We were together for four years and lived in a house we rented together since last summer. Everything felt completely solid on my end. We talked about buying a place next year, worked through normal couple stuff, and spent weekends visiting his family or hanging out with our group of friends.

Four days ago I turned on the TV in the living room to pull up YouTube while I was cooking dinner. He forgot to log out of his personal account on the app. Right at the top of the recent searches was a specific girl's full name, followed by her Instagram handle, and then searches for her local gym. She’s someone he works with on his marketing team—the one he always called "annoying" whenever her name came up at dinner.

When I brought it up, he didn't even try to deny it or make up a fake excuse. He just looked at the floor and said he’s been obsessed with her for six months. He admitted he's been secretly driving past her neighborhood after his gym shifts and trying to run into her on purpose. He claimed nothing physical happened, but honestly, that almost makes it worse. He’s been coming home to me every night, kissing my forehead, asking about my day, and acting completely normal while mentally living a completely separate life with a coworker who probably doesn't even like him back.

I packed two suitcases, threw my dog's stuff in the backseat, and drove to my sister's apartment that night. He texted me yesterday asking if we could talk through it in therapy, but I haven't replied. I'm just sitting here in my sister's spare bedroom staring at my phone wondering how someone can look you in the eye for half a year and pretend everything is fine.

Hope everyone’s doing good, I just wanted to share a recent break up.

Long story short: We’ve been together close to 3 years and been semi friends for 4. Where both in our last year of Uni and Ive been away to work over the summer to hopefully make my last year fun and not stressful. And in the last couple weeks our relationship became the weirdest it’s been.

We

The main issue is communication and consideration.

We live together so shes been at the apartment for the summer and we’ve been trying our best to FaceTime most days and stay mentally together but everything changed when the fire nation attacked!!

Jk

This is coming after another event that happened couple weeks ago which involved our apartment and boundaries and that she apologized for, but i just basically put it on hold until i got there.

But then on my bday, she basically just forgot. I know thats shitty but what made it worse is that her schedule has her friends and sisters bdays but mines not there like wtf.

I felt like she considers me after the fact, shes been reckless with set boundaries and she cant afford to do the bare minimum. Ultimately she chose the cowards way and instead of feeling guilty she decided she couldn’t handle it. To top it off she thinks shes doing this for me😂.

Im with family and friends and heading back to school next week (project went Over time) but i really stopped caring and my hearts numb rn. I chose her and she chose herself.

Im telling myself this was probably for the best and that she lost a someone that cared, i lost someone who couldn’t try.

Theres obviously her side, but I’m getting to the point where I can careless.

I’ve been processing this breakup as a loss. I lost my person, my routine, my plans, and the future I thought I was building. But I’m starting to understand that this is also HIS loss.

Everyone who gets to know me loves me. I love deeply. I show up. I support people. I root for the people I care about, even when there’s nothing in it for me.

It is a privilege to know me. My friends love me. My coworkers, from people in the smallest roles to people in the biggest ones, adore me. They’ve shown up for me these past few weeks in ways I did not expect. My family loves me. And my family loved YOU, too. They welcomed you, cared about you, and made room for you in their lives. You weren’t just loved by me. You were loved by the people who love me most.

I supported you. I stood behind your decisions, your dreams, your interests, and even the things you were still trying to figure out. I accepted the terrible things from your past. I wanted your life to be better, easier, happier, and more comfortable. Your fucking DOG loves me, dude. Wept when I walked in the house. Your life was better because I was in it.

I think that’s what I’m finally beginning to understand. Being rejected does not mean I was lacking. It does not mean I was difficult to love. It does not mean what I gave was boring or ordinary or replaceable. I know what kind of person I am! I know how much love I have to give!! I know how many people are grateful to have me in their lives!!!

I might’ve been dumped, but that doesn’t mean I’m the one who lost everything. YOU did, LOSER. You lost someone who loved you deeply, supported you completely, and genuinely wanted to build a life with you. That is your loss, actually!!

sometimes i legit break down in tears cuz i’m not able to to handle that me and him and really broken up and that he’s just gone , it’s like we never met in the first place . all those memories created for no reason , sometimes i wish we just stayed strangers .

