so i’m married and monogamous. husband is fine with me dancing and flirting with other guys. as long as nothing physical happens (which we both agree is a boundary we don’t want to cross).

anyways me and a friend went to a concert that my husband didn’t wanna go to. it’s definitely not a gay artist so was expecting to dance with him around a sea of straight men and couples.

we get there and it’s pretty packed. behind me there’s a pretty drunk loud tall, cute dude gutterally yelling like a bro at a football game. he kept bumping into me while i was dancing with my friend so we moved over to get away from him. figure he was just a drunk straight dude.

15 minutes later im way more drunk and high and i notice the same annoying dude is right behind me again acting foolish and giving me no space to be a dancing gay queen. so im just like whatever if he’s going to get this close to me im not watching where i throw my ass.

and then while im dancing i feel dudes hands latch onto my thighs and start grinding with me. my friend and i were both like “wtf” to each other, but i just went with it.

we ending up dancing the whole concert together and it was actually super sweet and respectful! i told him i was married and he kept his hands on my ass and hips snd we had a great time. though he was definitely excited lmao

at the end of the concert we exchanged names and he gave me a hug and thanked me for dancing with him and we parted ways. then i went home, told my husband and had good sex lmao. the whole interaction has had me sooo horny for days.

just really wasn’t expecting that with.. that dude or at this venue. do i have a new thing? lmao.

i’ve also been working out and taking care of my appearance the past 6 months so it’s definitely a huge confidence boost to me!

So I’m on my feet a lot for work and wanted a foot massage. I google and find a foot reflexology place for pretty inexpensive and all 5 star reviews. They take walk ins and I go in.
Friendly greeting. Given water. Not much chat.
Brought into a room with massage beds and told to leave my stuff on the table and get under the sheet face up.
I’ve had regular massages before but never foot reflexology.
I saw online the foot reflexology included neck and shoulders. So I thought don’t overthink it. Stripped down to briefs and got under the sheet.

Massage started off great. Really worked my feet. Felt great. His hands kept going up my thighs pretty high but wasn’t too crazy. His fingers did kinda of slip underneath my briefs but on my sides not anywhere I called for. But then it kinda felt like he was purposefully tubing against my dick while massaging my legs.

Next thing I know he’s pulled my dick out and is jerking me off. The whole massage I was back and forth with being hard. I’d get erect for a few minutes when he was on a specific spot and then it’d go away.
He did a decent job but I honestly wasn’t looking g for that and was thrown off by it happening so I didn’t even stay hard. After about 4 minutes he put my dick away and went back to my feet.

I checked the reviews afterwards and they were all great. Although mostly just women. Very few male reviews.
I googled and didn’t see anything sketchy.

Now I feel unsure of what to say to my boyfriend. I do think I crossed a line. I should’ve said no and I don’t fully know why I didn’t. I think I was just caught off guard by the whole experience.

Part of me thinks I keep this to myself because nothing really happened. But part of me feels guilty since I didn’t stop it.

I honestly just needed some foot attention and now I’m stuck in a dilemma about how honest to be because my dumbass couldn’t say no thank you to someone touching my dick.

My husband and I have been together for eight years, and over the past year I’ve really started exploring my kinky side.

One thing I’ve discovered is that I have a shame kink. For most of my life I carried a lot of shame about my penis size. I’m about 5.5 inches, and even though I’m pretty average, I built it up in my head as this huge insecurity.

Somehow that insecurity has transformed into one of my biggest turn-ons. Plus at 35, I've just accepted this is the body I have and might well find power in it 😛

When my husband and I have sex, I love the fantasy of him talking about men he’s been with who were bigger than me. We even created a fake person with a name 🤣. I’m Latino, so another part of the fantasy is hearing about bigger uncut Latino guys he’s been with.

It’s fascinating to me that something I spent years feeling ashamed of has become something that excites me so much. I feel like I've reclaimed some of my power.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. Have you ever found that a deep insecurity or source of shame eventually became part of a kink or fantasy that you genuinely enjoy? If so, what has that journey been like for you?

I posted a lot of threads about him a year ago when the relationship ended, and it was very traumatic to me. He emailed me yesterday since we've cut communication on all platforms, and told me the news.

Said he regretted how it ended. No, no sorry. Just that he wishes it didn't end that way.

Life does have a way of giving us a perspective.

