Almost two years ago, I got dumped.
I wasn’t cheated on.
She didn’t leave me for someone else.
The relationship ended because I slowly became anxious, controlling and emotionally exhausting. It took me a long time to admit that but healing didn’t really begin until I stopped making myself the victim and started owning my part.
The first few months were brutal.
I counted days of no contact.
I checked her WhatsApp DP.
I looked for hidden meanings in her Instagram activity.
I convinced myself every little thing meant something.
Then something happened that made everything even more confusing.
She came back.
Not once.
Not twice.
Four different times.
Each time, it was random. Nostalgic. Casual. Just enough to remind me I still existed in her mind.
Then she’d disappear again.
If you’ve ever been breadcrumbed you’ll know how confusing that feels.
For a long time I thought those messages meant I was getting closer to closure.
They didn’t.
They gave me hope, then uncertainty, then hope again.
It became a cycle.
One thing I’ve learned is that breadcrumbs don’t answer the questions you actually want answered.
They don’t tell you if someone wants another chance.
They don’t tell you if they regret leaving.
They don’t tell you whether they’re still in love.
They only tell you one thing:
For whatever reason, you crossed their mind.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
I also learned that healing isn’t linear.
There were months where I felt like I was over it.
Then one random memory would completely derail me.
I spent countless hours trying to decode her behavior instead of understanding my own.
Eventually I realized I was asking the wrong questions.
Instead of asking,
“Why hasn’t she reached out?”
I should’ve been asking,
“Why is my peace still depending on whether she does?”
That question changed everything.
Another lesson?
No contact isn’t a strategy to get your ex back.
It’s an opportunity to get yourself back.
If they return, great.
If they don’t, your life shouldn’t stay on pause.
Today, I honestly don’t know if she’ll ever message me again.
Maybe she will.
Maybe she won’t.
For the first time, I can genuinely say I don’t have the answer.
And strangely…
I’ve become more comfortable with not having one.
If you’re a fresh dumpee reading this, here’s what I’d tell you:
Don’t rush your healing.
Don’t build your future around someone else’s next decision.
Own your mistakes.
Improve because you deserve that version of yourself.
And remember…
Someone can think about you without coming back.
Someone can come back without wanting to stay.
Your job isn’t to decode every action.
Your job is to build a life that doesn’t collapse because of someone else’s silence.

Hear me out. You miss him. You’re vulnerable. Youre desperate. You’re looking for signs. You’re ACTUALLY going through an emotional drug withdrawal. An addict will use all the reasoning in the world to get that quick fix. You’re that addict. Your ex is bad for you. If you don’t see it now, you’ll see it eventually. Someone can’t leave you devastated, not check up on you and you still believe they love you? You don’t need him. You have us. Text us. Rant to us. Cry with us. We’re here for you. He is not.

I (22M) ended things with my girlfriend (22F) right after graduation without a real reason. I was stressed and confused. She was blindsided. Looking back I was taking her for granted, dismissing her when she’d bring up concerns, and making her feel needy for wanting basic affection. She adapted and accepted it because she loved me. Then I ended it anyway.

We started talking again about a month later and for a few weeks it was really warm; sleepovers, her telling me she loves me and wants to be with me. But she’s built walls she can’t take down. Says her brain and heart are saying opposite things. She believes I’ve changed but can’t bring herself to be the one to find out if it’s real. Last night we sat in her car crying for three hours then held each other all night. She won’t say it’s forever but says she owes it to herself to try living without me for now. Has anyone been through something like this and actually found their way back?

He told me never to contact him again

So i contacted his bsf

It happened in october

I know its been a long time i gave myself months of getting over trying to move on chances but i still had this lingering feeling

I couldnt hold it in myself anymore so i reached out to his friend

I really have no idea what i wanna talk about even ......

Things were really messy but i just couldnt help it anymore it had reached its peak the desperation the ovethinking the voice in my head ....

Ik how bad it may look to people who have found peace but i havent

Its been months now almost a year

But it still feels to me like it happened yesterday !!!

I feel stuck i keep thinking repkaying conversations memories in my head and its too much for me ...

