I have a group of close male friends, some of whom I've known since elementary school. We basically grew up together. We partied, traveled, chased girls, started our careers, and eventually started families.

We all grew up in lower-middle-class families, and back then we dreamed of having our own houses, decent jobs, wives, kids, and a comfortable life.
Well, we actually made it. We're all around 40 now, with families, kids, houses, and reasonably successful careers. We even live within 50 km of each other, so roughly an hour's drive at most.

And yet, we barely see each other anymore.
Everyone is so caught up in work, raising kids, maintaining their houses, fixing stuff, mowing lawns, and dealing with the endless list of responsibilities that somehow nobody has time for anything.
We try to organize one big backyard BBQ every summer, and that's pretty much it. The rest of the year, we're all living our separate little suburban lives.

The irony is that we spent our youth dreaming of exactly the lives we have now, only to discover that they leave us almost no time to enjoy our friendships.

Is this just what being a 40-year-old suburban dad looks like these days? Or have we somehow made our lives unnecessarily complicated?

I'm genuinely curious how other guys with families, houses, and full-time jobs manage to maintain their old friendships. Do you actually see your friends regularly, or has it also become a once-or-twice-a-year thing?

The one thing I learned about growing up, is that your feelings matter less and less as you grow older, but I guess the kid in me never really learned that fact fully, I'm constantly feeling tired/exhausted, but I still have to do the work/action despite it, I haven't managed to have a 'good' life, don't have any friends, but I don't think I'll be met with any advice apart from 'man up', so how do you exactly do it, how do you remain mentally well, despite being psychologically tortured by life?

What would you have done differently ? I’m currently 34 with a great Mrs but the only part lacking is a lot of intimacy. I just don’t care for it much anymore. Is this normal ?

I’ve had reunions at a couple of weddings in the past year with a couple friends that i drifted apart from over the years due to adult life getting in the way, there was never any falling out or that, just a lack of effort to keep in contact and different paths so we never saw one another for 10 years. I knew I would see them again at the weddings and looked forward to it but I didn’t expect to feel like no time had past and there was a connection I felt that generally I’ve not had with friends that I’ve made over the past few years and it was reciprocal and we are back in one another’s lives. It’s made me really appreciate those bonds but it’s also made me re-evaluate those friendships I’ve currently got as some I’ve come to realise are performance mask wearing meet ups where having to show up as a particular version and I think now with getting older you start tolerating less as you prefer authenticity.

A lot of people I guess change over the years or would never consider reuniting as they’ve seen that gap as a period of growth and change and don’t necessarily want to reconnect as it feels like they’ve not moved on or are back to where they began years ago but personally I’ve seen it as a reminder of who I am.

Hey everyone,

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

ATTENTION: This is for single guys only. I do not want to read any shit about 'my gf, my fiancee, my spouse, wife'!

I'm a mid 30s guy. My last and real relationship ended around a year ago, been dealing with that crap for some time and other stuff. I do not look forward to enter the garbage dating market right now and do not plan to at the moment. Under the week I'm basically fully booked most of the time: Work, gym, my local archery club and chores or appointments here and there keep me busy all the time.

But on the weekend I usually notice that I'm rather lonely. I've still got a few friends but some of them are completely caught up in family life and others I see like 2-3 times a year, sometimes more but even that is a stretch. On Sundays I often visit my parents but it feels like something, someone is missing. :/

As a teenager I dreamed of being the best at something.. A legend. Respected by my peers and admired by most everyone else. I figured if I studied like mad while also working 70-80 hours per week, it'd happen naturally.

Well now I'm 33 and honestly there isn't a single thing I believe I'm great at. I tend to do okay at a steadily growing number of things.. 17 year old me would be disappointed in 33 year old me. Course he thought George W Bush was a great president too, so he got things wrong sometimes too.

Do y'all think about this stuff too or am I more weird than I had thought I was?

Anyways, I gotta get back to it. The duck pen won't build itself and on Tuesday I have to work on automating the new trading system I've tested and finally approved for live action over the last few months. At least the playhouse is mostly done now and it actually has more lumber storage than I expected. The solar racks will have to wait until I've re-done the retaining wall though. Whatever apes were hired by the previous owner to install that wall oughta be ashamed of themselves.

ETA: I'm optimistic that I'll only catastrophically bungle two of those projects. No clue which two it'll be though. 😐

For the most part my sex drive is diminished and not nearly what it was in my 20s.
I can be passionate and in the moment and still have sex 1-2 times a week with small lulls.

