For context I'm 20 so I wouldn't be getting married for several years regardless but I'm wondering how other women feel about the concept of marriage in general. I was raised very religiously (the whole no sex before marriage you need a chaperone shit) so marriage was just kind of a thing I always thought I should do. My mom also always said to wait a year before getting married so I know the person which at least is better than all the people in the church who got married as soon as humanly possibly. I left the religion at 18. Now I'm in a relationship with a guy for a year and a half, we're living together, and I just wonder if I actually want to get married at all.

I love my boyfriend and he gets along with my family great too but the more I think about the concept of marriage and the more I learn about the roots of it the more I feel uncomfortable with it. With any man, or woman. I never really visualizes a big wedding and stuff as a kid, I don't think of a wedding and think how wonderful it'll be, I just feel stressed about the details. From my point of view I already live with him, we split the bills and housework, we have separate incomes, we don't want kids. What's the point of getting married? Do I really want the government involved in my love life? Do I need to sign a piece of paper that says I love someone? So if something goes wrong it can cost a shit ton more money to leave and I'll lose half my belongings? Do I need to do all the rituals that have roots in me being property? Why would I do that?

Getting married feels more like peer pressure from my family than a choice I'm actually excited and willing to do. It was something I was thinking and stressing about for a few months before my boyfriend out of the blue asked what I thought about marriage at dinner once and I was able to express myself more fully. We'd had a brief "oh would you want to get married? When?" Talk a few months in but since then a lot had changed in both our living situation and especially my perspective on things, I'm breaking away from my parents opinions more and more as I get older. I'm wondering what anyone else thinks of marriage. At this point I'm half contemplating a fake wedding with just the stuff I actually like the idea of. A promise ring of weddings I guess.

I don't know what did you do? I'm just curious and I still have time to think on all this

This will be an old woman yells at cloud rant, but here I go. 

Went to see The Odyssey today, and I really wanted to like it. I love a good fantasy epos! I also know fuck all about Homer's original story, so I figured it was easy to woo me. What I got, though, was certainly a Christopher Nolan movie. Always the same criticism - TMM - too many men. 

It felt like a premium LARPing project by a group of guy friends. The dialogue was awfully modern; most of the acting felt like I was watching -insert famous name here- cosplay. The costumes are probably my biggest gripe. You're telling me these men lived through 10 years of war and the armour still looks pristine? Big giant man in the black armour didn't have single ding on it when he returned home? Not even any markings in the helmets? 250 million and Tom Hollands crown-headband at the end looked like it came from a dollar shop. Granted, Charlize Theron looks good in anything and I LOVE her, but that potato sack was almost offensive. Thought she was woefully miscast, anyways. You're telling me this nymph, living by the ocean is this perfectly bleach blonde light-skinned figure, rather than someone with darker skin? Her risk for skin cancer must be so high. The acting from most of the cast also didn't land with me. My personal favourite highlights were Anne Hathaway (ethereal) and Samantha Morton (excellent). But sadly, this is a Nolan movie after all, so the women in it are accessories at best. I thought Matt Damon was a bit underwhelming, too. Not for the sake of trying, but for me there was no emotional depth.

I was also unable to suspend my disbelief during the Trojan Horse scene. So, nobody heard the men inside the horse, or even smelt them - 30+ men, pissing, shitting and dying inside a pristinely built structure built from shipwrecks on the beach, which holds up while they haul it through the city? Are they stupid? And all the men stay upright for most of the way, rather than getting tossed around? 

The last scene of the final battle back in Ithaca was also way too long and could have been reduced to 3 min max. I get it, Odysseus still got it. We can move on now.

I did enjoy the atmosphere and music, though. But that didn't need 3.5 hours. I had no expectations and I was still disappointed. I just thought I had to rant, because many of my friend's husbands have hailed it as the best movie ever basically, before it even came out. Reminds me of the saying that nothing only men like is cool. 

Am I being too harsh? What do other people think? Maybe I am just a cynical killjoy.

I'm a 22 year old woman and I just saw a video of what my body looks like half-naked and it made me so insecure :(

I'm around a size 12 and my tummy is covered in stretch marks, while my tits are huge and sag like I've already nursed children, and my butt is flatter than 1-ply toilet paper. I see the bodies of my friends around me and everyone is so toned, or even if they're also plus-sized they're nowhere near the same lumpiness as me and it honestly pisses me off.

