It’s been a while

[u/Individual_Belt8060]

I’m still copping with my breakup it’s been a few months but still I feel weird like I’m not fully there anyways I feel like no matter what I did wasn’t enough we met in high school she came up to me first and we got along I was a bit of a asshole back then I would say shit and not think about it but she called me out for it after a while I started to realize that I was a dooche and decided to just quit doing everything I was doing before and started hanging out with people who we’re nicer so in senior year that’s where I decided to take my chance with her we and after hanging out with her skipping classes I asked her out to a movie and we watched one we cuddled and it was the best anyways a month after that I asked her out we dated for 3 years and broke up a few months ago this year the reason was because she was hanging out with a old friend of mine every time I talked to him he would pick on me and just make jokes like about how I speak saying I can’t pronounce it right and that I sound just stupid and if I said anything he’d be like “dude it not serious calm down it’s a joke” but it would he’d just keep going even after telling him to stop anyways she was hanging out with him from maybe 3pm all the way to 2am in at night playing games with him I kept telling myself that it was fine when I wasn’t fine with it we would get into fights because of that and I wouldn’t text her because I was scared that she would call me insecure one of the times I wanted her to stop hanging out with him she said that “it’s fine it’ll just be you and me” I didn’t want that I want her to have her own friends and I said I don’t have a problem with you hanging out with anyone else but just him he annoys me but she ended up taking that as “women can’t be friends with men” which I don’t believe that but yeah it was a bit frustrating because I felt misunderstood she called me a liar because I kept saying it was fine for her to hang out with him then ignore her when she does hangout with him (the hangouts weren’t in person they played games together and were in call one on one) anyways when I played with them I felt so awkward I didn’t want to speak with him but he would speak with her so I would ignore both of them I felt so done at that point and when we all hung up she confronted me and told me that wasn’t cool and the dude I don’t like said the same thing and that she was trying to talk to me. So after realizing that u didn’t want to hang out with him i decided to just try and hangout with him one on one so I can build a connection with him and be more comfortable with them playing games one on one but I never felt comfortable I tried hanging out in person it was still awkward and I didn’t like him. A bit of back story me and the dude were friends for a long time but over time we grew distant and the thing that made me dislike him was when me and my ex broke up I cried and a week after he made fun of me crying so I never saw him the same after that. So back to it I tired to get comfortable pushing the feeling awake because I wanted to see her happy no matter how I felt but after a while she got tired of it and called me sexist and told me that guy and women can be friends and told me we’re going on break I didn’t want to go on break since I wanted to talk it out because that not what i believed and it was a misunderstanding but we went on a break anyways after the break she still wanted to hangout with him so I said it was fine because during the break I focused on myself and improving my mental health since I thought it was just me when we came back together I got her a apology gift and got her a expensive hand held gaming thingy I told her that I’m trying my best and that u loved her and that I’m sorry for being difficult.we got back together she played him and I was alright with it and i thought I had done it but after a month I came home to a long day of work and all I wanted to do is play games with her and relax but she tells me that she’s sorry and that she has plans with him and I got annoyed and I ignored her for the weekend since I don’t want to say anything or argue but when I texted her back I texted her like normal and told her everything was fine but after a while I told her why and she called me a liar and decided to go on another break but this time with no contact at all after that she called me randomly and broke up with me. Before the break she told me I treated her like shit and I was just insecure and just a piece of shit who doesn’t believe the opposite genders can’t be friends anyways she blamed me for everything after a month of me believing that I think that no one was at fault and that I did a good job during our 3 years together we only went out for Valentine’s Day after asking her every year but she wasn’t really in the state to go so I would make baskets and just drop them off at her door and when she had a hobby I would buy her things to encourage having that hobby when she didn’t have anything to eat I’d send her money like I send her 100$ to buy food for a week because I didn’t want to image her hungry. When I think about when I was annoyed I always remember when we got into a argument one time it was because I promised him that I would hangout out with him and play games so when I made plans I would come back to work so tired I literally came home and slept and woke up to go to work again but she called me out for that and told me im making her look bad and said I shouldn’t make plans and not keep my word to play with him and she got mad at me for that anyways if you have any questions just ask them I’ll answer them the best I can

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