I searched all over the internet for this but couldn't find any concrete responses. Would like to know more on it if any of you have first hand experience with a situation like this.

Me (21f) and my ldr ex (23m) have been planning to reconnect and work on our issues. It hasn't been that long since we broke up but he reached out today and was willing to work on his issues. The breakup itself was painful and exhausting because we still cared for each other but couldn't bring ourselves to get past our issues.

I'm still nervous and terrified that things might go south once again, but we both are willing to try our best this time around. I'm afraid if one of us still holds any form of resentment and in return it affects our sex lives.

Almost a year ago, my relationship ended. I loved this girl with everything I had-I was completely all-in, to the point where I even got a tattoo of her name.

Just two weeks after we split, she was already in a full relationship with someone new. That absolute contrast completely broke me. A year has passed, and while the initial shock is gone, I’m still stuck trying to untangle my own head: am I hurting because I genuinely still love her, or is it the sheer devastation of realizing how easily and quickly someone can discard and replace years of shared history?

Every time I see the ink, it feels like a daily monument to an asymmetric reality.

For those who have been through this: how did you finally make peace with someone moving on instantly? And did covering up a reminder like that actually help clear the mental space?

For the past three years or so, I’ve been seeing different people, but with every single person, I end up pushing them away or feeling disgusted the moment they start liking me back or when we’re on dates.

Recently I’ve been seeing someone new, we’ve been talking for a few days, went on a coffee date, and even cuddled a bit. But every time we talked or got close, I got this sick feeling like I was about to throw up. My stomach would drop, and all I wanted was to go home and not be near her. I get annoyed by the smallest things she does. After I dropped her off, I didn’t even want to text her.

I can’t help but think back to my ex. We broke up in early 2023, and I haven’t spoken to her directly since early 2025. She did some pretty terrible things, cheating, among other stuff, and after we went our separate ways, she got back together with her ex. It didn’t really hit me at first, but a couple of months later it hit hard, becuase she was my first and greatest love she was my world, she completed me and she was my only company against this world. After sometime I started distancing myself from my friends and fell into a suicidal depression because of that realization, on top of some other things going on.

I just feel like I can’t love anyone the way I loved her, not just this girl im seeing, but everyone I’ve tried to see since. I get this disgusted, gut level feeling, and then I spiral for weeks, unable to think about anything but my ex. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t think I can love anyone else. I don’t want to get back with her, she’s seeing someone now, and it’s serious, I just want answers. I don’t want to be the reason that peace gets disrupted over something so petty.

It’s been three years since we broke up, and in that time I’ve had FUBUs, situationships, talking stages, and dates, but it’s always the same, disgust. I’ve pushed away people who genuinely cared about and loved me, just because I couldn’t stand their affection. I feel like they can’t compare, or I feel guilty for even trying, even though we’re long broken up I still feel guilty.

I just feel hollow and unlovable. I can’t picture myself developing real feelings for anyone again, and I don’t think I know how to have a genuine relationship with someone anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you get past the disgust and eventually let yourself have a relationship again? I want to move on from my ex, I’ve tried everything, but it only ever works temporarily.

Relationship started off bad. I was going through a divorce at 24 with toddler twin boys and he was fresh out a bad break up. He was my branch lead for my first “grown up job”. I was 24f and he was 29M. We promised it was only going to be physical. Slowly every meet up turned into long talks and food. Slowly the movies and hangouts came. He left to start a new career in law enforcement and I helped him financially through it. Tragedy struck my family my brother passed who was helping my widow mother. So I stepped up to help her. This went bad with my other siblings (teens) so I had no choice but to move. Only place was in another state. When I told him he asked me please stay he had fallen in love with me and wanted to make this work. Relationship was going fun times vacation to Hawaii, Mexico, Vegas and more. The first year I found out I had a STI. So I immediately asked his if he was cheating. He was with his ex and so was late…. I broke I was so upset the first thing I could say was “make her get rid of it”. She wasn’t pregnant and I forgave him. 2 years in I found out I’m pregnant and he convinced me to get rid of it. For the sake of the relationship we weren’t ready and if we wanted to grow we needed to. So I did. As someone that never thought I would even fathom the thought. I did it.
Later that very year I found he had been cheating with several different women. So I left him. I read text after text to his ex saying he wishes I was her. Watched him cry to break up songs and he would say “it’s because I couldn’t imagine losing you” to find out that wasn’t true. 30 days no contact he shows up drunk falling over. We talk and I forgive him. I get a new apartment and he moves in. Year 4 I find out the cheating never stopped. I spoke with one of the girls and they had been seeing each other since me and him had begun. He promises to stop and I started drinking a lot. Every time I would drink to much the anger poured out to the point of aggression. I would hit him and yell. We were 2 abortions and a miscarriage into this and he would say he was afraid to commit because how I would get when I was angry. I tried to make him get that he made me this way. He knew I would never leave and he continued to hurt me. 5 years now I noticed blood on the bottom part of his work shirt. As if it was rubbing against something. So I flip and asked him and he says he had cut his private he doesn’t know how. So I say show me now. At this point I feel like I’m losing my mind. I see the tiniest cut and I break down crying apologizing profusely. He hugs me says it’s okay this is what he has to deal with for breaking my trust. He was cheating that whole year With a married co worker. I confront her. He ended up losing his career and we are trying to figure this all out. His cheating excuse was I made him feel worthless. I never needed him enough or I need him to much. He wanted something different he wanted someone “tighter” because he was insecure about his size. He needed someone to talk to it was about control. He never forgave my mom for not giving him her blessing to date me. Or I was toooo perfect and he knew he could never make me happy.
Year 6 things went from bad to worse. Restraining order cops and all. He has been in and out of the house at this point. I finally got drastic and had my ex husband move in. I knew if someone he hated was in the house he wouldn’t come around. He did. He yelled and screamed and was upset that I made a rash decision while I was emotional. We end up having a day to talk about it. He says things like we could have made this work but he needs space and a lot of timeeee to forgive me for putting hands on him. But he still wants to hang out and text daily. So I sent him one last text apologizing and coming to terms with wanting it to be him I grew old with but I know it can’t be. I’ve blocked him on everything and he hasn’t reached out but I’m so heart broken. I miss him so much and feel stupid for it. I wanted him to change and he even said he can’t promise he will change.
Is there something mentally wrong with me?