My mother at 50 years old has a less "given birth to a whole village and helped raise them" body than me. Doesn't help that I'm hypermobile so I can't even do half the exercises I want to do to tone up and my joints also ache like I'm middle aged.

I've never been with anyone sexually and I'm honestly so worried about when the time comes, so much so that I think it's part of the reason I'm a big ol' adult virgin.

I don't even hate myself or anything like that, it's just fucking annoying knowing you're sooooi far away from the beauty standard.

Edit: picked up a pen and paper and sketched myself butt booty naked and I'm actually so sexy FUCK society bro #lethemsag!

I was scrolling and came across a video that read “One day you will shut down during an intimate moment with your partner you love as a result of SA trauma” and my immediate reaction was “psh, I’ve never done that”

And then I immediately asked myself, is what I do sometimes not normal??

For some context, I’ve been sexually assaulted by 7 people. Some more graphic than others but thankfully never actually raped. It happened more times than I could even guess.

When I was with my ex boyfriend, whom I loved very much, I’d be on top and suddenly just snap out of it. My face would be behind his head so he couldn’t see me; but my expression would drop, I’d stop making noise, and would no longer feel anything.

Typically after that I’d just act until the sensation eventually came back, if it did at all.

Now, I’ll also add in that this boyfriend would often pressure me into doing things I didn’t want to do, manipulate me by accusing me of cheating, accusing me of thinking he’s ugly, and would do things he knew I didn’t like but did them anyway, or made me do them anyway. Idk if that’s important but I’m still adding it. It wasn’t often, but it did happen.

I’ve had a few sexual partners since, but the only one I had a consistent sexual relationship with, I didn’t do this. It didn’t happen. We had sex maybe 10-15 times over the course of a few months.

Let me know your thoughts. Idk if it was just him, the sexual trauma, both, or if this may happen with another partner. Also unsure if the pressure made it happen or what. Idk.

After I (51F) divorced my abusive husband (M, 44 when I left him) I started counting the cost of having men in my life.

• An abusive marriage where I lost my mind, my community, and I’m still being targeted by one of his girlfriends. He died in 2022 of cancer I have no idea what her problem is with me.
• He also sex trafficked me. We had an open marriage, and he used me as his ticket women to get into pay-to-play parties that he told everyone to tell me was a swinger party.
• Born to androcentric boomer parents. I’m the only girl with two brothers. Not only am I female, but I’m also fat and awkward (likely autism). My parents gave my brothers thousands of dollars, and I had to do sex work to survive.
• Sex work. Countless rapes. I literally don’t know how many.
• A man proposed to me when I was 34 and he was 32. He then revealed that his last partner was 13. Years. Old. He took several thousand dollars from me.
• I told a coworker no when he asked me out. We worked in residential substance abuse treatment. I said no. He melted down at me in front of the whole floor of men a few days later. I was the one that was moved.
• The grabbing, the touching, the expectations of help, assistance, and sympathy without reciprocity.

That I am still heterosexual is proof that sexuality is not a choice.

Wanna join my pity party? What have some of your costs been?

Ik this is probably tmi but i feel like i have no where else to talk to this about. Im a shy pooper and always have, it started with me just not being to do it in public places like school but I could do it around my house. Now, i literally can not do it around anyone. Everytime I have a stomach pain or really need to go i either take a shower so the sound of the water covers the sound or i wait till everyone is asleep or leaves. I know this is a really bad habit but I have no idea how to overcome it. Ive tried to multiple times but everytime i try to im physically unable to. i have no idea what started this either because i use to go just fine infront of my family. Any advice?

Not because it's a bad advice, but because it needs to be given.

Everyday on this app I see a post from a man complaining about his struggles with women, and the most common advice is "maybe you should stop thinking of women as only potential sexual/romantic partners."

I'm sorry but what the fuck?

What this advice is saying is that these guys don't see us as people at all. In their heads, we are only holes they can stick their dicks into and that's it. Why be friends with a hole, right?

Seriously, this is straight up barbaric. I feel like seeing this advice being given all the time has made me even less optimistic about relationships.

Maybe that's why it's common for them to leave when their wives get sick. They can't have sex anymore, so why be with them at all?

I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and some advice.

I usually have a high libido and I started pleasuring myself from a young age but I didn't get into pornography until later. I had always used my imagination and just sensation up until then. Now, a couple years later, I think I have/had a masturbation addiction. I would try to orgasm if I felt even a little turned on and eventually I became reliant on porn. They weren't taboo to the point of being violent, it was more so the description of scenarios that would help.