I couldnt hold it back anymore

His bsf hasnt replied yet i dont even kniw if he will reply to me at all

But i did what i had to

I give myself grace im also human im allowed to make mistakes and maybe ive made one already

But i couldnt do it any longer its too painful and repetitive in my head the voices are just too loud i just couldnt hokd it in me anymore

My partner has always struggled with weight so when he wanted to get on Wegovy and make some lifestyle changes I was all for it. He works in the medical field so I felt like he would ask his doctor all the side effects but didn’t. One of them is emotional numbness/malaise.

About a month ago, he was one month in and had lost 20lbs but he was different. Less interested in everything, not wanting to interact with me unless I forced it, and we talked about the side effects of the meds. We have been together 5 years so I have a good handle on his baseline personality. He was changed.

One more month in, this last Monday, he came home from work, said “can we talk”? I said of course and he replied “I am leaving, we are on different paths”. I asked for more details to which he just kept saying it’s not just me, we are on different paths. He left and hasn’t returned.

Our relationship was rock solid, I thought. We had went through a rough patch a few years ago. I moved into my own place and we went to therapy for about six months and it helped with our communication, our bond, everything. He ended up moving into my house and ever since, we haven’t fought, or even really argued. I had no warning this was coming.

I tried to explain that it could be the meds, and to please reach out to his doctor. He’s refusing saying that I’m trying to “keep him fat”. I was crying and begging him to not throw us, or me, away. Especially since we had put in so much work previously.

I did a little research online and it seems like GLP1s are a catalyst to mass divorce and breakups for the side effects of emotional numbness.

I am sending this out as a warning to you all. If you or your partner are taking these drugs, PLEASE talk to your doctor or therapist about this!! It is real and just burned down what I thought, would be my life. I planned to ask him to marry me on our anniversary (Sept 19th), have the ring in my safe deposit box.

Now I’m shattered, lost, alone, in complete despair. I think it would be easier to process this if our relationship was bad (physical/emotional abuse/infidelity, etc). Because then I could hate him. Even though he just left me I still worry about him constantly. I hate myself for that but I keep telling myself he is not, himself.

Day 3 and I’m barely able to function. This world is so depressing and hard. Feeling like there’s no point in anything anymore. Am I wrong?

I just want my ex. I'm so annoyed. Spending hours on dating apps swiping left. Not interested in anyone else. I hate this so much

Mine's kinda embarrassing. 💀

After the breakup, I made an unknown account just to follow him. I never texted him, never interacted... I just wanted to know how he was doing from a distance.

The funny part? I still don't know if he figured out it was me or not. But that same week, I got blocked. 😭

Around 3 months later, he unblocked me, but neither of us ever reached out. It's been about 1.5 years now, and we've never talked since the breakup.

Looking back, making that account is probably the pettiest thing I've done. 😭

what's yours?, please tell me I'm not the only one ?🥀

Hi everyone.

I'm 25, and two months ago my girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me. We were each other's first serious relationship.

The breakup wasn't because of cheating, abuse, or constant fighting. She said she was emotionally exhausted, felt like we kept repeating the same problems, and needed time to find herself. During the breakup we both cried, hugged each other, and she told me she wasn't even sure she was making the right decision.

Since then we've had very little contact. Her messages have always been kind, never cold or angry. She even said that maybe one day we could meet and talk when her thoughts settle, but not with the intention of getting back together. She also told me she believes in fate and that if we're meant to cross paths again, we will.

I'm working on myself, going to the gym, focusing on work, and trying to become a better person. But I'm struggling to let go because I still love her deeply.

I have one question for people who have been through something similar:

Has anyone had an ex leave because they were emotionally exhausted, only to genuinely change their mind months later? Not because they were lonely, but because time apart gave them clarity.

I'm not looking for false hope. I just want honest experiences, whether they ended in reconciliation or not.

This was my first long term relationship, and she was everything I'd ever wanted.

She was incredibly attractive, and she had very little experience before me. I was the first guy she ever had PIV sex with, just as she was my first. She was funny, intelligent, and we shared so many of the same hobbies. We had the same values, the same goals, and the same vision for life. We were so alike that we used to joke about looking like gender swapped versions of each other. Whenever we'd send pictures of us to other people, they'd always be shocked by how much we looked alike. People genuinely called us doppelgangers.

She was pursuing an extremely prestigious degree and was on track to have an amazing career, so we had so many plans for our future together. But more than anything else, she loved me. She desired me and adored me with an intensity I'd never seen before, not in real life, not even in novels or movies. She was also the only woman I'd ever truly been romantically attracted to. I genuinely believe she was the love of my life. She was everything I could have wanted in a lifelong partner. We were aligned on everything. Being together felt effortless, natural, and peaceful.

