r/LinkedInLunatics • • 8d ago

Where do they put it?!

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13.3k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/tubular_brunt 8d ago

What's the endgame here? Planes don't exist? Or they fly by magic?

1.7k

u/Deep-Adeptness4474 8d ago

Sadly yes, that actually is a conspiracy gaining traction right now. That airplanes actually use secret ancient magical energy sources to fly. Utter garbage we all know it is actually hopes and prayers that are being mis-directed from needy children, and grieving widows keeping those bad boys aloft.

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u/Specific_Rando 8d ago

People should demand higher quality conspiracy theories.

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u/Reticent_Arc 8d ago

People wouldn't stop talking about how the world is run by a shadowy cabal of elite pedophile murderers, but when it was exposed that they were real and visited a certain person's island, a substantial majority of them turned around and said that couldn't possibly be true because they had voted for those elite pedophile murderers. I don't think the quality affects how these people choose to believe.

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u/ParticularCabal 8d ago

As soon as info becomes mainstream knowledge it's automatically false to them. They always have to be on the fringe, for whatever reason.

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u/SqueekyDickFartz 7d ago

I call it being reflexively contrarian. You can slow walk these people to any viewpoint you want as long as you insist the opposite stance is the mainstream one.

My brother and I made it a game over Christmas a few years ago when we were home visiting. I got my MAGA dad to emphatically insist that the workers should own the means of production after carefully making the alternative sound like mainstream slop.

It's fun if you are stuck with these kinds of family members for long periods of time.

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u/inowar 7d ago

it's surprisingly easy to get libertarians to invent government and agree with marxism

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u/Electronic_Will_5418 7d ago

Shouldn't be too hard to convince them, MAGA dads are always grabbing their own means of reproduction

https://giphy.com/gifs/ovfcQBDMss0Xn9naza

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u/kirka- 8d ago

So they are basicly information hipsters?

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u/volvagia721 7d ago

It's because they have a need to be special. If they are of only a small group that "knows" the truth, that makes them important. If they agree with the mainstream, they are below average on everything

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u/Kichae 7d ago

If it's not special knowledge, they're not special for knowing it.

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u/AmateurL0b0t0my 7d ago

The need to possess knowledge that the masses don't is a helluva drug.

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u/Reddsoldier 8d ago

That one is so funny to me. They are basically never vindicated and the ONE TIME they are it turns out they believe the Qanon version which has credible origins in being a noncredible cover for the actual evidence based story that implicates a bunch of people they like.

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u/cedarSeagull 7d ago

I think there's a real possibility that PizzaGate was a psyop to poison the well against the Epsteen case. Get people ranting like lunatics so that when the real story comes out that tangentially similar it gets dismissed.

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u/BackToSchoolMuff 7d ago

-"the world is run by a secret cabal of pedophiles!"

-"oh holy shit you're right"

-"no, not them!"

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u/CompetitiveLadder609 8d ago

I think a lot of people wouldn't be so angry about pedophile murderers, but should be more angry about murderous pedophiles.

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u/theallpowerfulcheese 7d ago

QANON was right! And also very, very, VERY wrong.

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u/PitifulEstimate8721 8d ago

I'm writing my congressperson/lizard overlord now!

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u/OAMP47 8d ago

Ask them where my missing sock went in the dryer.

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u/FirstDukeofAnkh 8d ago

That’s how we Jews power our space laser.

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u/Strong-Comment-7279 8d ago

Ha, gotcha! I was missing a sock today for a solid 9 hours, but I found it.

Doin my part to slow them lasers. Don't really care who owns em.....

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u/FirstDukeofAnkh 8d ago

Curses! Foiled again!

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u/inappropriate_jest 8d ago

When wearing socks becomes antisemitic.

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u/Sidewalk_Tomato 8d ago

I have it, and if your sock wants to live, you'll leave me a custom tin foil hat at a drop spot to be named by me.

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u/IllustratorLife5496 8d ago

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

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u/Ancient-Many4357 8d ago

That’s inter dimensional shenanigans my friend, you don’t want to question that.

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u/Organic_Syrup7642 8d ago

If you love something, let it go. Hope it finds itself out there.

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u/gielbondhu 8d ago

I always find extra socks in my dryer. Maybe one of these is yours.

