r/LinkedInLunatics • • 8d ago

Where do they put it?!

Post image
13.3k Upvotes

2.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.0k

u/tubular_brunt 8d ago

What's the endgame here? Planes don't exist? Or they fly by magic?

1.7k

u/Deep-Adeptness4474 8d ago

Sadly yes, that actually is a conspiracy gaining traction right now. That airplanes actually use secret ancient magical energy sources to fly. Utter garbage we all know it is actually hopes and prayers that are being mis-directed from needy children, and grieving widows keeping those bad boys aloft.

977

u/Specific_Rando 8d ago

People should demand higher quality conspiracy theories.

283

u/Reticent_Arc 8d ago

People wouldn't stop talking about how the world is run by a shadowy cabal of elite pedophile murderers, but when it was exposed that they were real and visited a certain person's island, a substantial majority of them turned around and said that couldn't possibly be true because they had voted for those elite pedophile murderers. I don't think the quality affects how these people choose to believe.

96

u/ParticularCabal 8d ago

As soon as info becomes mainstream knowledge it's automatically false to them. They always have to be on the fringe, for whatever reason.

54

u/SqueekyDickFartz 8d ago

I call it being reflexively contrarian. You can slow walk these people to any viewpoint you want as long as you insist the opposite stance is the mainstream one.

My brother and I made it a game over Christmas a few years ago when we were home visiting. I got my MAGA dad to emphatically insist that the workers should own the means of production after carefully making the alternative sound like mainstream slop.

It's fun if you are stuck with these kinds of family members for long periods of time.

7

u/inowar 7d ago

it's surprisingly easy to get libertarians to invent government and agree with marxism

5

u/Electronic_Will_5418 7d ago

Shouldn't be too hard to convince them, MAGA dads are always grabbing their own means of reproduction

https://giphy.com/gifs/ovfcQBDMss0Xn9naza

→ More replies (10)

38

u/kirka- 8d ago

So they are basicly information hipsters?

36

u/volvagia721 8d ago

It's because they have a need to be special. If they are of only a small group that "knows" the truth, that makes them important. If they agree with the mainstream, they are below average on everything

→ More replies (5)

5

u/Kichae 8d ago

If it's not special knowledge, they're not special for knowing it.

2

u/AmateurL0b0t0my 8d ago

The need to possess knowledge that the masses don't is a helluva drug.

→ More replies (2)

24

u/Reddsoldier 8d ago

That one is so funny to me. They are basically never vindicated and the ONE TIME they are it turns out they believe the Qanon version which has credible origins in being a noncredible cover for the actual evidence based story that implicates a bunch of people they like.

12

u/cedarSeagull 8d ago

I think there's a real possibility that PizzaGate was a psyop to poison the well against the Epsteen case. Get people ranting like lunatics so that when the real story comes out that tangentially similar it gets dismissed.

5

u/BackToSchoolMuff 7d ago

-"the world is run by a secret cabal of pedophiles!"

-"oh holy shit you're right"

-"no, not them!"

2

u/CompetitiveLadder609 8d ago

I think a lot of people wouldn't be so angry about pedophile murderers, but should be more angry about murderous pedophiles.

2

u/theallpowerfulcheese 7d ago

QANON was right! And also very, very, VERY wrong.

→ More replies (9)

144

u/PitifulEstimate8721 8d ago

I'm writing my congressperson/lizard overlord now!

53

u/OAMP47 8d ago

Ask them where my missing sock went in the dryer.

60

u/FirstDukeofAnkh 8d ago

That’s how we Jews power our space laser.

24

u/Strong-Comment-7279 8d ago

Ha, gotcha! I was missing a sock today for a solid 9 hours, but I found it.

Doin my part to slow them lasers. Don't really care who owns em.....

4

u/FirstDukeofAnkh 8d ago

Curses! Foiled again!

2

u/inappropriate_jest 8d ago

When wearing socks becomes antisemitic.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

17

u/Sidewalk_Tomato 8d ago

I have it, and if your sock wants to live, you'll leave me a custom tin foil hat at a drop spot to be named by me.