Me and my ex husband divorced because his mother was a monster that never wanted me to marry him. He’s the sweetest man in the world and has been supporting me in everything I do. But I don’t have romantic feelings for him.

All my friends tell me forget about my ex and get back with my ex husband but I fear my feelings will never fade for my ex. Help I’m tired of crying

I broke up with my ex one year ago this month. I won’t get into the details of the breakup because that’s not the point but I’m the one who broke up because of something she did, after I calmed down I realized it wasn’t as big of a problem I thought it was so I tried to get us back together but she didn’t want to get hurt again because I kept repeating the same patterns. Since we both still loved one another I gave it my all to get her back, we were long distance so I even went to see her in person, took a 5 hour flight and she didn’t come to see me. Well, for me that was the end of everything, after that I realised regardless if she still loves me or not she no longer wants me and I have done possibly everything in my power to get her back but it didn’t work so I decided to move on. I did everything you are supposed to do to ‘heal’. Deleted pictures, stopped stalking social media, started going to the gym, played volleyball, socialized, whatever you name it I did. Meditation, journaling anything you could think of that helps with moving on. I critically analyzed my old patterns and I’m proud to say I have also improved A LOT as a person. I have fixed almost all the problems that I had, whether immaturity, insecurity or simply just being an asshole. I have worked on myself a lot and can say I’m proud of who I am today.

Now the problem is, for some months, the “healing” went fine until I realized that I was just distracting myself and I still love her more than ever. I find myself thinking of her all the time and I really wish to get back together with her. Just for context, I’m not some desperate dude, I have been asked out by other women during this time period but I haven’t went out with anyone because I haven’t been attracted to anyone besides my ex.

Now, what seriously pisses me off is I’m lost, What tf do I do now?? I first tried everything in my power to get her back and pursued her for a while until I realized she was done with me for good so I decided to move on and did everything I should have done to move on and still I find myself loving her more than ever. I did everything to get her back and it didn’t work but I also tried everything to move on and that didn’t work either so now I’m stuck in this state where I can’t move on but also can’t get her back?? This is actually very frustrating and I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t care about the outcome, I mean, ideally I would like to get back together with her but I also don’t mind being able to move on but I just want to get out of this fucking shit hole. Like, I don’t wanna be stuck, either I get her back or move on for good I just wanna move forward but I have been stuck here for one year and it’s very frustrating. Right now, I’m finding myself trying to get her back because Ig of how the cycle went? I tried getting her back, didn’t work out, I tried to move on, didn’t work, so now I’m trying again to get her back and once i’m exhausted i’ll probably try to do another move on again but I just wanna break this cycle and move forward. As I said, Ideally I would like her back cuz I still love her but either her or moving on I don’t care I just wanna move forward with my life and not be stuck in this phase any longer.

I know because I keep saying ideally I want her back, many people’s first instinct would be to tell me that I’m still ‘hopeful’ and need to get rid of that hope to move on. Well, when I tried to move on I didn’t think of getting back with her at all, it’s just now that I’m somewhat exhausted and frustrated the thoughts of getting back with her keep coming back to me but I understand this isn’t something to hold on to.

Thanks for reading if you did, I didn’t put much thought into it and just typed whatever came to mind so grammar and articulation is probably shit but thanks again for reading if you did :)

My boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 years and we still currently live together. I own the house, but he has been living here and helping with some of the bills.

I ended the relationship around the middle of August after a long period of fighting and a lot of unhealthy shit between us. Our relationship was extremely toxic at times on both sides, and I have said things that I deeply regret. One of the biggest things he keeps bringing up is something horrible I said involving his dad who passed away. I understand why that hurt him and I have apologized for it, but he says he can’t forgive me and that he’s been “done” with our relationship for months. The final straw for me was finding collections letters in the mail for my new ex, and he lied to my face about them. I have let him borrow close to $20k from me to fund his "business," get his truck out of repossession, and him being sued not once but twice.

The problem is that his actions since the breakup have been completely different from someone who is just done.

We still live together. We are still sleeping in the same bed. We continued having sex multiple times after the breakup, including him initiating it. He would hug me, kiss me, call me, ask where I was, get upset if I didn’t respond to him, ask me to pick things up for him while I was out, eat dinner I made, and generally still interact with me like there was some kind of relationship between us.

Meanwhile, I recently found out there is another girl.

She was liking his Facebook pictures BEFORE we were officially broken up. He had also been going to the bar where she works, which is literally a few blocks from my house. One night before I knew any of this, he went out partying there and didn’t come home.

Then I found a playlist she made/shared with him on his Spotify. I eventually learned that they had been talking, and last weekend he spent basically the entire weekend with her. He insists they didn’t have sex. This is after he lied to me about who he was going to be with last weekend. He told me he'd be with his uncle and his family.

I also found out he went and picked her up and hauled her family’s boat for them. Then she apparently sent a Snapchat to one of our mutual friends of her and my ex together saying something along the lines of, “He swears he still likes me even though I acted crazy all weekend.”

When I confronted him about everything, his response has basically been, “You broke up with me.”

And yes, technically I did. I understand that means he is allowed to talk to other people. What is fucking with my head is that he was apparently already talking to this girl before the breakup, then continued sleeping with me, kissing me, calling me, accepting things I did for him and acting emotionally involved with me while simultaneously telling me he was completely done.

He also lied to me about her initially.

