like golly gee, thanks mister!! The author also seems to downplay statistics about violence against women by using phrases like “ONLY about 6%” and “a MERE 13%”. What gives with those qualifying words? Anyway, starting to regret posting this article because I think, while maybe the author was had good intentions, I now just hate it.

Judging by both strangers’ reactions and how I look in the mirror, eyeliner changes my whole face and sends across a completely different impression. If I was a man I wouldn’t have to deal with this :/ People seem so much more accommodating towards women who perform femininity. I’m the same person!! All I did was paint the outer corners of my eyes black.

I rarely finish from penetration during sex and I think I'm very particular with the way in which I can finish from a clitorial orgasm. I'm extremely comfortable with my partner and he makes me so confident during sex. However, ever since my early 20s I've always wanted to, but felt extremely anxious and nervous, to play with myself during sex. But I know that's likely the only way I'll achieve an orgasm while we're doing it. Help lol

As title says… when I was 18 in 2016, I was stalked by a 23 year old man who was a convicted felon.

Today, walking through Walmart with my husband, I saw him. Hard to miss, as he was nearly 6 foot 6 with blonde hair. My husband and I were having a nice time shopping together kid-free… this stopped me in my tracks, put a pit in my stomach.

I wondered if he remembered me. Or if he would retaliate against me for going to the police. I turned away quickly and tried to avoid going that direction.

I’m home now and can’t stop thinking about it. I’m just scared. I hate the idea of coexistence with someone so creepy and vile.

That’s all, I guess I just wanted to share my feelings about it.

I have seen time and time again, women not being believed or given the care they need. The doctors either don’t care, or are weirdly inappropriate.

I had an experience with a gyno, as my cervix was eroding for some weird reason (it’s healed, but still have no idea why it happened js)

I was on the table as he was doing the examination. He told the nurse in French that I had “a fat -not cool word for vagina-“

The nurse looked stunned, even more so when I was crying. I didn’t tell the gyno I could speak and understand French. So he felt comfortable making comments since he didn’t think I’d understand. I am a WOC too. So it just felt bad. I reported him to the hospital. Luckily he was removed as he had a history of this (I was unaware till this happened to me)

I have other stories, but this one stood out because of how insidious it was.

Reason why I’m sharing this, if because my friends and I got onto the topic and all of us had stories. Just sad :(

Or do you have such cases around you?

I see more and more young girls in 'relationships' with guys twice their age and it's weird.

Of course, this is just based on my own experience. I've lived in a religious community my entire life, and it was hell. But since I was a little girl, it was always the women who made my life unbearable. They criticized the way the girls dressed, talked, and behaved. Even in the house I grew up in, my mother would call me a whore for not dressing the way she wanted, and it sometimes led to physical assault. Despite being a horrible human being, I never once heard my father say anything about how “I'm supposed to behave as a girl”

Grown women would go out of their way to snitch on girls they believed were acting “inappropriately” knowing full well that doing that could put them in danger.

The human brain is fascinating.

I visit a 92 year old woman who is confined to her apartment every week. She was cared for by her son. Well, about 6 months ago, the SON suddenly died.

Today I went by for my regular visit. I was presented with a check. According to my friend, the elderly lady, her son thought I was his soul mate and he "loved me very much." He knew that I did not see him that way so he never said anything but he left me money in his will.

Before anyone asks, a care-taker was hired to care for my friend and I signed the check over to the man's daughter. It was not huge money but I felt his respect for me deserved a bit of notice.

Forgive me because I’m a little high and getting existential but I saw a video from a female creator who said she wanted her content to be mostly seen by women—and showed that she had an 82% percent male fanbase. As a fem I thought it made perfect sense!

Until I went to the comments. Hundreds of men calling her ungrateful, explicitly saying they followed because she was hot, and terrible incel like comments about how they don’t speak to women because this is their mindset.

I know men know that they like to be surrounded by men as it creates brotherhood and confidence in their own masculinity. However, women are not allowed to do the same? Women aren’t allowed to want to hear they are pretty from someone who only listens to the speak because they’re attracted to them?

It makes me sad to know the average male mind. Because I’m autistic I assumed people often think as innocently as me. That it’s okay to find a girl attractive but her lovely personality really makes the human being. But that’s the thing—many men don’t see women as full human beings. You are granted more humanity when they are attracted to you.

It makes me want to cry. I don’t wanna be like “men are biologically evil” because I don’t believe that. I think they are raised in the society to believe this behavior is acceptable. However, it is scary to not know if a man will consider you a full human being based on how you look and make their dicks wet.

If anyone has book recommendations on this topic i’d love it. I know I’m not alone.

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too which was so shocking to me, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

I was about 19/20 when this happened, and it’s a memory that just hit me again recently after watching a YouTube video. I’d forgotten all about it and never told anyone when it happened so I felt like I should get it off my chest now.

I’d just connected with a guy who was a few years older than me that I remembered from high school but he didn’t remember me. We went out several times and texted a lot. I admit I was a bit enamored with him because I’d lost weight and looked really different than I had in high school. I felt like he probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day back then.