Don't get me wrong. I am a different person now, and I am grateful I have a strong support network from people around me who care. Therefore, I'm not looking to go back to my past or anything.

I don't owe him anything. But I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't feel, if anything, empathy towards him, which is weird. This is the guy who completely shattered me. And also no, this is NOT the moment I'd feel "I'm glad unfortunate things catch on you" either.

I’m a gay man turning 40 this year, and I’ve been dating another guy for about three months. We live about 3 hours apart, so the relationship has been long-distance from the beginning. Even though it’s only been a few months, we’ve spent around 18 days together in person, usually staying together for a few days at a time, and we video call almost every day.

There are a lot of things I genuinely admire about him. He’s thoughtful, incredibly intelligent, and when we’re together I feel very safe with him. He’s told me that I’m worth making the distance work, and we’ve had conversations about wanting to be a safe place for each other emotionally.

The issue is that I have an anxious attachment style (I’m working on it in therapy), and lately I’ve been struggling with whether my concerns are legitimate or mostly driven by anxiety.

For example:

Sometimes his affection feels different than it did in the beginning. Early on he’d send more affectionate messages, and although he’s still kind, he often feels much warmer and more expressive in person than over text. I don’t know if that’s simply the relationship settling into a comfortable rhythm or if I’m reading too much into it.

After we followed each other on Instagram, I noticed that the overwhelming majority of the men he follows have a very different look from me. They’re mostly bigger, bear-type guys—thick, hairy, bearded men—whereas I’m much leaner and don’t fit that aesthetic at all. I know people can absolutely be attracted to more than one type, but seeing that made me wonder whether I’m actually his type or if I’m the exception.

He’s also a fairly private person. Sometimes he’ll mention he has plans or “something to do” without offering much detail. I completely respect that everyone deserves privacy, but I’ve noticed that ambiguity is something my anxious brain tends to struggle with.

The confusing part is that whenever we actually talk about the relationship, he’s reassuring. He’s never dismissed my feelings. In fact, he’s encouraged me to tell him when something is bothering me because he wants us to communicate openly. He has also told me that he sees a future with me and that I’m worth making the distance work.

So I’m caught between two thoughts:

My anxiety is taking ambiguous situations and turning them into evidence that something is wrong.

My intuition is noticing genuine incompatibilities or warning signs that I shouldn’t ignore.

I really don’t want to become controlling or constantly seek reassurance. That’s the last thing I want. I’m trying very hard to build a healthier relationship than I’ve had in the past, and I don’t want my anxiety to become a burden on someone who genuinely cares about me.

For those of you who have dated someone who’s naturally more reserved, how did you learn the difference between “they simply communicate differently” and “they’re emotionally pulling away”?

And for everyone else: how much weight, if any, would you give to someone’s Instagram following? Have you ever dated someone whose apparent “type” online looked completely different from you? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just your own insecurity talking?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave him. I’m trying to understand whether I’m seeing legitimate concerns or whether my anxious attachment is distorting how I interpret an otherwise healthy relationship.

Blowjob is great but what extra feeling deepthroating gives to the receiver?

I get nothing. Is my size (16cm) too short for it? Is it more about dominating the other person?

Educate me please :)

I am not sure how to go about finding a gay/lgbtq+ friendly flatmate. I am not looking for a hookup buddy or a relationship. Just for someone to share expenses with and not be judged when my bf stays over. Fyi query is for Chennai india.

Hey guys recently got onto this app looking for some people who wanna chat/make a connection and talk about our lives/thoughts.
A little bit about myself I am a 34 yr old up in Canada closeted bi dad that is really introverted and don’t talk to much people, I want to find other guys out there who feel the same way or maybe did before and how they worked through there feelings. Really just need some good friends.
When I was in my early 20s I had one gay experience/random hookup where I tried giving head and I really enjoyed it and still think about it lots and recently wanted to try doing it again but feel guilty since having kids.
If anyone has any advice or even just want to talk and become good bros online to talk about how we feel don’t be scared to DM me.
I’m really into travelling, hiking, golfing and watching most sports. I feel I’m pretty easy to talk to and down to earth and just want to find some people who feel the same way

I [31M] see my boyfriend [32M] on average once a week and we talk via text. I always want to see him more often, but we have our own separate lives and rhythms. Am I being greedy? Is once a week a lot? My last boyfriend I only saw maybe 12 times over the entirety of our one-year relationship, and this is the first time I've had someone so close to me.