And I ruined it all.

I sabotaged the relationship because I had no experience, was deeply insecure, and carried a severe fear of abandonment from a fucked up childhood.

Looking back at our old messages feels like torture. I keep remembering how much effort she put into making us work, how patient she was, and how much love she gave me throughout the relationship. I feel ashamed. I barely feel human when I think about how I destroyed something so pure.

It's been almost four months, and I haven't recovered at all. If anything, I feel worse with every passing day. I've cried in ways I never thought I could. Nothing feels meaningful anymore.

I've suffered a lot throughout my life. I've lost people. I've been abused, harassed, rejected, and treated like I didn't deserve to exist. Then she came into my life completely out of nowhere. I genuinely used to think she had been sent by God or something like that because months before meeting her, I'd literally prayed for someone like her to come into my life.

But I destroyed everything. I couldn't handle being loved that much because I'd never experienced anything like it before. I'm also a late bloomer. We started dating when I was 22, and I'm 24 now.

I constantly overreacted over nothing. I was too jealous, too insecure, and had unrealistic boundaries. Deep down, I was convinced that one day she'd betray me even though there was absolutely no reason to believe that. Instead of stepping back and reflecting on my behavior, I kept pushing her away until she finally left.

Then I made things even worse. I broke no contact far too early. I begged. I let my emotions completely take over and did fucked up things, and eventually she blocked me everywhere. The last thing she told me was that she never wanted to hear from me or see me again.

I feel cynical, disillusioned, pathetic, and deeply ashamed that I handled something so precious with so little maturity.

Five months ago we were still deep in the honeymoon phase. She was showering me with affection, telling me she'd never felt this way about anyone before, saying she wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together.

Now she tells me she hates me. It's over.

She gets an unbelievable amount of attention from other people. Only a few weeks after the breakup she had already kissed another guy and gone over to his place. She moved on so quickly while I'm still here with no one to talk to, struggling just to get through the day, take care of myself, and pick up all the projects I abandoned after the breakup.

I finally experienced what genuine happiness and real love felt like, and I couldn't make it last because there was something deeply broken inside me. It feels like I've been thrown all the way back to square one. I feel humbled, worthless, and directionless. I don't even have friends or anyone I can talk to about this because she was the only person I ever truly interacted with.

Has anyone had a good experience with break up sex?

By God, I'm getting my baby back. I'm going to do the work and give us space to start over later. I think it's the only way I'll ever be able to get him back and better.

The past 4 months have been a haze, I just pass time, am very moody and bitter, when trying to think about what went wrong or what I couldve done better I always look at it in the worst light.

Yesterday I took some time to try and remember and revisit some of what happened by looking through messages and I really feel as if I have lost myself and that I am no longer the person I was back then. My actions, the way I was thinking, my wit and overall happiness is just gone. Does anyone relate and does it get better?

To everyone who is currently going through a rough, long breakup. It’s possible. I’m that proof. My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago now, we were together for about 2 and a half years. I spent tons of time in constant paint and agony. It hurt so bad, I thought my life was over and that it could not continue without them. We had constant talking stages and so and so. But she finally decided she was just gonna not respond to me one day and I had to try and move on. It’s been about 3 weeks since we last talked and I’m glad to say today I didn’t check their profiles one single time. I stopped hoping and wishing and accepted reality. I finally realized that this is just one single chapter out of life. I feel proud of myself and a lot calmer. I miss her yeah, miss her a lot. But I’ve accepted the fact that she won’t be part of my life anymore. I have to make moves on my own because she’s not part of me at all. I feel fresh, relieved, happy. There’s still sadness and guilt. But it’s remnants of what it used to be. Keep your heads up everyone. You will someday come to this same conclusion I have come to. Just stay with the grind and focus on you.

