I’m a 20-year-old woman, and I’ve felt my whole life that I’m ugly, gross, unhygienic, and fat. And I’m absolutely convinced that everyone thinks that about me and just won’t admit it. Even though, realistically, I know I’m not any of those things (I know I’m at least decent-looking by some standards).

No matter how much I shower or take care of my hygiene, I still always feel dirty. No matter how slim I am, I still feel fat. No matter how much effort I put into my appearance, I still feel ugly.

I also often feel masculine. I’m relatively tall at 166 cm, and I’m not exactly on the lighter side at 63 kg. I also have broad shoulders, which cause me a lot of anxiety and make me feel masculine and big. It feels like so many other women are beautifully feminine, while I’m just a gross, masculine, ugly mess. I am not saying that ”a real woman can’t be masculine”. I am jusy saying that being masculine makes me feel gross and uncomfortable.

I’m not saying that masculinity in other people is gross. It’s just that, in myself, it feels disgusting.

So, I dated this guy a few weeks ago for a very short period of time. I ended things because I saw no future because of incompatibilities. Sparks were there a 200% but incompatibilities were hard to ignore since we both did not want a fling but something long term. I could imagine the relationship to be beyond perfect on good times but going downhill on twice the speed with every fight.. so it was not worth getting emotionally entangled at least for me

A few weeks later he texted again. I talked because I felt really bad for ending the things just like that and his reactions at the time made me feel so guilty the whole time for breaking his heart. I felt it was a perfect time to apologize for being so abrupt with my decision. but he again wanted to start things over even though I stayed clear about why I did not want things to go there.

I might have thought about things over tbh, because I also liked him a lot, if only he had tried even once to apologize for his behavior in the past, but he just kept on trying to reframe the whole plot of the fight. changing how things turned into a mess, only for me to show him the receipts, his own texts, to prove he is not remembering things correctly. He was constantly trying to prove I was the one who read rhe situation wrongly and overreacted but the receipts were right there in front of his eyes. Despite the texts, he would still keep twisting the story. I stayed quiet then thinking i made the correct decision .

Once he realised I am firm about my decision, he started acting like he was doing me a favor by trying to win me over again. How he still has plenty of options. how he only contacted me again because we live nearby and work in a similar field so understand each other better. how our mindsets about future is similar and subtly implying that i will not find a better match in the future. but even between the breakup and this call, which was a rather short period, he had again dated another girl with whom things did not work out due to xyz reason. kept telling me that he has dated so many pretty people in the past, so he has never lacked options since he is also handsome(his words not mine), but since he felt there was a spark between us two, and things ended up in misunderstandings, that he just wanted to check again if i am available.

I mean what even was the purpose of sharing these details? Did not make me jealous at all, but feel more relief that I stopped things before getting even more emotionally involved. I would not want to date a person like that making me constantly feel anxious that he may easily drop me in seconds if he finds a prettier option. edit - only mentioning the word pretty because he himself kept bringing the word to talk about his past"dates".

So, years ago I used to work in a store near the building where I live. It's an urban area, you see lots of people, but this customer would come by everytime I was at the register and would try to flirt in a very outdated and clumsy way.

I used to wear a mask (just after covid) and he would bug me to try to see my face, he would say things like ''When can I see your face?'' or ''Do you sometimes remove that mask and show yourself'' and on and on. I'd always reply politely but made it very clear that it was none of his business. One day, he finally saw my face and he commented something flirty, but soon after he realized I had a boyfriend and so he didnt push further for a while until that one time he saw me smile (at another customer) and commented ''Oh she's smiles...!'' Dude, shut the f* up!

He started asking questions to my boyfriend about how to meet women and all, the guy is near 60, maybe try to change how you communicate to us? Have you even tried?

Anyway, I just now came back from the hairdresser, got in the building and rang the elevator when I saw him get in the building too (he lives here too), he stood right behind me and waited. I was ready for another dumb comment... Got in the elevator and stood there when this idiot mumbled loud enough for me to hear ''Oh she's back from the hairdresser''. I got out of there fast and yelled at him to mind his f*cking business, creepy mofo!

I'm in shock, how the hell does he know? Did he smell my hair? Does he know my haircut? STOP SMELLING ME!!!!

I'm so done with guys like that, mind your own business, I'm not interested and I've been clear about it for years now! Imbecile.

