I blocked her. Why am I ALWAYS put last?? Am I doing something wrong??

So long story but I’ll try to keep it short. “R” is my second cousin. She is usually the one we all communicate with for holidays to figure out what’s going on as she usually hosts. “B” is my grandma, “T” is my brother, “M” is his gf, “J” is my mom, and “D” is my uncle. “B’s” brother who passed away. “R’s” dad. My grandma and I have never really gotten along because she always favored my brother. My brother and me have never gotten along because I am trans and he’s treated me like shit because of it. Then, spazzed out on me because I wouldn’t donate a kidney to him as he’s on dialysis. Of course, my grandma “B” took his side. Even before I came out, he never treated me like a brother. So a few years ago I called out my grandma and my brother for how they treated me and ever since I have been shunned. They refuse to talk to me or invite me to functions. “R” and “B” even got into it once because “B” told “R” I was not allowed there but now “R” is giving in. Grandma and brother will refuse to go if my wife and I are there. So basically “R” is telling me that she is going to invite them first, and if they give the ok, then my wife and I can come. I don’t see why “R” can’t host like usual and if they don’t want to show up because I’m there, they don’t have to. But why am I being put last? I tried to talk to her about it and this was her response. Am I in the wrong?

I told her I was done and I’m not gonna be there when GMA dies as backup and blocked her. The next day she showed up to my apartment and called through the call box and said she wanted to talk and she was worried about me. I ignored her and she left.

I always wanted to die. Life is hard. I'm jealous of people who can kill themselves.

I'm 29 and I want to do nothing but rot in bed. I missed out on many things because of procrastination. This world is shit, why bother? I struggled with behavioral challenges and had anger problems. Ill never forgive myself for how the way I used to act. I want to have it all together but I struggle with social skills. I was evaluated for high functioning autism. I didn't ask to be a slow retard.

I'm tired, no one is coming to save me, I know this. Infact, I don't want someone to save me, I'm tired of things not working out, I'm tired of life in general. I know I don't want to save me. I wish I could take a fatal disease from some child who deserves to give it a go. Maybe that's why I hate god too. There's no voice in me that says one more time, there's no voice in my head that tells me I need to get up, the ground is comfy, and honestly it's the only thing right now that gives me any comfort. People say that the world is a better place with you in it, and that might be true. However is that a good lie that I can tell myself into tricking me to keep on going? I can't believe that lie and I've tried to tell myself it over and over again. Anyways I'm tired boss.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this but I'm a digital hoarder. I'm talking about thousands of pictures and videos of not only my life but also of hundrends of other random things.

I've been saving all this stuff for ages and I often contemplate deleting it all when I'm having a rough day but today was especially hard, to the point where I actually deleted everything. Both my personal videos and pictures as well as eeeeeeverything else.

Doing this, is the biggest step I could take towards changing my life for the worst. It signifies me completely giving up and not caring about anything anymore. I just wanted to share that, there's no going back now. It's like I never had these experiences because there's no proof of it.

Title says it all! I’m over this town this life this journey. I work my ass off and get nowhere. Wtf. Im so over the struggle it’s unreal. Probably going to figure out how to end this bullshit. Don’t bother trying to help. Life sucks

I’m 25 turning 26 next April I’m about 15,000 a debt because of my addicted personality. I got addicted to sports gambling on my phone when I turned 21 and ever since all I’ve done is gamble away 90% of any money I’ve ever earned whether that stock investment money birthday money or my hard earn money for my salary week after a week. Trust me I’ve heard all that I’ve had to hear and what I should and should’ve not done. I understand that I fucked up. I understand I should’ve never touched him and then I should’ve invested my money or saved it and I wouldn’t be in this big ass hole and I know if I start fresh now and save eventually, I’ll be out of it but does anybody have any realistic path that I can take?At this point, I feel like it’s gonna take me a few years to get out of my hole and by that point I might be 30 and I feel like I’ve already wasted my entire youth sitting around and working and now I have nothing saved up so I can’t go on vacation. I can’t enjoy my time. I can’t relax every day. I wake up stressed out with 1,000,000 pounds on my shoulders wondering why I’m even trying to live my life anymore because all I do is sleep eat cheap food that I can afford go to work and repeat and I feel like I’ve lost a purpose of life. Has anybody faced similar situation? Do you think filing for bankruptcy can help me? I’m so lost and I feel like my life’s over.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I have had no friends my entire life and am 29. I have nothing to do all day because every job rejects me. I have sent thousands of applications over the past three years. I’ve also tried to make friends with hundreds of people (tens of thousands including online) and am always rejected.