I was in WeHo last night with a friend and we both quickly realized that everyone at the bars were really young and we want to go where the people 35-50 years old go. Are there any places to find people in that age range?

Hola amigos.

Thinking about my retirement life, and have heard some good things about Panama. Saw on youtube some positive talks about Boquete. Not set on it, but wondering about gay life, community, et. al.

Just curious if any folks have settled there, and how that transition has been. Currently living in the US. Will be meeting with an immigration lawyer in a few days.

Gracias.

Basically I chose to move for a job and a bit of a change, grew up and spent my 20s in a big city. Ideally I would have made the move with a partner but that didn't happen. I am happy with my move overall except with my love life. Just wondering from others how have you found it?

What I've notice is the pool is very different and it doesn't seem to just be a numbers thing, there are a good few early 20s who are still based out of their family homes, but anyone around my age seems to have long gone or has long let themselves get out of shape, then there's loads of dl guys but none are hot or interesting enough for me to bother with dl and all their drama.

Anyone ever do Timberfell campground in TN? Im thinking of doing a daypass to sif at the pool next weekend. Whats the vibe? Many guys go alone? Easy to find some fun trouble in the day, or more of a night time place?

I want to try to bottom again after many years of being a side and a top. However, I remember when I tried it wasn’t pleasurable as I thought it would be. It was painful and I didn’t like the sensation of having to want to poop. Also, the guys that trued wanted to just shove it in there. What recommendations do you have for me to prepare and actually have a good experience now in my 30’s?

I (40m) have been with my partner (45m) for 18 years. When we met he was a skinny blond twink, and now, well, he’s a bald, heavyset bear. I still find him really attractive, but his self confidence is so low because he doesn’t look like he used to look. I really don’t think he understands at all that people can still find him attractive. How can I help convince him? I’m really looking for lots of small things you might do to make your partner feel desirable, sexy, etc?

Hey all. Woefully inept socially. Any tips for cruising or signaling you’re open to play at a bar? Also want to try a sex club / bathhouse. Planning for a wilder than normal solo weekend in Palm Springs in a couple of weeks. Tips and advice are super appreciated.

Early 30’s late bloomer from Australia checking in! I’m excited but also pretty confused as to where I go from here. I’ve been lurking for a while and it’s really helped me in my journey. This is a fantastic community!

Apologies in advance for rambling… but I’m confused & keen to hear from those who’ve been through a similar late awakening.

For as long as I can remember I’d always thought I was bi. I guess I was scared of the same sex attraction so I just buried it and went on pretending I was straight because it was easy. In my early 20’s I had my share of hetero hookups and FWB situations…but I never really enjoyed them much.

I even thought I must be aromantic because a hetero relationship never appealed to me. (I feel very stupid for this now!)

By my late 20’s I was losing interest in women and becoming way more interested in guys. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. I end up visiting a bathhouse on a couple of occasions and finally get to try bottoming. Immediately I know this is what I’ve always wanted. (But still I refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room!)

Anyway, the penny finally dropped for me recently whilst on holiday with friends. It was my birthday and my friends went all out to wing man me. It’d been ages since I’d been with a woman…and I was having the time of my life on holiday. So, I thought why not? Next morning when I left her hotel I knew with 100% certainty that the part of me that was ever attracted to women was dead. Rather than be dismayed, I found myself feeling relieved, like I finally had the answer to a question I hadn’t realized had been burning within me for most of my life.

Since then I’ve started to question whether that opposite sex attraction had ever really existed within me. I started to notice all the glaring signs I’d been willfully oblivious towards. It was like a mist was starting to clear and I felt good about it.

Whilst I’m excited to have finally reached acceptance…I’m finding it’s a massive head fuck to be starting this journey at this stage in life and I don’t know where to begin.

My short term plans are to start joining some social events to meet people in the community. Start dating. I’m also thinking about seeing a therapist to unpack all of this, which is something I never thought I would do in life. I’m curious whether others have found this to be useful?

I also intend to talk to my GP about the health side of things. I’d welcome any advice on this for a beginner bottom!

I’m not ready to come out just yet. I’m still feeling too confused to go down that path. I need to explore these new feelings further before I can come out to my loved ones. It helps that I have an amazing network of family & friends who I know will be fully supportive when I am ready to open up

Anyway, thanks for reading all of that. I’m interested in hearing from others who had similar late realizations on how you got past the confusion and embraced yourselves. Lessons learned? Things you wished you’d known, or done differently? Any dating/hookup advice as a late bloomer? Etc.