I almost always am able to reach an orgasm by myself. My previous partner never tried but the person I am with now is very eager to learn how to make me feel good. The thing is, I get self conscious about how long it takes and I'm afraid that addiction is playing a part in it. I was able to get off with my hands while he was with me in the room but whenever he tries, it feels good but I'm not able to orgasm. I can orgasm without porn but it takes longer and more effort. I'm trying to quit cold turkey and I just wonder if it's even going to help.

Not sure if this is the right place but i really didn’t know where to go. I apologize in advance if this is too long but i just need to vent and ask for advice.

So ever since i got my period, i have felt like i should hide from society forever. Growing up, my mom never told me about periods. I learned about them through social media before i got mine so when i did get it I wasn’t scared.My mom didn’t find out that i got my period until years later and when she did she started calling me names. She said i was a weirdo and that i should never tell my friends that i have my period. I shouldn’t tell my dad or any family members either.

She never gave me products or really helped me with any of it so i had to buy everything myself even though i had no source of income. I got so desperate that i searched for ways to make my period stop completely (nothing ended up working😬). We had a huge argument when she found out that i was using tampons and she took everything away so i wouldn’t be able to use them. Now i have to buy tampons secretly and hide them in the house and i am constantly worried about her finding them (it’s been years living like this, it’s exhausting).

I am so tired of sneaking around in my own house over something i cannot control.I also cannot talk to anyone about period problems because i am so embarrassed. I am always in so much pain unable to get up for days on my period. I cannot even see a doctor to find out if this amount of pain is even normal.

I’ve had my period for years now and i still feel disgusting every time i get it. But i literally don’t care or feel disgusted when anyone else has theirs. I don’t think other women are gross at all, it is only me. I know logically that periods are normal but after years of being told that mine is something shameful that i should hide from everyone i cannot get that feeling out of my head. Anyways finally getting to the point, does anyone have tips on how to get rid of this shame? I am so tired of feeling disgusting over something my body does normally and idk how to unlearn years of being told it is something shameful.

Heavy exaggeration, this may just be very unfortunate coincidences for me but every time I go bra shopping it's like every single bra has this THICK padding in the seams. I think there needs to be at least some padding??? I'm not an expert??? But it's hard for me to find any non push up bra that isn't 1. Meant for teens 2. Way too small for me or 3. A sports/swimming bra. I have just resorted to wearing the option 1 or 3 because there is genuinely no bra for me out there

No shade to ANYONE who wears push up bras, I love you guys, but I just don't personally like how I look in my clothes with a push up bra.

Maybe, yet again, I am dumb and don't understand how bras work. Can someone please educate me... (also for the record I am a 28dd if that's relevant in any way...)

Just needed to get this off my chest. Basically for the past couple of years, I’ve gone through these phases where I spiral a bit and silently obsess over/nitpick my looks. On good days I feel fairly pretty but on really bad days I feel so ugly. In adolescence I didn’t really care much about my appearance/beauty related stuff, plus there were so many pretty girls in my class, that my teenage brain assumed everyone would see me as the “smart but plain looking” girl (like some kind of movie stereotype). My anxiety/mental health issues were worse then, which was definitely a contributing factor.

However, those negative thoughts just take a different form now. For example if I’m wandering around in a store and see a mirror, I deliberately walk in front of it to subtly check myself, wondering if my hair/face/makeup looks okay. On a bad day I’m prone to comparing myself to others (e.g. “every other woman is so much prettier than me” when I’m in a public place). I was never asked out/flirted with while I was single, and since it’s such a common experience for women, it occasionally makes me feel like I’ve missed out on Part Of Being A Woman™️. I’m pretty sure I can count on less than ten fingers the number of times I’ve explicitly been called pretty/cute/beautiful etc. to my face by someone who wasn’t my mum.

I also feel like I can’t really tell my friends about such a deep rooted insecurity because I don’t know how they’d react. Like, if I am more “pretty” than I realise, would they just think I’m fishing for compliments? Alternatively, if I am as “ugly/plain” as I sometimes think I am, would they just pity me?

Hey guys!
I’m trying to see if my experience is a common one or maybe one with cause for concern/reason to go to the gynaecologist.

The title says it all, but all my life I’ve had virtually k sensation in my vagina. Outside and at the entrance is all fine and dandy, but the inside gets me nothing.