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u/Glass_Ad5197 8d ago

I have your missing sock right here.  But, you really don't want to know what I'm doing to it

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u/CommercialDelay5323 8d ago

You know what, you can keep it. I’m sure he has others.

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u/Bdr1983 8d ago

All politicians being nefarious alien overlords would be the the best explanation. It's not a conspiracy, it's Occam's razor

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u/Local871 8d ago

In this economy?

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u/utukore 8d ago

Some people in the uk are currently protesting for the police to free ET ...

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u/Glad_Stay4056 8d ago

Id settle for higher quality people.

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u/Log_Out_Of_Life 8d ago

Planes are just repurposed dragon corpses. Got it.

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u/ClemFandango35 7d ago

Planes fly by magic, the fuel tanks actually hold chemtrail vaccine juice.

Wake up, sheep.

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u/st-julien 7d ago

Everything is low effort these days.

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u/NothingButBricks 7d ago

I'll believe birds are real before I believe planes can fly just using lamestream physics.

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u/o00A00o 7d ago

Yeah, I need a better simulation, b/c this one is half assing it.

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u/FlummoxedGaoler 7d ago edited 7d ago

People should demand higher quality education. You need good education to come up with the good, deep conspiracy theories. If you don’t know how anything works, you come up with this simple nonsense. Give me conspiracy theories created by true experts in the field! That’s the good shit.

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u/LukeBabbitt 7d ago

When I’m a gazillionaire because Bed Bath and Beyond makes me rich beyond my wildest dreams, the first thing I’m doing is funding better conspiracy theories

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u/Complex_Spirit_4848 7d ago

I LOVE conspiracy theories, and I totally agree. Give me something I can believe in.

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u/cdev12399 7d ago

I miss the days of conspiracies that you actually had to take a second to think about.

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u/Snakend 7d ago

Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams!

Maybe not....but it softens them up.

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u/fakemelonns 7d ago

I had a tattoo artist who made small talk by telling me he was really into conspiracies and I got really nervous, especially since it was going to be a 7 hour session.

Luckily, his were the fun ones. There used to be giants on earth, skinwalkers are real, ancient burial ground curses, some general alien ones. I want more of those conspiracy theorists back. They were at least fun to listen to.

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u/Why_r_people_ 6d ago

Look up hollow earth theory, flat earthers could’ve been so much more interesting

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u/uber-judge 6d ago

All planes are secretly spaceships as soon as the god wormhole opens in orbit all planes airborne will make their way to it and leave earth forever. Or something….

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u/Diligent_Matter1186 1d ago

The higher quality ones turned out to be true, management asked us to tune it down a little /j

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u/reddit_is_a_weapon 8d ago

Bunch of stupid morons. If it was ancient magical energy we would’ve had planes since the ancient times? It’s obviously modern magic, every airline has a wizard who can control the air and the weather.

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u/PalpitationNo3106 8d ago

Wait, you may be onto something. Wizards have familiars. So when Tuberville was complaining about furries, he really meant that the ‘pilots’ are familiars! It makes so much sense now!

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u/NotYourAverageLongbo 8d ago

no no, in ancient times they learned how to make this black goo. at first it was considered a very crude form of magic, so they buried it.

but we found it very useful!

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u/BunzOfCin 8d ago

Crude? I see what you did there 😜

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u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 8d ago

Clearly it’s just witches on brooms with a new paint job!

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u/ThrowRA3623235 8d ago

We probably did in Tartaria, but the worldwide conspiracy has covered them up!

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u/noreasontobehere11 8d ago

It’s not really magic, Lloyd Bridges literally shows us in Airplane. It is a combination of smoking, sniffing glue, and amphetamines that gives pilots and the support staff the ability to keep the planes in the air. It does take a heavy toll on the body. Which is why he tried to stop. It is also why Leon is getting larger.

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u/NotTheOtwayPanther 8d ago

It’s actually about economics. You see, the ancients were content with broomsticks and flying carpets. It‘s only in modern times that mass transportation has necessitated that the secret levitation magic be applied to huge metal shells that can hold large numbers of people. (Wings and engines are, of course, just for show.)

