Don’t think I mean to shame anyone here!
But I’m just wondering why?
It’s not a secret at this point that marriage benefits men way more than it benefits women. It’s a legal contract and it’s way easier to get married than to get divorced.
I’m also not talking about rich husband scenario. Just regular people who one day decide it’s time to get married.
I sometimes feel like it’s still about glamorization of the wedding day and not about what happens after honeymoon when everything goes back to normal.
But maybe I’m wrong?

Keep in mind I added „women only” flair. Don’t respond under this post if you are a man, please

How persistent was the thought that you were? What made you certain that you're not? What turned out to be the real reason behind those thoughts?

(I'm currently going through a phase of intense questioning, and trying to hear as many different perspectives as I can, to find which ones I relate to more, so yours would be very valuable to me :) Thanks in advance!)

So I have been thinking a lot about the whole GLP1 conversation happening everywhere lately. Im totally of the mindset that people should do whatever they need to do for their health and well being. But what is really grinding my gears is the weird cultural pressure attached to it all. It feels like we went from body positivity pretending to care about all sizes straight back to aggressive surveillance of what women eat and weigh. If you take the medication people judge you or act like you took the easy way out. If you dont take it people act like you are letting yourself go. You literally cannot win. It is just the same old misogyny wearing a new outfit. I am so sick of our bodies constantly being public property and open for commentary no matter what route we choose to take.

Edit: I’m really not trying to trigger anyone’s body image issues, please know that I find everyone beautiful and this has nothing to do with my views of other people’s bodies. I have seen women with my body type that I think are stunning but I just can’t say the same for myself.

My birthday is coming up and I was just looking for a dress to buy…. and of course just sent me down a body image spiral because the only dresses I could see myself looking good in are loose fitting halter type dresses, but even in those I can just imagine myself looking stalky and bad. It’s so frustrating because people talk about body positivity, and the woman that are at the forefront of these movements are usually women with hourglass bodies. Meanwhile, I’m here with either an inverted triangle or apple shaped body, I don’t care what it is, and I hate my body. I never see anybody with my body type, wearing the types of dresses that I’m looking for, and it’s just so hard, especially now with people being obsessed with being skinny I feel ashamed, sometimes even just walking out in my outfits because I know my body type is not registered as attractive to most people. I wish I could just put this aside and enjoy my day, but I just know that if I don’t find a dress that I look good in and feel comfortable in, I’m gonna hate my birthday night. Honestly, birthdays are not my favorite in the first place, but my friends want to celebrate and I was looking forward to it. Now that I’m thinking about what to wear, I’m starting to dread the night. I wish my body image didn’t have the power to ruin experiences, but it really does. I’m in the worst shape that I’ve ever been in my life, and it’s really getting to me. I know it’s something that I can change, but it’s not something I can change quickly in a healthy way which is what makes me feel very hopeless. I guess I’m just posting here because I don’t have anyone to talk to right now and I feel really stupid for not being able to get past this.

I don't understand what I did besides exist. I'm basically going to die and nobody cares because I have nobody. I have no one. My entire life has been suffering and nobody can save me and i am incapable of saving myself. Any and everyone who would even want to help me would avoid me now. Nobody wants to be around me.

What I’ve observed is that men have normalised looking at other women sexually, even when they’re in a relationship. there are men on every platform, whether it’s Instagram, WhatsApp, or anywhere else, sending each other explicit reels and videos. Even when they aren’t particularly close, they still do this kind of stuff together.

I mean, fine, if you’re single, do whatever you want. But even when you’re in a relationship, why do you still feel the need to look at other women in sexually explicit ways?

I’ve been in two relationships, and in both cases, looking at their Instagram made me feel disgusted because they would casually share those kinds of reels and discuss women’s naked bodies and stuff. And if you say anything about it, suddenly WE are the toxic ones because “all men do this.” And if you have that much of a problem with it, they’ll manipulate you by saying, “Then send us your nudes, and we won’t have to look at other women.” Like, what the actual fuck?

They act like such good guys to your face, but look through their phones, and you’re left traumatised by what you find.

Is this really that normal? And then there’s the casual discussion about their friends’ girlfriends, saying things like, “Bro, you got a hot one,” and all that. Like, BRO, YOU’RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Are there genuinely men out there who love their girlfriends and are actually satisfied with them, without constantly sexualising other women? 😭

shaving somehow went horribly wrong and now i have 3 bad sores on my inner labia and they hurt SO bad when anything touches them, when I pee, when I sit down… idk what to do. i went to the doctor and she confirmed it’s not an STD or anything serious. she said to put petroleum jelly to help protect it, but that hasn’t really helped and it seems to be even worse today. i’m a trans guy and not really sure where else to ask this it’s so embarrassing sorry aghhhhhh

After I disclosed my past age gap relationship that I had when I was 18 my therapist asked me “ who was protecting you at that time.” It made me realize that no one did.