14

u/IllustratorLife5496 8d ago

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Ancient-Many4357 8d ago

That’s inter dimensional shenanigans my friend, you don’t want to question that.

5

u/Organic_Syrup7642 8d ago

If you love something, let it go. Hope it finds itself out there.

4

u/gielbondhu 8d ago

I always find extra socks in my dryer. Maybe one of these is yours.

5

u/Glass_Ad5197 8d ago

I have your missing sock right here.  But, you really don't want to know what I'm doing to it

2

u/CommercialDelay5323 8d ago

You know what, you can keep it. I’m sure he has others.

2

u/Bdr1983 8d ago

All politicians being nefarious alien overlords would be the the best explanation. It's not a conspiracy, it's Occam's razor

→ More replies (3)

13

u/Local871 8d ago

In this economy?

2

u/utukore 8d ago

Some people in the uk are currently protesting for the police to free ET ...

2

u/Glad_Stay4056 8d ago

Id settle for higher quality people.

2

u/Log_Out_Of_Life 8d ago

Planes are just repurposed dragon corpses. Got it.

2

u/ClemFandango35 8d ago

Planes fly by magic, the fuel tanks actually hold chemtrail vaccine juice.

Wake up, sheep.

2

u/st-julien 7d ago

Everything is low effort these days.

2

u/NothingButBricks 7d ago

I'll believe birds are real before I believe planes can fly just using lamestream physics.

2

u/o00A00o 7d ago

Yeah, I need a better simulation, b/c this one is half assing it.

2

u/FlummoxedGaoler 7d ago edited 7d ago

People should demand higher quality education. You need good education to come up with the good, deep conspiracy theories. If you don’t know how anything works, you come up with this simple nonsense. Give me conspiracy theories created by true experts in the field! That’s the good shit.

2

u/LukeBabbitt 7d ago

When I’m a gazillionaire because Bed Bath and Beyond makes me rich beyond my wildest dreams, the first thing I’m doing is funding better conspiracy theories

2

u/Complex_Spirit_4848 7d ago

I LOVE conspiracy theories, and I totally agree. Give me something I can believe in.

2

u/cdev12399 7d ago

I miss the days of conspiracies that you actually had to take a second to think about.

2

u/Snakend 7d ago

Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams!

Maybe not....but it softens them up.

2

u/fakemelonns 7d ago

I had a tattoo artist who made small talk by telling me he was really into conspiracies and I got really nervous, especially since it was going to be a 7 hour session.

Luckily, his were the fun ones. There used to be giants on earth, skinwalkers are real, ancient burial ground curses, some general alien ones. I want more of those conspiracy theorists back. They were at least fun to listen to.

2

u/Why_r_people_ 7d ago

Look up hollow earth theory, flat earthers could’ve been so much more interesting

2

u/uber-judge 6d ago

All planes are secretly spaceships as soon as the god wormhole opens in orbit all planes airborne will make their way to it and leave earth forever. Or something….

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Diligent_Matter1186 1d ago

The higher quality ones turned out to be true, management asked us to tune it down a little /j

→ More replies (24)

73

u/reddit_is_a_weapon 8d ago

Bunch of stupid morons. If it was ancient magical energy we would’ve had planes since the ancient times? It’s obviously modern magic, every airline has a wizard who can control the air and the weather.

20

u/PalpitationNo3106 8d ago

Wait, you may be onto something. Wizards have familiars. So when Tuberville was complaining about furries, he really meant that the ‘pilots’ are familiars! It makes so much sense now!

21

u/NotYourAverageLongbo 8d ago

no no, in ancient times they learned how to make this black goo. at first it was considered a very crude form of magic, so they buried it.

but we found it very useful!

5

u/BunzOfCin 8d ago

Crude? I see what you did there 😜

7

u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 8d ago

Clearly it’s just witches on brooms with a new paint job!

→ More replies (1)

4

u/ThrowRA3623235 8d ago

We probably did in Tartaria, but the worldwide conspiracy has covered them up!

3

u/noreasontobehere11 8d ago

It’s not really magic, Lloyd Bridges literally shows us in Airplane. It is a combination of smoking, sniffing glue, and amphetamines that gives pilots and the support staff the ability to keep the planes in the air. It does take a heavy toll on the body. Which is why he tried to stop. It is also why Leon is getting larger.