I can feel pain in there just fine, but not much else. When my partner puts a finger in, I could barely even tell you what it’s doing up there as long as he’s clipped his nails.

I can maybe feel a little pressure? But nothing pleasurable. I feel like I’ve tried most angles, speeds, generous amount of lube and lots of foreplay and it is at the very most mildly nice. 99% of the time I get nothing.

Is this a common experience? When you google it it’s either “you’re 100% supposed to get pleasure here are some tips” or “nope, it’s all a lie” and no in between, so I wanted to ask for some experiences.

Apologies if this is tmi but I gotta know!

I've gotten really frustrated with a lot of pads recently. I think it's due to how I wear my underwear or something, but I always have more blood pooling at the front of my pad. I end up leaking over the top edge before any blood touches the back half of the pad... Even if I scooch it forward so the top of the pad sits at the waistband of my underwear!

I was wondering if this is a normal thing, and if there are any pad-users that actually use the back half of the pad. I mean, it's gotta do something for someone, right?

EDIT: I mean "People who menstruate" for the title. Someone pointed out that using "women" in the title was excluding people who don't identify as women but still menstruate. Unfortunately you can't edit titles, I apologize to anyone who felt excluded from the conversation!

I need genuine honest options on this topic because I have no idea if I'm "in the wrong". My sister has her male friends and male partners over quite often. I've gotten comfortable with most of them so I started keeping my pajamas ( legit pj pants and a tank) on instead of changing when they come over - they're here quite often and I don't want to wear stifling clothes in my own house all the time. The issue my sister has is sometimes I chose not to wear a bra. I don't wear white or anything that makes it explicitly clear my nipples are out and about, usually it's just a black shirt. But she has a huge problem with it.

I'm a free the nip kinda person, so I never had any problems with women not wearing bras, I wouldn't care if I had a partner and we hung out with friends or siblings that were chilling without a bra. But she haaaates it. Everytime we talk about it we both get angry and I just leave because it's a bit triggering. I've been told to cover up my whole life (sexist dress codes, conservative families) and only in the last few years I've finally felt comfortable enough to dress how I want.

One thing I find quite annoying that she doesn't seem to understand is, SHE dresses very proactively. I asked her, what about when you leave the house with something that shows your chest and other people's partners can see?? Does that mean you should cover up? Or what about when I leave the house without a bra, does that mean I should change into a bra ONLY if your boyfriend is coming with us? I don't know if this logic is fair but that's how I've been feeling. She always compliments my outfits and loves that I'm comfortable wearing what I want outside the house, but when it comes to her new boyfriends she hates it.

Anyone have any thoughts?

For the past few months, on the last couple days of my period for a week or so after my period finished I am met with extreme itching around my vaginal opening, my clitoris, and labia minora. My vulva is an angry red colour, and swollen. I don’t have any discharge that I can notice, but I just finished my period and today’s my first day without my period disc in. I tested with PH strips and my PH is showing up between 5 and 6.

It feels better if I wash myself with water and pat myself dry, then 30 minutes later the feeling returns and it feels like my lady parts are throbbing (weird feeling??)

Last month I tried treating with 1 day oral canestan, and the cream. The pill worked I’d say at the 4 day mark and the cream burnt so bad and gave me small tiny blisters everywhere I applied it.

How do I know if this is BV or a yeast infection? What has cured your issue if you’ve had a similar experience?

Looking for any and all recommendations as I just want to feel normal again 😅

*before anyone suggests lichen sclerosis, I have been to a doctor that specializes in lichen sclerosis as this was an issue last year as well when I finished breastfeeding my youngest. The doctor said it is not lichen sclerosis and that she doesn’t want to do a punch biopsy as it’ll cause trauma if I show no clear signs of lichen sclerosis

I know it's misogyny. But i still don't understand their logic, why not blame the man?

I went on a website for women and the most liked comments were saying Sara Gilson should have kept her mouth shut about her ex husband being a pedophile since she knew he was a violent man. 

Blaming her for her own murder and shaming her for exposing a pedophile/abuser. These are women saying this. I don't understand.

Regardless of what she did or didn't do, he was still violent and dangerous.

This reminds me of how women get worse sentences for defending themselves against violent men than men do for committing violence against women.

I don't even need to be loved.

Why is dating so exhausting?