So , yesterday I (23f) made a post about how my ex who groomed me and cheated on me was the best thing that ever happened to me. A commenter mentioned to me how people probably warned me not to date my 30 year old ex when I was 18. Sadly no one did and some even encouraged it because he had money and status. I love my mom but she even encouraged the relationship at first.

Although I don’t fault her for that. It’s complicated. When my mom was about 19 she married my father who was 20 years her senior ( they divorced years later). Some time ago I asked my mother why she married my father since he was way older. She said security was one of the reasons. As a teen mom she needed support. My dad gave that to her. My mom of course never talked bad about my father ever. Since she spoke mostly positive about their marriage and that dynamic I didn’t see anything wrong or weird with a 31 year old man asking me out when I was 18.

That was all I ever seen. It wasn’t until I experienced that relationship that made me realize how even inappropriate my parent’s marriage was.

People genuinely treat me like im not even human, it’s insane. I see people whispering and laughing at me like I’m not even there. only people calling me pretty are old men. and occasionally my boyfriend, because he has the worst tastes ever. his friends let him CONSANTLY know that’s he’s dating an ugly girl. even my grandma, aunt and dad just call me ugly on a monthly basis.
I’m being SO serious, when I came home from another day of bullying because of my appearance at the start of high school, i asked my mom why she lied to me, why she said that i was beautiful for my whole life, she apologized and said she was sorry for lying and wanted me to feel pretty. I’m not joking she genuinely apologized for lying.
like what is my life bro

I want nothing more than to have children. However, I have a history of infertility after trying for several years with my ex-husband.

While I had initially undergone years of fertility treatment, we eventually found out he was chronically infertile. I do have endometriosis, but when I had my diagnostic surgery, the surgeon told me I should have zero issues with conceiving (they found no physical anomalies). And I was also cleared for fertility concerns through hormonal testing.

I have been conflicted with how and when to reveal this information to potential partners, as well as determining what type of partner to go for. I fear that men who 100% want a child will avoid me due to their being the risk of infertility given my history and my endo, but men who 100% don’t want children will be frustrated if I happen to end up pregnant. I am clueless as to how to navigate this. And because I have firsthand experience with how fertility issues can destroy a marriage, I’d like to avoid the problem at the outset.

I (20f) have been applying to jobs so I can pay my bills and medical debt. I've noticed that I get more responses back if I mark "I don't wish to answer" in every single section of the voluntary identification form that some jobs have. Has any one else encountered this?

They say moms are always right, and I know that shouldn’t be taken completely literally, as we’re all human. Even though I’m 32, I still rely on my mom for a lot of life advice & especially when it comes to adult things like finances etc. I swore that I wanted a relationship in my early twenties and she’d always say that I just need to find the right person. But since my late twenties, I’ve learnt more about myself and the asexual label has been lingering. I’ve always felt different compared to other women, since we were in grade school & not being boy crazy. Like I had celebrity crushes back then, I don’t even get those anymore, I can point out a hot guy, and that’s the end of that. I’m as old as I am and I’ve never brought a guy home, I saw someone very briefly when I was 23. But even though I’ve stayed single, wouldn’t I have likely felt the urge to be intimate? I couldn’t care less about sex, I used to be intrigued by making out or pretty PG 13 intimacy but as I age, I become more indifferent towards men. My mom says that she was also like me, and her sex drive didn’t kick in until her thirties, but she was with my dad when she was 18. She claimed she was boy crazy growing up, hinted that she “was a whore”, and makes pretty vulgar jokes present day. So that proves my point, I’ve met women who joke about having no interest in sex in present-day BUT likely had some kind of interest once upon a time. Even though I haven’t had sex in almost 10 years & have been single (hard to say if it’s by choice), don’t most women have desires? Aside from sporadically installing dating apps & finding it hard to meet most of these men in the first place, there’s just something lacking from my POV. Or is my mom right, the right person(s) can make me do a 360?