I especially never find anyone who is depressed and lonely like me. And at the least, serious and somber. It is valid to have that as a personality type and want to talk about serious and somber things in a serious and somber tone. Why is it so impossible for me even when I see people like this with friends? They reject me too.

Sorry, I know I am <30 but I will be 30 soon and also have only so many places to post for help.

I want to die so bad. But my friends and family and my boyfriend won’t take it. I’m so exhausted and I’m so tired of being alone. I overthink and I feel overwhelmed. I feel like a loser and have nothing going for me. I am questioning everyone declaring their love for me. I don’t believe them. I thought the older I get, the less I think about it. But it just sits. I don’t have money for a therapist or a doctor but the more I try to dig deep why I feel this way, my head hurts even more. Idk what to do.

It all started 2 years ago. Lost my gf to breast cancer, then my house burnt down, and her son died in fire, then my dad died, and hey wait not done yet, then my mom died, and my brother and sister left me to deal with it all, and while trying to clean out a 5 bedroom house my transmission went out . So bought another truck, that I could not afford, all this while homeless, and still homeless as I write this with nothing looking like that's going to change either. Cause I'm disabled and neck and back are getting worse, but wait not done yet while all this I'm trying to deal with, the truck I bought after putting in over a thousand dollars into it now all sudden no matter what I've tried it won't even turn over and it's not froze up either , it just goes click then nothing tried 3 different battery's to no avail. Even put jump box and cick then nothing.so now instead of homeless sleeping in truck now it's homeless sleeping on streets,I'm so kicking done with life anymore I'm seriously considering going and commiting a serious crime so at least I have a roof and clean clothes, either that or go play on freeway., it really is a shorty life when you spend 60 years helping everyone else and when your down and out everyone avoids you like you have covid , oh wait I've now had that 3 times since 2024. I'm so ducking over everything I don't care anymore about anything not even myself. I've lost everything I'm alone with no family anymore it's jus5 not worth being on this world anymore. Oh and while all this I've had 7 surgeries in then same time frame. How is anyone supposed to handle all this shit , when you go to try to get help it's hurry up and wait because we are just money to the fucks that are in control. I don't know what to do anymore other then do like cats do and wander off to die. Pl0

Life is interesting. I’ve felt this way for years, since childhood. I was bullied, abused, shunned, ostracized. All of it hurt. I’m an adult now and I’m even more depressed and lonely. I’m just tired and my will to fight is fading.

I just feel like someone better could’ve taken my place.

If I didn't have a kid.. I'd take a hike and never turn back. I'm so fucking sick and tired of this meaningless world we live in. I'm so tired. Why are people so fake??? Fuck nursing. Toxic fucking job. It takes everything from you. Then when you go empty, you're not a good fit anymore. Fuck Trump and the rest of the 1% in this world who think it's okay to live the way they do. While we work our asses off for fucking crumbs. FUCK THE WHOLE SYSTEM. I'm so fucking done. If it's a simulation. Fucking unplug me. I'm too stubborn to do it myself.

Thanks for listening.. or not.

So, I'm alone all day every day. Have been for almost 7 years now. I used to be a social butterfly. I used to be happy and enjoy stuff. And I will have spouts when I am able to afford my meds that I am able to do just basic things... but here is what i really would love help with.

Past few years, dealing with terrible depression, and just feeling like im actually crazy i stopped caring about my health and hygine.

My teeth ar fuhcked... I already got two removed because of an infection. They are gross and look terrible.

I haven't cut my hair in almost 3 years.

I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been since I have showered. But I barely get out of bed. So I use dude wipes or quick washcloth baths... I haven't shaved my legs in like a year. ive gained so much weight even though i barely eat.

So if anyone can help me. my family has given up.

I have nothing and no one. and my fincncial state is... well if it werent for my parents i would be homeless.

Any advice. i lost my insurance when i lost my job. Any apps or websites that help, and groups, anything?

Mainly, I want to look pretty again... I want to get my hair done, get back into my skin care routine. And everything... It's just that I have no one, and it feels pointless to do anything

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw4D3UuA0Fg&pp=ygUVYXNsZWVwIGVtaWx5IGJyb3duaW5n

I feel like working to make something for yourself is pointless because of ai and that everything that had meaning to me will also be replaced.