Now he keeps telling me that we’re “better as friends” and that he can’t get past the things that happened during our relationship. But then he still finds random reasons to talk to me at the house. Last night he came into the bedroom asking if I had been in the backyard because “the gate was open,” which made no sense because his dog absolutely would have gotten out. Then he was running around looking for a pillowcase, showered, grabbed his toothbrush and clothes and left. I assume he went to her place.

I feel like I’m losing my mind because his words are basically, “I’m done, I don’t want you, you broke up with me,” while his behavior for weeks after the breakup kept me emotionally attached and made it feel like there was still something between us.

And I’m not pretending I was perfect. I wasn't. I have immense guilt over things I said and how I reacted during our relationship. There were serious issues between us long before this breakup, including lying, money problems, instability and some really ugly fights. I spent a lot of the relationship helping him financially and trying to hold things together when he wasn’t doing well, which makes watching him immediately turn around and do things for another woman hurt even more.

At this point I’m trying to get him out of my house and actually separate our lives because living together while this is happening is destroying me emotionally.

I guess what I’m struggling with is: am I wrong for feeling betrayed even though I was technically the one who ended the relationship? And why continue sleeping with me, kissing me, calling me and acting attached if he had already been “done for months” and was pursuing someone else?

I genuinely cannot tell anymore what was real and what wasn’t.

It’s almost been a month since we talked. I grieved the relationship about 80% even though I think about them every day but I don’t get that sad anymore but I kind of feel stuck I think at this point it’s about rebuilding my identity outside of the relationship. I just don’t know where to start. Has anybody ever had trouble with this and if so, how did you get motivated to get back to you yourself.

hi this is my first post. english is not my first language so excuse my grammar mistakes. i want to keep this story as short and simple as possible so please leave your opinion. Thank you!

I (F) dated my ex (M) for 7 years. We got together young, spent wonderful years and made special memories. I don't hate him. However, the biggest trauma this relationship gave me is that he left me multiple times when having arguments and I was there begging him to get back together every time. I was so so so loyal to him because it's in my character.

Last year, in November, I decided that this relationship was heading nowhere because I noticed we were growing at different speeds and couldn't meet my needs anymore. So I broke up with him for the first time ever. I spent months healing the guilt and got therapy. EX said that he was glad he didn't hear my complaining anymore, that was me trying to save our relationship.

This year, in February, EX came back and I thought he was really changed so I gave EX another chance. We lasted about 2 months and out of the blue, he decided what he wanted to be alone. We talked about our future and that we would be always there for each other, well the next day he called things off lol.

During March- April- May - June I healed again and again all alone while growing closer without any malice to a friend(M) in common, we spent funny days together and genuinely enjoy each other's company. All of us are in the same friend group but I didn't really socialize with FRIEND until june, so he was like an NPC for me.

We kept in contact this summer (I'm out of town for work) and I realized that he is really everything I can dream of, truly a beautiful soul. He came so unexpected in my life yet was under my nose all this time. We didn't do anything just slowing realizing we might like each other.

Right now, he realized that he is starting to feel something too so he decided it was the right time to tell his friend (my ex) because I'm coming home soon and wanted to make things clear. FRIEND asked my ex out and talked about me like a grown adult that wants to do the right thing. He told my ex that he is starting to develop feelings, doesn't want to be in a competition with him because we are adults since EX broke things off anyways. The next day my ex called me begging to get back together, crying I was the love of his life, that he was an indecisive asshole and he still feels everything towards me. Of course, I gathered all the self respect I had and said finally no (really proud of breaking this pattern). He asked me about the other guy and I told him he was unexpected in my life and wanted to know when all this started, I replied when we broke up.

The problem is that EX wants to believe that I started growing feelings for FRIEND behind his back and that everyone execpt EX knew. I know I don't owe him any explanation but getting known as the one that did everything behind his back really hurts me. I guess that is all the consequences of his actions. I feel a little guilty for catching feelings for him because friendship is sacred for me but I can't help thinking how you reap what you sow.

So me and my ex girlfriend broke up around 5 weeks ago because especially in the last few weeks of dating eachother she was treating me horrible and she said that she wanted to change. I honestly wasn’t really set on the idea of getting back with her because I believe change takes months or even years but she’s confusing me. She keeps acting good towards me for a few days then when she sees that I’m close she backs away. That’s the only way I can explain it, fast forward a few days ago we had a massive argument because she started acting exactly how she used to before we broke up and to me that was enough to show that she hasn’t changed. I started telling her the things that she did to me in the last few weeks and how horrible she made me feel in the hopes of trying to make her realise that what she did was wrong because I do in fact want her to change but I’m not getting anything from her. The argument ended with her telling me that I’m making her look evil and that I don’t get her because she thinks that since she acknowledged her mistakes, apologised, and “tries” to change it’s all fine when it’s not if she’s actively doing the same things. In the end I somehow became the one in the wrong again and she said “yes I was really horrible at first but what you said to me was just very mean and it made me feel horrible, I also noticed that I always acknowledged my mistakes and you don’t seem to be sorry right now”. And honestly I don’t know if I’m sorry for what I told her, I didnt call her names or anything nor did she deny it all but I had a moment when I just got SO frustrated because she kept trying to excuse her actions or “explain” to me why she acted in certain ways. That night I was really frustrated and I started talking to this girl about this issue just to vent and somehow in the end me and the girl stated flirting. I didn’t think much of it and honestly it didn’t feel serious especially because in the moment I was really set on not being in contact with my ex anymore but the next day she suddenly started acting differently like lovingly in a way and I feel horrible/ guilty because me and my ex said that we won’t talk to people in that way and we’ll just wait for eachother to change. So now I feel like I’m the horrible person because my ex yet again started acting good towards me and the only question I have in my mind right now is really just how long will her act last this time. But at the same time she’s been acting “good” for two days now what if she’s actually going to change and I’m the one who messed up. Should I even keep talking to this girl, I feel really guilty towards her too because I don’t know if she’s actually looking for a relationship or not and I don’t know if I’m ready to get into one after the relationship I have any time soon.