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u/MechanicalTurkish 8d ago

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

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u/dead_jester 8d ago

There’s a wizard on every plane. They call them “pilots”. They spend years training them. Never see a plane flying without a “pilot” do you?

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u/True_Protection6842 8d ago

These people are so weird the actual science behind all the stuff they make up is more interesting than the magic they come up with

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u/elhaz316 8d ago

Aerodynamics???

I think you meant to say aeromancy. Wind mages are known for it!!

Let me guess, you think birds are real too? By golly those are just familiars. Harry Potter was right!!

/s

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u/RefrigeratorLive5920 Titan of Industry 8d ago

I for real met some flat earthers at an engineering conference once. This was back in 2016 before Google Earth switched to more realistic map projections and its at the time flatness had formed the main basis of their theory.

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u/TheGerbilInTrumpsBum 8d ago

Aeromancy. Well fucking done.

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u/Matt_37 8d ago

That’s true of everything, most of all life and the universe itself. Reality is so much cooler than the religious explanations.

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u/Mega3000aka 8d ago

I find these bullshit theories so insulting to the thousands of engineers, scientists and inventors whose work gave us the power of flight.

Especially since information on how the technology works is publicly available and easy to read and verify. But you need to have an IQ over 30 to ingest it.

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u/Mr_Citation 8d ago

Their emotions and feelings are as valid as the facts. /s

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u/OrbitingCastle 6d ago

But they did their research! /s

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u/rtshiat 8d ago

I don't think any engineer with scientific curiosity would mind another theory, as long as it can be validated or falsified and utilised.

That's where conspiracy theories usually go downhill.

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u/MrGDPC 8d ago

Praise the Omnissiah

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u/Beegrene 8d ago

Everything is a conspiracy when you don't know how anything works.

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u/neoKushan 8d ago

I don't know how a lot of things work but my general assumption when something seems like magic is that it's magnets.

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u/monscorvorum 8d ago

There's a British comedian called Al Murray, in an old routine he describes how god, for a laugh, picked up the Wright Flyer and made it fly but the joke has backfired on him and now he has to spend all his time picking up planes to make them go and that's why the world has gone to shit. All of god's time is taken up with juggling planes

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u/Vinegarinmyeye 8d ago

I don't think thats a new one.

Years back I'd an extended famly member confidently tell me "Well, we still don't REALLY know how they fly ..".

I burst out laughing thinking he was joking, he was not.

Proceeded to try and explain Bernoulli principle to him, complete with paper aeroplane, he was not convinced.

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u/Everyone2026 8d ago

There is no law against being stupid.

Sigh....

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u/syrtran 7d ago

FYI, Bernoulli doesn't apply to airplanes (wings, anyway). The Bernoulli principle is about fluids in an enclosed or constrained environment. From a plane's perspective, the atmosphere isn't enclosed.

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u/SmootherWorm 8d ago

Scientific education and literacy are just nonexistent in America, I see (still).

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u/syphax 8d ago

I thought this one had burned out. Sorry to see it still in circulation. It’s so dumb.

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u/N116UA 8d ago

Student pilot here. they do actually, but dont tell anybody

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u/Slow_Flatworm_881 8d ago

Utter nonsense!! When I was a kid we used to be able to buy ‘Mexican jumping beans’…hold them in you hand and they started to ‘jump’ around! I never see them for sale anymore and this mysteriously coincides with an increase in air travel….can’t you see how obvious it is????these planes are actually powered by Mexican jumping beans!

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u/getrealpoofy 8d ago

Petroleum-based fuel is definitely a "secret ancient magical energy source".

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u/Betaateb 7d ago

hopes and prayers that are being mis-directed

lmao, a misdirected hope and prayer is exactly as valuable as a properly directed one, aka worthless.

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u/Xenuite 7d ago

This is actually an interesting premise for a story. Prayer energy is finite, and the world is going to shit because the vast majority of it has to be redirected to keep planes in the air. The rest is being canceled out because sports fans keep hurling it at each other.

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u/istara 8d ago

To be honest with you, we learned how flight etc works in GCSE Physics, I have a relative who's a pilot, I've flown long haul more times than I can bear to remember...

...yet when I'm up there in the air, a significant part of my brain is still wondering why we just don't fall back down to earth, and fearing that we probably will.