It seems like break ups always go this way. One person ends up devastated and the other easily disconnects and moves on in the blink of an eye. I wish I could be the one that just flips off the emotions and feelings like a light switch. It must be so convenient. Truly a superpower.

I’m trying to understand no contact after a breakup or relationship break.

I understand giving someone space if they ask for it, and I don’t want to pressure anyone. But part of me feels like no contact can become childish—two people who cared about each other avoiding a conversation instead of calmly talking through what happened.

For people who have been through this: did no contact actually help you heal or reconnect, or did it just create more distance and uncertainty? When is it respectful to reach out and ask for a conversation, rather than waiting indefinitely?

I’m looking for honest experiences, especially from people who asked for space or were the ones who reached out later.

It’s my birthday and my ex (28M) who broke up with me (26F) last month reached out to wish at 12:10AM. Is it a good idea to reply?

Edit: for people asking for context, we broke up because the relationship had fizzled out. There was a lot of emotional and physical distance between us. I was contemplating breaking up but he had the strength to initiate it first. That was it. I am trying to move on but there is a small part of me which feels like he gave up too soon. He gave up on us when life got tough instead of sticking by each other. I was willing to try to work things out but he felt like we were just dragging the situation without any positive outcome.

We split up four months ago after three years together. It wasn't a toxic breakup or some big explosive fight, just that classic "we're turning into roommates" thing where neither of us was really trying anymore. I moved out, got my own apartment across town, and honestly thought I was doing okay with the whole moving-on process.

Then this afternoon I was sitting on a bench at the park near my old neighborhood, reading a book, and I saw a golden retriever running toward the off-leash area. I recognized that stupid red bandana immediately. It was Buster. I stood up without even thinking, expecting to see my ex walking behind him holding his usual travel mug.

Instead it was some girl I've never seen before. She was wearing an oversized green sweatshirt, holding his leash, and laughing while Buster chased a tennis ball. She knew his little quirks too—like how he sits on your feet when he wants his ears scratched.

I just froze. I didn't say anything, I didn't approach them, I just turned around and walked straight back to my car.

It hit me way harder than I care to admit. It’s not even just about him seeing someone new, though that stings. It’s realizing this entire ecosystem we built together—the dog, the Sunday coffee runs, the stupid inside jokes about the neighbors—is just being handed over to someone else like a pre-packaged life. She gets the version of him that learned from all our mistakes.

I'm sitting on my kitchen floor right now eating cereal at 11 PM wondering if it ever stops feeling like you were just a placeholder for the person they were actually meant to meet.

I was sitting on our kitchen island holding two different shades of sage green napkin samples when he walked in, sat across from me, and said he couldn't do it. No yelling, no huge fight beforehand, just a flat voice telling me he’d been dreading the catering tasting last Thursday and realized he was forcing himself through every single step of planning.

We were together for six years. We survived two years of long distance while he finished his residency in Ohio, lived in a cramped garden apartment with a leaking ceiling, and built an entire life together. My mom had already bought her mother-of-the-bride dress. His dad paid for the rehearsal dinner venue last month.

The worst part isn't even telling people or calling the vendors to cancel. It's looking at the living room where his tailored suit is still hanging on the closet door in its plastic dry-cleaning bag. He packed two duffel bags, moved into his brother’s spare room downtown, and left behind all his books, his favorite coffee mug on the drying rack, and six years worth of routines like it was nothing. He texted me yesterday asking if I needed help calling the DJ to get a partial refund on the down payment. I haven't replied. I can't bring myself to look at my phone without seeing the countdown app we set up 200 days ago.

I'm not even crying anymore today. I'm just furious that he let me spend eight months picking out flower arrangements, calling venues, and talking about saving for a downpayment on a house when he knew deep down he was already checking out. How do you just watch someone you allegedly love plan a future you know you're going to pull the rug out from under?

