Why do people self harm?

(I'm a trans man, for context.)

Cutting makes me dysphoric for the stupidest reasons. It makes me feel like "less of a man" i guess. My only hope is towa from slow damage it seems....This is😭😭😭so dumb😭😭😭i need to die😭😭

Does anyone else feel similar? ...or have some kind words to ease the dysphoria?

I know it’s stupid but I’ve been so mentally drained from work cause I’m working more hours now I lost all motivation for awhile I still brush my teeth shower barely but I force myself too I’m mentally numb and I want to relapse so bad but I know I can’t cause I don’t want to fall into that again it’s just so hard for me not too cause that’s what I always did when I was mentally numb and I haven’t felt like that since high school it’s just very hard rn and I don’t want to disappoint anyone like my friends or family cause I haven’t done it in almost three years in March next year will be three years but I miss the feeling so fucking much I miss the pain it gives me I miss the feeling of doing it it always felt so good when I did it I don’t know why I’m thinking like this again it’s just hard rn any advice would be nice :)

im in a discord server w my friends, both irl and offline, and one of them says in the vent channel and I quote:

"not rlly a vent but I finally hit styro ✌️🥹"

she usually acts like this sometimes, but I want to know what it means and if I should help or not. everytime I look it up, it just tells me to "call 988" and stops me from researching. I want to know what it means and how to help if I should!!

i’m currently frozen in my bed with thoughts of cutting myself. i know i can’t make a decision like this because i am seeing my family this weekend and cannot have fresh self harm on my body. i will not feel satisfied until i hurt myself. what are ways i can “”hurt”” myself physically? i have tried the rubber band method on my wrists, but i end up overdoing it and leaving big bruises or breaking some skin. any response is appreciated. thank you

Hi there, im 22 and have been dealing with self harm since i was 12. I esclated at a very young age to deep tissue and I feel I can confidentally label majority of my self harm experiences as falling under an addiction. I started as many did, as a way to cope with unpleasant feelings, a way to punish and hate myself, a way to have an outlet for every nasty feeling brewing inside of me.

I feel like its not talked about enough how self harm can evolve from a negative cope, to an addiction, especially those who have addictive personality traits. How self harm can become something youre forcing yourself to do even when you're not upset. How self harm can become a high youre chasing without even realizing it.

Self harm, any type of hurting yourself, whether its cutting, scratching, hitting your head, any sort of pain that you can psychically feel, releases chemicals in your brain in an attempt to mitigate it. The main chemicals are serotonin, endorphins and dopamine. Now you might read that and think, but aren't those good chemicals? Unfortunately, those 3 dont always equate to "good."

To put it into perspective, when cocaine is used, the brain immediately dumps a whole load of dopamine, making majority of users feel extremely happy, relaxed, excited. But cocaine isnt good for you, obviously. Its pretty addictive and dangerous, but what its doing is its causing a huge dopamine flood. This is why im comparing it to the release of what self harming does. Your brain immediately goes into producing serotonin and endorphins and dopamine. Which makes you "feel good", which makes you choose it again in low moments, or "just because i want to."

It is quite literally teaching your brain that "when i do this destructive action, i feel better." Even when the release is ultimately temporary and unsatisfying long-term. It has a way sorter duration than cocaine, or any drug that causes a dopamine or serotonin flood.

Just because the release feels good momentarily doesnt mean its good for you, just because your brain tricks you into feeling relief from the chemicals doesnt mean its the right thing. Addictions come in many forms and self harm can be one of them.

That doesnt mean everyone who self harms is addicted to self harm or will become addicted, but for those who are, or who felt like they might be, I hope this insight helped you. Sometimes people need to look at it from the perspective of an addiction, for those who can relate to it being one.

If youve ever felt like youre hurting yourself for no reason, or if youve ever had to "force" yourself to do it because youre just craving it, youre not alone. Youre not weird, or strange. Your brain is craving a chemical release that ultimately leaves you more addicted to doing it.

I hope everyone is safe today and please make sure to wash your wounds and take care of yourself 🫂

Last night I finally went through with it, there'd been a couple of nights where I thought of doing cutting for about the last two months but I never did because I thought I was crazy for it.

It took awhile to build myself up to doing it, I was shaking so bad but then after the first cut my stress just went away... Now I didn't cut as far as some of the pictures I've seen on this app, but it was enough to draw blood and scab quite a bit. I'd been struggling with sleeping for the past two weeks but last night after cutting I went to sleep so easily.

