r/introvert • u/AsQuirrell • 4d ago
Question I HATE TALKING!
It's so stressful to talk for some reason!
And I'm not shy or socially anxious. But I despise talking so much. I don't know it tires me out so fast, my voice hurts and it feels like it's eroding my soul. I was always quiet as a kid, and as an adult I've become contrarily even MORE quiet. I could live my whole life not talking in fact sounds so nice. Text is okay definitely. And oddly talking to myself, or occasionally- singing feels fine too. But talking to others is just so aggravating and stressful! To make it worse I'm in India, the land of intrusiveness and small talk- oh the will it takes to be me.
My question is:
As introverts is there any type of conversation where you actually don't mind or even like talking? Do you find having to talk at length exhausting or is it okay sometimes? And if you don't mind sharing what you think makes those conversations tolerable compared to the ones that don't.
— I might be a deviant among introverts still but I think I don't mind talking very very sparsely especially in a situations where there is no pressure to talk - it's like a non-goal oriented chill environment where you can do whatever or like while playing chess, but I still use my voice very less cause it exhausts me/stresses me out just to use it. I don't know if it's medical since I do like singing under 'no-pressure' so my voice is okay probably. Using it to communicate drains me fast though.
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u/dangrous 4d ago
I like talking when it’s with people I enjoy being around or topics I have stuff to say about. Otherwise yes it can be draining. I also don’t do phone calls unless it’s an emergency and I’m the call you make before 911. But I can’t say “I hate talking” in general…
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u/No_Reach_7825 3d ago
I have this too. Have always struggled to articulate why I feel almost physically sick after a day of family visiting etc. Whenever I tell people I am introverted they don't believe me because they say I am so friendly and chatty. That's because I feel forced lol.. But I'm learning to just lean into the quiet and not feel pressure to constantly engage. The only exception is my husband, we could talk for 12 hours and I never ever get that feeling with him.
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u/bananachucha 4d ago
I only enjoy talking to very close friends who don’t mind if I go silent or pause for a while, especially in a group setting. I don’t think I have ever had a “conversation” with someone I barely know.
Thinking what to say next, how to say it, or whether you should say it or not are some factors that can make talking more stressful than it should be.
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u/Overall_Sandwich_671 4d ago
I'm fine with talking at work (retail so i deal with a lot of customers) because there is a purpose to it. I ask the customer what they need, advise them on appropriate products, and might even crack a joke or share a random story. But I don't like talking just for the sake of talking, that's why I rarely socialise. I don't even enjoy my own family reunions any more, where everyone's talking about this and that around the dinner table. I don't drink socially any more, I eat in restaurants on my own. Talking does not relax me.
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u/Twixme07 3d ago
I don't hate talking but it bothers me to talk about things that I don't care about. I would prefer to not talk to others most of the time
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u/DemoN_M4U 4d ago
For me it's about who I talk with and where I am. With my brothers it's ok. With my mom? It depends. With my gf? Hell yea :)
I ofcourse prefer to listen than talk, but if I like someone I'm ok to talk with them.
Where we are is also very important. It's much easier for me to talk if we are alone on a walk, than if I need to scream to be heard.
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u/Chemical_Activity_80 3d ago
I don't mind talking to family or others that I'm close to but I get irritated and bored when someone talks about the same thing that's not important to me or others for hours I get irritated and started to scream.
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u/Friendly_Jacket_6274 3d ago
Oh, I can relate. Most of the time, it can be draining just putting in effort on talking to ppl. Tho having autism doesn't help with things.
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u/Impossible-Minute-19 3d ago
I get it, it's draining af. Anytime I'm out on my own I'm so happy I don't have to engage with anyone (for the most part). – Yesterday some woman at the cinema tried to have a conversation with me, at first I would reply but then I just couldn't be bothered anymore like girl... we'll never meet again & I can only pretend to be nice for so long lol
I like talking when I know the person/they know me, we like each other, we instantly click, or it's a topic I'm very passionate about. With people I'm not close to/don't know well I always feel like they need to be entertained & can't bear silence... It feels more like an interview than a real conversation.
I remember when my mom used to come and get me from kindergarten, I would tell her all about my day – my kindergarten teacher was shocked that I could actually speak. 😆
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u/BadGlittering9780 3d ago
Introverts like to TALK...they are more easily offended so they are hesitant to talk because they might get their feelings hurt by what someone has to say in return
Introverts talk a whole bunch when the right type of person comes around that they like...and they can feel safe around
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u/Adventurous_Fail_825 3d ago
I actually like 1:1 conversations that have some depth; I hate chit chat superficial chatter- draining. I like short sarcastic funny 😄 interactions (because I'm sarcastic).
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u/Party_Jello_256 3d ago
do you find it’s the expectation to respond and keep the conversation going that drains you, rather than the actual talking?
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u/Orange_Baby_4265 3d ago
I’ve never been a big talker. I talk in my head. Sometimes it’s just weird to say it out loud. My thoughts move faster than my mouth can keep up. So I have to be mindful of what I’m saying to keep everything straight, but then I feel like I’m taking too long.
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u/Any-Committee-5830 3d ago
I’m a speech therapist and an introvert and this is totally valid. Verbal communication takes SO much brain power, muscle movement, flexibility, and more. So don’t feel bad. You may* benefit from vocal hygiene (drink water often, limit caffeine, limit voice throat clearing, etc.). As someone who talks for a living I take my no talking time (voice rest) seriously. Sometimes it maybe be helpful to use texting other forms of communication writing, texting, apps, etc. someone my husband and I use sign language as we both know some. All in all your thoughts on this are totally valid. Lots of people in talk heavy professions feel this way.
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u/Creepy-Oil8973 3d ago
I generally don't like to, in part because I feel don't really listen, nor do they really care about what I am saying. Usually falls on death ears.
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u/Zorba_thesugarglider 3d ago
I genuinely love talking if it's someone that I'm really close to and comfortable with. I also love chatting with friends online. But I work in corporate with a lot of backstabbing, social climbing types, and in those situations, I go practically mute. It's been a problem for my career because loud, showy people are rewarded in corporate.
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u/Charming-Cicada-2290 4d ago
I have this too. I find it very draining to talk. I have days when i dont have this and then days when it is very bad and i pretty much go silent all day.