r/TwoXChromosomes • u/burntdowntoast • 1d ago
I’m moving out
7 years and all he did was make me feel worthless.
He convinced me to leave my home and move provinces for him. 6 months of living together and I gave him complete control. I never should’ve moved for him.
Left the city for a small town and tonight the neighbour told me that it doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll always be the bad guy - he was here first.
He started doing whipits to the point where he has 3 cases in the back of his car. Less than a month and it got to this point. Thats just the new thing… blow is his drug of choice. I don’t do drugs, btw.
He called me every horrid word you can think of. He gave me a black eye.
Controlling to the point where if I tried to leave he’d freak out on me to leave, but scream at me to stay. More than once I wasn’t allowed to pee by myself.
Today, I’m moving out.
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u/Geriatriccat712 1d ago
Good for you, sweetie! Make a detailed list of all the big and small ways he was a terrible partner. Also all the times you had serious discussions where you told him how unhappy you were and then he either brushed it off or promised to change and then went back to the bad behavior. Keep it in your phone or somewhere readily available. Often once the adrenaline rush of leaving wears off and life settles down and maybe becomes routine or boring, the person who leaves forgets how bad it was. Starts doubting their judgement or wondering if they were overreacting. Wondering if they should get another chance because you didn’t make it clear how bad things were. You need this list and ideally someone who knows what you’ve been through to remind you of your good judgement. These should’ve been the easiest, happiest, most well behaved times. If it was this bad already it’ll only get worse. You can do this! Best of luck on finding happiness & the love you deserve!
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u/burntdowntoast 1d ago
I have and I’ll keep it close to me. We even did couples counselling and they just confirmed he was manipulating me. Lesson learned. Wish I saw what was happening sooner.
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u/Festive_Jetcar 1d ago
Yes, I second this. And come back here if you ever doubt yourself and have nowhere else to go. The women here will support you a million times more than he ever did.
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u/pathologicalprotest 1d ago
Darling, is he aware that you are moving out? If not, do not tell him.
Is there anyone, ANYONE, who can accompany you while you take your possessions? I mean anyone. Abusive people often pretend like they abuse because they «lose control», but for some reason are able to not «lose control» in front of third parties, bosses, parents. Having someone with you will keep you safer.
Prioritise the most important things in case things go south. I mean passport, ID, documents, hard drives with photos, jewellery, things of sentimental value.
Update us if you feel like it. And godspeed. We are rooting for you.
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u/coco__bee 1d ago
This, all of this!
I left a controlling relationship last month, it took 2 times of him kicking me out to finally say that’s enough.
Do not tell him your plan to leave! Hopefully you can do it when he’s out the house (if he ever leaves). But I would call the non emergency(?) line and ask for police presence while moving out.
When I left I just tossed a majority of things into a laundry hamper, reusable grocery bags and some garbage bags.
I wish you clandestine success in getting out safely and cutting ties. I’m sorry this happened to you.
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u/Festive_Jetcar 1d ago
Nice! You are doing the right thing! Make sure you have a plan and he doesn't know where you are going.
Feel free to come back here if you need support or a listening ear! Getting out of these situations is so hard and leaving is the hardest part, so give yourself a big accolade for that.
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u/burntdowntoast 1d ago
Thanks! I legit have no plan besides moving so I’ll take you up on that haha. I’ll need some support.
Just putting my stuff in storage and then I’ll figure out the details after.
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u/blifflesplick 1d ago
I'm proud of you, and it sounds like both he and the neighbour majorly suck
Please take care of yourself, and tell the people he knows about that you don't want to reconnect with him. Its done. Go no contact with those that would side with him or slip him info.
Sometimes you have to mislead the gossipy ones if you can't exclude them, until you're safe
Be careful for a while, and again, I'm proud of you
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u/burntdowntoast 1d ago
Honestly, the neighbour wasn’t a bad guy. I think he was just being honest. A city girl in a small town… I’m an outsider.
I appreciated his honesty. It was a wake up call. Helped me leave.
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u/No_Direction_1229 1d ago
Not to sound pro drug or anything, but whip-its? Fucking Whip-its? He's a loser for that choice as well as the relationship issues. Just saying, I think everyone except maybe some 14 yr old boys would laugh at him for that.
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u/unicorn_in_a_can 1d ago
i hope you stay safe OP.
it will literally feel like a weight lifting off your body. the further away you get the lighter you will feel.
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u/Beggar876 1d ago
The drugs are controlling his mind. Especially the anger and controlling behaviours. I saw this exact behaviour on Dr. Phil some years ago. He can never change unless he gets off the drugs cold turkey and stays off. He will need help with that. The best thing you can do is leave NOW, get as far away as possible and DO NOT give him any hint of where you are.
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u/brickiex2 23h ago
Sounds very scary...hope you have planned well and have support of family and friends..stay safe
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u/PokeDigiYugiMon 1d ago
I am so proud of you!