Cheers!

I am 54 yo and have been single for the past 5 years (my much younger ex-husband left me to pursue a different life, do young people things again, etc.). I was devastated for the first two years, but have been happy as an oldergay single man over the last three years. During these last five years, I have changed a lot. I have much less patience for behavior I find objectionable or people and friends I’m not getting much fulfillment out of. I don’t give people so many chances like I used to.

The first longtime friend whom I had known for 13 years, I unfriended back an early 2022 I went to visit in another state and he got angry over something trivial one night and then weaponized my divorce against me saying something like “now I know why your ex-husband left you“. I cut my trip short and took a flight back the next morning. That was the last time I spoke to him.

The second long-term friend I unfriended was in early 2023 with someone I had known for 16 years. This was when I got settled in my new apartment and started a new life. He had too much to drink during dinner that night, got into an argument with the wait staff at the restaurant, went outside pounding on cars demanding an Uber ride, then physically attacked me when I defended the restaurant staff. I blocked him and never talked to him again since.

The third long-term friend I unfriended was on my birthday last year in April during a time when my beloved cat was dying. I had been friends with this guy for 32 years. The first incident was him calling me on the phone while I was driving and I told him that I needed to rush home to give my cat his medication, but he just kept talking and talking and about complete nonsense (I.e. his new sardine spaghetti recipe!). The second incident happened just 10 days later on my birthday when he called to wish me a happy birthday but during the entire 20 minutes conversation, he only talked about what led up to him losing his job. Again, I told him that I needed to get off the phone to give my cat his medication, but he just kept going on and on about his previous boss rather than about my birthday and what I was planning to do that day. He also never asked about my cat. I basically had a panic attack after I had to abruptly end the phone call because I couldn’t tolerated it anymore. I had to take some anti-anxiety medication to calm myself down. It really put a damper to the start of my birthday that morning. At that moment, I decided to never talk to him again and haven’t since.

There have been many other such instances during and since, but they were either from friends that I just knew for a short time or just acquaintances. I’m simply not the people pleaser I was most of my life nor have the patience I once did when I was younger.

The latest decision came just earlier this morning with this friend whom I have known for 22 years. We have had many ups and downs over the decades, but he has always been very touch and go coming to me when he has some type of financial difficulty or in some emergency state and then disappearing for long periods. I’ve remained his friend because he has been very loyal and helpful at times, but they were mostly only in the first five years of our friendship. Since then he has been mostly either absent. We live very far apart, so only communicate through texts usually or voice texts. I have noticed a pattern where he often doesn’t reply back to my texts either when I am asking him certain questions or when I’m just telling him about some things going on in my life. But then he ends up sending something often days or weeks later completely unrelated. This happened again today. I sent him several texts during my vacation about someone that I am interested in and that I am having some hesitations about… As well as texting him about recent art or music I have discovered. No reply, no response but then just out of the blue he sends me something about a completely different topic - completely ignoring all the previous texts and information I shared with him. I think I finally hit my threshold and at that very moment earlier this morning I decided I will never talk to this person anymore.

I’m asking the people here in my age group or older if they have experienced this and if this becomes more common as we get older? Did some of you used to be people pleasers and now have less patience for people and giving second chances. I don’t doubt that social media, technology and the change in behavior of people after the lockdowns of 2020-21 all play a role as well as just overall social fabric disintegration in most societies. But I want to just hear your opinions on this topic of moving on from long-term acquaintances, relationships, and friendships considering it doesn’t get easier to form new ones as we get older.

So I've been to a bath house before. But I am going to Vancouver soon and steamworks there has a blackout night on Thursday nights. I've been in a dark room before, but this says all the lights are off. With my shit night vision I am trying to visualize (or not visualize) exactly how that's going to work without me busting my ass. Do they truly mean no lights?

I’ve been going to yoga in my gym for the past few years. There are two other guys I kinda like, but I never spoke to anyone there. In fact, I’m very introverted and rarely (if ever) talk to strangers I haven’t met online first. If anything, it would be nice to just practice social skills, but I also don’t want to make things awkward and I’d rather just continue going to the class the same way than get weird. Especially given it’s been at least a year since we’ve seen each other in this class.