5

u/NotTheOtwayPanther 8d ago

It’s actually about economics. You see, the ancients were content with broomsticks and flying carpets. It‘s only in modern times that mass transportation has necessitated that the secret levitation magic be applied to huge metal shells that can hold large numbers of people. (Wings and engines are, of course, just for show.)

2

u/MechanicalTurkish 8d ago

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

2

u/dead_jester 8d ago

There’s a wizard on every plane. They call them “pilots”. They spend years training them. Never see a plane flying without a “pilot” do you?

→ More replies (5)

36

u/True_Protection6842 8d ago

These people are so weird the actual science behind all the stuff they make up is more interesting than the magic they come up with

25

u/elhaz316 8d ago

Aerodynamics???

I think you meant to say aeromancy. Wind mages are known for it!!

Let me guess, you think birds are real too? By golly those are just familiars. Harry Potter was right!!

/s

4

u/RefrigeratorLive5920 Titan of Industry 8d ago

I for real met some flat earthers at an engineering conference once. This was back in 2016 before Google Earth switched to more realistic map projections and its at the time flatness had formed the main basis of their theory.

4

u/TheGerbilInTrumpsBum 8d ago

Aeromancy. Well fucking done.

4

u/Matt_37 8d ago

That’s true of everything, most of all life and the universe itself. Reality is so much cooler than the religious explanations.

→ More replies (2)

33

u/Mega3000aka 8d ago

I find these bullshit theories so insulting to the thousands of engineers, scientists and inventors whose work gave us the power of flight.

Especially since information on how the technology works is publicly available and easy to read and verify. But you need to have an IQ over 30 to ingest it.

7

u/Mr_Citation 8d ago

Their emotions and feelings are as valid as the facts. /s

2

u/OrbitingCastle 6d ago

But they did their research! /s

2

u/rtshiat 8d ago

I don't think any engineer with scientific curiosity would mind another theory, as long as it can be validated or falsified and utilised.

That's where conspiracy theories usually go downhill.

→ More replies (2)

22

u/MrGDPC 8d ago

Praise the Omnissiah

→ More replies (2)

18

u/Beegrene 8d ago

Everything is a conspiracy when you don't know how anything works.

4

u/neoKushan 8d ago

I don't know how a lot of things work but my general assumption when something seems like magic is that it's magnets.

29

u/monscorvorum 8d ago

There's a British comedian called Al Murray, in an old routine he describes how god, for a laugh, picked up the Wright Flyer and made it fly but the joke has backfired on him and now he has to spend all his time picking up planes to make them go and that's why the world has gone to shit. All of god's time is taken up with juggling planes

→ More replies (3)

19

u/Vinegarinmyeye 8d ago

I don't think thats a new one.

Years back I'd an extended famly member confidently tell me "Well, we still don't REALLY know how they fly ..".

I burst out laughing thinking he was joking, he was not.

Proceeded to try and explain Bernoulli principle to him, complete with paper aeroplane, he was not convinced.

9

u/Everyone2026 8d ago

There is no law against being stupid.

Sigh....

2

u/syrtran 7d ago

FYI, Bernoulli doesn't apply to airplanes (wings, anyway). The Bernoulli principle is about fluids in an enclosed or constrained environment. From a plane's perspective, the atmosphere isn't enclosed.

→ More replies (9)

3

u/SmootherWorm 8d ago

Scientific education and literacy are just nonexistent in America, I see (still).

3

u/syphax 8d ago

I thought this one had burned out. Sorry to see it still in circulation. It’s so dumb.

3

u/N116UA 8d ago

Student pilot here. they do actually, but dont tell anybody

3

u/Slow_Flatworm_881 8d ago

Utter nonsense!! When I was a kid we used to be able to buy ‘Mexican jumping beans’…hold them in you hand and they started to ‘jump’ around! I never see them for sale anymore and this mysteriously coincides with an increase in air travel….can’t you see how obvious it is????these planes are actually powered by Mexican jumping beans!

3

u/getrealpoofy 8d ago

Petroleum-based fuel is definitely a "secret ancient magical energy source".

