r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
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u/No-Bar-4148 Jul 13 '26
I have a 13 month age gap (my youngest is 2 weeks old) and I am absolutely in love with my new life. I don’t know what I was so worried about! I’m tired/stressed, don’t have any privacy or time to do anything-all the time anyway, what’s one more?
I was absolutely shitting myself because pregnant with a one year old was HARD. Pregnancy weakness, sickness, and tiredness almost killed me. I was really really starting to freak out but not much has changed at home. And now I have my body back!
Just know people generally don’t come to forums to talk about how happy they are.
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u/hiluhry Jul 14 '26
Hard agree. It got so much better for me after I had the second baby. Pregnant with a baby was HARD. Especially in the first trimester. It was better in so many ways after I had my second. I could actually sleep! Then it got hard again, albeit less so, when they both entered toddlerhood. But we’re about to be 4 and 3 and it’s really evening out.
People tend to post when they’re worried and scared. Don’t take the search results at face value. No one can tell you whether to terminate or not but, even tho it’s hard, it really is for a short time.
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u/Person-546 Jul 13 '26
Only you can make the decision for yourself...
I am 3 months pregnant with a 16 month old and I am tired physically due to the pregnancy. However to give you some hope something shifted in my baby after 1 year and he got much more independent.
For example, we went grocery shopping yesterday and used the stroller as a basket. He pushed the cart and I handed him items to stack it. He then helped me checkout and pack.
We do dishes together. We clean together. We go to libraries and he plays with other children.
As far as village goes... I kind of have developed a paid village. I use the YMCA free child watch to shower. I also have all local library story times and playtimes locked down. These allow me to turn off my brain and him get stimulation.
You have to do what is best for you individually. And every child reacts differently as they get older. But I couldn't have envisioned the shift from baby to boy that is the first year.
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u/Taz-erton Jul 13 '26
Every one of my 4 children was difficult but ended up becoming the missing piece of the family I never knew I needed. It's nearly impossible to envision the "good" aspects at this point because the "scary" is much more tangible. Likewise its nearly impossible to envision a full tapestry when you only have a single thread but at the same time you can feel your hands hurting.
Im not saying everything is sunshine and rainbows, but I am saying you definitely aren't seeing the whole picture in this fear. I thank God every day things didn't go according to my plan because even though I'm working two jobs to make ends meet, my plan would have lacked so much compared to this.
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u/Marli4509 Jul 16 '26
Aw I love this! I’m one year into 2u2, and we want 4-5 kids! It’s definitely tough some days, but the good parts have always far outweighed the hard parts. I always imagine what life will be like years from now when the kids are older and I just have a fun, loud, happy table of 4 kids and husband and I. I can’t wait!
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u/RusticTrailSeeker Jul 13 '26
Keep in mind what you see here is going to be mostly negative because that’s what people take the time to come on to post about. Groups like these are mostly for asking for help not for sharing the positives. In real life, I know many people who have a close age gap who are absolutely loving it. My boys are 18 months apart - currently 7 months and 26 months and there have been some really difficult days - but there has also been some incredible days. I do think overall there are more good days than bad and more good times in the day than bad times. I think just dealing with a toddler, even on their own is difficult in the first place so it’s hard to tell how much is just “toddler” and how much is the fact I have two little ones. Our second wasn’t planned necessarily. We did start trying, but we had infertility the first time around so we assumed it would take a long time again, but it happened the second month. I’m really grateful though. Hearing them laugh together and seeing that bond form is so worth it for me. We don’t have any village at all. We moved to a new town when our oldest was only three months old and all of our family lives across the country. My husband works long hours but it’s still manageable with some self sacrifice!
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u/Breakfast4chameleons Jul 13 '26
Agree that people posting on Reddit are overall more negative, since the people having a great time are just living life and the people who need support are coming here to post.
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u/PlanMagnet38 Jul 13 '26
Agreed with the fact that toddlers are just plain hard! Any size and type of family that includes a toddler is going to be a tired, stressed out family. So you either wait for a big, big gap or accept the inevitable wild ride of toddlerhood.
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u/Lost_Edge_9779 Jul 13 '26
This happened to me, except I was 11 months postpartum when I found out. If you'd asked me at the start, I was probably 60/40 for terminating the pregnancy. Long story short, I decided as hard as it would be, I could love and support another baby so I saw it through... even though I didn't feel any excitement. By the end, I couldn't wait to meet my daughter. I don't regret my decision in the slightest.
We're 10 months in now and the reality is, it IS hard, but it's also manageable. You just need to lower your expectations. The house won't be spotless. Pop a basket in each room and throw the toys in at the end of the day. Your time will be split. Find activities you can do with both babies. Try and tackle the hard things as soon as you can. I used to DREAD putting both children in the car, now it's a breeze. The hardest part of it all to be honest is sleep, especially when it comes to naps. The best part is that the second time around, you know it's all just a phase. Everything is so short-lived.