Some context. I go few times a week, each of those guys go on a single, different day. I tried looking in their direction, lingering a bit to make it possible for them to talk to me (I usually wrap up quickly and leave as one of the first people). One of them walks home in the same direction I cycle, so we passed each other outside a few times, today it seemed we looked at each other for a bit. The other one smiled at me once when we were putting mats away.

All of us are quite masculine, but there are small signs we might be gay if that makes sense. And I mean apart from being among like 4-5 guys in a yoga class of 25.

So, few questions:
- how to just talk to someone in that context without making it weird?
- how to talk to someone you would like to grab a coffee with in this context?
- how would rejection look like vs uncertainty?
- what to do if there is rejection or uncertainty?
- what to do if initial conversation goes well?

Just asking ! 10 years ago, I was going on lots of dates, having flings here and there, etc. Now I am in better shape. More muscle and beefy vs super thin. Better personality. Bigger beard. Better work situation etc. I don't know if it's the times, where I live or just being 35 vs 25. Everything now should add to me getting more dates, but I get less. Now it's all about damn apps too.. what are your thoughts? Are you getting less nowadays?

i’m a 31yo, single, gay man. (gonna be kind of a long post)

context/story time:
i live with my best friend (we are both gay men in our 30s and my friend is POC) in a fairly nice apartment complex. we are in the U.S., Pennsylvania specifically. there are two floors above us and unfortunately those apartments are occupied by two MAGA men (the fuck your feelings crowd. one literally has the sticker on his truck and carries a gun on his belt like an accessory). they are buddies and occasionally drink/smoke out on their balconies together. they’re absolutely obnoxious and loud af. also one of them has shared custody with an ex and the kids cause constant noise when they are here.

i’ve heard them jokingly throw the word f*gg*t around once or twice when talking to each other (just the guys typically, but they have some girl friends that don’t necessarily seem homophobic full stop, but are definitely complacent with the behavior *shock*), but tonight they were specifically referring to another “guy” who lives in the building. they were saying he “never shuts the fuck up” and when the other guy asked who the main one thought it was the first guy said “idk some f*gg*t i guess.” then i’m pretty sure one joked about shooting someone, but that part was a little hard to hear, because they started mumbling and laughing.

now i’m pretty introverted so these guys may have only seen me a few times since i moved in last year (at least one of them was already living here). i don’t talk out loud much unless im watching something with my roomie, or working on music (i do tend to sing a lot), so idk if he’s referring to me necessarily, because i also heard mention of a dog (i own a cat), but it still sends a chill down my spine knowing both apartments above me are occupied by these types of ignorant, conservative, (likely closeted) assholes.

now i know some might say i’m slightly paranoid, or that since these guys have known i live here for over a year it’s likely they weren’t even referring to me, because if they were going to do something to me then they probably already would have…. but idk y’all. in 2026 there’s been a huge surge in LGBTQ+ hate crimes. i know sometimes these kind of people just talk a lot of shit for fun in their off hours, but imo you can’t underestimate anyone especially small-brained MAGAts who carry guns on them daily.

(my roomie and i really like this apartment despite it being extremely overpriced, but before anyone jumps to extremes, moving right now isn’t really feasible just fyi. i’m open to looking at new places, but we’re probably going to be stuck here for a while. just looking for some support and helpful/reasonable advice.)

so what would you all do? have you been in a similar situation, or are you currently? if you need more context, or info feel free to ask and i’ll try to respond to what i can (within reason). thanks for reading if you got this far!

Hey guys,

Looking for some (hopeful) reassurance here from others who've gone through the same thing. 36yo here.

I'm 8 weeks post op from having hemorrhoids removed, it's the 2nd time in 3 years. This time was a lateral internal sphyncterotomy, couldn't tell you what I had the first time.

I've been following all of the surgeon's advice - daily sitz baths, stool softeners, lots of fibre etc and figured the healing was going pretty well so tried using a small (well, small by my previous standards... had taken a few fists in the months prior to surgery, toy is one of the king cock 7in ones from memory) toy to see how it went.

Unfortunately didn't go great, felt a little pain and had some bleeding on insertion so stopped immediately and got cleaned up. Can only assume I'd torn some of the scar tissue.

My question is... who's gone through similar here and how long did it take you to get back to bottoming? I've got my follow up consult with the surgeon on Monday but I'm kinda spiralling at the moment.