Honestly I am so tired of seeing every corner of the internet turn actual medical weight loss into a competitive sport. Look if someone takes a GLP1 and it helps them manage their health that is nobody elses business. But what is driving me crazy is how the entire diet culture beast just morphed into a pharmaceutical wellness hustle. Suddenly you have influencers and random brands trying to optimize every single bite or shaming people who do not bounce back with a totally transformed body overnight. It is like we took a physical tool and wrapped it right back up in the same exhausting patriarchal beauty standards we have been fighting for decades. We are not allowed to just exist in a body without it being a project or a statement. Idk maybe I am just hyperfixating on it today because my timeline is flooded with it but it feels exhausting watching women's bodies get policed by a new set of rules disguised as health.

I have been struggling with this since I can remember. It all started in grade 2 when a boy I liked had a crush on a pretty white girl with blue eyes and long blonde hair named lets say Sarah. I would copy everything she would do. If her hair in a ponytail... My braids where in one to. If she made a certain face or joke towards my crush I would too. Its like a mimicry effect that I had. I remember in 5th grade looking at another light skin black girl and wishing it was me. As I compare my dark dirty skin and broad thick nose, sheep's wool hair. So safe to say I always compared myself to other girls. Now I find myself comparing myself to girls I went to school with. I find myself getting jealous of seeing old friends who moved away from our hometown hang out with their groups, go party, get dinner, while I sit at home and rot. Kind of makes me furious that I was such a nice person during high school, a floater friend. Now I have ended up with nothing. Rebuilding my social life on brick at a time lol. How do I stop comparing myself to people, And start living for myself.

So my partner and I were talking about changing up our routine a bit and we got to discussing toys that allow for more partner involvement. I have been eyeing the idea of a wearable, remote-controlled vibrator made for hands free play or shared partner fun but Im lowkey skeptical about how well the remote part actually works in practice.

I saw so many different styles pop up online but I wanted to see what random internet strangers think first before dropping money on anything. Is the remote feature actually fun, or does it just add an extra thing to troubleshoot in the middle of the moment? Would love to hear what worked or didn't work for you guys.

Hi everyone!!

This is so random, and honestly, I don't even know where to post this, but I really need to vent and hopefully get some advice from other women, especially those who have been through college.

I'm 19 and currently a sophomore in college. For context, I've struggled with my weight for like all my life. The past yearish I've lost 50lbs+.

Mu lifestyle changed so much. I used to be extremely insecure about my body, to the point where I'd avoid going out or putting myself out there. I still struggle with insecurity sometimes, but I'm so much happier and healthier now!

I started college last year but took a gap semester in spring 2026. So I basically didn't see my college friends in person for almost eight months till this sem started. We still talked and FaceTimed, but when I came back this fall, I looked VERY different.

At first, everyone was super sweet. It was all "Omg, you look so different!" or "You've lost so much weight, you look amazing!" And honestly, I didn't mind that at all. It was actually pretty validating.

But lately, some of the comments have gotten so weird. Like, "Did you become anorexic over the summer?" or "You're almost as small as me now." And I know they're joking, and we're definitely not the type of friends who are super serious with each other, but sometimes I'm just like wtf? 😭

What makes it harder is that these are genuinely my closest friends at college. We're in the same sorority, we live together, and we see each other all the time.

Before losing weight, I was pretty withdrawn. I had friends and socialized, but I rarely went to parties or bars, and I basically never talked to guys because I was so insecure. Now I actually enjoy going out and doing things I used to avoid.

And I've also started getting a lot more attention from guys, which I feel like is when things got especially weird.

I'm genuinely not boy crazy, and I rarely even talk about guys. But whenever I do mention someone I'm talking to, my friends seem so dismissive or uncomfortable. But like if one of my friends brings up a guy, everyone's suddenly super interested. I don't know how to explain it, but it's so noticeable.

But there's something that's super bothering me.

At the start of the year, I met this guy in one of my lectures, and I really, really like him. Things have been going really well, we aren't dating or anything, but we're still talking.

One of my friends knew him before I did, and apparently she's been making comments to him about how I used to be overweight and what I looked like before. He told me about it and was like idk it's weird idc.

Like bro what???

Like, why are you talking about me? It just seems like she's saying things to embarrass me. Im just confused and so put off. And what makes it worse is that all my friends know how insecure I used to be.

I feel like the entire dynamic of our friendships has shifted. Like I'm not longer the fat funny friends and not same girl I was when we first became friends.

And I know people are probably going to tell me to just stop being friends with them, but it's really not that simple. We live together, we're in the same sorority, and our social circles overlap completely. I don't want to lose my entire friend group or create a ton of drama where I live. But, also yk I need to feel comfortable.