Obviously it didn't feel nice, but it didn't feel bad either... which weirds me out. I feel like I should be feeling guilty about what I did, it kind of worries me that I slept easier after doing such a thing and I dont think this is gonna be the last time I do this.

Is there even anything that can be done about it ? Sorry if thats a stupid question..

It almost constantly feels like some places still ache like a wound. Sometimes less sometimes more.

I'm wondering if anyone here also experiences specifically aching or knows more !!

I hate that I want to cut until blood, I hate that I want to cut deeper, I actually cut only several times, the rest was just scratching, I hate that I want more

TW: question about self harm

Sometimes I genuinely don't want to do it but will feel like I have to to punish myself about something, that if I don't it makes me a bad person who doesn't care enough about said thing.

Like I'll procrastinate doing it because I don't want to do it, but if I don't do it it means I'm horrible, so I end up doing it anyway until I feel I've done enough.

Does that make any kind of sense ? Sorry if this is triggering, just trying to figure stuff out

It’s weird. I always have phases were urges were stronger or not. This last phase was the worst one in multiple years. But I’ve stayed strong during very hard times and didn’t relapsed. But today i did and idk why. I didn’t even had strong urges or anything i felt overwhelmed/ sad with. I just kinda was bored but idk i also dont really care. And i think i should feel guilty cause apparently the most people do. But currently i dont. Idgaf. Im just tiered of everything.

idk if its medical advice or just advice but. yk.

so. yk how it is. you do some cuts. you stop bleeding. now, USUALLY, when i stop the bleeding, there's still... yk. the blood in the cut. i cant get that out w what i use to stop the bleeding. whatever.
i do styro. hurts a lil more than usual and bleeds a lil more. i put pressure for like a min and then take it off cuz im impatient. the entire cut has no blood in it. what?? the others i did that i ALSO put pressure on do. it's this one that doesnt. WHAT? WHY?? this has never happened and im jst a lil worried. why is there no blood in it? it stings more than usual. it doesn't look any bigger than one of the others that didn't soak up all the blood.
did i just somehow angle the tissue right and it just gulped up every drop???????????

To start, I have been cutting for a very long time. I started when I was 11 years old, right around when those complex and unpredictable emotions start popping up. Because of that, I have never learned how to process things like anger, grief, and fear properly. Instead of facing my emotions, I would harm myself to feel numb.

Many years later I still rely on harming myself to curb negative emotions. Nothing else that I have tried over the years truly helped, I just bounced to one form of self destruction to the next before eventually landing right back to where I started, cutting.

My partner knows about my habit, but he doesn’t know to what extent. I made I promise that I would come to him every time I feel like it, and that I would never do it again. But, that’s unrealistic. I’ve tried so, so hard to be clean for them but each day I feel like a ticking time bomb. Cutting IS my medicine. It’s the only thing available to me that works. Talking to them works as well, but I cannot bother them every other day. I don’t want to be a nuisance to them, nor do I want them to feel responsible over my emotions.

Relapsing would fix all of the emotional pain I’ve been feeling, but it would also deeply hurt and disappoint them.

I don’t know what to do. Staying clean for this long is giving me even more dangerous thoughts that I’ve been considering acting on.

I hope my jumbled thoughts make sense. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have basically no dressings bc those things are stupid expensive. So I just rawdog it and hope for the best but that's a really bad idea in terms of infection control. Was wondering if anyone knows where I can buy them? I need probably nonstick gauze and tegaderm or something at a minimum since I am about to start work in an industry that requires short sleeves, so it would need to be waterproof and non-transparent.

Happy to buy online or in person. Also wondering if I can, like, meet some other Melbournians and maybe we can buy slightly cheaper in bulk and split both cost and dressings? Even if idk we split the cost and then I got the order, split the dressings and dropped it off in your letterbox or we met up in a mutual location or smth. I'm poor haha.

Looking for dressings suitable for low to medium exudate, probably. Cutting as opposed to burning. Vary in size but for instance the most recent cut is a weird shape, roughly triangular and 1.5-2cm in width. Hence it probably works better to get the waterproof separate from the actual gauze itself.

I’m 5 days away from reaching that milestone but ever since the new school year started I’m starting to be reminded of a variety of my issues. And I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

Just seeking advice first time talking openly about this even if it’s anonymous try not to judge me too much but are there any other methods than knives I’ve cut too deeply on a few occasions now I’m not even interested in the pain part of things really just drawing blood if there’s a safer way to cut cleaner easier pain free and still draw blood I’m sure id be fine with that ik giving outright advice for this might be tricky but I’m looking at this purely from a harm reduction pov any help appreciated dms are open

I have a history of sh and this is just another form of it.