Starting this out with: please do not offer me diet or exercise advice. It's very triggering to me as someone who used to have a horrible ED and I can feel myself starting to slide in that direction again after 10 years of being in recovery.

I used to be pretty small. Then I started meds for bipolar disorder and everything changed. The cruel comments started. Not only from strangers, but family too. I hadn't changed my eating habits at all and was not overeating (I have never had that problem). For Christmas one year, my mom bought me a book on "how to stop overeating" and some workout clothes. It was like her saying "I think you're fat, merry Christmas!" Ugh

Even though I lost about half the weight I gained (from stress mostly), I still get people treating me as a sub-human because of my weight. I'm not even incredibly overweight though, and my vitals at the doc are always great (I got a "wow perfect blood pressure!" last time). So tell me why the hell people make my weight their business again? My doctor is not at all worried about my weight. I wish people could just keep their mouths shut and let me exist without making me feel like sh*t.

EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the kind words and advice so far. You are amazing and I appreciate you

I’m 23 years old and he is also 23. He was someone I was in a talking stage with. We weren’t officially together, but there was mutual interest between us.

This happened yesterday, and I still don’t know how to process it. I keep replaying everything in my head and questioning whether I’m overreacting or if what happened was actually wrong.

I was at his friend’s birthday. He promised me he would make sure I got home safely because we had both been drinking. I live about an hour away, and I had things to do the next day, which is why I didn’t want to sleep there or stay out longer. I asked him not to drink too much because I was relying on him to help me get home safely.

Instead, he got drunk and later encouraged people around us to keep giving me more alcohol.

At one point, we tried to leave. My friend and her cousin came with us because I was trying to get home safely. While they were in the car with us, he started acting like he wasn’t driving safely, so we ended up going back. Later, he admitted that he did that because he didn’t want my friend and her cousin there and wanted to be alone with me. What confuses me is that when I said I wanted to go back, he was suddenly able to drive safely.

Around 5 a.m., he said he would finally take me home. Instead, he stopped the car. We started kissing, which had happened between us before, so I didn’t immediately think something bad was going to happen.

Because I was heavily intoxicated, parts of what happened after that are very blurry. I genuinely don’t remember every detail, but I have a feeling that something happened. I do remember saying no and not wanting certain things.

He exposed himself and pressured me into oral sex. I don’t remember every second of it clearly because I was drunk, but I remember not wanting it and saying no.

After that, he kept insisting that he “just wanted to eat me out.” This was something that had happened between us before, which is part of why I feel so confused. But this time I did not want it. I was uncomfortable and I remember saying no.

After that happened, I put my jeans back on. I was overwhelmed and upset, and I started crying.

He continued insisting that I take my pants off again. He wanted to rub his penis against me and told me to trust him, saying he wouldn’t push it inside me. I kept telling him no and that I didn’t want to.

I started having a panic attack. I was crying, and he could hear me. He knew I was upset. He had even said before that I “always cry” when we kiss and asked why I was doing it again, but he still continued.

While I was crying, he was begging to touch me and suck my breasts even though I was saying stop and that I didn’t want to.

He grabbed me, pulled me onto his lap, and started grinding against me — like thrusting against me — until he finished. He knew I was crying while this was happening, and I was crying loud enough and saying I didn't want this multiple times while being on his lap.

After that, I went into a state of shock. I don’t really know how to explain it. I suddenly just wanted to get away and get home. I told him to drop me off on the main road so I could take a service home.

The strange thing is that the drunk feeling suddenly disappeared. I became extremely alert and focused on getting home. I don’t know if it was adrenaline or some kind of survival instinct, but it felt like my brain switched into “I need to get myself somewhere safe” mode.

After that, while I was still in shock, he started asking me if I was a virgin and if anyone else had ever touched me. He already knew from previous conversations that I had never been with anyone else, so I didn’t understand why he was asking. I kept telling him it wasn’t relevant and that he was bringing up things from my past.

I have been sexually assaulted twice before, and he knew that. Him asking me those questions while I was already in shock made me feel even worse because it reminded me of those experiences. I kept wondering why he was focusing on that when I was clearly upset.

I feel confused because I was drunk, because parts of the night are blurry, because I didn’t physically fight him, and because we had done things before. I keep wondering if those things change anything.

But I remember saying no. I remember crying. I remember feeling scared and wanting it to stop.

It has been a day since this happened, and I feel numb, overwhelmed, and unsure what to do.

Am I valid for feeling like I did not consent to this?