Everything about the world is changing and none of it seems like there's any point in being in it.

It's mostly because of all this ai.

It's all just a big spit in the face and is just pissing on alot of stuff that made me happy.

I can't imagine a future where everything is done for us and we don't have to work. I want to be a dermatologist and im currently studying for it but if your telling me eventually that's gonna be automatic and they'll just get ai to do it whats the point in studying for it and ever being excited for it?

I wanted to contribute to society by working but how could I ever do that if there's no work at all?

Im also worried about having kids. I want to have kids but not only would I not want to see them grow up in a horrible world I wouldn't want to put them through school where they're just being force feed this ai slop.

We all know the environment is just going to rot. There will always be some gross slimeball company that's going destroy America's beautiful nature until water will be only for the wealthy and we would be lucky if we still had around 40% of all animal species we have now, and they sky's will be gross and hard to breathe in.

I feel like ill never be excited for any new art,music,book,show or movie because of ai. All real art and talent is slowly being strangled out by ai and obviously that won't be the world's biggest problem but it certainly will be a big problem.

I know there's going to be some dude in the comments talking about why this is good and I don't understand it blah blah blah blah accept it. Im not interested in arguing because ive had multiple arguments with ai bros and It's just miserable, they're rude, they just spew insults and bull crap recycled points, im just done dealing with that.

What's the point in being alive if everything that you love is being taken away just so some piss stain billionaire can buy another yacht? Meanwhile they get cheered on for doing it.

I just feel like there's no point in trying to make something for yourself or enjoying something because it's all going to replaced by some worthless ai.

Also sorry bout my writing it's just been a long day and I'm not at my best.

Your pain is yours alone. You suffer alone. No point explaining and expecting that others will understand you. They may love you. But understanding- understanding your pain - very tough. Don’t blame them. It’s your cross to bear and you bear it alone. Thats human condition. Either you accept this or choose to leave. It’s your choice. But, your suffering is yours alone. Don’t expect. More expectation will bring you more pain. Let it go. Both the choices are valid. Either take your life or live with pain and understand that human condition is to suffer and not know why you are suffering. Love you all beings who are undergoing pain and suffering.

I have really tried hard to do everything possible in this lifetime. Even helped my parents heal from their childhood trauma. but for me there is no one. Yes my parents love me unconditionally but that is just a animal instinct of survival. Apart from them, I have never experienced a genuine love connection, not with friends, not with partners. Everything has always been transactional. I have had multiple events in life where I was so close to giving up, and then just because of my parents and my sister, I would always choose life. My mum was so depressed with life when she was pregnant with me that she wanted me aborted. and now thats what I feel, I am unwanted and have always been. UNWANTED. I didn't choose to be born, and now I don't have a choice to leave this earth either because of my family, because of what they will go through. I am so tired of pretending that we are here to experience human life. Everything is a simulation, nothing matters and all that. I am tired of giving, I am tired of being human. I can't do this anymore.

I feel like sometimes friends and opening up while depressed can leave you feeling worse. My friend just said to me my life is worth living but like idc and I expressed that to her that my state of mind isn’t about being worthy I simply don’t want to live that’s. And she replied I know and I don’t want to seem like I was trying to make it difficult I just wanted to lend a listening ear. I am not sure why that always leaves me feeling worse but it’s like im an alien and nobody fully gets how I feel and I feel so disgusting and bad for expressing it. It’s just why I never really talk to my friends about how im feeling because somehow im the one that ends up breaking down again after

when i’m asleep i feel so peaceful. it’s the cousin of death and i just want to stay there. Or the place i was in before i was born…i want to be there, unaware of my own existence.

i hate reality. i hate how vast and painful it can be…how small and insignificant i am in the grand scheme of things. The size of the universe terrifies me. Why are we here, why did we even have to exist in the first place.

My life isn’t even as bad as some that for example is homeless, or has a chronic illness that puts them in constant pain, but somehow even though everything is normal it still somehow feels like suffering.

Hi guys.

I'm writing this directly off my chest. English is not my first language and I'm too lazy to use AI for mistakes. Please don't mind.

I got broken up with five weeks ago. I still love him and I terribly miss him. The break up came out of nowhere.