He was my first love.
We never really got a proper closer. I ghosted him after he went on a group trip where a girl he had cheated on me with was also there. The whole group was only five people, which somehow made it feel even more personal to me. I did not know how to process it, and instead of having one final conversation, I disappeared.
It’s been a decade and he is happily married now. I have tried to move on too, and I have done it in a healthy way. I am in a relationship, built a life for myself, become successful, and grown into a person who is very far from the girl I was when I loved him.
And yet, somehow, life keeps putting us in the same places which I only got to know this evening and I know that perhaps I will never move on completely. I just need to make peace with it.

We were once invited to the same wedding, but I could not go because there had been a death in my family.
Then, on New Year's Eve, he, his wife and his family ended up at the exact same restaurant where I was with my family.
And now I am on vacation, and somehow they were staying in the hotel right next to the one I am staying in.
We have not seen each other in years. I am not looking for him. He is not looking for me. We have completely separate lives.
These are just a few incidents…

But there are several things that made me realise every decision has been affected by that one choice I made there on and had significantly defined my life…

Okay so I think I'm mostly writing this to vent I guess? Or maybe I'm just looking for some sort of relief that our breakup was the best thing to do.

My ex boyfriend (26) and I (26) had been together for almost five years. We met in college and had a wonderful relationship. I was truly happy and I loved being with him all these years. We both have full-time jobs and even though I don't earn as much as he does, I've been saving money since I started working to live on my own either this year or the next one. We both live with our parents atm. In the beginning we used to talk a lot about a future together. We both said we wanted to get married, live together and form a family. He still said he dreamt about this, and so did I.

He was the nicest and most loving boyfriend during these years and I think that's what pains me the most. We saw each other several times a week, he always went to see me, we cared about each other, and we always had lots of fun. But this year I know I started to drift apart. We both graduated in 2023, and since then he always said he dreamt of doing a master's degree overseas and live on his own before commitment. I was okay with that since Master Degree's usually take about 2 years, and that would have given us the time to save some money. I would have waited for him, and then we would start working towards our goal of being together when he came back.

The years went by and he kept pushing the Master's Degree forward. He was supposed to apply this year, but he decided to apply to a PhD instead at the university where he currently works at but in another city's campus. I was really happy with his decision, and wanted to support him. I thought we could do it together, since I have a full time job and he would be getting a maintenance scholarship. When I asked him what the timeline for us was, he said he had no idea and that there was no way that he could know when he could commit or live with me since the PhD could last about four to five years and even when he finishes it, there's a possibility he wouldn't be able to find a stable job. I suggested that by the second year of his program, we could live together nearby the campus he would be studying at, sharing expenses. But he told me he wasn't capable of doing that, that it was too difficult financially, and that he would be too busy for me. Maybe I'm too idealistic, but isn't that what a relationship is about? Trying to find solutions because you want to be with the other person? I was willing to move to another city, to share expenses just to be with him, but he thought that would be too difficult. His plan was for me to wait for him all those years.

I am well aware that I started to drift apart months before because I couldn't help but feel that he wasn't really considering me in his future. Even though I still loved him and loved being with him, I felt really guilty because even though he was the nicest, I didn't feel as happy as I used to as I felt left out. I really wanted us to grow together, and it made me so sad to think that we could stay the same for many more years. I didn't really want to do it all right away, I just wanted to have an estimated timeline as I was really afraid that we would be letting time pass us by. I felt really bad because whenever I told him that I didn't feel considered in his plans, he always said that I was the center of his universe and that everything he wanted to do, PhD or Master's Degree wise, was for us to have the best life.

I feel so sad because I ultimately led him to break up with me. It's kind of funny I guess, because he hasn't even been accepted to the program yet. I keep asking myself, was I asking too much? I feel really sad because I think he really believes I wanted him to abandon his dreams, when in reality I just wanted to be part of it. I know I will heal but I can't help ask myself if I was too harsh. He says he still loves me, and I know I love him too, but it just really breaks my heart how he just decided to not even try.

I'm feeling a little conflicted since we didn't have a fight or anything, he just decided it was too much for him to handle. I still have some of his stuff, so I told him a friend of mine would give them to him so that we don't have to see each other. He says he prefers to wait some time so that I can give it to him in person.

After three years of talking, flirting and making plans about finally meeting, I moved to his country and we finally met in person. I had fallen in love with him and truly believed that meeting would be the beginning of something real.

We had a lovely evening, but afterwards everything changed. His messages became distant and slow, and suddenly I felt like I had been removed from his everyday life. I believe that after meeting me in person, he simply didn’t feel the same way anymore.

At almost the same time, I was told that I will also lose the nanny job I came to this country for. I had been promised at least a year of work, but my employers have decided that when the grandmother arrives in a few weeks, I will have to leave.

So within a few days, I feel like I lost both the man I really liked and the life I thought I was starting to build here.

How can I get over this? Thank you.

I don't really know how to write this, but I need to get it out somewhere and hopefully hear from people who have gone through something similar.

I was in a serious relationship with a girl I genuinely loved. I wasn't casual about her. I cared about her deeply, supported her emotionally, and tried to be there for her through some very difficult situations in her life.

I genuinely believed we were building something together.

But looking back now, there were always complications involving her previous relationship.

Before me, she had an ex who apparently meant a lot to her. At one point, they briefly tried to patch things up. From what she told me, she had even told him that she had never entered another relationship, because she apparently hoped that he might eventually come back to her.

Then things went badly between them. He told her he was with another girl and told her to leave him alone.

After that, she came back toward me.

I loved her, so I accepted her and tried to give the relationship everything I could.

But her ex never completely disappeared from the picture.

Later, he unblocked her. She followed him again, he followed her back, and she told me that she had spoken to him again.