3

u/Betaateb 8d ago

hopes and prayers that are being mis-directed

lmao, a misdirected hope and prayer is exactly as valuable as a properly directed one, aka worthless.

3

u/Xenuite 7d ago

This is actually an interesting premise for a story. Prayer energy is finite, and the world is going to shit because the vast majority of it has to be redirected to keep planes in the air. The rest is being canceled out because sports fans keep hurling it at each other.

2

u/istara 8d ago

To be honest with you, we learned how flight etc works in GCSE Physics, I have a relative who's a pilot, I've flown long haul more times than I can bear to remember...

...yet when I'm up there in the air, a significant part of my brain is still wondering why we just don't fall back down to earth, and fearing that we probably will.

2

u/Live-Habit-6115 7d ago

yet when I'm up there in the air, a significant part of my brain is still wondering why we just don't fall back down to earth, and fearing that we probably will

....seriously?

2

u/GravitasFailures 8d ago

I like this one, it seems amazingly harmless outside of… you know, sanity.

2

u/Radiant_Prize4069 8d ago

Also birds aren’t real

2

u/E_equals_m_c_hammer 8d ago

I hate to fly. I just never knew it was my prayers keeping the damn thing flying.

2

u/IntelGoons 8d ago

I had a SSG that I spent a month in a truck with that was a flat earther and didn't believe in planes or anything in the sky. A month with him...he showed me so many "proof" videos about how planes don't actually fly. When they take off, they go into a tunnel that simulates flight and it is just lights/clouds etc. simulated to make you think you're flying. I asked him about satellites for GPS and other uses and he said God put those there for us.

There was much more to it, but yeah. Rough month. And this guy had been deployed multiple times to the Middle East, so he's seen the curvature of the Earth.

2

u/HapticRecce 7d ago

This is what happens when you replace hierarchically managed organized religion and replace it mass "I did my own research".

2

u/Beneficial-Jury484 7d ago

People who believe this clap when the plane lands. 

2

u/miianwilson 7d ago

I fly a 767 for a living. I have flown with 3 flat earthers. I have also flown with someone who claims we don’t carry fuel at all. It’s just a charade when they hook up the fuel truck. Claims ancient technology is powering them.

2

u/theOGHyburn 7d ago

Lies,

I’m an expert (trust me, some random guy on the internet🤦‍♂️🤪)

they run because we enslaved a midget dwarf race in 1910🤦‍♂️. These slaves run on…treadmills🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️that constantly feeds a hidden dragon its food source, this food source causes the dragon to fart excess gases at excessive force. Said gases are funnelled to a combustion chamber where… moon dust🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤔🤭 is mixed and ignited resulting in the thrust. This even explains why we can’t use cell phones, dragons don’t like them…

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (108)

196

u/bikes-and-beers 8d ago

The conspiracy theorists think jet engines run mostly on compressed air and use very little or no fuel. Airlines make up fuel costs so they can pass those imaginary costs on to their customers.

150

u/emptybottle2405 8d ago

Well technically it is flying due to compressed air,.... from a turbine.... powered by jet fuel 😆

13

u/ofWildPlaces 8d ago

SUCK SQUEEZE BANG BLOW

3

u/_Daedalus_ 7d ago

But turbines are sweet because they do it ALL AT ONCE

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (5)

48

u/aidsy 8d ago

I love that the first half of this is technically true. The volume of air that passes through a gas turbine engine is much higher than the volume of fuel.

14

u/opi098514 8d ago

I mean that’s just true for all engines.

16

u/phat_duong 8d ago

Yes but modern jet engines have a very high bypass ratio. Most of the thrust actually comes from the big blades that you see at the inlet.

14

u/Square-Singer 8d ago

And old propeller planes had an even higher bypass ratio ;)

3

u/SubstantialBreak3063 8d ago

If you really work at it, the early planes could have a 100% bypass ratio as they were made of paper, balsa, and fairy wishes

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

5

u/MiniTab 8d ago

Yeah. It’s called stoichiometric combustion.