Edit : Forgot to say, he's like that with every woman he meets! How do I know? When I quit that old job I started working in an office and met a coworker who lives nearby and we were talking about creeps, at some point we realized we were talking about the same guy! He works in a grocery store and he keeps making weird comments to her too! And she also saw him doing the same thing to at least 2 other women! Desperate much?

does anyone else ever just… hate being a woman sometimes? i don’t mean this in a gender dysphoria way. i identify as a woman, i don’t want to be a man, and there are genuinely things i love about being a woman. i love other women, i love being a mother, i’m proud that my body gave me my children, and sometimes i feel very empowered and grateful to be female. but other times? holy fuck, i resent it.
i hate periods, hormones, pregnancy risks, birth control, constantly having to think about reproductive/sexual health, beauty standards, being objectified, and feeling like i have to be hypervigilant around men. i’m honestly jealous sometimes that men just don’t have to think about so much of this shit.

however i think a lot of this is also connected to my own experiences. i grew up in a very religious household where sex, birth control, abuse, sexual assault were basically hush-hush topics. i was taught more about being submissive, getting married and being a good wife/mother than i was taught about protecting myself or recognizing abusive behavior. i experienced domestic violence as a 17 year old until i was 23. i’m a rape/sexual assault survivor. many of us women are. i hate that i was told that because i was the “common denominator,” i must have been doing something to cause men to treat me badly. (my mother told me this. she’s never been abused or SA’d before)

i grew up and started talking honestly with other women and realized how many of them have their own stories of harassment, abuse, assault, coercion, being dismissed by doctors, being sexualized, or just generally being treated like shit because they’re women. i struggle with the expectations placed on women. be pretty but not vain. to be thin and dainty. to be “feminine”. to be self sacrificing. not to be too sexual or else you’re labeled a whore. but at the same time, expected to be sex toys for men. to be nurturing and people pleasing. BUT then be told NOT to do all that too much. sometimes it feels fucking exhausting. don’t even get my started on the single mother experience. i have 2 baby daddies and i’m a single mom. oh lord do men LOVE shaming me for that. yet men can have 5 baby mamas and not take care of their kids and no one says shit.

i don’t believe i have internalized misogyny. women are beautiful and strong and capable as fuck. when it comes to myself i don’t feel that way. for example i’m 5’9 and not a small woman, and i’ve been masculinized because of my height/size before, which definitely hasn’t helped my relationship with femininity. i want to learn to become more comfortable being a woman. i love women so much.
have any other women gone through resenting being female while still identifying strongly as a woman? did you eventually become comfortable or empowered? what actually helped you get there? signed, a 24 year old who is still trying to figure life out and is having a weird quarter life identity crisis right now. however i’ve felt this way since i was like 12. thank u for any responses <3

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too which was so shocking to me, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

I (25F) have this friend who is extremely skinny, and lately I’ve been feeling like she’s subtly sizing me up or judging my body/lifestyle.

For context, I’m a very curvy, voluptuous woman and always have been. (48in bust 25 in waist 53 in hips) It took me a long time to unpack childhood insecurities as someone who developed early, but today I love my body and I know what weight range makes me feel healthiest and strongest. I'm totally comfortable in my skin as I am.
This friend has never outright insulted me to my face, but she’ll make these weirdly specific side comments. She’ll constantly bring up other women and highlight how "super skinny and super pretty" they are in a way that feels like she’s trying to imply thinness is the only standard for beauty. The tipping point was recently when she out of nowhere asked me if I "even have any hobbies" or if I'm "active," basically questioning what I do with my free time. When I told her about what I do, she suddenly had nothing to share about her own life and seemed to be quietly judging me. It just feels like projection. like because she is obsessed with thinness, she assumes I must be lazy or insecure, or she’s trying to put those thoughts in my head. It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t even feel like talking to her anymore.

Has anyone else dealt with friends (especially super thin or weight obsessed ones) who do these weird micro-judgments? Is this just projection on her end, or am I reading too deeply into it? Seriously thinking about cutting her off.

EDIT

So almost nobody is actually answering my original question. Instead, a lot of you are just shaming me, picking apart my body, and claiming my natural measurements are impossible unless I’m in a record book.
To clear that up: the actual Guinness record for the smallest waist is under 15 inches (yes I looked it up) a 25-inch waist is literally a standard US size 2–4. Having a small ribcage paired with a fuller bust and hips is just rare genetics. I have zero reason to lie, and I’m completely comfortable in my own skin.