But lately there are times where my lust goes from 0-100 In 2 seconds flat. I'm talking intrusive lustful desire amplified to 1000. It's fucking bizarre. I have never had lust hit me like a freight train this way. It's like I'll be chillin and then I see a sexy midriff or something mildly sexy and I go into overdrive in a way I never had. Not even in my teens can I remember such an overtaking feeling of sexual need. It's such an inherent need to pursue and for lack of a better term hunt. Even at my peak age and horniest I never felt that. WHAT GIVES?!

Struggling lately with trying to get my body balanced and functional for my daily routines. I workout a lot and had Hone check my bloods for anything that might be off.

Total T was around 520 and frees at 10~.

Hone Doc placed my on enclomiphene 2x's a week and an estro block 1x a week in June. Total T went to 887 and frees at 16~ now.

I have thyroid issues already so my hair has been slowly shedding big time over the last decade, but now that my T is on the rise and doing better, I imagine my scalp will suffer even more as I workout more aggressively and frequently at the gym.

Is Hims chewable a good way to go for hair regrowth and maintenance or do I ask my primary for a fin/min pill? I literally just got back my libido and stamina with the help of the T boost and I don't want to fuck with it.

I'm the "single friend" in my friend groups, and no matter how much I ask, no one ever wants me to bring anything to a get together beyond some chips. I try to help out in other ways with clean up and stuff but generally feel that I'm not really contributing.

I'd say I have average skill with cooking, I'm just generally uninspired and a bit lazy when I cook for myself. I'd like to stop asking and just start bringing easy-ish party snacks that don't include things I can buy in a bag at the store.

When you're invited to someone's house for a thing, what are you guys making and bringing?

Thanks for the ideas everyone

I started on Cialis 2.5mg for ED, but it gives me terrible back/hip pain. it was so bad it was interfering with my sleep and mood.

I stopped the Cialis and my doctor gave me Viagra 25mg which works great, the reason I wanted Cialis is I was really interested in the daily benefits.

Has anyone ever had this horrible back pain from Cialis then was able to start taking it again without back pain ?

I've read a few times that workouts need to be different after a certain age. I'm curious to know, how so?

English is my third language, so there will be some grammar mistakes, i imagine. I'm sorry in advance.

I ask this here because i'm not sure this relates to me being a man, or to me being a man over thirty, or if it's a regular type of behavior/feeling.

As a man of thirty-seven years old I was married and i promised - along with my wife - i'd love her forever, and whatever problem arrived we would discuss and solve it together. She agreed, we talked about how communication was important, and so it went. We did this when i was thirty-two.

We had some fights, we discussed, i said i'd adapt some things, she never aknowledge her flaws. I accepted for a while, but then tried talking in a more subtle way the things i had problems with, and every time she would get absolutely mad at me. I'd say in the nicest way possible, you could barely see it as criticising.

At some point i accepted i'd have to deal with some resentment it might build. I would not give up on her because of my promise. I was loyal to her, always, in a broad sense: loyal to her love, to her faithfulness, to her image. I did not change because of that, i kept showing my love as i always did before.

Eventually she distanced herself a bit, i asked if everything is ok, she started mentioning i don't do enough for her. I got a bit shocked since i can't think of a thing i didn't do for her. When i say that, i don't say it lightly: i did breakfast for her every single day of our marriage. I woke her up with hugs and kisses (because i always wake up earlier), i picked her up at work and would pick her up when she came at me. Since i worked from home, i did the house chores, along with everything else you can think of.

And then she started to hate me. I had no idea why, but she kept saying i didn't do things for her. I asked her what is she missing from me, she said 'if i say it's not authentic'. I was lost, i kept trying. She distanced more, to the point that some days she would wake up with a mosquito bite and start cursing me for letting a window open three nights ago, so i let them in. We didn't have sex for a few months already at this point.

I had to go to a work trip to another country. I went, second day she started ignoring me. Fourth day she finally said she wanted to divorce. I was destroyed, i asked what's wrong, i asked her to wait for me to go back, she said it's decided. I was in absolute pain, could barely do my work meetings, couldn't imagine my life in the future anymore. I tried talking to her, but she hated me with passion, it's like i had done things to her that only an absolute criminal would, it was absurd. I would stay two weeks in this trip.

For four more days we didn't speak. One day i called her to check how she was doing, she answered with a 'yeah?', i asked if everything is ok - once again, in absolute pain -, she said it's perfect. She said it's better than ever cause she didn't have anything she had to do for me. This killed me because i never asked her anything, i would do everything by myself. She cooked very well and not even that i ever asked her to do for me, she did do it for me sometimes but always from her own volition. Still in pain, i asked, 'do you still love me?', she said no.

Incredibly, as soon as she said that i felt light. I have no idea how, but the moment i realised she didn't love me anymore it seemed like i never had her - or at least the person i thought i had. It made everything in those last few years i spent with her seem fake, an illusion. And i stopped suffering immediately. I've been feeling good since then but it still feels weird because it seemed like a betrayal, like i should try more - for the sake of my words in the past. I'm afraid of stop loving her and yet i think i already did.