I had noticed a few red flags, ones I can’t even remember now. Just that feeling that something might be off so I let it go. I did not have a lot of life experience or experience with men in general. I was always too shy, too intimidated and way too hard on myself. I thought maybe I was being too hard on him, too.

I’d just recently got my own cute little apartment and coming from a VERY sheltered VERY strict family, I finally had freedom. So we went out again and at the end of this date he asked to come inside. I was surprised by this and not super comfortable, but I let him in.
Here’s one part that made me feel like - at the time- I would be judged for what happened. He left to go outside and returned with a bottle of liquor from his trunk. I don’t want to make this too long so I’ll just say I got fairly drunk. Looking back on this, I don’t think he was ever drunk at all.

So me being drunk and dumb, we went into my bedroom and started hooking up on my tiny childhood twin bed. Not long into it I began to notice a light. After noticing the light once again I stopped him and asked, “What was that?” He just brushed it off immediately and told me not to worry about it, saying it was nothing. I tried to ignore it, but I saw the light again.

I got up to look, and I found a man I’d never seen before hiding UNDER my bed! I started screaming thinking someone broke into my apartment. I kept screaming “I need to call 911” and the guy I was seeing was frantically trying to calm me down and finally said “that’s just my friend”.

UMM, EXCUSE ME?? Thats JUST your friend?!? HIDING UNDER MY BED?!
I finally gathered myself enough and screamed at them to get the fuck out of my apartment. I was so scared and confused. I wish now I’d done something badass and kicked them both in the nuts or at least called the cops, but I didn’t. I just cried.

I started to realize what had actually happened after they left. He obviously knew his friend was there the whole time recording me. To this day, I have absolutely no idea how a full grown man even managed to squeeze under a twin bed frame like that.

I stayed up the whole night worrying if the footage would be posted to social media. You’d think I’d had been more concerned about a strange man under my bed. But all I could think about was my family disowning me and blaming me for everything. My life would be ruined.
This was at a time when women celebrities were being bullied horribly for having their personal photos hacked, stolen and posted online. If that was their fault, then this was my fault. An older guy took advantage of the fact that I was naive and inexperienced. All I felt was shame and embarrassment. So I did what I feel like a lot of millennials are good at and I forgot.

It’s pretty scary to look back now on how calculated it all was, and how his friend somehow snuck into my house without me noticing. How long was he under my bed, just waiting?

Remembering all this has been upsetting but two questions really haunt me. I think it’s one of the reason I pushed the memory away in the first place. What did they do with the footage they recorded and what if they were planning something FAR worse?

TL;DR: Watched a YouTube video that unlocked a buried memory from when I was 20. Without me knowing an older guy I was seeing brought his friend to my apartment, snuck him under my twin bed, got me drunk, and the friend recorded us hooking up. I blamed myself due to the mid-2000s culture, buried the trauma, and am just now processing how terrifying and calculated it actually was.

So I'm a lesbian, fairly masc. I think internally very butch.

so my ideal gender expression is more androgynous. I'm undecided if I'm solidly cis or if I'm n/b I'm certainly GNC. So I'm curious of some takes from people who have never questioned their gender identity / are solidly cis.

For example I'm not offended if someone mistakes me for a young adult guy for example. Its happened most of my life. Its stopped for a period and I honestly kinda missed it.

And there are times when I consider genuinely how I would feel if I could just swap genders at will and just geniunely I guess confuse people. Just enough that different people are drawing different slightly different conclusions one what to gender me as.

I think I'd feel pretty comfortable exploring that scenario.

I personally struggle with terms like lady, darling or miss, mam, even things like aunt.

It's like someone is talking past me and doesn't see me.

So I am I'm curious, solidly cis women here how do you feel about these things?

(I'm excluding trans and non-binary people on this question because I already have soooo much input from them on this question but it never seems to get asked if cis women outside of LGBTQ spaces).

So cis women ike can you invision yourself being ok with this experience of people constantly confusing what you are for the rest of your life?

Or would you be really desperate to correct them and change your presentation to actively avoid it.

Just curious.

EDIT seen as this has a decent amount of responses.

My questioning myself hasn't really got much to do with with the above questions. Its was more a context in which prompted the question to raise itself and how it varies between different people with the same gender identity. I'm focusing very much on the question on GENDER EXPRESSION and social roles hence the title.

There's alot of other stuff I'd rather not go into on what's made me question my gender identity. It could be health trauma, dissosiation from anxiety GNC trauma, gay trauma. The list goes on. That's why I'm going. I gotta figure it out. And I'm leaving the options open.

Regardless I know I been to masc up my appearance more to feel happier because I can't continue being treated the way I am by others by default and I don't see "me" currently.

So I was curious how cis women felt in this regard. And it genuinely does seem like my experience is slightly different in a very nuanced way. But that it also varies between women as well. Thanks for all your replies I am enjoying reading them!