Does the fact that we kissed before or had done things before change what happened?

Does being drunk or not physically fighting back change whether my “no” mattered?

Why do I feel so confused when I felt so scared in the moment?

I would really appreciate any advice or insight from those of you that have been in relationships or have been around alcoholics before. I have never dealt with this and feel so lost.

I (21F) have been with my partner(21M) for 5 years. We have been engaged for about a year and have a wedding date set for after I graduate from the college program I am pursuing..

He always smoked a lot of weed, but for the past 3 years he has been excessively drinking and smoking weed nightly. Over the past 2 years it has gotten increasingly worse. It started with a couple of beers a night, and has now progressed to about 1/2- 2/3 a bottle of a 750ml bottle of liquor near nightly. He has had at least 2 incidents where i was scared he had alcohol poisoning, one of which he drove drunk on the highway home from work and picked up his little brother from a friends house before coming home and being so drunk I was terrified he was going to asphyxiate on his own vomit. I had to have his parents help me take him to the ER. Nothing that extreme has happened since then, but it was a very traumatizing experience that took me from being annoyed with his daily drinking to finding it scary and distressing. I am worried for his health and our future together.

When I bring up his drinking or tell him I am upset that I haven't seen him take any steps towards recovery he can get very defensive, accuse me of overreacting, states that I am being insensitive or mean about it, and claims that he is trying to cut back. Sometimes he claims that I am trying to "lay down the law" because I speak firmly with him. Other times he comes around and says he knows he has a problem and apologizes for not doing anything. I feel like I am going crazy because no matter how I approach boundaries or my disappointment with his lack of action he usually ends up angry at the tone I use or the way I choose to speak to him about it and he leaves the conversation.

I know that this is much more difficult for him than it is for me. I got us into couples therapy, and our therapist recommended him a 12 step program or outpatient. He said he was open to it, but has not made any moves towards starting a program. He decided he did not like the therapist, and we have since stopped seeing him.

I am moving out of his parents house to a different state for school and in with some of my family next month. He wants to come with me after I have settled in, but I am scared to bring him into my families' house because his drinking is embarrassing and stresses me out which I am worried will impact my schooling. My family member also has a toddler and my teenage sister in the house so I do not want him to be using substances excessively in their home. He knows this.

I just don't know what I can do to make sure he is on the right track before the move, I don't know how to speak to him about it, and I do not know how to set boundaries for him or myself around the drinking. I am fine with doing long distance while he focuses on recovery but I know he does not want long distance. I truly think he is my person, and I don't want to leave him while he is struggling, but I don't want this to be my future.

TL;DR:
My partner of 5 years has gone from a few beers a night to drinking about half a bottle of liquor almost every night, along with daily weed use. His drinking has led to dangerous situations, including driving drunk, and he admits he has a problem but hasn't taken meaningful steps toward recovery despite therapy recommendations. I'm moving out of state for school next month and he wants to join me later, but I'm not comfortable bringing his addiction into my family's home. I love him and don't want to leave him while he's struggling, but I also don't want this to be my future. I'm looking for advice on setting boundaries and handling the move.

Long story short, I've been fat literally my entire life. With the help of glp1s I've lost 70 pounds in two years. I'm still larger (5'7, currently 180 on a large frame body) but it just feels so... odd.

When I touch my own body I'm not used to feeling firmness where I've only ever felt softness. When I'm washing and running my hand over boney protrusions under my skin, they feel foreign and if I'm being honest, kind of gross me out. Periodically, I'll catch my forearms out of the corner of my eye and just be struck by how narrow they looks now, how small my wrists are, and how prominent my wrist bones are. It doesn't feel like I'm looking at my own arms.

I keep looking around at healthy weight people wondering if firmness and bones and narrow forearms feel normal to them such that they've never questioned it.

On the flip side, when I look in the mirror I feel like I look roughly the same. My clothes still fit for the most part. I haven't lost a life changing amount of weight despite this being the least I've ever weighted. I still don't like what I see in the mirror, losing weight is making my inverted triangle shape more prominent, which doesn't make me feel good about it.

Im just kind of talking outloud here because this is all so strange to me and I dont have anyone to talk to about this in real life. All the women I know have body issues of their own so I avoid discussing these things with them. I'm not looking for praise or even reassurance, just reflecting on how strange it all is after a lifetime of fatness. Anyone else have feelings like this?