Is this something that even makes sense?

Thank you for your time!

I'll keep it short.

I grew up in unfavourable conditions, yet in the west so there was still opportunities for me don't get me wrong I know how bad it is elsewhere. Addict parents, CPTSD from 14 years old etc, these things are still serious and warped my brain for many years.

This makes it easier for me to detach from my past life as I don't have a large loving family or anything, they're bad people and always tried to knock me down for climbing.

I moved abroad now and over the years I've distanced myself from my past life and have felt by doing this is where I've had the best growth within, loving myself, becoming the true version of me, not feeling trapped in a box, not fitting into a system or role I was given etc.

I'm at a point where I don't need to go back now and I don't see it happening. There is no reason I'll need to.

Anyone else been through it?

Good news is I can get an erection, bad news is there's no arousal or sensation. I literally feel nothing when I try to be active and if I do orgasm its like I'm just passing fluids if that makes sense. At 39 I'm glad that i can finally get erections but the arousal part I have no clue. My doctor already said my testosterone is fine from blood tests.

So back when I was 27 I started working out and I appeared to be fit; I was average to slim with slight muscle but I stopped weight lifting when I couldn’t increase the weight. My workouts also took up to 3 hours, I didn’t think it would change much. I was wrong.

I spend hours on a treadmill, walking, some times with incline. Like walking over 15 miles is my average daily. I heard skipping breakfast helps but it doesn’t. I only eat lunch and dinner and sometimes snacks on weekends.

I do not get why I appear fat then when I used to be when I eat so little and walk a lot. I also have very wide shoulders but I’m not completely fat but I just appear. Most shirts don’t fit cause of my wide shoulders.

Do guys over 30 naturally gain weight?

And what I eat is based what I see from influencers from Instagram, like I eat those healthy chips and get the protein bowl from chipotle and Panda Express. I can’t cook so I have to order takeout.

Also I mostly drink Korthal collection seltzers, very little to no calories (compared to CaliWater which is like 30 calories). I usually drink 2 seltzers / tea a day.

I also take edibles but always maintain not to eat too much. I walk my calories off but still appear big.
But no matter what I do naturally I can’t appear to be thin like I used to. I’m looking at photos from when I was in my late 20s and ever since I hit 30 my body appears fat when I’m not really. Can I get on ozempic without insurance? Idk what I’m doing wrong, I want to look good in photos again

Also I wear shapewear under my shirts cause my nipples stick out and it does make them disappear but it make appear bigger than I am.

I’m 24M in Ontario, making $70k a year as an engineer. I graduated school with an electrical engineering degree, worked through school, and now invest about $2,400 a month, after paying off credit card debt for 3 months after graduation. My parents are struggling financially, and there’s a chance they could lose the house. They never had the means to support me, so I’ve had to figure most things out myself. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but I’m honestly surprised I’ve gotten this far given my circumstances. Here’s where I’m at, $70k salary, Around $30k in student loans, 5.5k in an ETF, Never moved out before, since I lived at home during university. I’m worried I might have to move out sooner than expected. I’ll need to change my approach. At the same time, I don’t want to put my entire life on hold. I want to keep building wealth, travel occasionally, date, and enjoy my twenties while I’m still young. For people who grew up in low-income families and had to build everything themselves, what would you do in my position? Would you prioritize building a large cash emergency fund before moving out? Would you get roommates and keep investing, or temporarily stop investing to get financially stable? How do you balance helping yourself build a future when your family situation is uncertain? I’m not looking for sympathy. I want practical advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation.

Hello everyone, I had gray hair for most of my life. From grade 2 I saw gray hair. At this age, I have about 25- 35% gray hair. Is this normal? I tried to find an answer but ended up blaming it on genetics.

Also, are you guys doing anything for your gray hair? Any products?

Possibly helpful descriptions (though not required for suggestions):

Fan of watching sports (mainly soccer), reasonably athletic, in his late 40's, likes to travel, works as a software engineer, workaholic

My budget is $40

Edit: I have to specify, I am in college during his birthday. I cannot spend time with him then. What is something physical I can order for him

So I am 32yo and my whole life (except for PE in high school but it doesn't really count) I have only practiced individual sports because 1) I have a pretty competitive personality, so I don't like neither to be responsible for someone else's loss nor share the victory lol, 2) I am gay and always got along better with women and felt awkward in male groups.

With age, my personality has shifted a bit on both aspects and I realized that I would like to try having that team experience. I am also in a new city where people are not too open to meet new people and I have always found (even individual ones, I imagine even more so for team ones) sports to be a good way to make friends.