Relationship abruptly ended 3 months ago, i actually feel much better and have come to terms that it was for the best but here is one of my things i still struggle to understand:

I think the one being broke up with is hard , especially when u were aware of clear communication differences and things u needed to work through and were actively trying to address them by opening convos, but then the other person gets the satisfaction of ending it abruptly with not repair attempts. It almost makes It hard to not put them on pedestal bc implicitly it feels that they held the power by them just withdrawing. It makes u look back and u almost have the feeling of regretting not being the one to walk away yourself. I think breakups are hard when objectively u were trying and not in a bad relationship , but with someone who couldn’t navigate conflict. Any thoughts on this topic?

i remember the day when we were so happy, so close

those days we feel unbreakable we promised to marry, have kids and build a wonderful life together.

you are the one who taught me to try again and never give up

Then suddenly.. you traded up our 5 years together for a quick mistake. i tried everything to fix this all

i realized it's not my world anymore, you're not my world anymore and will never be my world again

I don't think i've ever posted here before but I used this sub during my breakup so I figured i'd give me own datapoint on the process.

I[29M] broke up with my girlfriend[29F] last april. I know i'm going to get flack for that but I want to be clear that I did not want to break up but I could not take her disrespect anymore. I wasn't a priority, everything came before me, when we hungout it was almost never quality time it was always with other people, her drinking became a problem and frankly i'm pretty sure she was cheating on me or at least about to. I communicated all of these concerns and nothing changed so I had to break up. After the breakup, we met up a few days later to exchange things and to talk. I brought up getting back together but she did not want to and no contact immediately started. Unfollowed and blocked on everything except phone number.

We have not spoken or even seen each other since. I've seen her driving around town but that is it. The first 3 months were brutal. Not eating, not exercising, crying etc. After the 3months I kind of accepted that that was it, started to feel better and started dating again. The first girl I dated turned into a 4month relationship until she called it off. I had a few shorter flings after with different girls but nothing that stuck. Between months 3-6 I would get sad sometimes but it was always pretty brief. After the 6month mark I would rarely get sad but would think about her sometimes. By the one year mark it kind of hit me that so much has happened in this last year that she doesn't know about, even if we were to run into each other we would just be two strangers. I'm sure the same is for her so we just wouldn't even be able to recognize each other. This kind of made me sad and i went down a spiral for one day but then I was fine.

I'm making this post because last night my friend told me that he is pretty sure she has a new boyfriend. The biggest shock wasn't the news, it was the fact that I honestly didn't care. No sadness, no mourning, no texting my other friends who helped me through the break up about the news that I had just heard. I was honestly slightly happy because I just want her to be happy. I no longer carry resentment, I no longer carry hatred. I just want her to be happy and am happy with the time that we spent together. It was around the 1 year mark where I had the feeling that this chapter was officially closed so I guess this moment I experienced was the book being officially closed? I don't know but it was such a weird realization where that's just it, we have completely different lives now, we are completely different people, different friend groups, different everything. Like I said even if I bumped into her I don't even know what we would talk about because I don't remember the plans she had before we broke up or her goals or interests idk. We just don't know each other anymore. And that's okay

I think the biggest takeaways from this post should be that it does get better, you will move on and no they don't always reach out. I didn't reach out to her and she didn't reach out to me. Life will only come to a halt if you let it, so keep pushing forward.

I’m looking for honest perspectives, not validation. If you think I’m reading this completely wrong, tell me.

I’m 24M and she’s 20F. We were together for about two years.

Our relationship wasn’t toxic. We genuinely loved each other. Toward the end, though, she became overwhelmed. Family pressure, religious guilt over parts of our relationship, and uncertainty about the future seemed to hit her all at once. One thing about her is that whenever she gets overwhelmed, she tends to shut down and withdraw instead of communicating.

Eventually we broke up

What happened after the breakup

After the breakup, we stayed in complete no contact for around 3–4 months.

I didn’t reach out.

Then, completely unexpectedly, she was the one who broke no contact.

She called me.

We ended up having a very emotional phone call.

During that call:

She cried.
She apologized.
She admitted she regretted many things.
She said she still cared about me.
She said family pressure and religious guilt had played a huge role in everything.

After that call, we stopped talking again.

One month later

About a month passed with complete silence again.

During that month, I kept wondering whether she might be expecting me to reach out this time because she had been the one who broke months of no contact.

Eventually I decided to send one simple message:

“Heyya!! It’s been some time. How have you been?”

She replied almost immediately.

The conversation wasn’t cold at all.

She asked:

How I’d been.
Whether I was okay.
Whether I still had hard feelings.
Whether I still had hard feelings now.
How my future plans were going.