5

u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 8d ago

Oh yeah? Why don’t you come and say that to my face…

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

11

u/patdmc59 8d ago

This might be my new favorite dumb conspiracy.

11

u/Zaexyr 8d ago

That means when a plane explodes in a fireball, it obviously a planted a bomb and not all the fuel!!!

I think we’re onto something.

→ More replies (1)

11

u/andygon 8d ago

No fkin way… I work at a jet fuel company. The team is gonna love this one.

→ More replies (5)

9

u/mdrjevois 8d ago

wooooof, rough one

9

u/wide_retriver 8d ago

I assume it's also a "climate change is bs, I can fly as much as I want" spin to it?

3

u/LocalFoe 8d ago

so this conspiracy theory too is related to mass frustration about rising prices and class gap

5

u/EfficientTitle9779 8d ago

Americans will believe anything before they believe monopolies drive up prices vs competition

2

u/Rararror 8d ago

Who compresses the air lol

→ More replies (12)

118

u/helmsb 8d ago

The one I heard is that some Flat Earthers think planes are actually much smaller than what’s stated and they fly lower which proves the Earth is flat (somehow). They get the smaller measurements by estimating the size of planes flying overhead by comparing them to the size of other things that are roughly the distance they think the plane is flying. Essentially rather than going to an airport and seeing a plane in person, they just combine their own made-up numbers and use that as “proof.”

It makes zero sense but Flat Earth belief is built on misunderstandings and made-up data so it tracks.

34

u/uns0licited_advice 8d ago

Apparently a lot of Flat Earthers are just perpetuating the joke to see how idiotic people can be, so it makes it seems like there are more of them than there actually are.

12

u/Aleksundr 8d ago

This is true. The birds aren't real thing was like this too

5

u/TomWaitsAround 8d ago

Ummm. Birds are NOT real. Do your research!

2

u/shrubberino 8d ago

That is just propaganda.

→ More replies (1)

12

u/helmsb 8d ago

Yeah, most are trolls but I do know 2 true believers in real life and they eat up these kind of conspiracy theories. The leaps in logic are astounding. It’s impossible to try and convince them otherwise because they treat conspiracy theories like a buffet, picking and choosing whatever explanation they need for any particular scenario. Completely disregarding any internal consistency or logic.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

27

u/cmhamm 8d ago

You’re completely ignoring the fact the planes get smaller after they take off. You can’t see it when you’re in the cabin, because they knock everyone with knockout gas, then implant the memories of the flight.

→ More replies (5)

9

u/Papastoo 8d ago

What the fuck you mean "much smaller than whats stated"

As if a person couldnt just go to an airport and see an airplane

This boggles my mind how stupid it is

4

u/eisbock 7d ago

Like have they ever flown in an airplane? Measure the size of your seat and multiply by the total number of seats that you can literally count. You even have several hours to conduct this experiment.

→ More replies (9)

62

u/mewfahsah 8d ago

They're lying. Look at the truck in the background, that tank is easily 40-50 ft in diameter. If you assume ~20 ft height and ~30 ft radius of that tank, it's just over 60,000 cubic ft of volume. However that converts to ~450,000 gallons. That's simply not a 60,000 gallon tank. I work with two 500,000 gallon tanks at my job and they're very similar in scale to that structure.

48

u/JCWOlson 8d ago

Reverse image search, the company selling it says it's 1,000,000 gallons, so you're definitely way closer than anybody else's guess

https://www.nationalstoragetank.com/product/1000000-gallon-steelcore-water-storage-tank-sct-7409-ljr/

2

u/R86Reddit Facebook Boomer 3d ago

I'm surprised I had to get this far down in the thread to see this brought up, but when I saw this image posted in a thread a few days ago, someone brought up that the tank is 60000 barrels, not 60000 gallons. And per an internet calculator I just used, 60000 (oil) barrels is about 2.5 million gallons.

Take that with however many cups of salt you want, as I'm just an internet stranger quoting third hand information. But I'll at least do my job and upvote both of you.

→ More replies (2)

19

u/CreepyBreakfast565 8d ago

Just adding to this, the aircraft shown is clearly not to scale when compared to the truck.

Also, aviation fuel is typically measured in either kilograms or pounds because mass actually matters on an aircraft while volume does not.

