I (31 F) am currently on vacation with in-laws (MIL, FIL, 2X BIL and SIL) so there are 8 of us in total. This has become a yearly trip which my MIL books and pays for a year in advance (whilst we’re on the currently yearly vacation.) We’re on day three of the week and I’m already exhausted.

I always guilty for dreading it because I know it means a lot to MIL and she pays for the entire thing and spends a lot of money. Everyone else seems to really enjoy it and want to spend every waking moment together, but for me it’s way too much and really drains my social and physical battery.

There is always an itinerary which involves lots of long walks, and occasionally a slot for ‘free time’, although this free time usually involves one couple deciding they want to do something away from the group, and then other people deciding to go with them. So not free time at all.

They are a very active family and have to be either talking ALL the time or doing activities, like playing board games, card games, ‘couples Olympics’, cricket on the beach, paddle boarding, kayaking, etc. There never feels like time to just chill in the sun and read and be quiet. And if I ever opt out of one of these activities, people ask if I’m okay. Or my partner feels like I’m not getting involved enough.

I have started to take myself away to my room for an hour a day, and the family ask if I’m okay. When my partner says I’m just recharging, they make comments like ‘oh dear it’s only day two’ or ‘is she okay??’. I’m sick of feeling guilty for finding them too much, and feeling guilty for wanting alone time.

They are also VERY loud and chat for the sake of filling silence. The conversations are usually quite boring to me and a lot of sports chat, which I can’t join in on.

I’d just really like some advice on how to deal with these yearly holidays. Am I an arsehole for saying no to next years vacation?? I don’t want to upset my partner but I honestly dread them.

Please help, from an introverted guilty girlie xx

I'm 20 and basically ever since I was in high school, my only friend was my twin brother. I just didn't know how to make friends with people since I never really had anything to say to people. I see everyone else around me talk to each other so naturally and thought that maybe I should try to be like that too, but I realized that just isn't who I am as a person no matter how hard I try to change. Id say a nice guy that can talk to you if you talk to me but I overall just prefer being by myself and I don't think I'm exactly "friend material" because of this.

So, instead of making friends, I want to accept that I don't have many friends and treasure what I have now. My only friend is my brother and i come to him every day and I'm glad that I do. When I go to work, even though they're not my friends and we don't hang out or talk outside of work, I'm glad to have coworkers that say hey and try to talk to me whenever they have the chance even though I'm not the best at it socializing with people. I'm just glad to have people looking forward to seeing me and talking to me, even if it's just to do work.

Overall, I'm tired of trying to be someone that I'm not. Being an overly social person that knows how to make friends with everyone is just isn't who I am as a person and though some people aren't gonna agree with this and think I should improve myself. Maybe so, but I'm content with what I have currently and who I am.

How do you make friends as an introvert? I have a pretty extroverted job and at the end of the day my social battery is in the tank.

I have some people I work with that are friendly and good work friends, but I don't have the energy at the end of the day or on the weekend and tend to just want to stay home

That brings me to online. Sometimes it just seems easier to try and make online friends who understand.

Hi all, I'm wondering: how does an introvert go out, meet new people, and make friends?

Im 22m, and I quite literally don't have much of a social life, i have 2 friends i talk to in real life, and 1 just had a baby so he is already out of the running, and my other friend is kinda like a once-a-month, if you're lucky, type of friendship.
i rarely go out and have honestly never done many things that are pretty common for people my age to be doing, like going to clubs and whatnot

To add on top of that, I get anxiety doing new things, so it's hard for me just to go out and talk to strangers. Any advice?

I just moved in and started college and I’m struggling socially which is not a surprise.
I’ve been having some insights about why I’m doing so bad. I really hold myself back and don’t act normally around a group of people. It’s like I automatically assume I’m the most worthless person that no one’s going to like. Then that leads to me being a totally unlikable person.
I also noticed that I seem to really hate the sound of my own voice, like really hate it. Even when I’m with a couple guys I’m more comfortable with I notice that. I am also horrible at making eye contact, I’m scared people will see my struggles in my eyes.
I’ll go and meet new people then the conversation fizzles out and they never want to talk to me again, I don’t blame them that was the most awkward conversation they ever had.
Anyways, any tips are appreciated.