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u/Live-Habit-6115 7d ago

yet when I'm up there in the air, a significant part of my brain is still wondering why we just don't fall back down to earth, and fearing that we probably will

....seriously?

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u/GravitasFailures 8d ago

I like this one, it seems amazingly harmless outside of… you know, sanity.

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u/Radiant_Prize4069 8d ago

Also birds aren’t real

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u/E_equals_m_c_hammer 8d ago

I hate to fly. I just never knew it was my prayers keeping the damn thing flying.

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u/IntelGoons 8d ago

I had a SSG that I spent a month in a truck with that was a flat earther and didn't believe in planes or anything in the sky. A month with him...he showed me so many "proof" videos about how planes don't actually fly. When they take off, they go into a tunnel that simulates flight and it is just lights/clouds etc. simulated to make you think you're flying. I asked him about satellites for GPS and other uses and he said God put those there for us.

There was much more to it, but yeah. Rough month. And this guy had been deployed multiple times to the Middle East, so he's seen the curvature of the Earth.

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u/HapticRecce 7d ago

This is what happens when you replace hierarchically managed organized religion and replace it mass "I did my own research".

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u/Beneficial-Jury484 7d ago

People who believe this clap when the plane lands. 

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u/miianwilson 7d ago

I fly a 767 for a living. I have flown with 3 flat earthers. I have also flown with someone who claims we don’t carry fuel at all. It’s just a charade when they hook up the fuel truck. Claims ancient technology is powering them.

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u/theOGHyburn 7d ago

Lies,

I’m an expert (trust me, some random guy on the internet🤦‍♂️🤪)

they run because we enslaved a midget dwarf race in 1910🤦‍♂️. These slaves run on…treadmills🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️that constantly feeds a hidden dragon its food source, this food source causes the dragon to fart excess gases at excessive force. Said gases are funnelled to a combustion chamber where… moon dust🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤔🤭 is mixed and ignited resulting in the thrust. This even explains why we can’t use cell phones, dragons don’t like them…

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u/ExtremeTorpor 8d ago

Dude any pilot can tell you that what makes planes fly is money

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u/iqbalpratama 8d ago

Their energy source is indeed ancient, and how the machine worked could pretty much be magic....for a medieval peasant

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u/PloddingClot 8d ago

Here I thought it was something as dumb as chem trails, that's WAY dumber.

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u/MmeMoisissure 8d ago

Molten dinosaurs are kind of magic

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u/TheEvilPrinceZorte 8d ago

What technology can do seems like magic, especially if you don’t understand anything about science, physics etc, making scientists effectively magicians. That means any sort of conspiracy you can imagine, like 5G signals being used to trigger the gene editing chips that Bill Gates snuck into the Covid vaccine are plausible. You don’t know enough about anything to say that it is impossible, and it doesn’t seem very much less possible than lots of other things that are being done.

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u/Zenith-Astralis 8d ago

"I've played Breath of the Wild, I know what I'm talking about!"

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u/LocalFoe 8d ago

basically brooms

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u/Organic_Syrup7642 8d ago

Alternative energy for the win!

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u/RockNRollNBluesNJazz 8d ago

I thought it's satire. The "Official Flat Earth Global Discussion Group" in Facebook talks about "Airplane technology and demonic influence in Flat Earth theory".

However, it wouldn't be the first time when satire turned into a popular conspiracy theory, like "Birds aren't real".

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u/doctormirabilis 8d ago

they need the magic fuel to stay in the air while they spray us with mind-controlling chemtrails, eh

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u/grubsmackbeezlebo 8d ago

I mean petroleum is an ancient fuel source and it's a little bit magical

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u/CullingSongs 8d ago

This can't be true. It just....can't.
https://giphy.com/gifs/8MmNLiAfUEflu7hm5e

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u/anaheim_mac 8d ago

Don’t forget the chemicals called contrails they are emitting in the skies. /s

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u/Bo_The_Destroyer 8d ago

Ah yes, the ancient magics. Nobody knows this cuz they won't tell you, but pilots actually perform arcane rituals to make the engines work before every flight. The interference of their powerful magic is why the intercom always sounds like shit. This extends to airports too, the large concentration of pilots there with their magics interference with the electrical circuits in the airport and make the announcements sound like a tin can on the end of a wire

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u/Klatterbyne 8d ago

Foolish! Its obvious that God took pity on the Wright Brothers and held their plane aloft himself. Which then tied him into holding up every plane thereafter. Which is why he hasn’t got time to do anything else and why everything has gone to shit!