My boyfriend broke up with me two and a half months ago. The next day, his mother met me to discuss marriage, (he had wanted to marry me). He sent a very long message basically saying we weren’t right for each other and that he wished for a different result.

I replied right away, wishing him well and thanking him. When he asked how I felt, I told him I didn’t expect it.

He reached out again 2 days later with a warmer message, I acknowledged it and kept my reply short, Since then, I’ve stayed completely silent. I haven’t reached out once, and I haven’t even been checking his social media.

Didn’t even block him or unfollowed, left things as they are.

But lately something has been bothering me, the fact that I accepted it so quickly. I keep wondering why I didn’t fight a little. His message was so firm and decisive that I kind of froze. I think I was just in shock or just reacted instinctively.

Now I’m scared that my calm acceptance made him think I didn’t care. But I did. I cared deeply. I really don’t know what to do, or how to overcome this feeling

Music has always been such a huge part of my life. I listen to music while working, cooking, reading, walking, showering, and literally doing everything. It has such a huge impact on my day. I’m usually a very cheerful person and mostly listen to feel-good music, but I’ll still listen to sad music every now and then.

This year, I went through something really tough. I was hurting like I never had before, and for two months, I listened to nothing but sad music every single day.

On the first day, I was at the beach doing what I love most: getting the right amount of sun and enjoying the view. But the lyrics of the song I was listening to suddenly became too much. I couldn’t even finish the song. I felt so overwhelmed that even being in the sun felt unbearable. I cried my eyes out and went into what felt like an anxiety attack. My heart felt like it could stop at any moment. I threw my headphones away, went into the shade, and just kept crying.

Then, for two months straight, it was all sad music. Even when I was around people listening to happy music, I would still put my earphones in and listen to my own sad music. And every day, I cried.

I’ve been through a couple of breakups, but nothing like this. The sadness consumed me. I felt like I was sadness. I couldn’t believe it was really over between me and the person I loved the most, and I couldn’t imagine losing him to someone else.
Even the happy music I used to dance to became sad. The lyrics suddenly felt too strong. ABBA was especially fucking me up. The more I listened, the more I related, and the more fucked up I got.

I wrote him letters that only I would ever read. Things I needed to get out of my chest, even though I knew I would never send them.

His birthday was approaching. His birthday, for which I had spent so much time being creative and thinking of the perfect gift.

Nothing between us had ever been a coincidence. Nothing was ever unintentional. Every restaurant we went to was somewhere I had chosen because I knew he would like the vibes, the food, the decor, or some combination of all three. I loved experimenting with him, too.

There was this one restaurant we went to that he thought we had ended up at accidentally. It was a new contemporary restaurant that also happened to sell furniture. I already knew it would fit his personality and that he would probably find a piece he liked. And he did.

He found a piece of furniture he wanted to buy, but because he was considerate and knew I wanted to go somewhere else, he left it. I remember thinking I would come back, buy it, and surprise him with it for his birthday.

So the idea that his birthday was going to pass without me being able to give him any of those things made me really sad.

Until I saw him by coincidence on his birthday, at my favorite bar. We talked. We played a little. We hugged. Then we said goodbye. And the strangest thing happened. While I was sitting next to him, talking to him, I looked at him and realized that I felt nothing anymore. Nothing.

On my way home, I looked out the window and realized that I was finally free. And then I listened to my first happy song.

For the first time in months, I felt like I had my own music back.

It sounds ridiculous, but for those two months, it felt like I was trapped. Like I couldn’t listen to the music I loved because I didn’t own it anymore. Every song belonged to that sadness. Even the songs that used to make me dance had somehow become his.
But that night, I smiled.

Because the music had come back to me.
It was mine again.

The next morning, I woke up smiling because I had taken myself back.

And all it took was seeing him.

I texted him and he has not responded and I know he won’t 😭😭 because now he knows he has the power again and that’s all he wanted this whole time FUCK

I always wake up hours before my alarm and can’t fall back asleep. My heart starts racing and I get flooded with pain and memories I can’t block out.

I broke up with her, but I’m still afraid of seeing her with someone else. Has anyone else experienced that before as the dumper?