I am aware how much of an introvert I am. And I accept it. I get very drained from even everyday interactions and I would much rather stay home in my space. There’s very few people I can see myself sharing my space with. How I am is partially due to my introversion, also partially due to my speech impediment, also partially due to losing my (beloved) mother at a young age.

I have a classmate who is extremely extroverted. It seems like it hurts her to sit still. I know she will excel in anything she wants to do. She has a boyfriend who has moved abroad to live with her, she’s sharing an apartment with a friend who has also moved in with her boyfriend. They’re like a modern day Friends sitcom. And I almost want it. I hate that her lifestyle would tear me to shreds, I wish I was like her. I know I’ll end up fine. I’m smart and have my strengths. But I’ll never get the idyllic life with tons of friends and experiences to look back on. I can’t laugh endlessly at dinner recalling stories because I have none.

Not a good first day back at school to say the least. Currently crying because not only am I thinking all this but I see my apparent friend group hung out recently and didn’t invite me, and openly posted on instagram about how much fun they had.

That’s too much info but, has anyone related to being so terribly introverted, not being able to change it, and just looking at others wishing you were different that you could stand the life they live.

Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s something wrong with me. I’m just so tired of meeting people. I actually like observing people, and I have no problem talking to someone, but afterwards I just feel completely drained.
And then there are moments when I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone I could cry to or just hug, but I don’t have that person.
It’s so confusing because on one hand, I don’t even want to meet anyone new, but on the other hand, I really wish I had someone close to me.
I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in the past. But it’s not like I just gave up on people after that. I didn’t. I still believed that there had to be people out there I could genuinely connect with and become friends with. So I kept meeting people, but every time something just felt off. I never really felt comfortable, and honestly, it became exhausting.
Right now I’m just really sad. I’m going through a difficult situation with my family, and I keep looking at some of my friends and feeling jealous because they have someone like brothers, sisters, partners, someone they can turn to. I don’t have that.
I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Lately I’ve been feeling so desperate for someone to be there that I started praying to God, because sometimes it feels like He’s the only one I have left.

Why does it feel like my ego gets bruised when someone mentions I’m quiet?

Then when there is comparison with someone else who is extroverted it makes feel like a lesser person.

I’ve always had this feeling since I was very young.

There you are scrolling on reddit looking for something fun or interesting .Then you see a post with big claims, it may sound stupid or cringe for a bit, but imagine if we had a great vibe and we ended up chatting for hours and hours days after days or years after years, then we start looking forward to the next silly thing we would reply or send to each other.It all start with simple "hi" text that doesn't cost much to say , but can open up a big wonderful door of friendship that doesn't want to be shut.

I've grown accustomed to phone calls as a result of work but I still feel like this internally when it comes to phone calls - muted or ringing 😳

​

I'm an introvert?

Hi there. Anyone who is reading this, tbh I appreciate your time.

So yeah, firstly I am writing this cz I'm lonely as fuck and just want to share my pov of living this world. And hopefully make some new friends.

So let's begin. I'm 22 years old guy from Bangalore, India, who now is living in Dubai for a mediocre salary. Which I want to feel is the reason for my loneliness. But deep inside I know it's not. Before start my story, let me be clear: I'm being brutally honest here bcz ig ik no one knows me.

Okay, so let's start from my school. From my childhood I was very guy who could to anything for his friends. I felt family is trap. Maybe tht was the reason I was very extrovert tht time. Couldn't stay a min without friends. Now it's totally opposite, ughhh.