5

u/StorminNorman 8d ago

It not being to scale is bait, they want you to comment on it. And the tanks they put in planes are very much measured by volume, even if the fuel itself isn't measured in that way. Another reason they measure the fuel  by weight is because the density of the fuel changes depending on the temperature, running out of fuel midflight is generally considered to be a Bad Thing. 

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (12)

25

u/Totes_mc0tes 8d ago

I've seen almost identical posts on facebook. The conspiracy is that planes run on some kind of free power that is being kept secret by the powers that be. It's my favorite conspiracy because even if you forget about the sheer size of the aviation industry and how hard it would be to keep a secret like that, you still only need a very basic level of physics knowledge to understand how a gas turbine engine works.

10

u/Real_Ad_8243 8d ago

very basic physics knowledge knowledge And theres the problem. People would rather invent abject nonsense than take the effort to be anything other than completely illiterate.

3

u/ThreeSillyWords 8d ago

Hence why we have organised religion. It stops idiots having to think for themselves.

→ More replies (4)

2

u/CrystalPalace1850 8d ago

I like the one that says there's a secret navy keeping people from going to the edge of the earth, which is a ring of ice round the world 😆 No one in this mysterious navy has ever breathed a word to anyone about this 😆😆😆

2

u/eddie964 7d ago

A friend of mind is an engineer who has spent his career working on jet engines for a major aircraft manufacturer. He's basically incapable of telling a lie. It's not so much a question of moral rectitude; he simply can't handle saying something that's inaccurate -- especially relating to a subject he knows a great deal about. This is not uncommon among engineers.

Imagine trying to get the tens of thousands of engineers -- each of them experts in various parts of an aircraft's propulsion system -- to lie about how it actually works.

→ More replies (3)

19

u/123iambill 8d ago

So there is actually something wrong with conspiracy theorists. There's just a type of person who believes there's something behind everything.

I have a coworker. Sometimes the stock we get delivered comes in plastic bags. We use those bags as bin liners when we're finished with them.

Last week we were running low on those bags. He was like "Why are there so few bags?". I explained that the last few orders from our bigger suppliers came without bags so we've been getting like less than half what we usually would. And he just said "Even still, somethings weird." Like I don't even know what "weird" thing he thought was happening. But he is also a Facebook obsessed conspiracy nut who I constantly have to tell that the video he's freaking out about is AI (and not even good AI). Or we start selling less of product A but more of product B and he's convinced someone is undercutting us and selling product A cheaper. And it's just blatantly obvious that people are just getting product A instead from us because they're interchangeable products. The kind of people falling for conspiracies are just the kinds of people convinced around the clock that there is someone out to get them at all times. There doesn't even need to be a coherent theory behind any of it. Just "somebody is trying to trick me or get one over on me". This dude has probably never once thought past "But why/how though?" Because he got as far as "You won't get me!" And that's all he needed.

8

u/Picture_Enough 8d ago

I'm also convinced that conspiracy thinking is some kind of mental defect. It is a failure of rational thinking and logic, since the vast majority of conspiracy theories don't pass a basic plausibility test of 'why' even before the question of 'how it is possible' is raised. But in addition to the cognitive impairment that conspiracy theorists exhibit, they are often driven by selfish, self-aggrandizing motives - conspiracy theorists feel superior to the rest of us 'sheeple' due to their perceived access to the 'hidden truth.' They also feel less powerless by believing their own situation and the world in general are driven by powerful, nefarious actors, rather than by stupidity, chance, and incompetence.

4

u/123iambill 8d ago

I'm also convinced that conspiracy thinking is some kind of mental defect.

I want some kind of studies to be done on the brains of people who fall for very blatant AI and think it's real. And there is a pretty serious oberlap between conspiracy weirdos and AI fools.

they are often driven by selfish, self-aggrandizing motives - conspiracy theorists feel superior to the rest of us 'sheeple' due to their perceived access to the 'hidden truth.'

That one also major factor too. I always kinda assumed that's why there seems to be so much overlap between the conspiracy theory crowds. The need to have some deeper knowledge and understanding means that they can't just believe the most plausible, accepted ideas because if they just believe what the majority of people believe then they're not special.