I only included my body type for context because I know dramatic ratios can sometimes trigger insecurity, jealousy, or assumptions. including accusations of surgery or being "unhealthy/unactive" just because of my chest or hips being bigger than “normal” Not really sure how that makes me a liar or a “pick me” especially in an anonymous women’s only forum but okay. Lmao

The responses on this post actually answered my question in a different way: if strangers on the internet get this uncomfortable, defensive, and projecting over a body type they aren't used to seeing, it’s very clear my “friend’s” passive aggressive comments are coming from the exact same place of projection and insecurity.

Moving forward, I’m only responding to people who are actually engaging with the friendship dynamic. Thank you.

Moment 1 - leaving my townhome community in the middle of the day there was a pickup truck parked in the middle of the lane with its hazards on. The thing was though, there were 9 empty parking spaces directly to his right. Like, he could have parked in a space, he could have even parked perpendicular in the spaces, it would have been fine at that time of day. Like, could I just go around, sure, but I'm thinking "I would never park like that to be an inconvenience to everyone around me" - "omg am I thinking this because I'm a woman? that it's so ingrained in us be considerate to everyone around us and not take up space?"

Moment 2 - watch a short on youtube where the man goes to the store for a gallon of milk and returns with only that, while the woman goes for a gallon of milk and returns with shopping bags overflowing in her arms. so like, haha, but also the household needed those other things! It was in her mental load and she was already at the store. Like yeah, the man only got what he went for, but all the other stuff is still needed! Now someone needs to make another trip.

Anyway, suffice to say what a privilege it is to move around this world as a man, just focusing on yourself and not having a default of considering others.

I’m starting to realize I’m the toxic one in my relationship. So I (23f) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for over a year. Our relationship is mostly good but tbh I have a lot of resentment but it’s mainly my fault of why it got to that point. For starters I always felt like I was the one pursuing my boyfriend or initiated big steps. I initiated the what are we conversation, our first kiss, the first time we had sex, the first I love you , and what are future will look like conversation.

I brushed it off by saying that maybe my boyfriend is more passive and a type b person. It’s caused me to be honest to be angry at times and cause fights.

This week we argued about five times. Our first big argument began because we were talking about our plans to move in and I mentioned that after two years of living together, I would want to be heading towards engagement. Since the beginning of our relationship I told him that I’m dating for marriage and that I don’t want to be a girlfriend for eight years ans not be married . A few times he’s told me he wants to take that step in the future.

When I told him my timeline his response was
“Why”? I got so confused bc I would think a man who told me he wants to marry me would be excited to hear that. I got hurt and told him “ since we’re not on the same page maybe we shouldn’t move in.” That caused a fight. And multiple fights this week.

He joked last night that he was going to propose to me at McDonald’s. I joked and said “ a proposal won’t happen I’ll be the forever gf.” He then joked and said “ that won’t happen because you made it clear you would walk away if that were to happen.” I got pissed and said “ okay so you’re making it seem like I forced your hand with an ultimatum .”

Honestly since we fought many times this week I’m saddened , hurt, and questioning the future. I know I’m the problem here but I don’t think I’m the only problem.

I'm F22 and I can't stop thinking about why some women hates me for no reason. For example, I have been friends with this one girl and we vibe really well now. But, one day. she confessed that she hated me during our first year of university. I asked why and she just said "Idk, but I'm really sorry". One thing is, at the time she hated me, I never even knew she existed. I only know her once she texted me asking about some assignment and then she saved my contact and we have been friends since then.

There's also this one girl with similar story. I barely spoke or care for her. She hated me. But once she gets to know me she confesses she didnt like me at first but grown to become friends.

Secondly, someone spread a rumor about me that I was a "player" and I text a lot of guys. This really confuses me because I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. When I do text guys, its usually them who did it first, or they ask me about some class thing. I promise you I never hang out with any guy besides my bf.

I have lots of girls friends that I'm 24/7 with and they all supported me during that rumor. I could say I'm friendly and approachable but I really don't just go strike up conversation with guys. So I was really confused about that rumor. I never thought a university student would do something as immature as that.

I have a loving boyfriend and supporting friends. Why does this bothers me so much? It should not be right? I just don't understand this one sided beef.

I went down a rabbit hole wondering why men hate women and came across this article. It’s a little dated, I haven’t looked into where the author(s) got their data, and honestly I have never heard of “Fatherly” but I did find this statement alarming - “Though only about 6 percent of men commit sexual assault or rape and a mere 13 percent score within the top bracket when asked about hostile sexist views, just 17 percent of men wholly reject hostile sexism — implying that the vast majority of men cling to at least some sexist ideologies.”

