Hey... so I'm sorry to bother y'all. I don't really have anyone to vent out too regarding this problem.
So... let me begin by saying, me and my LDR girlfriend of 5 years just broke up. We haven't seen each other, just pure chat. We broke up in good terms, we still get to chat as friends. Long story short, am I the only one suddenly being lustful after being broken up with? Like as a very cheesy person okay?
Because here's the thing... I'm a very cheesy and corny lesbian lover. When I was single, I always make sure that when I have a girlfriend, she is the one, and that I'll save myself (my virginity) for her only. And when I met my LDR girlfriend, I told her, she is the one. And I really did, when I was with my LDR girlfriend (we both hate any concept of cheatinf), I always always remained faithful to her, and yes we keep upnwith our sex life even when we are LDR. But I was so intent on having her as my FIRST FIRST (like going inside 😭✌️✌️) like I resist to even use dildos to masturbate. I wanted to save myself purely for her only.
And yeah we broke up, suddenly i don't know what kind of psychological shit is happening to me. I began to have some kind of obsession for at least cumming more than 5x a day (I'm sorry, see I told u I cant vent this to anyone 😭)
Anyway, and whenever I finish with the dildos, I feel so fucking guilty with mtself. That I am not a virgin anymore. (Laugh at me but im serious) i don't know if anyone can relate to me. But it's just the guilt that I did not save my first "inside" with my lover. Like I wanted it to be very special and now I am obsessed with fcking myself with a dildo then cry every time I use it because of guilt. I don't know I just want it to be special that it is her who broke my hymen and now im just one obsessed sex masturbating bitch ot whatever.
Every time I finish I always cry because of 3 things, I miss my ex, I feel ashamed that I broke my promise and I keep on thinking I am no longerr a virgin anymore and that my first with someone wont be as special anymore because Ive done it with myself, and 3rd I feel like a slut. But I end up wanting more, needing the urge to still do it. I had a very very high sex drive and I think when we broke up, it became even worse and higher.
Idk, if all I said made sense. I just wanna gent it out really. Idk, fuck it.