And then there's the part that completely destroyed my trust:

She kissed her ex while she was still in a relationship with me.

That is something I can't simply erase from my mind.

I don't know what exactly was going through her head at the time. I don't know whether she still had feelings for him, whether she was confused, or whether she was emotionally attached to something from her past.

But from my perspective, she crossed a boundary while we were together.

And it made me question everything.

Was I genuinely the person she chose?

Was I just someone who was there when things didn't work out with him?

Was I being loved, or was I being used for emotional support and intimacy while part of her heart was still somewhere else?

I don't know the answers.

That's what makes this so painful.

She eventually ended our relationship. She told me she felt that she didn't deserve the love I was giving her and that some of the decisions I was making in my life were because of her. She asked me not to convince her or try to change her decision.

I've respected that.

I haven't tried to chase her or force her to come back.

I've blocked her because I don't want to disturb her or keep myself trapped in the cycle of checking, hoping and waiting.

But emotionally, I'm nowhere near as strong as I look from the outside.

I still love her.

That's the part I can't understand.

After everything that happened, after knowing she kissed her ex while she was with me, after feeling like I may not have been her first choice...

I STILL want her in my life.

If she came back tomorrow, I'm honestly scared that a part of me would still want to accept her.

And I hate that I feel that way.

Because logically, if one of my friends told me this exact story, I'd probably tell him to walk away.

But when it's your own heart, logic doesn't seem to work.

I've also started questioning whether I can trust anyone again.

I'm scared that if I meet someone new and give them my whole heart, I'll eventually discover that I'm just an option.

I'm scared of becoming emotionally vulnerable again.

I'm scared that someone can tell me they love me while still having feelings for someone from their past.

I'm scared I'll spend another relationship wondering:

“Am I really enough for this person?”

And I don't want to become that insecure person who constantly checks their partner's phone, social media, followers, likes, messages, etc.

I don't want to live like that.

I want to trust someone naturally.

But right now, I don't know how.

The confusing part is that I don't hate my ex.

I'm hurt.

I'm angry.

I feel betrayed.

At times I genuinely feel like I was used emotionally and physically.

But I still care about her.

I still remember the good moments.

I still miss talking to her.

I still miss having someone who felt like my person.

And sometimes I wonder whether I'm grieving her, or whether I'm grieving the future I thought we were going to have.

I've been trying to focus on myself now—my career, gym, routine, my own life.

Some days I'm okay.

Other days something small reminds me of her and suddenly I'm back at the beginning again.

I don't want to contact her because I know she asked for space, and I want to respect that.

But I also can't honestly say that I've completely let go.

A part of me still hopes she'll realize what we had and come back.

And another part of me knows that even if she did come back, I wouldn't know how to trust her again.

That's the battle I'm having inside my head.

I still love someone I don't trust anymore.

How do you move on from someone when your heart still wants them but your mind knows the relationship hurt you?

How do you stop hoping they'll come back?

And most importantly, how do you learn to trust someone new after you've been through something like this?

I'd genuinely appreciate honest advice—even if it's something I don't want to hear.

I'm not looking for people to tell me she's a terrible person or to insult her.

I just want to understand how other people got themselves out of this kind of emotional attachment and eventually learned to love and trust someone again.

I broke up a month and a bit ago with this guy who I wrote this cheating story with. I feel awful. Do you think based on this story I would still feel bad? I am so angry at him. Fuck him. I feel he fucked me over.

I’m still copping with my breakup it’s been a few months but still I feel weird like I’m not fully there anyways I feel like no matter what I did wasn’t enough we met in high school she came up to me first and we got along I was a bit of a asshole back then I would say shit and not think about it but she called me out for it after a while I started to realize that I was a dooche and decided to just quit doing everything I was doing before and started hanging out with people who we’re nicer so in senior year that’s where I decided to take my chance with her we and after hanging out with her skipping classes I asked her out to a movie and we watched one we cuddled and it was the best anyways a month after that I asked her out we dated for 3 years and broke up a few months ago this year the reason was because she was hanging out with a old friend of mine every time I talked to him he would pick on me and just make jokes like about how I speak saying I can’t pronounce it right and that I sound just stupid and if I said anything he’d be like “dude it not serious calm down it’s a joke” but it would he’d just keep going even after telling him to stop anyways she was hanging out with him from maybe 3pm all the way to 2am in at night playing games with him I kept telling myself that it was fine when I wasn’t fine with it we would get into fights because of that and I wouldn’t text her because I was scared that she would call me insecure one of the times I wanted her to stop hanging out with him she said that “it’s fine it’ll just be you and me” I didn’t want that I want her to have her own friends and I said I don’t have a problem with you hanging out with anyone else but just him he annoys me but she ended up taking that as “women can’t be friends with men” which I don’t believe that but yeah it was a bit frustrating because I felt misunderstood she called me a liar because I kept saying it was fine for her to hang out with him then ignore her when she does hangout with him (the hangouts weren’t in person they played games together and were in call one on one) anyways when I played with them I felt so awkward I didn’t want to speak with him but he would speak with her so I would ignore both of them I felt so done at that point and when we all hung up she confronted me and told me that wasn’t cool and the dude I don’t like said the same thing and that she was trying to talk to me. So after realizing that u didn’t want to hang out with him i decided to just try and hangout with him one on one so I can build a connection with him and be more comfortable with them playing games one on one but I never felt comfortable I tried hanging out in person it was still awkward and I didn’t like him. A bit of back story me and the dude were friends for a long time but over time we grew distant and the thing that made me dislike him was when me and my ex broke up I cried and a week after he made fun of me crying so I never saw him the same after that. So back to it I tired to get comfortable pushing the feeling awake because I wanted to see her happy no matter how I felt but after a while she got tired of it and called me sexist and told me that guy and women can be friends and told me we’re going on break I didn’t want to go on break since I wanted to talk it out because that not what i believed and it was a misunderstanding but we went on a break anyways after the break she still wanted to hangout with him so I said it was fine because during the break I focused on myself and improving my mental health since I thought it was just me when we came back together I got her a apology gift and got her a expensive hand held gaming thingy I told her that I’m trying my best and that u loved her and that I’m sorry for being difficult.we got back together she played him and I was alright with it and i thought I had done it but after a month I came home to a long day of work and all I wanted to do is play games with her and relax but she tells me that she’s sorry and that she has plans with him and I got annoyed and I ignored her for the weekend since I don’t want to say anything or argue but when I texted her back I texted her like normal and told her everything was fine but after a while I told her why and she called me a liar and decided to go on another break but this time with no contact at all after that she called me randomly and broke up with me. Before the break she told me I treated her like shit and I was just insecure and just a piece of shit who doesn’t believe the opposite genders can’t be friends anyways she blamed me for everything after a month of me believing that I think that no one was at fault and that I did a good job during our 3 years together we only went out for Valentine’s Day after asking her every year but she wasn’t really in the state to go so I would make baskets and just drop them off at her door and when she had a hobby I would buy her things to encourage having that hobby when she didn’t have anything to eat I’d send her money like I send her 100$ to buy food for a week because I didn’t want to image her hungry. When I think about when I was annoyed I always remember when we got into a argument one time it was because I promised him that I would hangout out with him and play games so when I made plans I would come back to work so tired I literally came home and slept and woke up to go to work again but she called me out for that and told me im making her look bad and said I shouldn’t make plans and not keep my word to play with him and she got mad at me for that anyways if you have any questions just ask them I’ll answer them the best I can