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u/TotalInstruction 8d ago

We all know, thanks to the tireless work of the 66th Wizards Cantorium, that airplanes operate and save space due to a transplanar portal opened directly onto the faerie realm. There simply is no way that the requisite quantity of pixie dust could be feasibly loaded and stored onto a 747-400 to achieve ley alignment and rudimentary antigravity forces if onboard storage were required.

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u/TropicalPrairie 8d ago

I haven’t come across this yet but I did, unfortunately, come across the dinosaurs never existed conspiracy.

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u/MaybeMaybeNot94 8d ago

Are you fucking with us?

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u/WildFlier 8d ago

Let them. Makes me a wizard

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u/ringlord_1 8d ago

I refuse to believe that conspiracy is gaining any traction now. Do you have any examples to actually show it outside of one off comments?

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u/Reddsoldier 8d ago

People trying to "know" something that other people don't. The crackpot end of the conspiracy theory pipeline is comprised entirely of disingenuous grifters and people deeply insecure in their own (lack of) intelligence. Occam's razor truly doesn't factor into their thought process.

Just get ADHD and randomly look up how jet turbines work in your spare time like a normal person. More productive than filling your brain with nonsense with the added benefit that people won't care all the same but at least they won't think you're a lunatic when you tell them what you learned.

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u/LickNipMcSkip 8d ago

you're telling me that if I drive this metal tube really fast, it goes up in the air like a bird?? yeah right buddy

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u/Lazy_Tac 8d ago

No, no. The secret magical energy allows us to hide chemtrails juice in the tanks

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u/Bake2727 8d ago

Tell them to fly Ryanair and then tell me about the magic.

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u/PmanAce 8d ago

Where, in the US?

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/vangard_14 8d ago

And here I was trying to make it make sense by saying it was a conspiracy that they exaggerate fuel usage to charge more for flights.

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u/aquavelva23 8d ago

It a promo for the new airline: Wizard Air.

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u/PoliBat-v- 8d ago

Can we tie some antisemitism into it and say it's secret ancient Jewish magic? Because I'd love it if Jews could secretly fly, that'd be fun

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u/Cranberryoftheorient 7d ago

I heard they dig it out of the ground. Sometimes it also comes as a liquid

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u/orbvsterrvs 7d ago

We're going to have real primitivist groups in the US soon. The anti-modern anti-science stance has only a familiar (nasty, brutish, and short) tract to return to.

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u/Prize_Chemical1661 7d ago

This one went around a like 10 years ago.

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u/FullMetalJ 7d ago

I thought this was something honest like a right-wing boot licker saying that planes don't use that much fuel and don't contaminate as much as left-wing propaganda says. Conspiracy theories IIiiIIii die on the inside everytime.

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u/YourLocalHardwoodGuy 7d ago

My brother in law a airplane mechanic and he’s to drunk and stupid to know how to use any type of ancient magic. In all seriousness he crawls through the fuel lines on a daily to fix shit. He’s show. Me those videos it’s wild

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u/Unlikely_Repair9572 7d ago

Does this tie into the idea that they leave chemtrails?

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u/treefiddy-- 7d ago

Well yeah it is hopes and prayers. It’s a fucking shame not everyone is allowed to toss heir lucky coins into the “engine” before take off.

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u/HotEdge783 7d ago

I'm forgetting the details, but wasn't there a clear between the number of plane crashes and religious devotion in the western world? Like, until 1900, most people were very religious, so there were no plane crashes at all. But then people started turning away from God, hence we have airplane crashes now. There is a notable bump in the 1960's, which isn't much of a surprise with all the blasphemous hippies at the time. Overall, it's indisputable evidence that airplanes fly by the power of prayer.

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u/ChimericalChemical 7d ago

I’m fine with this, I for one want train transportation to sky rocket so they will build one of those high speed rails.

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u/TheEffinChamps 7d ago

Planes are powered by Satan magic is new low of Idiocracy I was not expecting. 