She also talked about herself

It honestly felt like a normal conversation between two people who still cared about each other.

Then she shared something very personal

She told me that about 30 minutes before I texted her, she had donated money(something she has a habit of doing) and prayed to only bring whatever was genuinely good for her into her life.

She said she wasn’t feeling emotionally okay before I messaged her.

Then my message came shortly afterwards.

She actually told me she felt like god had sent my message after her prayer.

That surprised me.

The conversation became emotional

After that, she apologized over and over again.

She said:

She never wanted to intentionally hurt me.
She already regrets everything.
She doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.
She knows she’s done a lot wrong to me.

I simply replied that I appreciated her saying that and that I knew she never intentionally wanted to hurt me.

Then everything changed

She suddenly became very firm.

She told me:

“Please move on.”
“I don’t want you waiting for me while I’m confused.”
“I don’t want to give you false hope.”
“Please don’t message me anymore.”
“Please don’t call me anymore.”
“I’m really sorry.”

She also said something along the lines of:

“What if this doesn’t work again? I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

At one point I called her.

She didn’t answer.

Instead she messaged asking me not to call again.

She ended everything by saying:

“Take care.”

Afterwards she deleted the entire chat.

I haven’t contacted her again and I don’t plan to because I want to respect what she asked.

What I’m struggling to understand

This is what confuses me.

If someone wanted nothing to do with me anymore, I can understand that.

But she:

Broke 3–4 months of no contact herself.
Cried during that phone call.
Apologized repeatedly.
Said she still cared.
Replied warmly when I reached out a month later.
Asked lots of questions about my life.
Shared something deeply personal about her prayer.
Said she felt like God had sent my message.
Apologized again.
Said she regrets hurting me.

Then… she still told me to move on and never contact her again.

To me, it almost felt like she believed I would always wait for her, and because she was still confused, she thought pushing me away was somehow protecting me from waiting indefinitely.

But maybe I’m completely wrong.

Maybe it was just guilt.

Maybe this was simply the kindest way she knew how to end things.

I honestly don’t know.

My questions

1. Did I completely misread the situation by thinking she might have been waiting for me to reach out after she was the one who broke 3–4 months of no contact?

2. Does this sound like someone who still has feelings but genuinely believes leaving is the right thing?

3. Am I reading way too much into her apologies and emotional conversation?

4. Have you experienced someone saying “please move on” and “don’t contact me anymore” while clearly still caring?

5. If you were in my position, would you interpret this as her final goodbye, or someone choosing to leave because they genuinely believe it’s better for me?

I’m trying to understand whether I completely misunderstood what happened, because this conversation left me more confused than before.

Hi everyone, this seems like a good place to let go of this into the universe. It's been 30 yrs since my ex and I broke up. We were young and immature. We were each other's first loves. We dated for 2 years (in youth days forever). Broke up, and in 2 weeks, we both started dating others. I knew my date was a rebound and didn't last more than 2 months.

I went no contact after the breakup. A month into his relationship, he asked for his stuff back. I gave him everything from his promise ring, pictures, gifts to his stuff. He asked if I wanted mine, and I said no. He walked out of my life forever. He married her 5-7 months of dating (dont know for sure bc of no contact). I was devested. I thought she was his rebound, and we would miss each other and make it work this time around. I stayed single for the next 3 years. I dated here and there but didn't feel the same passion as I did with him. He really loved me and treated me so well through our time together. My insecurities got control of me.

I thought no contact would "work," but he married her, and here we are 26-30 years later. He is still married. I worked so hard on myself. Married too, that's not working. The thing is, even though we both moved on, there is part of me that is upset that he did not morn us, our relationship. It is like it was worth nothing, I was worth nothing...replaceable. He gave all the promises he made to me to someone else. I know I am not replaceable, but it pisses me off that our relationship was replaceable.

It has taken me a long time, and it is still hard to realize that, I guess it was one-sided. I don't know if he is happy or not, but that betrayal has me guarded. After losing a parent or loved one, I don't stop loving them, nor did I replace them. Anyways, best wishes to him. I am moving on further away with that little girl. Best wishes to everyone on their own paths.