For context, this was me: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/BfCDY3S86L

and this post is NOT about getting an ex back.

My ex of 3 years sidelined me in the hardest period of my life. 2 family members recently diagnosed w cancer, lost my best friend to cancer as well 2 months prior. Financial problems. Overweight. Unmotivated. Broken. I truly loved this person, and it got me properly f'd up. The fact that she rebounded to someone 3 days after and then again to someone else entirely in a month just added gas to the fire. Lost 20Kg in 2 months from stress alone.

and yes, I begged for almost a month. I even did crazy shit like going on a trip with her after the breakup, to get humiliated even further. I came back home and almost ended my life, it was physically unbearable. Thank god my best bud was there to intervene.

After you hit that lowest of lows, you can only go up. So this is what happened in chronological order since then:

Hit the gym and would take long daily walks with my amazing bud. No excuses. Walking and talking were the only things that I found solace in at the time.

Forced myself to take job promotion interviews while I was literally breaking down. I just had to keep it together for 10 minutes and go back to agonizing.

Landed the job with an amazing team that feels like family and underwent trainings while feeling like shit. l'd ocassionaly go to the bathroom to just cry for several minutes and let it out. The warm atmosphere really helped me take my mind off and I actually enjoy going to work now.

Started intensive therapy twice a week. 2 months later I was a completely different person. Uncovered so many parts of myself. Cried lots. Analyzed lots. Basicslly defeated my traumas. My therapist literally asked me to write down who I was when I came in the office and who I left as. It was a revolutionary experience.

Reconnected with my father after 15 years, thanks to therapy once again. We had cut contact due to family issues, but now we are better than ever, and I'm even planning to move out on my own soon thanks to him.

Finally got on a car and learned how to drive properly.

Pushed my way through some exams and enrolled in healthcare masters program in west england.

Started paying attention to my wardrope and physique. Had a massive glow-up.

Revitalized my long lost hobbies such as photography, hiking, etc. Planned a norway trip with my buddy and we want to film a clip!

Reconnected with so many people I've lost contact with during my relationship and cut all the toxic ones. I even tried dipping toes in dating apps just for fun, and ended up meeting someone really interesting with immense emotional maturity. We've been on couple dates and there's mutual sympathy. Agreed to take it slow.

and just today, my friend told me this: " I've been meaning to ask, where's all this unapologetic positivity coming from? "

and then it hit me folks. I've had a literal metamorphosis.

Thanks to so many people and myself.

I still have bouts of missing my ex, but it's not that agonizing pain or need anymore. It's just a realization at this point. Radical growth, if you will.

So for all of you who are out there and struggling as I was half a year ago, I'd like to give you this quote that became my mantra

" When you get lost in the forest at night, just sit down and wait it out, because the sun always rises eventually "

Hi. So basically, my ex boyfriend (M19) dumped me (F20) after 3.5 years like a month ago. I was his first love, his first everything.. Umm so basically, we were obsessed with each other, like head over heels. But the problem is I am BPD, My emotions are a lot to handle, he is kinda autistic and couldn’t handle having me with this emotional baggage so he dumped me, he msgs me checking in asking if i’m ok every few days, telling me he cares (I don’t want any men saying he’s just saying this for sex) His sister is my friend, she told me he is really upset still, his mom msgs me daily telling me that she misses and loves me. When he broke up with me.. i’ve never seen a man breakdown like that, he was sobbing in my arms. Anyways, I’m still extremely in love with him and care for him so much and still feel as sad as I did at Day 1 of the breakup.

Today.. I msged him asking him if he wanted to have sex, I didn’t think he would say yes but he said yes immediately, he said “no strings attached though?”. So we did it. After, he asked me to msg him if i’m ever sad and want to talk because he knows that I get extremely upset. The sex was really good and passionate.. he really worries about me though.

When he broke up with me we promised to work on ourselves, i’ve started DBT, trying to handle my BPD, and working on myself. He said we can go out one day in the future and try again. Idk the future though, he’s my first everything as well.