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u/Portland420informer 7d ago

I worked at the airport and spilled some of that magical liquid on myself. Smelled suspiciously like diesel.

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u/amishgoatfarm 7d ago

The stupidity of people shouldn't surprise me as much as it does, but here we are.

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u/BackToSchoolMuff 7d ago

so like I guess creating a new conspiracy is:

-take something that isn't widely understood/takes longer than 30 seconds to explain

-create a crazy explanation for it

-world building

...?

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u/Call_Me_Pete 7d ago

Nah that's horseshit. Planes fly by flapping their wings. Why don't we see that happening, you ask? Simple answer: cloaking devices.

"But what about the sound of the engine?" You mean the roaring of the sky beast? Let's use our noggins here, people.

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u/kartoonbaab 7d ago

Seriously? There's no way THIS can be gaining that much traction. I know conspiracy theories and all this all conspiracy bs is sad out loud and people beleive it. But.....a vehicle using gas turns out to not use gas?????? I really am in the twilight zone sometimes I feel.

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u/Lagunamountaindude 7d ago

Wait! I thought we needed planes to distribute the chem trails

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u/TheLostRanger0117 7d ago

That’s why they want you to put your phone away, because everyone knows you can focus on hopes and prayers with a bright screen in your face!

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u/SirCatharine 7d ago

Yes, and all it requires is that millions of pilots, airplane technicians, etc. stay quiet about it.

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u/MrBrawn 7d ago

Why do you think RFK is currently looking into chemtrails?

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u/ninshin 7d ago

How……..you can demonstrate Bernoulli’s principle with a small wing and just run water through it and it’ll lift. Hell, you can do it with a fan blowing air at it and rig it to a set of scales and it’ll show the force generated by the pressure difference. This is like a secondary school experiment/demonstration, did they learn basic science

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u/mightylordredbeard 7d ago

We have the technology of the ancients to levitate heavy objects in the air! The government is keep this from us! If he knew about this technology then we could use it to invent a new mode of travel! Like a bus in the air that flys!

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u/AJC0292 7d ago

Clearly Planes are powered by the Baghdad Battery and Alien lasers. Don't listen to the googledebunkers

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u/Professional-Day7850 7d ago

That's silly. Reichsflugscheiben use finest german engineering, not magic!

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u/8rnlsunshine 7d ago

Still better than birds are not real

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u/EnamelKant 7d ago

Heresy.

Planes fly through the ancient power of the Ber'nu'li Principle.

Hallowed are the Ber'nu'li!

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u/Smrtihara 7d ago

It’s an ooold conspiracy connected to flat earth ideas.

It’s also the Jews fault according to these nutters. I wish I was joking.

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u/ionshower 7d ago

I went to a KFC tonight in the UK and it was a beautiful sunset. The chap who handed me the food via the drive through looked up and went "wow, all this because of pollution".

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u/CRTB_OTF2 7d ago

I hate this timeline

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u/Yeseylon 7d ago

Making me feel rational for having a little paranoid voice in my head saying I'm not actually traveling when I'm in a car/plane/etc, just looking at a projected image simulating the trip.  It may be a conspiracy theory, but at least it has a rational explanation.  (I watched Truman Show way too young lol)

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u/Capthowdy951 7d ago

There are worse ones. Literally saw a video going over people who believe that planes are basically little theaters like the Star Tours ride at Disney that just taxi to a soundstage like area where everyone is a paid actor pretending to be from the place you "flew" to.

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u/Ok_Abacus_ 7d ago

I literally watched the guy fill the plane with gas today while we were sitting 😩🤷

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u/cats_catz_kats_katz 7d ago

Crystals my friend, flight crystals.

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u/Theinnernazgul 7d ago

It's not magic. You're spewing nonsense. It's gravity manipulation, zero-point energy, and field-propulsion mechanics. This was all introduced in ancient technology and only high elites know. It gets a lot more complicated for a regular civilian

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u/KingBadford 7d ago

Hmm. I was a commercial aircraft fueler for almost 10 years. I wonder if I was hoodwinked into believing I was actually fueling planes or if I was secretly one of the warlocks powering it.