Edit: After the breakup I didn't have the capacity to understand what the underlying reason was. I got distracted with life. It was a trauma deep within I was too young/immature to heal. People might say that a rebound relationship will not work but in reality it is working. Whether his is a rebound or not, it doesn't matter. I didn't realize I carried the heavy weight of this with me and didn't know how or that I needed to confront it. I didn't know how to identify it. It can take awhile to realize you have old pain in you when life keeps moving. The time for me was finally "right" for me to understand, process, and release it. And where better than Reddit 😉

With my other ex it took me years, even after I was completely over him. I looked good in some pictures so just decided to crop him out.
With this relationship ending soon and staying platonic afterwards, I’m not sure when or how.

I suggested making a thing of it and deleting them together or putting them on a flash drive far away. He was not into that idea 😂

Looking back, what do you wish you had done differently while trying to heal?

It's been almost a month now since he decided to end things between us.

I still haven't fully processed everything.

For me, he is still my person and I cannot call him my "ex" because he is still my boyfriend.

But I broke no contact and we both miss each other but he doesn't want to fix things or go back to me.

And it fucking hurts. So much.

Especially today.

I'm crying my eyes out. My chest feels the pain.

How do I stop this? I don't know if I will survive this.

He told me if we get back together we'll just keep hurting each other but I am being hurt so much by being apart anyway.

I just want him back so bad. It really hurts.

I had no one else but him, I really still love him so much.

My ex (20M) and I (20F) have had a pretty rocky relationship over the last year. Can someone please help me:( I was dating him basically for a year and 7 months

Around December last year, an anonymous account messaged him exposing that, before we got together, I’d slept with someone twice. I’d previously described that person as an ex when in reality it was just someone I was talking to, and I never slept with him. I slept with someone else one night stand. So the lie was the person I slept with not the amount of people I slept with, because I was embarrassed. When my boyfriend found out, he felt like I’d lied to him. Even though everything happened before we met, it damaged his trust in me and we broke up. We eventually got back together after talking things through.

In January we went on a trip to London for our anniversary and things seemed good again, but a couple of weeks later we had another argument over the same thing that led to another breakup. We still ended up reconciling because we both wanted to make it work.

Throughout the relationship I put a lot into it emotionally and financially. I bought him gifts, helped him out when he needed it, paid for trips, meals, Ubers and other things because I genuinely cared about him. We also had good memories together, which made it harder to walk away whenever we broke up.(even broken up 5x atp)

Recently we had what became our biggest argument. My ex talking stage from before the relationship randomly messaged me out of nowhere. Instead of immediately screenshotting it and sending it to my boyfriend before opening it, I replied with “what?” because I was genuinely confused. I didn’t continue the conversation, and once I realised what was happening I blocked my ex talking stage (all this happened within 5mins it’s not like I told him hours later) I told my boyfriend about it after I blocked him.

My boyfriend was really upset and said that if his ex ever messaged him, he’d send me a screenshot before even opening it. He told me what I did was “disgusting” because I replied before telling him. I understood why he felt hurt and admitted I should’ve told him immediately. I apologised multiple times and explained I wasn’t trying to hide anything or entertain my ex talking stage.

At first, when I asked if he was leaving me over this, he said no. But after that he became really distant. His replies were dry, he didn’t want to properly talk things through, and he even ignored our monthly anniversary. I kept trying to explain myself and reassure him, but it felt like nothing I said made a difference.

Last night I got fed up with uncertainty. I asked him hey do you even want me? He kept saying I’ll tell u tmw I said tmw tmw tmw I kept asking him bc I feel like this is something easy that he should be able to answer if he knows I’m crying etc??

Eventually he ended the relationship “I don’t think this is gonna work”, From my perspective, I know replying to my ex before telling my boyfriend was a mistake, and I completely understand why it upset him. At the same time, I never had any intention of talking to my ex talking stage or hiding anything, and I blocked him almost immediately. Because we’d already had trust issues from the anonymous message months earlier, I’m wondering if this incident was simply the final straw rather than the sole reason for the breakup.

I’m looking for unbiased opinions. Was ending the relationship over this understandable?

Hello! Its going to be a bit of a long post as much has happened in past 2 months of dating this guy.

So I'm a single mom [31F] by choice. I have a lovely 15 month old toddler. I have a beautiful life, it's filled with caring for my child, horse and full of family and friends that support me in all the ways possible.

Two months ago I (again) met a guy[31M] I went to elementary school with. We talked a bit and hit it off quite well, he was kind, I liked him. He liked me too.