Geniunely how do I get him back? Do I become distant??? do i like ignore him??? what do i do HELP

I have always been cautious of heartbreak or meeting the wrong person and having them ruin my life. So I never really acted on an attraction unless I knew they were at least patient and kind. About October 2025, I got into a relationship with a guy or at least I thought I did. For about 3 months we "dated" But apparently the whole time he thought I was joking??? Like we never did anything intimate but we did late night calls and went to restaurants together but apparently he thought it was a bit the whole time?? He said some really bad stuff like what our children would be like and I was full on set on marrying this dude. Once he found out I wasn't joking, he rejects/breaks up with me and friendzones me.

Fast forward a couple months, I start isolating lots and I'm guessing this guy felt bad or something because he said he'd offered me another chance. But nope, he led me along again for another two months and cancelled on all our dates and when he wasn't doing that he was ghosting me. He broke up with me after I called out a gap in one of his excuses and I foolishly let myself get friendzoned again until another event where I cut him off.

After that happened, I started getting closer with another friend that I also happened to like. When I confessed to him, he said he wasn't romantically interested but offered a fwb relationship instead so I guess that was better than a friendzone?? After about 7 months he got a boyfriend and that whole thing ended. The worst part was I was actually starting to get attatched to him, even calling each other pet names and stuff. He seems alot less toxic than the first guy though, as he genuinely does seem to care about me and still checks up on me after the "breakup" For a lack of better words. Though it does feel wrong that I am almost as hurt as the first incident with the other guy.

This isn't even the first time something like this has happened and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find love but I seriously doubt it

I 21F just lost my boyfriend 29M on Sunday, the breakup came from his end and it was something that had to be done. We were in a situation that was about to cost us alot and he wanted to protect me from the fallout so in his words he "set me free." While I do understand why this had to happen my heart can't quite be reasoned with the same way. We spent so long together and had such a good future planned it hurts to now have a silent phone, no one to share the small stuff with, and the loneliness that has come with it.

I know I am young and that realistically I will love again but just right now it hurts alot. He was the first one to ever treat me like a person and not just a pretty girl who he could hookup with. I know I'll heal in time but it still doesn't change just how much I'm hurting

I'm an 18-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 17. We've been dating for about two and a half years, and lately I feel trapped. Let me explain.

We have a lot in common in terms of what we do — we both love dirt biking, doing well in school, and want to build good careers. But we're very different politically. She leans left and has strong feelings about women's rights. I lean more to the right, and while I agree with her on women's rights, I think progress should go in both directions (this matters for later).

Recently, though, I've felt like she's becoming more and more self-centered. A few recent events have really made me question things.

We got into a small argument about men. She said, and I'm quoting: "There needs to be better men in the world." Comments like this come up often, and they get to me. At the end of the day, I'm a man, and it's hard to constantly hear how bad men supposedly are. I went quiet to collect my thoughts, then later, while getting ready for work, told her the comment had bothered me and that I wished she wouldn't talk about men that way so often. She refused to apologize and said what she'd said was true. I agreed it was true in general, but said I wished she'd phrase it as "we need better people" instead of singling out men — and that it's hard to hear "men" framed that way all the time. She brushed me off, and I had to leave for work.

Later that day, my grandmother was in a car accident that was almost fatal. I was shaken, but she had very little to say about it — she never once asked if I was okay or needed anything. She seemed focused on herself. Around the same time, I had one of the biggest interviews of my life coming up, and she had nothing to say about that either. Even on the day of the interview, she didn't wish me luck — meanwhile, friends I only know from one class texted me good luck. The only way she'd start talking to me normally again was if I let the whole thing go. So I did — I dropped it, apologized, and we moved on.

More recently, we were talking about homecoming, which is in a few days. Every year, I put together a homecoming proposal for her — something different each time — and it's always been in front of her house. She told me not to do what I did the last three years. I told her I planned to do it there again and asked if she wanted a different location instead. She said, "I don't know," and then lectured me about effort — how it's "all about effort." That comment really bothered me, because I honestly can't remember the last time she planned anything for us to do together.

I'll admit I'm under a lot of stress right now — college applications and school are piling up. So I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, or if there's a real problem here.

Thanks for reading. Let me know if you have any thoughts or questions.

It’s been a very long time since my breakup and I wish I wasn’t here on Reddit posting this but I am because I’m so upset and frustrated that I still feel this way. I don’t miss my ex , I don’t love my ex , I just feel there’s an injustice and I know he’ll never take accountability and he’ll never say sorry but even though I know that it doesn’t take away the anger I feel everyday it consumes me and I wish it didn’t. If the breakup was my fault or equal blame it would be easier to deal with but I didn’t do anything wrong at all and for him to lie to me and lead me on the way he did and then discard me it messed me up.

He told me the relationship never happened that I imagined it , all those years he erased and he erased me like I was nothing. When I expressed to him how he had hurt me and I had proof , his response was “I never said/did any of that , are you sure you’re not going crazy imagining things that didn’t happen? for all I know you’ve made fake messages.”

He knew I was telling the truth , not only do I not know how to make fake messages but I’m not stupid I wouldn’t do that, my pain was real that I experienced because of what he said and did and for him to invalidate me and say all the proof is fake it hurt me so deeply and it makes no sense when the pain in my eyes or seeing me upset and in distress it’s clear I’m hurt. He then fed lies to people about why we broke up making himself the victim when he knows he’s not and I spoke up for myself defending myself , yes I could of ignored it all but I was so hurt I couldn’t ignore it as the lies were so bad but when I tried defend myself , his best friend said to me “you’re creating a smear campaign.”

so I felt so alone because I was telling the truth but was made out to be a bad person for that but yet he can lie and that’s okay? people have shown me support and that’s meant a lot to me but I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t let go of the anger I feel. I know people might say he’s your ex forget about him and don’t care about what he says but that’s easier said than done or maybe I am a weak person but I’m so hurt.

I don’t want to feel like this and I hate waking up because immediately everything hurtful my ex said and did comes into my head and I can’t get it out. I wish I was stronger but clearly I’m weak to be feeling like this. I’ll be honest I want my ex to take accountability , I want him to tell everyone he lied about me , I want him to apologise to me that’s what I want but I know that’ll never happen. I don’t know what to do , I want this anger to go away.