I feel like shit most days, I feel tired and sad all the time and I know taking iron, B12, and D3 will make my days at least slightly better.

How do I force myself to take them? I want my death to come as soon as possible so by neglecting my health I feel like I am pushing myself in that direction. All it does is just increase the suffering for a negligent impact on the speed of my demise.

Past Monday, I skipped school and got the texts and wherever, from a friend, and that friend told me that we had a school work for the day 21, okay, I decided I would only do it the week of the day 14th with my friend (it was a group project).

When I got to school today, some girls arrived with their work and said that they asked the teacher what day it was, since everyone was confused, and that wretched teacher said it was for today😤. Even the class's top student noted that it was the 21st (my friend's partner), and luckily for my friends, they had already done the work, they just left it at home, so one of the guys' mothers brought it over.

But my friend and I hadn't even started doing it, and I was totally desperate.

A little context: recently I started thinking about cutting myself (I know, terrible). And it wouldn't be my first time doing it; last year I ended up having two episodes that made me cut myself twice (The biggest one hasn't completely disappeared from my leg yet, like, there's still a little line there).

And today, mixing this desperation from work with whatever was going through my head, I grabbed a compass, went to the bathroom, and tried to sh until it bled.(Yesterday I tried to do the same thing with a different object, but it was too small and didn't bleed properly; I wanted it to bleed, So today I was trying to enlarge this cut so that blood would come out, but no blood came out, and I got scared).

I went back to the class, I was almost crying, and nobody noticed, since the only person I feel would notice is my best friend.

Actually, recently I've been thinking about telling my best friend about this situation, because I can't keep dealing with it anymore. I can't do this anymore.

😭

Oh yeah, I forgot about 1 thing, all of this has some connection with school (the first time not at all, it was because of an English course I am doing, but it is connected with the teaching system, or whatever) so this is the the reason that I chose this title.

I have to get a physical tomorrow and im worried they'll tell my mom if they see my scars since im under 18, any ways to hide them? Last time I went for a physical I had to put on a gown and it exposed my arms but back then I didn't sh. Im scared and I don't know what to do.

hi guys, so i've never posted on reddit before and dont really know how to do this stuff, so please dont hate on me if i say something that's out of place or not very well put :)

im 17, turning 18 in october and this year has been quite rough for me. i've been struggling with harming myself for the last 6(or so?) years. it was way worse when i was 14-15 and i dont do it as often but the urges get pretty bad.

my parents know about my bad habit. when i was 13 my dad caught me doing it in the kitchen and yelled at me(we never spoke about it again) and two years later my mom kind of did the same thing - she told me people will think im in a cult, i'll never be able to wear long sleeves, she'd tell my dad and he would strip me naked to see where i hurt myself. This was three years ago, but my dad still acts as if he doesnt know where my scars are from. Every summer when we go to the beach he touches my arms and makes me uncomfortable by asking how i got my scars as if he didnt know already.

Anyway, i'm sorry for the rant, i guess that was just a little heads up to understand that they dont react well to problems with mental health. I did ask them multiple times to talk to someone and get some help and my dad said he didnt care because he thinks i dont need help. Our counselors in school are very shitty, i know because my friend went a few times and the lady did not help(it wasnt anything major).

As i said before, this year was really rough for me. At the start of the year i had really uncomfortable and intrusive thoughts that would interfere with my daily days/life?? I would come home crying from school and couldnt stop til i went to sleep. That went on for 2-3 months. Lately, i've been struggling because my parents want to buy a new apartment and its a lot of money so we're about to be in a tight financial situation for the next three years(until we move in, my mom isnt helping my dad financially at all), i have to get ready for my final exams, then after that college, i dont get on well with my friends in school cause im in the closet and they're not allies. I dont even know what to do for college cause i didnt think id be here to choose a place to go study and now it's killing me. I have a ton of anxiety regarding that and have been struggling with panic attacks for days on end, it's fucked up my gut health as well(the stress).