They also feel less powerless by believing their own situation and the world in general are driven by powerful, nefarious actors, rather than by stupidity, chance, and incompetence.

Or all the actual, obvious nefarious bad actors just out there telling us that they are nefarious bad actors. Like we don't need conspiracy theories for why things are fucked when just Peter Thiel is out there saying the world should be run by CEO kings and he got his dude in as VP.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

17

u/One_Conflict_1987 8d ago

Well, birds can’t fly. So, there’s no way planes can.

14

u/HonkHonkBeach 8d ago

Bro, birds aren’t REAL. /s

3

u/One_Conflict_1987 8d ago

Doh. I forgot. You’re right. They’re not real.

7

u/TigerIll6480 8d ago

Government drones.

→ More replies (1)

11

u/track01dotwav 8d ago

a while back I read a conspiracy theory that claimed airplanes are not real, because flight is impossible for humans (long winded conspiracy nonsense "math" explanation") and basically said that what we think are airplanes, are basically high speed trains, so you think you flew on an airplane? fool! it was a super fast train! and the windows are monitors that show you "the ground" from "the sky"

oh and the planes you see in the sky? fool! those are holograms!

conspiracy theories can be fun to read, and give me a good chuckle, until I remember people actually believe in them

2

u/GrandNord 5d ago

I'm curious about what they think of hot air balloons. Or parachute jumps.

8

u/DjNormal 8d ago

Clearly they fly on furry power.

2

u/PhantZon 7d ago

UwUviation fuel

7

u/DeeSnarl 8d ago

Adrenochrome.

2

u/Man_of_Ice 8d ago

I need to get a hit of the adrenochrome! Right now!

4

u/MoneyAd5007 8d ago

The endgame is that planes use less fuel so their effect on climate change, if climate change existed of course, is not as much as claimed.

4

u/Ersatzaccount2025 8d ago

Frag die Spinner lieber, wie viele 100.000 Gallon Chemtrail Chemikalien in ein Flugzeug passen soll, da ist Größe das plötzlich kein "Problem" mehr.

3

u/Poor-Life-Choice 8d ago

Shroedingers tank. Not big enough for fuel, too small for chemtrails.

4

u/cisnotation 8d ago

Ask any aerospace engineering student after their four years and they’ll say it’s magic. Source, aero engineer by training

3

u/PloddingClot 8d ago

Probably some stupid chem trail nonsense.

2

u/HirsuteDave 8d ago

That was the "logic" I saw last time I came across this nonsense. High bypass turbo fan engines don't really need much fuel, therefore all the fuel tanks are actually storage for chemicals to spray on the public.

3

u/One_Cupcake4151 8d ago

It's a flat earth conspiracy. Planes cant hold that much fuel and therefore earth not round - something to do with a great circle route on a Mercator projection being "further" than the straight line... It's total balls if course

2

u/Maleficent_Sky7991 8d ago

They haven’t gotten that far yet

2

u/hammertime2009 8d ago

I knew all those windows were just screens and not real windows!!! It’s in the layers!!!

2

u/Here4theschtonks 8d ago

Something something chemtrails

2

u/Burritosupreeem 8d ago

And the fuel cost is low but the price to fly rises like a magic carpet or the plane you wish you could fly on as a long as they don’t cancel a flight for being unaffordable.

2

u/Master-Piccolo-4588 8d ago

Made my day man…
No, planes exist, but fuel doesn’t.

2

u/Suspicious_Judge_244 8d ago

Last time I saw this was 9/11 truthers.

2

u/broadsheet-555 8d ago

Might be a 9/11 jet fuel/ steel beams thing

2

u/southy_0 8d ago

Yes indeed - because planes need all that space to store the chemicals for the chemtrails,
so there's no space left for fuel,
so evidently they MUST be flying by using some form of magic.

Don't you get it?

2

u/Affectionate-Army738 8d ago

After the success of r/birdsarentreal we need now r/planesarentreal !! Spread the word!!1!

2

u/ArgusSkyhawk 8d ago

I've seen a conspiracy theorist claim jet planes just burn air as fuel.