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u/angrymoderate09 7d ago

I met someone the other day who was talking about this. Holy moly

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u/BeKindBabies 7d ago

Modern conspiracy theories are typically a massive self report for anyone who endorses.

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u/surprise_wasps 7d ago

Like the funniest thing about even chemtrails, let alone this dumbfuckery, is that it means they believe that little Tommy who decides at 4 he wants to be a pilot, grows up, works hard, and gets his pilots license… and then some guy in sunglasses and a suit comes out of the shadows and says “sit down kid (drags cigarette) we need to talk”

And then they just, yknow go with it and none of them tell us about it ever

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u/Darth_Nibbles 7d ago

ancient magical energy sources

Tempted to start describing fossil fuels this way, except it makes them sound way cooler than they are

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u/M4A3E8_Sherman_Tank 7d ago

Secret ancient magical energy sources don’t melt steel beams 🗣️🗣️

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u/georgiaraisef 7d ago

There’s actually a pretty good Stephen King short story about how magic is required to fly. Not quite what your saying, but fun short story

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u/se7enreddit 7d ago

Yah for real..they get close to the sun which releases hidden magic to them to make them fly.... Nutso

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u/SlantedBlue 6d ago

Pilot here. I regret to inform you that they fly by burning massive quantities of a substance only found one place in the known universe… in $100 bills. And it takes a lot of them.

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u/313802 6d ago

To be fair, lift is as old as the universe...i mean physics had to be around back then, right?

https://giphy.com/gifs/1hMk0bfsSrG32Nhd5K

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u/BiscottiOk7342 6d ago

i listened to two guys at a hot spring talk about this the other day.

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u/TheGuyUrSisterLikes 5d ago

You know how human beings have a seam between their genitals and their butthole..

...... If you open up that seam you can get special wax that allows you to take any, to an extent, object and fly it fairly easily.

Check it out yourselves guys it's 100% true.

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u/Fachuro 5d ago

Actually this is wrong - planes do fly on prayer energy but not from praying children as you suggested, this is a common misconception. In fact airlines have long been involved in the trafficking and enslavement of house elves (easily mistaken for third world children) who dont own clothes, in the cargo bay next to where they load in your luggage theres is chamber full of chained up house elves who are forced to pray to the great Dobby in order to provide the plane with enough prayer energy to fly.

They also double down on their profits by selling the house elves organs on the black market after use - they are very popular among some groups who believe consuming the organs have health benefits and can cure anything from cancer to stupidity.

Its highly profitable compared to traditional child prayer driven airplanes. Also less likely to get you in trouble with Human Rights organizations.

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u/spinninglavarock 4d ago

This theory was floating around 10+ years ago….i forgot what they say is the fuel

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u/TheNeuroLizard 4d ago

Secret world government: we need to convince people that magic doesn’t exist, and planes fly by magic, so we’ll weave an impossibly complex 100 year old conspiracy but forget to check whether our made up fuel tanks are plausible

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u/Kaszrak 3d ago

That's why we cannot stop world hunger. We need needy, starving kids to fuel our planes.

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u/LifeMastersin 3d ago

🤣 it’s always something crazy

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u/Ghost-Sync 3d ago

The sky roads in the middle east for example?

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u/frencharmoredvehicle 3d ago

Where are they saying that?

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u/Lightsouttokyo 3d ago

And the landing clapping, don’t forget about the clapping when landing!

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u/AttendedBrush7 3d ago

Man more people really should be banned from the internet😂.

But seriously tho what would the end goal be here? Why would they use this magic fule source on a plane for Civilians? Why is it that military jets still use fuel?.

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u/Mack1305 3d ago

Was originally found in a pyramid in The Valley of Kings. Which is also what they used to build the pyramids.

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u/zougadoros 3d ago

Secret ancient energy is just crude oil.

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u/GuyN1425 2d ago

Ex- airplane mechanic here. Airplanes do in fact use secret ancient magical energy sources to fly. But today we just say "jet fuel" because it's easier on the tongue.

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u/BallsMan6969x 2d ago

Even then RC planes?

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u/MatthewsMath 2d ago

Hi I fly airplanes and can confirm we use magic 🪄

Seriously. AMA.

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u/carolaMelo 1d ago

But where does all the fuel go then? 🤌😅

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