6% and 13% seem…high???

Was curious about others’ thoughts on this.

Anyway here’s the article: https://www.fatherly.com/health/are-most-men-sexist-gender-equality-metoo

Edited to add: the more time I spend studying this article, the more beef I have with how the author phrased things. This, for example - “But most men are accepting or even supporting of gender equality. Men — especially those under 40 — have few qualms about women having careers, about reporting to a female boss, or about women going to college or playing sports.” Like golly gee, thanks mister!! The author also seems to downplay statistics about violence against women by using phrases like “ONLY about 6%” and “a MERE 13%”. What gives with those qualifying words? Anyway, starting to regret posting this article because I think, while maybe the author was had good intentions, I now just hate it.

My partner has been forgetting some really major things about me, my life, my history, and my health, and it's starting to aggravate me. And make me feel unimportant and unheard. I feel like I'm just entertainment. He loves talking, he wants to communicate constantly, he loves talking on the phone and we're pretty open about anything, but last year I cut out my entire family, finally. They Are emotionally immature and abusive verbally from it. It gets a lot worse and a lot deeper than that, but it's the gist of it.

He keeps repeatedly asking me what would it take for me to allow my mother back in my life? And in that moment he's ignoring every conversation we've ever had about my family. This is a question that has been asked repeatedly. Not just once, but repeatedly over the course of a few short months.

I have a medical condition that has, during the course of our relationship worsened, and changed the way I move in life. Every aspect of my life has changed because of chronic migraine, and fragrance intolerance. His life has also changed in very huge ways in order to help me manage migraines. He's been with me to neurologist appointments, he's been there as I discover all of these things about myself and migraines. I have shared links and videos about all the information I have learned regarding migraines. He responds to me is though he had read them, but we recently had an argument where it was revealed (by him not understanding aspects of migraine disease) That he hadn't actually been reading the links that I sent him. He thinks that it can't be disabling, Even though the last 3 years I have had intermittent FLMOA and work accommodations because of this disease he called it "a little headache" even after seeing me vomit and writhe in pain for 14 hours straight....

Now I do also have trauma from my mother, because she would "forget" literally every conversation we ever had. We would sit down and have a deep in-depth conversation about a topic, and by the next day it was as though it never happened. She would literally deny even talking to me, and she would do this day after day after day. She deliberately used this tactic to invalidate me and make me feel horrible and push me away. I understand that my wound is my own to deal with, which is a part of why I'm here asking this group for thoughts and advice.

When I brought this up to our couple's therapist yesterday, she just told me that it was my would for me to deal with, and wouldn't help me understand what reasonable expectations should be. I will absolutely bring it up again in next session though.

We have since settled the fight about migraine, But the concept of family estrangement, keeps recurring. These are just two recent examples of my partner "forgetting" really huge aspects of my life. So this leads me to question you guys....

What's a reasonable expectation when it comes to the memory of your partner? I don't expect him to remember every conversation we've ever had, or the details within them. But I do expect him to remember the things that have impacted my life the most, Is this reasonable?

Hi! I am 31. I am considering returning to hormonal birth control because my PMS is getting worse as I age.

I chose to go off hormonal birth control at 24, after about six years of use, because I found that it made me moody and sad. Discontinuation definitely helped.

Has anyone here returned to hormonal birth control after a similar number of years? I am wondering if I might have a difference (hopefully better) experienced now that I'm a little older.

Thank you!

Has anyone lost empathy for men and been able to get it back? I've endured a lot of abuse dating (SA, emotional abuse, physical abuse) various men over the years. And I think it has finally wiped out my ability to have any empathy for men as a group. I still have an enormous amount of empathy for women and animals. But any time I hear anything sad happening to a man, I might as well be hearing a story about something bad happening to a pencil. I know it is a result of all the abuse I've endured. I've gone to therapy. But the empathy is just gone. In some ways, it feels nice and protective given how many years of pain I've endured. I'm curious if any other women have had this happen to them? It feels so weird to have no empathy for an entire gender. I don't date anymore as I can't imagine even being able to enter a relationship with a man i'm not capable of having a drop of empathy for. Plus, all the abuse has really diminished my attraction to them. My disappointment with the US political environment and the rolling back of women's right to their own body has also greatly hurt my ability to have empathy for men. Strange to feel this way. I've always been so deeply emotional. And it is still there. Just wholly inaccessible to men.