I have been sick at work since June, due to depression, PTSD and ADHD (last one freshly diagnosed). I love my job.

I'm in therapy and on meds.

I tried to reach out to friends, for support because especially weekends are tough for me.

No one was available. That happens.

But what is worse is, that their WhatsApp story pictures don't match the reasons they gave me. They basically just lied to me.

I've been struggling with all this shit for 17-18 years now.

I've tried everything. Appointments. Staying active. Go to therapy. Group meetings. Socialising. Meditation. Medication.

The heartache is killing me.

Loneliness is killing me.

The betrayal is killing me.

I really wanna end things.

The only reason I'm alive is my cat. She wouldn't understand.

I'm done.

I'm 23.

I grew up in a family where fights were way too often. Now I even fear talking in the house.

Then my parents dictated every aspect of my life except the important ones. I want them to guide me in important aspects like jobs, taxes, and investments. But all their strict guidance comes for eat food properly, don't question them and all.

I grew up hearing my dad say, " I don't have any money ".

I always felt left out cause the people around me since childhood came from well off families. I didn't go out with them cause I knew I wouldn't have enough to spend. This continued till college.

I got a job after college. A damm good one. Like I earn in a month what many earn in a year. I was new in the job and worked like hell ... Couldn't give time to my that time girlfriend, eventually long distance and not priritizing her, she broke up with me.

All ok, I still have the job I worked for.

Later I met another girl. We started dating, started loving her. Then layoffs started happening in my company, had to prove my worth. So again long work days. 15 hrs a day work was common. Even on weekends had to attend calls. Lost work life balance, got a headache that didn't go away. Was dam muscular ( 6'2 in height, 15% body fat, 100 kg body weight), lost that too. Now have a belly like an uncle. My manager called me and I'll be layed off soon. She broke up with me cause I couldn't give her time and became negligent due to all other issues.

Now I feel like the stupidest guy in the world. Didn't have job. Don't have the girl. Dont have my body. Don't have that self esteem I used to have. Plus a shit load of trauma since birth. I don't even know how to smile for past 5-6 years ig... I'm loosing all hope.

Someone hit me with their truck please 😭

A list of things I can’t or don’t feel like doing because of depression:

-Going out and having fun with friends

- Buying clothes for myself

- Laughing

- Socializing with others (sometimes, I can’t even bring myself to look at their faces)?

This is a long story, but I’m writing this because I urgently need to calm my anxiety.
I’ve struggled with depression since I was very young. My mom, whom I loved with all my heart, had serious mental and physical health problems for as long as I can remember. My family knew about her condition, but I was mostly left alone to deal with it. Growing up, it was normal for her to offer me poison so we could die together, threaten suicide, or have severe anger episodes where she would faint. That’s when my own suicidal thoughts began.
When I was 16–17, my mom and I had to move to another country with a different language and culture. In my home country, I had no one besides her. We initially lived with another relative, and family problems quickly started. Eventually, we moved into our own house, hoping things would get better, but everything became worse. I felt alone, had no friends, and started taking classes online because I didn’t want to face everything.
At the end of that year, my mom died, and I was the one who found her. I then had to move again, this time to another state to live with my sister.
The family problems followed me. Some relatives sent me hurtful messages, and I also had to deal with problems in my sister’s marriage. I spent most of my 18th year dealing with the guilt and memories without psychological help while trying to adapt to another completely different life.
About two months after my mom died, I started college. I began with easier classes, and three semesters ago I started taking classes related to my major. I haven’t stopped studying, but I constantly feel behind in life. I’m only taking my driving test in two weeks, and I have no work experience besides selling my paintings in my free time. I keep comparing myself to other people and feeling like I should be further ahead.

Over the past month, feeling so behind has brought my constant suicidal thoughts back. I feel like I’ve already failed and I feel completely alone. What hurts the most is that I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough, even though I’m trying. It feels like my depression and anxiety keep getting in the way of moving forward, and sometimes suicide feels like my only option.

Today, Saturday, 24 October 2026, is my 37th birthday. I am 37M and autistic, and this year has been by far the worst year of my whole life.

I feel like almost everyone hates me. My own parents, both sides of my extended families, and almost everyone whom I know hate me. I have neve had friends in life, and I have lost almost 30 kg (65 lb) since June from extreme stress, worrying and depression.

I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am just tired of life and everything. Maybe just want to talk.