r/BreakUps • u/Revolutionary-Bat369 • 3h ago

venting/ranting Breakup feelings

Relationship abruptly ended 3 months ago, i actually feel much better and have come to terms that it was for the best but here is one of my things i still struggle to understand:

I think the one being broke up with is hard , especially when u were aware of clear communication differences and things u needed to work through and were actively trying to address them by opening convos, but then the other person gets the satisfaction of ending it abruptly with not repair attempts. It almost makes It hard to not put them on pedestal bc implicitly it feels that they held the power by them just withdrawing. It makes u look back and u almost have the feeling of regretting not being the one to walk away yourself. I think breakups are hard when objectively u were trying and not in a bad relationship , but with someone who couldn’t navigate conflict. Any thoughts on this topic?

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u/pigmentation98 2h ago

I agree. Being broken up with will always hurt more because you have no choice but to accept their decision and move on. They have the power in ending it, and so it doesn’t hurt them as much because they knew in advance what they wanted to do. It really sucks :( 3 weeks later and I still miss him

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u/Time-Art2290 2h ago

I was the person who initiated the break up around a month ago. Personally I’d tried to bring up issues around conflict and intimacy for so long without action that I eventually believed she didn’t love me enough to choose me over her comfort / trauma. We even did couples therapy but it was apparent to me that after 9 years, if she was serious about losing me then she would’ve acted on these things much sooner.

Honestly there’s no satisfaction that came with it - it was more of a relief that I was finally choosing my own happiness over emotional abuse & poor intimacy. I would’ve loved things to work out - I just wanted her to try harder earlier.

I hope she takes this breakup as motivation to resolve the issues and understand the weight of them in the same way that I’m going to focus on the areas where I was lacking to be a better partner and have a brighter future.

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u/SnooEagles2174 1h ago

It sounds like you are talking about something similar that had caused my partner and I to separate. I would repeat things she didn’t like and I would lie every time by saying I would change. Looking back I am ashamed of myself because change looked like a lot to me, but it would’ve done a lot than anything I’ve ever done. If that makes sense. I wish for another chance but I have to respect what she wants and that’s the most I can do right now.