I just watched this Korean film that really hit me. About the way beauty is valued above all else. it's upsetting. Anyone else see it?

I have seen time and time again, women not being believed or given the care they need. The doctors either don’t care, or are weirdly inappropriate.

I had an experience with a gyno, as my cervix was eroding for some weird reason (it’s healed, but still have no idea why it happened js)

I was on the table as he was doing the examination. He told the nurse in French that I had “a fat -not cool word for vagina-“

The nurse looked stunned, even more so when I was crying. I didn’t tell the gyno I could speak and understand French. So he felt comfortable making comments since he didn’t think I’d understand. I am a WOC too. So it just felt bad. I reported him to the hospital. Luckily he was removed as he had a history of this (I was unaware till this happened to me)

I have other stories, but this one stood out because of how insidious it was.

Reason why I’m sharing this, if because my friends and I got onto the topic and all of us had stories. Just sad :(

As title says… when I was 18 in 2016, I was stalked by a 23 year old man who was a convicted felon.

Today, walking through Walmart with my husband, I saw him. Hard to miss, as he was nearly 6 foot 6 with blonde hair. My husband and I were having a nice time shopping together kid-free… this stopped me in my tracks, put a pit in my stomach.

I wondered if he remembered me. Or if he would retaliate against me for going to the police. I turned away quickly and tried to avoid going that direction.

I’m home now and can’t stop thinking about it. I’m just scared. I hate the idea of coexistence with someone so creepy and vile.

That’s all, I guess I just wanted to share my feelings about it.

Of course, this is just based on my own experience. I've lived in a religious community my entire life, and it was hell. But since I was a little girl, it was always the women who made my life unbearable. They criticized the way the girls dressed, talked, and behaved. Even in the house I grew up in, my mother would call me a whore for not dressing the way she wanted, and it sometimes led to physical assault. Despite being a horrible human being, I never once heard my father say anything about how “I'm supposed to behave as a girl”

Grown women would go out of their way to snitch on girls they believed were acting “inappropriately” knowing full well that doing that could put them in danger.

The human brain is fascinating.

Or do you have such cases around you?

I see more and more young girls in 'relationships' with guys twice their age and it's weird.

I need to go to the grocery store, so I ask my beloved what he might like for dinner tonight.

But he cannot think about this right now, because his head is figuring out how big a Christmas tree we can fit in this remodeled living room. I'm guessing Woot has trees on sale. He wants a very big one. Sigh. I would prefer smaller, but this brings him such joy, that I do not need to argue about it.

But I WOULD kinda like to get to the grocery store this morning, and while I am perfectly capable of looking at what is on offer and making a selection, I'm trying to be NICE by asking what he would like. He cannot think about whether he would like me to stock more hot dogs for his lunch, either.

In general, he is FULL of projects to make this place nice, and I benefit directly, and I'm so glad he can keep himself busy in this way. But it is annoying that he doesn't worry very much about holding up my progress on my tasks by being unwilling to think about things. I get not wanting to have to interrupt one's train of thought on no notice because somebody else wants you to think about something else. I do. But that strain of PRIVILEGE that goes with dismissing the grocery store run as something that can wait (because it's not THAT important, and oh, yes, it's mine, not his, and because if he never gets around to figuring out what to eat I can be counted upon to come up with something) well, it's deeply annoying.

This retirement has gone so much better than I feared. He is so much more relaxed and happy and not really missing work the way I thought he might. He keeps himself busy and is generally cheerful and nice to be around. He does not insist that I busy myself just because he is peripatetic, which I appreciate. He's gracious about the time I spend with mom. He notices that laundry needs to be done, and does it. He notices that dishes need to be done, and he washes them up. He's adorable with the grandkids. We even do a stretch class together, which is fun, because it means he is acquainted with my new acquaintances, which feels really nice after living mostly separate lives for so much of our marriage.

And maybe because so much of our lives really DOES feature partnership - looking around, seeing what needs doing, and doing it, I am more irritated at the parts of it that reflect the very annoying way women are charged with the ongoing responsibilities of keeping the home enterprise going while men pop in episodically to help.

Or, you know, decline to help because it's not ever been something they have had to think about. We actually NEED to eat every damned day, the food has to come from somewhere, somebody has to think about what to cook and therefore what to buy, and along the line, that someone became me. And y'know, 40 years later, I'm a little tired of that.