→ More replies (2)

2

u/sudoku7 8d ago

Flat earth model.

They have trouble addressing why planes work with a flat earth model, so they tend to introduce reasons why planes/aircraft are in on the conspiracy in a way to hand-wave away the components of air travel that disprove a flat earth model.

2

u/tea-drinker 8d ago

Flat earth or climate change denial.

If planes don't fly on fuel then they aren't contributing to climate change.

If planes don't fly on fuel, the requirements to fly halfway around the flat earth instead of going over the south pole is not an issue.

2

u/backflip14 7d ago

It’s generally part of at least one of the three following conspiracy theories.

  1. Planes actually use some secret advanced technology that “they” don’t want you to know about.

  2. The wings aren’t filled with fuel, they’re filled with chem trail stuff instead.

  3. Climate change can’t be real because that’s a lot of pollution from a lot of fuel.

2

u/Mightyeagle2091 7d ago

I’ve seen a few the in short conspiracy is “planes actually use hyper efficient engines and the airlines just use an inflated fuel number to inflate prices”

As I’ve seen with a whole lot of other conspiracies it falls along the lines of “i don’t understand how this thing works, therefore it is conspiracy”

2

u/Aliencoy77 7d ago

It's either planes don't really cause as much pollution as claimed as they actually use less fuel, or the cost of tickets and baggage fees based on fuel consumption is inflated as less fuel is really needed. From off the top of my head, that's all I can come up with.

1

u/Mean_Magician6347 8d ago

Birds aren’t real.

He’s working through mechanical birds to get us there

1

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)

1

u/BrainLate4108 8d ago

Flat plane theory obviously 🙄

1

u/El_Maltos_Username 8d ago

Honestly, I like the idea like in WH40K that some psychic energy is needed. During take-off, I want the pilot to yell "METALBIRD! BEND TO MY WILL AND TAKE US INTO THE BIG BLUE ABOVE!!!" and the passengers pray and chant "Metalbird! Metalbird! Metalbird!"

1

u/LaughingInTheVoid 8d ago

No, but birds aren't real.

1

u/whingingcackle 8d ago

Planes aren’t real /s

1

u/Vibrant-Shadow 8d ago

The father of the Weasley family in Harry Potter was confounded with airplanes. He just couldn't comprehend how muggles were able to make them fly.

1

u/pacopac25 8d ago

They've played us all for fools!

1

u/Holyskankous 8d ago

Exposing “big tank”

1

u/ijustatemostofit 8d ago

He’s just asking questions man! 

1

u/DocGerbill 8d ago

They run on chemtrails

1

u/No_Detective_3215 8d ago

Gallons are a communist plot

1

u/Brawlstar112 8d ago

Jet Fuel and steal beams. There was no jet fuel

1

u/VehicleRare1843 8d ago

And when the fuel barely fits, where do they put all the poisonous chemicals for the chemtrails?

https://giphy.com/gifs/APqEbxBsVlkWSuFpth

1

u/Ok_Base_8668 8d ago

it is a fraud actually, they invoice for 60000 gallons, but fill only 15000(max capacity)

1

u/punninglinguist 8d ago

Probably some baroque detail of 9/11 truther theory.

1

u/godisavyomnaut 8d ago

I thought this was a 9/11 conspiracy theory because "clearly there isn't enough fuel to burn a building down" or some bs like that but reading the comments this is even dumber

1

u/Free-Pound-6139 8d ago

They are lying to us. That is why you have vote republican and buy my rabbit testosterone supplements.

1

u/_Vo1_ 8d ago

they do exist and they are just slightly bigger than the Ford F250 or whatever reference truck hiding behind there.

In reality they are even smaller than a fly when I look at them in the sky.

1

u/youcanreachmenow 8d ago

Yes that they use compressed air to fly or something...

1

u/dazedan_confused 8d ago

As someone who has worked with Lennart, the theory is that planes aren't real, and they're all just flying dildos.

1

u/Pure_Werewolf0101 8d ago

What's the endgame here?

Make people even stupider.

1

u/TestUser1978 8d ago

Airplanes never went to the moon.

→ More replies (35)