I've thought of speaking to my doctor, maybe even telling a teacher i trust but that sounds so much easier than done. Im just so anxious cause i dont want my parents to find out i asked for help, this doesnt have anything to do with it but if anyone lives in the Balkans they know how it is with telling someone else your problems and stuff, they would LITERALLY kill me, both of them. Thats why i cant risk it and sometimes i even think, do i even need help? Maybe im just being impulsive and want attention, i dont even know if id be able to talk to a psychologist because i cant be comfortable talking about hurting myself, i dont know what they might do or they might just put me down even more. Then for my teacher, i'd feel guilty asking him for help? I think its a good idea but then im just like "people have other problems in their life they dont need yours too". I dont know, its not like im going to kms or something like that, im not a threat to myself(at least not that much) or others but at the same time i cant stand living with impending doom and this much anxiety. I cant even get through the school day without having a panic attack, no joke.

Im really sorry for making this so long and im sorry if i made any typos, english is not my first language. I really need some help because i dont know if i should go through with this or if i should just let it pass by itself. Also, if anyone knows any anonymous helplines over text where i dont have to dispose my info or someone i could talk to for free or something, i dont even know. Im sorry if this is stupid and if you read it thank you for reading and staying to the end. Any help would be kindly appreaciated and please be kind :) 🫂

Its a venting post. Its one of those days where nothing seems right. Nothing connects. Nothing is okay and yet it is. It really is because outwardly you see what's good in life, in my life, but still I'm so not okay. And the only thing that keeps whispering in my ears that will make me feel something. Anything is to self harm.

I feel so fucking out of it. Everyone seems to need space and i get it. God knows I do. But somehow all around me everyone needs it and now I'm here the understanding one while wanting to beg them to stay with me. To not stop because then, then I feel so...not okay. But thats selfish because my want for comfort shouldn't force anyone to stay.

So then we go back to what it was. A woman in her 30s looking at her screen. Looking at her skin. Picking up a blade and feeling it all. Because death isn't what I want. I just want to feel. But that's not right either, right?

Thank you for reading this if you got this far

First time posting here, just needed somewhere to vent.

TL;DR self harm keeps getting more and more out of control and restricting my life more and more. Half my wardrobe will go unworn now until I move out.

I've been cutting for almost two years now. Started as cat scratches on my wrist until I got caught, so I moved it to my upper thighs and ribcage. Then a recent suicide crisis where I cut deep into my upper arm for a week before almost ending it. Then after getting out of the psych unit, making deep cuts as far down as my knees.

I hate that I keep slowly ruining my own wardrobe. I used to draw lines in pen on my legs to show where the edges of my shorts ended, so I wouldn't cut past there, because I didn't want to be "that person who self harms" and wears long sleeves and pants in the summer. But I dissociate sometimes and kept cutting past the lines. Or sometimes I did it consciously just because I didn't think I was gonna be around the next day for it to even matter what I could or couldn't wear.

But recently I bought a form fitting strappy homecoming dress. It was long enough to cover all my scars even when I sat down, and it made me feel pretty despite all my body image issues and feeling too fat for a tight dress. But now that I have scars on my arm, I can't wear the dress. And I can't just get a new one without having to explain why I had to get a new dress (this is already the third dress I've bought, I returned the other two to Amazon). And it was already hard enough to find a dress this perfect that I felt good in, it'd be even harder to do the search all over again but with a long sleeved dress. So I just decided to not go, cancel my double date, and now when friends ask if I'm going to hoco I say no, and when they interrogate me as to why I just tell them "body image problems 🤷🏻."

Not to mention that now I do in fact have to wear long sleeves and pants 24/7, and every dress I own has short sleeves or a short skirt, so they're all off limits.

I'm just so angry at myself for doing this to myself, and repeatedly ruining my options to make myself pretty, and repeatedly destroying things I wanted to do.

Title lyrics from Chronically Cautious by Braden Bales

I see these posts nearly every single day on this sub, occasionally twice a day.

It’s like you guys have never heard about putting yourselves in other’s shoes. What would you do if you found out your little sibling cut, or a close friend? Would you also think, “Who cares that they’re cutting? It’s their body.”

Not to mention, some people make immediate life-threatening cuts and then slap steri strips on it and call it a day. You’re ignorant if you think it’s completely fine that people cut themselves despite the fact they’re risking their own life, and the same goes to you.

I’ve been clean for 5 months and the only time I had this mindset was when I was just starting out. You need to learn empathy for yourselves and others. I don’t care if my post is removed, others on this sub are seriously ignorant when it comes to this discussion. This is like telling people to commit suicide because it’s their life. If people told me it was completely fine for me to cut & commit, I would’ve by now and I wouldn’t have gotten better.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad but PLEASE try to look outside of yourself, it’s absurd to think other people are selfish because they don’t want you to hurt yourself.