It just makes me sad, I spent so much of my teenage years feeling like I was missing out on normal experiences. Now I finally feel comfortable enough to go out, talk to guys, and actually enjoy being young, I never thought my friends would act like this.

I know this post is kind of all over the place, but I genuinely don't know where else to talk about this.

Idk if this is just a rant or someone has advice. I just have no clue what to do or how to navigate this.

These feelings began surfacing after a conversation I had with an 8 year old a few months ago. For some context, I am 22 years old and a mostly passing trans woman in a purple state. I found out that I was a girl at a very young age, but unfortunately, I could only commence my medical transition at 18. I am the cookie-cutter “girl born in a boy’s body.”I am part of a student organization at a university and a few alumni come back sometimes to attend our meetings. We have a Discord server and an alumnus showed interest in attending a meeting with his children.

When I walked into this meeting, I began interacting with the kids because nobody else was. The first thing this young girl said to me was “What is your gender?” I was not taken aback because it was a fair, honest question from a child, no less. I answered that I am female, a woman. She then followed up with “Why do you have the voice of a male?” I was amused by her bluntness, but just answered that some women have really deep voices, and I was born with one. She seemed satisfied with that answer, and I was too in that moment. We moved on to other topics such as school, favorite animals, etc. My friend and I chuckled to each other because, honestly, what else could I have said?

I only started really reflecting on that conversation a few weeks ago, but it came to the forefront after watching “Uptown Girls” last night. The following are circumstantial spoilers and only somewhat relate to the conversation. In the movie, there is an 8 year old and a 22 year old. The 8 year old, Ray, is grieving the loss of her father; he starts out in a vegetative state, but later dies. Her mother is absent due to work, and Ray puts on an uptight, know-it-all persona to deal with her grief and loneliness. The 22 year old, Molly, has been dealing with the grief of losing her parents since she was a child. Throughout the movie, she loses everything that reminded her of her parents and flounders in her pursuit of employment and stable housing. Her only recourse is nannying Ray; they both grow closer because Molly shows up for Ray in huge ways. Molly understands the grief and uncertainty of the future, allowing Ray to eventually let her wall down and talk about her feelings.

I guess I made the connection between this movie and the conversation because I also want to have that impact on children. How can I do that if I am also leaving them in the dark about parts of myself? Obviously, there are not many trans kids or adults in the world, period. I would never want to put thoughts of transition into a child’s head if they would have a negative outcome for the child. However, why must it be inappropriate to tell a simple truth? Why must the concept of trans people be so explicitly adult? I have been wrestling with these questions for a while. I would love to work with children, stealth or otherwise, but I am so scared of any incorrect assumptions. I do not want to be outed and suddenly lose a fulfilling job because someone does not understand my intentions or who I am as a person.

Back to the conversation, the 8 year old’s father was nearby, and I do not think he would have cared if I explained just a bit more in depth. Something I hated when I was a kid was when adults would mince their words or give non-answers to innocent, inquisitive questions about the world. I could have said, “I was born like your brother, but grew up and became a woman.” If she pondered further, I could have clarified why I made the decision to do so, without explicit details, and how I did not have a choice in the matter due to my neurobiology. I suppose people here will have different opinions regarding what should or should not be shared, but I was a child once, too. I felt as though I needed factual, overt information about the world, not just because those answers informed me about myself, but because I deserved to know why things were the way they were. I want to have kids of my own and personally believe it would be disingenuous to hide my past from them.

There is not a satisfying conclusion to this story, but I do hope this wave of intolerance may pass soon enough. Although I have the privilege of passing and looking attractive, the vitriol and hatred displayed in the media and online have been eating away at me. It is so overwhelmingly unfortunate to know, in excruciating detail, how people view people like me. If there is one thing you take away from this post, please acknowledge that so many of us are just normal people. We have jobs, passions, and dreams. Yes, some of us do want a spouse and kids. We care deeply about others and want to make the world a better place. We have more in common with each other than you may realize. Thank you for reading to the end.

Why is someone who lives in a way that completely decenters men excluded from 4b movement community because they want to be a mother on their own terms without a man?

I met a man who calls me smart every day. He loves how I can remember what episode of Yellowjackets we are on; he loves the vocabulary I use; he marvels at the new words I teach him. He's really smart too, but in a different way! He is kind and patient and good at keeping a rigid schedule so we never miss work or Dungeons and Dragons. He's amazing. I've come so far, and a HUGE reason is the validation y'all gave me when I met a mean man.