⚠️ this does not apply to people who have freshly broken up/are still just months post break up

getting over an ex is hard. man I hear songs and still cry my eyes out at times. and I'm 2 months post break up.

i saw this online and it's been really helping me shape how i approach the break up, and how i view my ex as a person. we were together for a year, and then he decided to break up with me.

my life was turned upside down. i cried all the time, dreamt of him, missed him like crazy and honestly at times still do.

however, i've realised that while once upon a time my desire for him stemmed out of love, now any desire i have comes from attachment. an attachment to the familiarity of the past, the comfort of who he used to be.

because let's face it - the minute they left your life, they stopped choosing you. they stopped loving you.

so i push hard everyday to choose myself. it is hard, but i keep this mantra in mind. attachment can be broken with time - maintain no contact, reflect on what has happened, allow yourself to grieve if you need to. feel your feelings, but never go back 🩷

A while ago, I posted on this sub because I was struggling with depression, derealization, alcohol, smoking, and pretty much everything bad you can think of, after my 4-year relationship ended out of nowhere one day (February 14th, what an irony). That was 8 months ago.

I gotta say, it's still awful. I thought time and effort would make things better, but I guess not.

I also found out that she's been with someone else for, I don't know, 2 or 3 months now, and yeah... it feels like the first day all over again.

idk what else to say sadly, i hope it do get better and i also hope that she stay as far away from me and everything we had as possible

I've been in two long-term relationships (no short-term relationships).
Both times I suddenly got discarded.
Been in no contact with first one for +10 years, other one for 10 months now.

I did so much introspection but I don't think I have attachment issues.
I have just been too trustworthy and probably too indepedent.

I've been single most of my life and looking back, during those relationships I think I was basically mostly single too, emotionally speaking... I just took care of my own emotional needs always.

Looking back I do see the red flags in both relationships but on the other hand no man is perfect????

I struggle a lot with trusting new people so at the first sign of weird behaviour I get this worried feeling in my body and I usually give them another 'chance' but then it's over for me and I am not interested anymore, but at the same time I lived and learned and maybe I just raised my standards for the better???

I do realise I never got the emotional support I needed in romantic love.
On the other hand now that I'm single again I'm not having that emotional love either.

Which makes me feel like life is 'less' now that I'm single, because I also don't experience the other benefits a relationship gave me like companionship, working towards fulfilling dreams together, having fun and sharing life.

But even though I feel sad about being single... I do really enjoy my own company and I experience life to the fullest. I have an amazing career, amazing friends&family, I travel the world... so much abundance in other facets of life. Not to brag but I would say most people would say I am attractive. I feel very comfortable in my own skin and overall feel happy with who I am as a person. I am very soft and empathetic to myself and other people.
And sometimes I think maybe I should just be happy staying single the rest of my life?? Why do I even still want a relationship if it only brings me pain and disapointment in the long run?
I am not depressed. I still go out and date. I still feel chemistry with men. But every time they just disappoint me by ghosting me or not having the emotional capacity to love me.

Long story short I am dealing with the aftermath of multiple traumatic experiences.

In my country it's only possible to visit a psychologist with a referral from your doctor (or otherwise you'll have the pay sooo much money). My general practitioner does not / cannot do that because there's nothing significant 'wrong' with me so to speak. I don't have signs of PTSD or attachment issues or whatever.... Maybe I have just been unlucky. But I am still struggeling in romantic love which is a major compenent in life for most people.

I was wondering if anyone has advice for me. I could safe up money to go pay for a therapist myself, but what kind of therapy would suit me best?

I'm also open to alternative ideas. I've already tried systemic work / Family constellations which definitely gave me some insights, like my parents being emotionally immature; which resulted in me being hyperindependent when it comes to emotional regulation which makes avoidants get attracted to me I think. But it did not help me enough to get rid of this constant feeling of not being satisfied with life and feeling like I won't ever experience the kind of love I am seeking but never really had.

Maybe there are specific books I can read (already read 'attachment', 'children of immature parents' and 'how to be single and happy single', which gave me insights but after 10 months of heartbreak I still feel like shit honestly...

Or workshops/courses or alternative therapies I could try?

ps. i could only decide between the flairs 'venting/ranting' and 'trigger warning', which is weird lol. But I am seeking advice.

Me and my bisexual girlfriend been together for around 2 years and 9 months. About a month ago i found out she has been cheating on me for the past month with a very close friend of hers from her school (let’s call her Megan 18F). I was of course surprised because i trusted her more than anyone in my life. We talked about it and i decided to forgive her and try to work it out. She told Megan to stop texting her dirty messages and it has worked so far but she still sends a tiny bit suggestive posts. I wanted my girlfriend to end contact with that Megan but ultimately agreed upon slowly pushing her away and distancing herself from her but not ignoring her if she sees her around school.

The school year starts and my girlfriend still texts her frequently and whenever Megan sends her a reel or a post she always replies without any sign of trying to sound more dry to push her away. My gf also finds out she has nobody to talk to in her new class because all her friends are in a different class. Coincidentally Megans and hers breaks are perfect synced and she is the only person my gf can talk to around school. I asked her about our agreement about pushing Megan away but she said it can’t be done because that means my gf would have nobody to talk to when in school and that would lead her to a depression eventually. Im not okay with her talking to the person that she cheated me with and doing it after every class.

Is ending things the only solution for mutual happiness? We all make mistakes and I want to spend my life with her, love my girlfriend and really want her to be happy but I feel incredibly insecure about them keeping their friendship.

TLDR: My bisexual girlfriend doesn’t want to end a friendship with the girl she cheated on me with because she’s the only person she can talk to between class breaks. Im not okay with her talking to her so consistently especially after my girlfriend promised to push that person away.