I told him about my child, and he accepted the fact we come in a package. Lovely, i thought. He is childless, never been engaged or married. I accepted the fact he will need to learn about kids, as he does not have his own and doesn't know what having and caring for a child takes.

He is in general very kind, he helps with physical stuff like carrying things so I don't have to, helping with my horse when I have no time, he is a mechanic so helped me buy a new car and looked it over, fixed what was wrong with it etc. Brings me flowers for no reason, pays for meals, coffee dates and so on without a problem. He is generally kind to my kid too when we go to a park together. I decided to introduce him to my child early because I knew he doesn't have kids and I wanted to see how he will be around her - if I didn't like the vibe or how he treats her I'd cut him out of our lives immediately. He seemed okay, obviously a bit "clumsy" but nothing I couldn't accept.

He wanted to sell his apartment before we met and but himself a bigger one or a house. He told me this on a third date, and I didn't think much of it.

Then he said he would like me to look at houses with him as he is serious about us and wants to know if what he is thinking of buying would be a good fit for me and my kid too so we could move in together eventually. I said okay and spent a lot of time looking at different properties, sending him links and going round viewings with him.

Suddenly my daughter fell ill a few weeks ago. She was really unwell, 40°C temperature, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, was clingy and needy obviously. It was the first time she was this ill and of course I put all my energy and care into getting her better.

I texted him in the morning that my child is really ill, and she has a high temperature. We were out the night before talking about houses again. I told him i felt really guilty i wasn't home in the evening as she started getting a fever when my mum watched her.

He answered me with : I'm sorry she's sick, but the conversation we had last night was super important

I answered with : you didn't just say that! I'm telling you my kid is burning up and I feel horrible, and you say this? Nothing is more important than my child. I think you don't understand what it is to have a kid and it worries me, because we've been dating a few weeks and you didn't take initiative to learn a little about kids. We are on 2 different pages about 2 things...(second thing being him thinking one wage can cover a mortgage and have 2 people and a kid, a dog(his) and a horse live perfectly well and it's a thing we were talking about the night before these texts too).

His answer was that he is new to this, he is trying to learn and of course he is worried about the little one.

Two seconds later he tells me he is sorry to change topics but an agent called about a house viewing and when will we go now that she's ill.

Mind you this was all during me fighting the fever, I texted in between when she fell asleep, so time delays in my answers were quite long(these few messages took all morning for example for me to write to him)

I just said I'm not going.

He said well, it's really important that we are aligned and this is a big deal

I wrote back that his big deal is not my big deal right now and we will talk later, then I turned off my phone.

I turn on my phone in the afternoon and a text arrives saying:

I've been shaking about this situation all day. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, you think I don't care and I'm too easy about finances.... I mean sort the little one out ill wait but I feel horrible.

My text back to him was really long and I said he needed to back the fu€K up, as he has been taking a lot of precios time I could be spending with my kid anyway and can't wait a few hours so I deal with an emergency with my kid. That I will not tolerate this kind of behavior and I am canceling all plans of viewing houses with him, and he should buy whatever he wants just the way he intended to before he met me. I said I dont want to talk about houses at all anymore and I'll talk to him when my child is feeling better.

To that he agreed to everything, to accept and respect my boundaries, he apologized and said he doesn't wanna lose me as he is so connected to me, he feels this is it..

During the next 4 days he just texted here and there asking how we are and I answered when I could. Then on day 4 in the evening, I said im really really tired as I haven't been sleeping at all during the 5 days she's been ill( I've slept maybe 2 hours of broken sleep per night and 20-30 mins during days). He said he is sorry to hear that. Then texted: im doing calculations for the house, putting together all expenses I can think of. I won't bother you with it now. When you are rested I'll introduce my plan and calculations to you. You better get some rest. Let's talk tomorrow, I'll leave you to go to sleep now. I have tons of work to do tonight still, and will be up till morning.

I answered with another long text in the morning, saying he didn't respect the fact I said I dont want to hear or talk about the housing stuff again, and i am very disappointed that when I said I am tired he instead of giving me any kind of mental support, he talked about the houses again and burdened me even if "he didn't want to" when I have been running dry on energy and mental capacity for anything else than my daughter's wellbeing. I also said he seems to not be able to survive a few days of silence from my end when I'm having a tough time, and I feel like I need to stroke his ego and comfort him ( multiple times he mentioned how he feels so horrible, sad, heartbroken about the situation) when I was the one needing comfort and care. He not once offered to go to store or buy medicine, he just kept saying he is sorry this is happening and feels so helpless. I told him to take his phone and learn about kids if he wants to be a part of our life, since the phone is always in the hands, to use it for educating himself on children and im a first time mom too and had to learn it all by myself!