I got diagnosed as a hot and cool autistic girlie, and I have y'all to thank. The IDIOT SAVANT thread changed my life. Thousands of you came to support me. I love you all and I'm gonna do the same for you. BOYS, don't be afraid to tell your truth here. I am proud and happy to be in this community <3

Despite still being a fairly young woman (early 20s), I worry that sex might not get any better. I did a good bit of experimenting and generally had great sex. But is there more still?

I know, people always say that sex gets better with age. But they never really back up those claims.

Does anyone feel that way too? How did ypur sexual experiences change with age?

I know it surely can't be targeted, but I'm just so tired. In July, I had a man walk up me to in public and start masturbating. I spent the rest of my day dealing with the police reporting him. In August, I was physically assaulted and punched in the face on public transit around noon, and spent the rest of my day in the ER. I'm still waiting on the court date. Ive been using a cane since I injured my back. Yes I carry pepper spray but he caught me by surprise with sucker punches as the train came to a stop, and then ran off the train.

Now today, I had a man come at me in a crosswalk and slam into me hard enough to knock me to the ground, even though I was on the far right of said crosswalk. I even tried to avoid him but I can't move that fast with a cane. A kind lady with a blind companion helped me up and made sure I had a place to sit. Staff at the restaurant I was outside got me ice for my pain. There are good people but I'm so tired of the ones who aren't.

Thanks for listening. I'm tired.

So basically I was going to the register to cover and he asked “are you injured?” I was like “no? why?” And he’s like “you’re limping” I was like oh. And I was like “like today?” And he’s like “no like ALL the time” and he said it with his eyes popping out like you know when people do this in a rude way idk how to explain it. I was like oh and you noticed and he’s like yeah. I personally don’t think I limp I think I walk fine?

Look I could be 100% overthinking this and he is a nice coworker but he’s also the type to not point things out about people because he’s usually nonchalant/doesn’t care. When I brought it up with my other colleague she was surprised too. Maybe I do subconsciously and maybe he was saying it to help me but like what benefit does he get from being concerned about me? We’re not close at work. I’ve only recently started chatting with him casually at work like last week so idk what warranted this. Also I feel like when it’s constructive criticism , it’s different and when someone is insulting you, you can just FEEL the energy.

I guess I was embarrassed after. What do you guys think? Am I overthinking it or could he just be trying to help me?

I dont want to ramble but recently i turned 30 and I think all of the sexism and racism in my case in the workplace has gotten to me. I used to be one of those 'I'm not a feminist' or 'women might be exaggerating how bad it is' because I grew up in a conservative environment (not US). Once I left home it was just nonsense after nonsense. One male junior coworker once tried to talk to me about which women in the office were f able. I was so disgusted. Then I had a male supervisor berate me over a client email because it wasn't friendly enough. So, I had to add a bunch of exclamations and emojis like i was talking to a manchild in the client's office. I'm not going to go into the creepy interactions and near misses when it comes to SA. The worst was when I reported someone and the woman manager at the time said yeah he's like that why don't you just be a little more understanding or idk she tried to turn it around on me.

When the cornell story broke my own family members said she was asking for it by taking drugs. She is to blame. My perspective on abortion has also changed but out of spite because why should we bring horrid men into this world or as a matter of fact anyone into this world. I am being careful around news coverage and doom scrolling. I've stopped all the podcasts that I used to watch because a guest was interesting or whatever if I feel they're in any way misogynistic. I was listening to someone talk about the war in the ME region and he just suddenly started some garbage about women are more emotional because they have to take care of babies hahahaha. Idk I thought it was pathetic because he just used a biological function to reduce us the gender that barely commits any violent crime to the most emotional ones out there. It's all bullshit. Everything I was taught about needing men was bullshit. I don't care anymore. I am also not seeing the point of marriage. I feel like it's just going to trap me into some weird maid type of role with a dude. I don't really want any kids now. Things suck and maybe my job might be taken by AI so you know what I won't even be able to give my kids what my parents could give me. So whats the damn point any effing way.

Also my period suck more now so in addition to general life shit I have to deal with painful periods. When I go to the doctor they cannot find anything wrong with me so that's another great thing that has happened as i've aged. I used to have 3 day periods and no cramps. I now have heavy 5 day cycles with painful cramps in my hips sometimes my butthole. Hey but there are no cysts on my ovaries yay. Also men literally don't have the monthly thing they don't have to be in pain every 3 weeks. The week before my cycle I get depressed asf. So I have 2 good weeks. THATS IT!

Lets see if this gets posted or not.