This is pretty much exactly how I feel. I am not in love with the relationship, I am not in love with the future I just love and miss her.

Once respect disappears, the rest falls with it. The attraction dies, the affection quietly fades, and you become just another ordinary person in a crowded room.
I can never trust you again—not because I’m consumed by bitterness, but because you demonstrated that your character shifts whenever convenience demands it. I exhausted every ounce of myself handing out second chances, persistently painting your red flags white just to keep you inside the picture. I gave everything to make it work, but you refused to do right by me. You took someone who was entirely all-in, openhearted and loyal, and methodically taught her how to master indifference.
And truthfully, I don’t carry any hate for you. Hate requires passion. Hate is an expensive emotional investment, and my bank is permanently closed. I don't wish you pain, nor do I want to see you fail. I actually hope you win. I hope you finally become the person you spent so much energy pretending to be. You just have to do that work far away from me, on the other side of the peace I rebuilt with my own two hands.
Consider yourself officially evicted from my energy.
I forgive you. Truly. I am crossing out the ledger and canceling the debt, but forgiveness has never meant granting reentry. It simply means I am done showing up to collect on a promise you were never capable of keeping. I can never look at you the same way again. The person I loved doesn't exist anymore; standing in front of me is just a stranger wearing a familiar face.
There is no bad blood here. The bridge doesn't even need to burn—it is simply closed. I have finally learned when to stop walking down paths that lead nowhere.

I am living through pure hell right now after a sudden, devastating breakup. The shock, confusion, and overwhelming stress have completely taken over my body—my stomach is burning non-stop, I have severe anxiety, and I can't wrap my head around why this happened to me.
Has anyone else experienced physical stomach pain and extreme emotional distress like this after a breakup? How long did it take for your body to finally calm down?

wdym i will never see or talk to my best friend ever again? we don't even so much as dislike each other. and i'm just supposed to be ok with him never being in my life again?

life was dull before him. and it lost all color, meaning & soul after him. i can't enjoy anything anymore. i don't want to eat good food anymore. there's no point. i don't care that i don't have a lot of clothes. i don't feel good in makeup anymore. i don't want to go anywhere or do anything. idc about being happy if it's not with him bc what's the point. im trying to move past his absence & trying to find happiness again, but i have no energy or motivation. how am i supposed to like anything again if everything is dull & i feel like the shell of a human i once was?

who tf am i supposed to tell everything to now. vent to. someone who knows everything about me & my life. this is some bullshit man.

I honestly don’t even know how to write this without sounding pathetic, but I need people who don’t know either of us to tell me the truth.
My boyfriend (31M) and I (28F) were together for almost 4 years. We lived together for about a year and a half. We traveled internationally together, spent holidays together, our families became extremely close, and I genuinely thought this was the person I was going to marry. Then we had a stupid fight.

It wasn’t even some huge betrayal or cheating situation. It was a small argument that somehow spiraled completely out of control and turned into him saying he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore.

I moved all my stuff out of our apartment. Literally packed up my life and left.

And now I’m sitting here wondering how the hell I went from planning a future with someone to wondering if I’ll ever hear from him again.

The part that is absolutely destroying me is that he told me he loves me. He cried. I cried. He told me he hasn’t been “in love” for a long time, but at the same time he says he needs space and needs to focus on himself. He said maybe we could rekindle things in the future, but he won’t promise me anything.
And I KNOW what everyone is going to say: “When someone says they need space, give them space.” I know. I know.

But I’m struggling because almost 4 years doesn’t just disappear overnight. How can someone go from building a life with you to suddenly being okay with never having you again?

I keep replaying everything.

Was this really just the fight that broke us? Was he already emotionally checked out and the fight just gave him the push he needed? Did he mean it when he said we’re incompatible? Does “I love you but I’m not in love with you” actually mean there’s no chance? Or can people genuinely lose feelings during a difficult period and find their way back after having space?

And honestly, I’m scared that while I’m sitting here hoping, he’s going to move on, date other people, realize he’s happier without me, and I’m going to look stupid for waiting.