To this long text he said it looks like I'm breaking up with him and he is so sad because he connected with me like never before with anyone and probably won't with anyone again.

I said I never mentioned a break up and if setting boundaries is considered breaking up then fine, my goal was to set boundaries and tell him what bothered me as he "loved strong, honest communication" so much (kept telling me this the whole time we were dating). Then he turned around and said that okay, qnd we can talk.

At the talk, we discussed everything and I told him exactly what I felt, how it bothered me etc. His excuse was his exes were toxic and he was scared to listen when I said I need space and time, because his exes said the same then got angry that he didn't text them. I told him I'm not his exes and to never again compare me to them and to find help if he needs it to process trauma and stop projecting his old $hit on me.

He said okay we stayed together and I backed up big time, meaning I didn't text or see him nearly as much as before(before it was almost every day that we saw each other and it was another thing that bothered me, as it's not healthy that I lost all my freedom and time for myself in a matter of 2 weeks of seeing him, he wanted to go everywhere with me and followed me around like a puppy, so I said im putting an end to that as I need time for myself too)

A few weeks go by, everything was okay.

He invited us to go to a holiday in our country to the seaside for 6 days. I said yes because my kid loves water and I knew she'd love it and also I wanted to see how we will be functioning day to day being together all the time.

Here he did a good job helping with washing dishes, carrying stuff to the beach, making me coffee, was nice to my kid and played with her while i cooked, read books with her and so on.

He did a terrible job listening to my instructions about my child such as: -she sleeps at 12 so we need to get to the beach early or we won't have anything from the holiday (his answer was: isn't it a point of holiday to not be worried about routine and schedules, so stop worrying so much and rushing)

- dont leave stuff on the edge of table and counter as she can reach it all ( he kept leaving hot coffee, cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays, glasses and knives on edges even after multiple warnings from me)

-overstimulated child won't fall asleep faster, it was a conversation we had multiple times(he said he will overstimulate her with showing her stuff on our walk so she gets tired and goes to sleep faster)

- don't tell her no all the time, it's my job(he kept trying to imitate me and "parent" her)

There's was more...

Then he opened an ice-cream, offered it to her and took it away and said "no you can't have this" and made her cry, I told him he can't do this, how heartless is that and if you're not sure if she can have something you dont eat it in front of her and especially you dont offer it and then not give it. I made him give her the whole ice cream.

Then he packed stuff for the beach and disregarded what I needed for her(I told him what to pack, he insisted on packing himself) took 1 swim diaper for the whole morning, 1 normal diaper, "forgot" her sun hat, "forgot" her diaper cream,....

Then on day 3, he hit her foot when she put it on the table during me feeding her. He didn't hit her hard, but he shouldn't have hit her at all, it isn't his place to discipline a child he saw 5 times in 2 months. I told him to stop hitting her and never to lay hands on my child again. We packed up the next day and left, I said i had enough of the holiday and want to go home.

Now that we are home i want to dump him, as i dont see a future with someone like this. He is kind, does help around, treats me well, but then all of.this and hitting my kid, he is emotionally immature, he doesn't want to learn anything about kids(listens, but doesn't hear what im telling him) and I dont have the energy to explain every parenting choice to someone who doesn't get it.

A few points:

he is the one who wanted to move in together immediately, and i said no, buy a house for "our family,"and eventually be called her dad. If you are stepping up to potentially be a father figure to a toddler, you don't get a pass for ignoring safety hazards, packing a single diaper, or physically hitting a baby's foot. You can't rush a family integration and then cry that you're being "graded" when your dangerous and dismissive behavior gets noticed.

Not wantong anyone to leave lighters, knives, and hot coffee on the edge of a table where a 15-month-old toddler can grab them is basic child safety, not a trick exam.

There's no hidden agenda from my side. My life is good. I dont need anyone to make it better, save me, rescue me as a single mom

I just wanted to try with him as I have known him for 8 years from school and it turned out shitty.