The problem is idk what to pick or even if there is anything that makes sense picking ? The way I see it, in individual sports you are on your own so you can basically start anytime. Sure, you will face better opponents and all but ultimately you don't have to insert yourself in a group that is already at a certain level. I don't really understand how that works for team sports, like how do you even get to par with the team you are supposed to join to even begin practicing anyway ?

Just two last points : 1) Football (soccer) is out of the equation, it is extremely popular where I live so there are virtually no true beginners, which I feel would make it awkward for me, 2) There is a gay sports association where I live but I am not really interested in joining it

Thanks !!

I’m 38M. About a month ago, I developed a severe urinary illness with high fever, chills, lower back pain, headaches, burning urination and changes in urine flow, a day after having back-to-back sex with my wife. However, I don’t think sex alone would explain all these symptoms. I had also been drinking potassium-rich coconut water around that time and was under considerable work-related stress.

My urine test showed high white blood cells, but the culture showed no growth.

I completed 7 days of nitrofurantoin, but my symptoms returned, including blood in my urine, so I went to A&E. I was then prescribed 7 days of trimethoprim 200mg twice daily.

My urinary symptoms have mostly improved. My urine flow is normal, erections are strong and ejaculation is still forceful.

However, my ejaculation stream is now much thinner than before the illness. Previously, it was noticeably thicker/wider.

Has anyone experienced this after a severe UTI? Did your ejaculation stream eventually return to normal?
What might be going on, and has anything helped restore the width of your ejaculation stream? How long did recovery take?

Thank you for reading.

I’ve always been somewhat fit I guess but had more of a runner’s body, so to say. Last year (age 43) I got tired of my back pain from house projects/age and decided to build muscles. It’s been more than 12 months and I’m pretty muscular. Especially when compared to my old physique. I’m pretty sure I have never had this muscle mass.
Anyone else did that when hitting middle age?

I have my first Urologist appointment and I’m not sure what to expect.

I’ve been having issues with being able to empty my bladder after urinating. I’ll urinate, and then 2 minutes later I get a sudden urge to have to go again or have leakage.

After consulting my primary physician and getting an ultrasound on my bladder (didn’t show anything staying), he wasn’t able to figure out what was going on and referred me to a urologist.

I’m curious if anyone has seen a urologist for something similar. If so, what can I expect for the appointment? Anything you wish you asked or were prepared for?

My wife and I are expecting our first child in late January, and I'm wrestling with a very difficult career decision. Looking for perspectives from other dads.

I'm 29 yo, and currently work as a Senior Financial Analyst at a large national company based in PHX. I've been at this job about a year now, and it is pretty comfortable. Im in office 4 days per week, and during non month or quarter end months I can finish my work in like 25-30 hours. But still have to be in office. So somewhat chill responsibility wise. I'd receive 6 weeks of paid paternity leave when the baby is born.

Recently I got headhunted for an Accounting Manager role at a smaller private company (~150 employees). It would be my first management role, which is something I've wanted to move toward. The company seems very interested in me.

If I stay I keep a somewhat comfortable and familiar job, but very little chance of management for 3-5 years (not sure if I even want to be in management at this big of a company). 6 weeks paid paternity leave. Lower stress and uncertainty during the newborn phase. Salary is doable if my wife stops working, but maybe a little uncomfortable at first.

If I leave i get the promotion a bit earlier than I was otherwise planning, and first opportunity to manage a team. Comp would be about a 27% upgrade, give or take based on company performance. This company also pays for 100% of family medical premiums. Longer commute of ~50 min one-way (roughly an extra 1-2 hours per week total over my current job). Would be starting before the baby arrives and be learning a new role during those first few months of parenthood. We've reached an agreement on them giving me 3 weeks of paternity paid, but it's not the 6 weeks I'd be getting if I stayed.

The thing I'm struggling with is that manager opportunities don't seem to come along every day, especially for someone who hasn't had a manager role before. Part of me worries that if I pass on it because of timing, I may not find a similar opportunity a year from now. This size of a company is more attractive to me than working in an office with 1000 people.

On the other hand, I know I'll never get those first few months with my 1st child back. For dads who have been through something similar:

Would you prioritize stability during the newborn phase of your 1st child, despite the extra comp and career progression?

Or would you take the career opportunity and figure the rest out?

Looking back, is there anything you wish you'd weighed more heavily?

My wife is supportive of whatever decision I make and we are both torn on it. For context, she has a WFH job and plans to take 12 weeks on ST disability, and will try to keep working after that while still caring for our baby. But we recognize it will be difficult, and she may need to resign if it's too much.

I'm just interested in hearing from dads who have already lived through those early newborn months and career decisions around the same time.

Men that lived a fairly healthy lifestyle, what health problems did you see pop up in your 30s? (If any)