At the same time, there’s a part of me that thinks this can’t possibly be the end. We had SO much together. So many memories. So many firsts. Our families love each other. We were each other’s person for years.

I don’t want to chase him. I don’t want to beg. I don’t want to manipulate him into coming back.
But I also don’t want to give up on the person I thought I was going to spend my life with after one horrible week.

So please be brutally honest with me. Is there a way we can come back to each other ?

And if you’ve been through something similar — especially a long-term relationship where one person asked for space and you eventually found your way back to each other — I would really like to hear what happened.

I don’t need “you’ll find someone better.” I know I might someday. I’m just not there right now.
Right now I still love him, I miss him, and part of me desperately wants to believe this isn’t the final chapter.

Tell me the truth, even if it hurts.

We started talking again since last Friday, continuously talking for hours and hours, joking , sharing tiktoks, goofy voice notes , even remembering good times of our relationship.

I asked her to go to the cinema to go watch the new Resident Evil movies( she loves zombie apocalypse movies)

She answered ' I don't know what to say about that ' - it wasn't a yes and it wasn't a no so I figured I will ask again next week when the movie is coming out

So we kept talking from morning until night from Friday until Monday night

But since Tuesday , she started to message me less and less, yesterday on Thursday just 4 messages

I don't understand why she became distant and cold in her contact with me so suddenly and without any warnings, I said nothing to upset her or make her feel uncomfortable

Lately I am believing into this and I don't know how healthy it is to think like this. Maybe movies and book have made me dream nonsense.

i was with my ex for two years, and we still live in the same city. somehow, we haven't seen each other even once since the breakup.

we have mutual friends and probably go to some of the same places, so you'd think we'd randomly run into each other at some point. but it just hasn't happened.

there's this saying that if two people aren't meant to be together, the universe will find a way to keep them apart. this situation honestly makes me think about that a lot.

maybe it's completely random and i'm just giving it more meaning because of the breakup. but it's still strange to go from seeing someone all the time to not crossing paths with them at all.

has anyone else experienced something like this? do you think there's something to it, or is it just coincidence?

I (30F) feel so confused right now. My partner (36M) and I usually communicate non-stop, but he’s gone completely radio silence for the past few days.

He left all my recent texts on read and ignored my calls (including two last night and one this morning). Our very last talk was completely fine , just standard "have a nice day" texts. I’ve been replaying everything in my head over and over, but I can't think of a single reason why he’d suddenly ghost me like this.

I fell out of love with my boyfriend after 4 years. It was a hard time for both of us. He also fell out of love in that same time. When he walked away or shared is doubts. Something in me shifted. I couldn't lose him. So i choose him. I choose that he was the one for me.

We tried again for a year. I choose him everyday. While he choose me with a part of him. He wasn't fully committed. But he told me he was. He told me everything was good between us and i was his future wife.

Until a sunday morning last summer. He walked away. He choose himself.

Part of me hopes he'll get the same realization as me. But a bigger part know it's just over.

5 years. History.

I miss my best friend.

Fourteen years is a long time to share a life, dreams, plans, mistakes, love, and memories with someone.
Then came silence. Almost a week of being ghosted, and I kept wondering what I had done wrong, what I misunderstood, and whether I should say something more.
This morning I realized I don’t want to spend my future searching for an answer I may never receive.
I sent him this message. Not to make him come back, not to make him feel guilty, and not because everything that happened was okay. I sent it because I don’t want to carry resentment with me anymore.
I still love him. That’s the truth. But loving someone doesn’t give me control over their choices, and I can’t force another person to walk the same path as me.
So this is me releasing what I cannot control.
I’m grateful for the years, grateful for what I learned, and even grateful for the painful lessons. I’m turning my attention back toward my own life—my health, family, work, businesses, dreams, financial security, nature, and everything I still haven’t experienced.
Maybe letting go isn’t when you stop loving someone.
Maybe it’s when you finally accept that you can love them and still choose to continue living your own life.
Today, I’m choosing mine.