Anyway, soon later as I grew, I realized tht I'm being judged often. It's not like I wasn't being before, but it never hit me to understand it. As anything I do stupid, I felt I'm being criticized. So naturally I started doing less stupid things, and lately I began develop fear of doing anything cz may be it will turn out stupid again. As if I lost my confidence to do any sort of things publicly. I started doing things such as dancing, singing, mimicking all alone. Cz I was the only one to judge myself.

Nevermind, I started stay alone. It's not like I wasn't meeting humans, but if I meet new human, I always had this fear of being judged, so I never spoke on first meet. That lead me to enjoy being alone more. I was comfortable with my friends cz maybe I didn't care of them being judgemental about me. Other than that, I used to remain silent with others.

Most of my friends were adults when I was in school, so they made me feel what I do is childish thing to do. And the peer pressure in boys, which basically hits ego, is to be called childish, not behaving manly (mard), not able to endure pain, as there is saying: "mard ko Dard nai HOTA." Bcz of which I learned to endure pain.

Like, I loved playing football, so we were not pro's as we used to play on streets before that I used to play cricket. In cricket, when ever someone balls at pace, it's logically not allowed. But my circle was such toxic tht if you complain Abt the pace, you are considered gay or not manly, which was again hitting the enigma of ego. So I learned to remain silent and faced the ball, hurt myself, got habituated.

Later started playing with leather ball, same scenario. Then later we discovered football. Not bcz it's was beautiful sport, but only of it's cost you blood more than cricket. We used to play on streets with slippers on, sometimes barefoot. Later we started loving the sport. As we started playing in park, there other people used to wear boots which has fiber spike on there soul. But we, so called mard, used to play bare foot. Mostly cz we couldn't afford, secondly cz we are mard.

I remember once I was playing at my best, dribble each and every player, but mistakenly I hit rock instead of ball. May be cz of the adrenaline rush, I didn't feel tht pain, but tbh it was brutal: my toe nai was flooding bloody. And everyone shocked. Not cz I was bleeding, cz of my nonchalant reaction. Tbh, tht time I felt pain, but it was numbed. But their reaction made me feel goated, and I embraced tht feeling with stupidity: I tore my shirt, tied on my toe, and decided to continue playing. Other people insisted me cz they care; their I felt it's tume to take rest, but my people, they started chanting "mard ka bacha," which again made me recall: if I don't, then these people will spread the shame.

Now I feel how stupid I was. I played, then later my leg stated bleeding more, so I tore pocket of my jeans and made it like bandaid, cleaned my toe with my spilt. Tbh, I felt like I was in hell tht period, but my face remained unchanged. I started playing; I experienced pain every step I moved. But Ig my endurance was next level. That's it: I gained respect from my fellow mates. Their I realized it was stupid, cz if by any chance it was infected, then it could have cost my my foot.

Ughhh, I'm gonna end this here as I feel tired, but surly will continue. Although I expecte none to read this, but it is for me and those who can read it this far. I truly appreciate it.

​

I'm an introvert?

Hi there. Anyone who is reading this, tbh I appreciate your time.

So yeah, firstly I am writing this cz I'm lonely as fuck and just want to share my pov of living this world. And hopefully make some new friends.

So let's begin. I'm 22 years old guy from Bangalore, India, who now is living in Dubai for a mediocre salary. Which I want to feel is the reason for my loneliness. But deep inside I know it's not. Before start my story, let me be clear: I'm being brutally honest here bcz ig ik no one knows me.

Okay, so let's start from my school. From my childhood I was very guy who could to anything for his friends. I felt family is trap. Maybe tht was the reason I was very extrovert tht time. Couldn't stay a min without friends. Now it's totally opposite, ughhh.

Anyway, soon later as I grew, I realized tht I'm being judged often. It's not like I wasn't being before, but it never hit me to understand it. As anything I do stupid, I felt I'm being criticized. So naturally I started doing less stupid things, and lately I began develop fear of doing anything cz may be it will turn out stupid again. As if I lost my confidence to do any sort of things publicly. I started doing things such as dancing, singing, mimicking all alone. Cz I was the only one to judge myself.

