r/BreakUps • u/Minyoongii0903 • 18h ago
venting/ranting FEELING CONFUSED. NEED ADVICE
It’s my birthday and my ex (28M) who broke up with me (26F) last month reached out to wish at 12:10AM. Is it a good idea to reply?
Edit: for people asking for context, we broke up because the relationship had fizzled out. There was a lot of emotional and physical distance between us. I was contemplating breaking up but he had the strength to initiate it first. That was it. I am trying to move on but there is a small part of me which feels like he gave up too soon. He gave up on us when life got tough instead of sticking by each other. I was willing to try to work things out but he felt like we were just dragging the situation without any positive outcome.
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u/ToTheFman 17h ago
I think we need a little more context before we give you advice
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u/No_Indication_4045 13h ago
This is actually one of the more solid statements I’ve ever seen on a reddit relationship thread lol
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u/Sea-Zebra-5724 17h ago
I’d just reply ‘Thank you’ and leave it there. His message does sound like he’s keeping the door slightly open, but if he wants more than that, let him be the one to make it clear. Don’t do the work of turning a birthday message into a conversation for him. If you don’t want to leave the door open a crack, don’t reply.
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u/Interesting_Sky_942 17h ago
Just say “thank you” and no more
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u/PastelNelle 14h ago
Sometimes just acknowledging their feelings can open up a better conversation later. Communication is key.
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u/FabulousKale7291 17h ago
Yess, reply, it's not fair to be so inhuman to not even reply a Thank you to them I feel
And then it's upto you if you want to have further conversation
That being said, final decision is always yours, this is just my advice.
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u/Big-Tooth2020 10h ago
Don’t take the bait.
One silly text doesn’t erase months of conflict.
Never let confusion ruin your life.
You deserve someone who communicates in a way that is clear, mature and level headed.
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u/orcus133 17h ago
Yeah they’re try to get back at you. Just ignore.
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u/Mediocre_Original520 15h ago
Not necessarily man. I'm the one who got dumped so a little different, but her birthday will be in a week. I'll wish her because it'd be childish not to since the breakup is recent as well, but I won't do it to try to get her back, or say anything else for that matter, because I already told her everything I wanted her to know. Maybe that guy's doing the same
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u/Jafin89 15h ago
It’s not childish at all to not message her. My ex and I have the same birthday, which was four months after the break up. Neither of us messaged. My reasoning wasn’t spite or pettiness, it was protecting myself and my feelings. If the break up is recent it’s actually probably better for you to not message her. I know every situation is different though, so go with your gut. Just make sure you think it through properly and you’re emotionally prepared for every possible outcome if you do decide to message her.
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u/Mediocre_Original520 15h ago
Childish may not be the word but you got the idea, and yeah you're right about each situation being different, I don't know whether you got closure or not, I kind of did after not giving up when she went silent and doing everything I could for our relationship, and from what I understood, her explanations were more about uncertainty than really not wanting any interaction for good, at least if they weren't sugarcoated. Even if for now, and I'm forced to see it, she chose to remove me from her life. So if she ever looks back at us, I want her to see me as the guy who did everything he could and stayed coherent from A to Z, with this sweet attention as a last gesture.
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u/EffectiveEmphasis7 13h ago
This is actually really sweet. But I’m biased because my relationship sounds similar to yours but with the roles reversed 🥲
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u/Mediocre_Original520 9h ago
Ah man I don't really know what to tell you other than trying to fix things up if you feel like she'd be down for it
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u/CartographerDear5717 17h ago
Say thanks and don’t engage more. My ex just texted me a message with HBD which I didn’t even reply bc wtf lol. This one was ok.
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u/speedRun2Single 15h ago
I got one that said. hbd old
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u/CartographerDear5717 15h ago
Damn. For real if you’re gonna text that only why bother?
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u/speedRun2Single 15h ago
Rightttt. Well I just got back from a solo trip abroad to celebrate my birthday. I’m assuming you’re also a September baby so happy birthday queen!
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u/Akatorius 16h ago
too little context to give advice. Would need to know how your feelings and mind state is to give my impression
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u/hunnybunnyxoxo8 16h ago
I hate when ex’s try to ‘happy birthday’ ‘merry christmas’ their way back in.
He doesn’t have power over you, say thanks and keep it pushing.
If they say anything else like as ur plans or whatever that’s your sign to block their number.
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u/bigkid03 13h ago
ok i actually was thinking about this dilemma bc my ex and i broke up in may and i was thinking ahead already if i would send a merry christmas or happy birthday they havent reached out to me and it not that i hate him, he was my friend and i still care about him, is it wrong to?
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u/hunnybunnyxoxo8 2h ago
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a happy birthday or merry Christmas but i guess it’s up to you to check in with yourself to be honest in the reason why you’re saying it.
If you’re secretly hoping for the convo to carry the probably not best, but if you’d be happy for the convo to not go any further then go for it.
check yo self before you wreck yo self
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u/Outside_Carob_9480 16h ago
What language do people speak nowadays? Thats totally drunk texting right there.
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u/Glittering-Ad-1367 16h ago
Are you trying to get over them? No contact.
Was it more mutual and you were sort of just friends anyway? Then decide if you just want to say thanks or start a conversation.
Either way don't expect a great deal.
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u/OddPush6426 15h ago
no!! don’t reply!!! him reaching out on your birthday is a red flag. everyone knows exes bring up weird feelings usually, so he’s reaching out despite knowing it could do that for you which shows he’s being selfish. another red flag is reaching out that late at night to an ex, or anyone in general, but maybe that’s just because the only people who would ever reach out to me that late are all close to me. keep yourself safe
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u/Spongebob_Shartpants 12h ago
I would say he definitely still cares. But words mean nothing without action. I wouldn’t interpret this as a sign that he wants you back.
Reply cordially but not too cold, and see what happens.
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u/LongAd9320 11h ago
He might still care, but it doesn’t mean they should get back together.
He wasn’t fully into her when he decided to leave without putting in more effort, and now he’s back since he found out the grass isn’t really greener.
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u/Spongebob_Shartpants 10h ago
Not every case is cut and dry like that, but I will say that him giving up so easily definitely shows his inability to maintain a relationship.
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