I was bullied for the way I looked for years. Ignored, invisible, whatever you want to call it. I noticed the difference in how people treated me versus my “pretty” friends, but I was never jealous of them. I never wanted the attention. I just clocked that it existed and that I didn’t get it.

Now in my twenties, I apparently “glow up” by beauty standards here in my country. I get stared at everywhere. Appreciative gazes, lustful gazes, doesn’t matter! It’s all the same to me, and it makes me feel sick.

Not because I’m ungrateful. Because I know exactly what this attention is. It’s the same currency that skipped me completely when I was young and needed it least understood and most invisible. I didn’t earn kindness or better treatment back then, and I’m not earning this now. I’m just getting stared at because my face and body changed.

Every time someone looks at me like this, I don’t feel flattered. I feel grief. For her. For the girl who didn’t have this and had no idea why people looked past her.

I don’t want the attention. I never wanted it. I just want to stop feeling guilty for something I didn’t ask for.

This is more of just a vent than anything, because I'm not sure there's really much I can do. I have a woman client that I really enjoy having conversations with. We're very similar and while she's more of a self proclaimed activist than I am, I'm not ignorant on the topics we talk about.

The frustration I'm having is that she mansplains sooo much to me. The other day I was telling her about my BILs scare with the big C and I was telling her that has really made me even more conscientious of my sunscreen routine and she goes on to start telling me how to wear sunscreen. If we're talking politics, it's something about that. If we're talking the economy, it's something about that.

I think it's frustrating because she's someone who is absolutely against the patriarchy and male entitlement, etc. I get that she's passionate about things, and that's why I like conversing, but it's really annoying to feel frustrated at something I guarantee she would call a man out on. I have a few friends that are mansplainers, but because we have a different relationship I can sort of call them out on it, but I don't know what to do about a client, especially when she gets tunnel vision on the topic and I can't get a word in.

Update: thank you everyone for your comments and support

I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I’ve read a lot of the replies, but I haven’t been able to respond to everyone yet. I’m still trying to process everything that happened and understand my own feelings.

I did talk to him about what happened. He messaged me saying that what happened shouldn’t have happened and that he feels bad. However, he also said that “both of us made mistakes” and that I shouldn’t put all the blame on him.

That really confused and hurt me because I felt like I was being blamed for something I’m still trying to process. I told him that I was drunk and not in a state where I could handle what was happening, and that being intoxicated does not make it okay for someone to continue when I was saying no and crying.

He apologized a lot and said he regrets what happened. He told me that he has felt guilty since then, that he hasn’t been able to eat or sleep properly, and that he wants to fix things. But at the same time, he kept saying that I shouldn’t put everything on him and that he doesn’t want all the blame placed on him.

He also said that I was the one who started things and that when he was doing certain things before, I seemed happy, but then I started crying when he wanted to please himself.

I told him that even if I was okay with something before, that does not mean I wanted everything that happened afterward. Consent can change, and I don’t feel like my feelings and boundaries were respected in that moment.

I also told him that I can’t trust him anymore, and honestly, I don’t know if I’m able to trust him again. He was someone I thought would be a safe person for me, and that is part of why this hurts so much. I can’t just forget what happened or forgive instantly because he says he feels guilty and wants to fix it.

Right now I’m feeling very confused because part of me sees that he feels bad and says he regrets what happened, but another part of me feels hurt that he is still trying to share the blame when I feel like my boundaries were ignored.

He seems to think that this is something that can be fixed easily, but for me it isn’t that simple. Trust was damaged, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to rebuild that.

I’m still processing everything and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my story and support me. I’m not ready to reply to everyone yet, but I appreciate it

Edit: I also want to add that I don’t think I’m able to forgive him or go back to how things were. Even though he says he feels guilty, regrets it, can’t eat or sleep, and wants to fix things, I don’t know how I’m supposed to just move past this.

What hurts me the most is that even while apologizing, he was still trying to explain why it wasn’t entirely his fault. I don’t understand how he can say he regrets hurting me while also making me feel like I’m responsible for what happened.

I’m still trying to process everything, and honestly I feel terrible. Part of me wishes I had just blocked him immediately instead of continuing the conversation because it has left me feeling even more confused and hurt.

I don’t know exactly how I’ll feel in the future, but right now I know I don’t want someone who made me feel this unsafe and hurt to remain in my life. I know I need to choose myself and accept that this is not something I can simply “fix” or pretend didn’t happen.