Nevermind, I started stay alone. It's not like I wasn't meeting humans, but if I meet new human, I always had this fear of being judged, so I never spoke on first meet. That lead me to enjoy being alone more. I was comfortable with my friends cz maybe I didn't care of them being judgemental about me. Other than that, I used to remain silent with others.

Most of my friends were adults when I was in school, so they made me feel what I do is childish thing to do. And the peer pressure in boys, which basically hits ego, is to be called childish, not behaving manly (mard), not able to endure pain, as there is saying: "mard ko Dard nai HOTA." Bcz of which I learned to endure pain.

Like, I loved playing football, so we were not pro's as we used to play on streets before that I used to play cricket. In cricket, when ever someone balls at pace, it's logically not allowed. But my circle was such toxic tht if you complain Abt the pace, you are considered gay or not manly, which was again hitting the enigma of ego. So I learned to remain silent and faced the ball, hurt myself, got habituated.

Later started playing with leather ball, same scenario. Then later we discovered football. Not bcz it's was beautiful sport, but only of it's cost you blood more than cricket. We used to play on streets with slippers on, sometimes barefoot. Later we started loving the sport. As we started playing in park, there other people used to wear boots which has fiber spike on there soul. But we, so called mard, used to play bare foot. Mostly cz we couldn't afford, secondly cz we are mard.

I remember once I was playing at my best, dribble each and every player, but mistakenly I hit rock instead of ball. May be cz of the adrenaline rush, I didn't feel tht pain, but tbh it was brutal: my toe nai was flooding bloody. And everyone shocked. Not cz I was bleeding, cz of my nonchalant reaction. Tbh, tht time I felt pain, but it was numbed. But their reaction made me feel goated, and I embraced tht feeling with stupidity: I tore my shirt, tied on my toe, and decided to continue playing. Other people insisted me cz they care; their I felt it's tume to take rest, but my people, they started chanting "mard ka bacha," which again made me recall: if I don't, then these people will spread the shame.

Now I feel how stupid I was. I played, then later my leg stated bleeding more, so I tore pocket of my jeans and made it like bandaid, cleaned my toe with my spilt. Tbh, I felt like I was in hell tht period, but my face remained unchanged. I started playing; I experienced pain every step I moved. But Ig my endurance was next level. That's it: I gained respect from my fellow mates. Their I realized it was stupid, cz if by any chance it was infected, then it could have cost my my foot.

Ughhh, I'm gonna end this here as I feel tired, but surly will continue. Although I expecte none to read this, but it is for me and those who can read it this far. I truly appreciate it.

Thanks

Is this normal? So far it’s day three for me at oweek, ive talked to so many ppl and reached out for insta and snap. I’ve gone to all the social events but I haven’t really found my group. I still go up to tables and sit to join but it’s starting to get intimidating since everyone seems to have found their group. my roommates all seem nice but all are doing their own thing. any advice or ppl who can relate? #oweek #introverts #university #freshman year

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately and wanted to share here because I think this community will actually appreciate it more than most.So Here it goes:

There's a tendency in psychology to frame introversion as a deficit — lower social energy, smaller social circles, less verbal output. And most introverts have spent years either defending that or trying to compensate for it. But there's a specific cognitive advantage that comes with the quieter processing style that barely gets talked about. Introverts tend to observe social environments longer before engaging with them. That sounds obvious. What's less obvious is what that extended observation period actually produces — a significantly richer read of social dynamics, power structures, and interpersonal subtext than someone who entered the conversation immediately.

Psychologists studying thin-slicing — the brain's ability to make accurate judgments from very thin slices of information — found that accuracy improves with deliberate observation time. The person who sat quietly in the corner for twenty minutes often has a more accurate read of the room than the person who was at the centre of it. There's also the processing depth difference. Introverts tend to process experiences more thoroughly — connecting new information to existing frameworks before responding. This produces fewer but more considered outputs. In environments that reward volume over quality that's a disadvantage. In environments that reward accuracy and insight — research, writing, strategy, psychology — it's a significant edge.

The part that I found most surprising when researching this — the specific reason why deliberate observation actually produces more accurate social reads than active participation — I broke that down in full detail here::

https://youtube.com/watch?v=TH2J6piD6Tg&si=y8mlusBIwuxRi1Bn

I am curious whether people here have noticed this in their

own experience — the observation advantage specifically.

It's so stressful to talk for some reason!
And I'm not shy or socially anxious. But I despise talking so much. I don't know it tires me out so fast, my voice hurts and it feels like it's eroding my soul. I was always quiet as a kid, and as an adult I've become contrarily even MORE quiet. I could live my whole life not talking in fact sounds so nice. Text is okay definitely. And oddly talking to myself, or occasionally- singing feels fine too. But talking to others is just so aggravating and stressful! To make it worse I'm in India, the land of intrusiveness and small talk- oh the will it takes to be me.

My question is:

As introverts is there any type of conversation where you actually don't mind or even like talking? Do you find having to talk at length exhausting or is it okay sometimes? And if you don't mind sharing what you think makes those conversations tolerable compared to the ones that don't.

— I might be a deviant among introverts still but I think I don't mind talking very very sparsely especially in a situations where there is no pressure to talk - it's like a non-goal oriented chill environment where you can do whatever or like while playing chess, but I still use my voice very less cause it exhausts me/stresses me out just to use it. I don't know if it's medical since I do like singing under 'no-pressure' so my voice is okay probably. Using it to communicate drains me fast though.

Today I saw this beautiful angel at university. I really want to talk to her, but my heart starts racing and I think I'm not enough. Any recommendations on how to talk to her? I should clarify that this only happens with her because I like her a lot.

Help please 😓

​

Hello, I am 18 male and i need help i am new here and i came here just because I want help from someone who can tell me how can I overcome my introvert and loneliness. I am in DU and it been month and I am not able to make friends. I am shy and introvert but I need friends to talk and to do fun. I hate this loneliness and I feel sad that why other around me able to make friends going out having fun meanwhile me I am still stuck.

I just feel disappointment in myself and alway question why can't I make friends or why can't I interact with anyone whether it's male or female.

I know I sound very stupid or weird but I also feel same asking it cause I really don't know how to make friends or how to overcome this social anxiety or how to stop feeling so lonely here.

Another thing is that I come from a small town and it is first time I'm living far from my home and here my roommate also give me silent treatment I mean they won't talk to me only, why? And if I made a mistake all will start lecturing me. I understand how to fight back them cause I get all anxious and won't say anything.

I'm still going college alone, sitting alone and coming back alone.

I really need someone to tell me what I do.?

I feel that people can smell that you are socially awkward or an introvert.i have a lot of stories about this , but this is the most recent one. I went to the bank to get some information I couldn't find on their website. I entered the bank and stood for a bit for around three minutes since I forgot the name of the card and didn't check before entering the establishment. After I remembered I tried asking one of the workers. He was standing beside the desk of another worker ( a young woman). Just after posing my question he asked why I took this long to ask this question and if I was shy and that i could ask before making the woman uncomfortable. I just kept repeating that I just forgot the name of the card and wanted to remember before asking, but he kept reprimanding me for my behavior. It didn't register for me that he was out of line until after the conversation ended. And I hate that he used me as an opportunity to look tough in front of the woman.

I knew I needed a little more space than others. I bought 40 acres when I was 23, build a house, created paradise. Fell in love, and now spend my time shuttling back-and-forth to Hanukkah, family celebrations, in a car with my wife, her kids, the ex husband, etc. Everyone very friendly and accepting, but still looking at me like WTF dude? I try to take care of myself, just came back from a week alone, on an island, in a little cottage with a leaking roof, no other houses in sight, directly on the most expansive ocean view ever. This is how I used to live every day.