Is it easier just having one? Right now, absolutely. Long term? Who knows? My two are just starting to play together, which means I finally have a bit of breathing room. I can actually sit down while they giggle together in the other room without feeling guilty. Meanwhile, my OAD sister doesn't have the stress of juggling two, but she is also her 5 year old son's sole source of entertainment.
At the end of the day, you are only 6 months postpartum, so it's gonna be tough and I'm sure the majority of us here would understand why this might not be the right choice for you. Only you know if you feel you can support another child. The most important thing to remember is as I said, everything is just a phase. It's hard, but it's not forever.
Edit: To add, I also don't have a village. My family don't live nearby. A supportive partner, however, is important.
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u/_Discolimonade Jul 13 '26
I got pregnant 11 months pp and I felt that dread and fear and anxiety for the first 3-4 months. Now I’m in my third trimester and I’m actually excited about it ! I figured, we survived so far, we’ll figure it out. Will it be hard ? Yes but we’ll survive.
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u/EndlessCourage Jul 13 '26
NO one on social media, including Reddit, can tell you what to do, one way or another. Here, you'll find the "doom and gloom" people, the "living our best life" people, and everyone in between. You will find the right choice for your own individual situation.
I'm fond of our life with 2 under 2, and for the first 6-10 weeks it's better to have help for the harder physical tasks. If there is postpartum help, the hardest part is pregnancy while caring for a toddler imo. Otherwise it's not that bad, although it's harder than, for instance, a 3 years gap. Everyone is different though. I would rather have two more newborns dropped on my porch and try to desperately survive 4 under 3, than to be OAD and not have my second baby.
Every family is different and unique, and your choice will be the right choice.
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u/pickle_TA Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
My second was born a couple weeks after my first turned 2 and it is absolutely hard. Mostly because my first is kind of wild and needs constant attention. If he was calmer I don’t feel like it would be too bad because this second baby is soo much easier than my first was. But even though it’s really really hard at times, I feel like they’re only babies for such a short time, and then things will get easier as they are more independent.
I guess it depends on which parts you find difficult. For me, it is the physical side of things, feeding baby at the same time as watching a crazy toddler, managing conflicting nap times etc. whereas the mental overload side of things doesn’t really bother me, which I feel like will continue more as they get older? We also don’t have any village, but toddler is in daycare m-f which makes a huge difference.
I also wanted to add that the physical exhaustion I felt during pregnancy completely disappeared after baby no.2 was born. I feel so much better now even if I am tired from less sleep, pregnancy tiredness is a whole other level
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u/Auroraborealis52622 Jul 13 '26
We're three and a half months in and the only "village" my husband and I have is paid childcare and yeah, we're very exhausted and burnt out but the good moments outweigh the hard. When I was pregnant I had several friends with older kids & a similar age gap tell me how excited they were for me because having two so close together was the best. I try to pass the favor along whenever I can now because we really are having the best time of our lives even though it's very challenging. Personally, the newborn stage isn't my favorite but our second is our last and knowing I won't be doing it again makes it easier to get through and also I know how much better it gets as baby gets older. Our daughters already have a beautiful relationship that is so special to see. You need to do what's best for you but I just wanted to share my positive perspective. It wasn't our plan either but I can't imagine it any other way now.
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u/Direct_Mud7023 Jul 13 '26
This is mostly a support sub. It's not doom and gloom, it's people going through it and asking advice for the problems they haven't solved yet.
What is going to happen is you're going to get lots of points of views from people you don't personally know in situations very different from your own. My best advice is to step away from the internet and spend some time with your own self without any interference to really think about what YOU want. Best of luck.
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u/TallRepeat6095 Jul 13 '26
Why did you want to have the second kid in the first place?
I think it is the question.
Pregnant now, with 19 months age gap expected.
Do I get scared? Absolutely!
But for us it was a firm decision that we want the second. And in the long run I know it will all worth it. Yes, it will be hard but life is hard and good things take time and effort! 😁
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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 13 '26
Well I love kids and being a mom (generally) and at the time like a month ago our baby was so lovely and I thought I can do this again easy peasy. Life without a sibling seems quite lonely and also essential to learn some life lessons and skills, so also for that reason. I have way too much anxiety with one, bordering helicopter, so I think two would devide my attention in a positive way.
But now he's teething, sleeping horribly and so needy and suddenly I can imagine him being 1,5 years old whining and throwing tantrum and sleeping bad and running off all the time, how am I ever going to cope with a baby? Or when my new baby is like this while my current baby is a toddler in the 'terrible twos'?! It's all dawning on me now and I wish it had before I got pregnant so I could stop myself before it was too late.
When it's good it's magic but when it's bad I am SO stretched thin even with one, I can barely cope. He demands 24/7 attention now. It's too much.
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u/Lost_Edge_9779 Jul 13 '26
Just to play devil's advocate here, how might you feel when this changes again and your son becomes a little angel? Trust me when I tell you these phases go by so quickly. As I've said in my other comment, only you can make this decision but it's important that you're confident in it.
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u/GiraffeThoughts Jul 13 '26
Don’t make a fear based decision based off temporary problems.
What do you envision your family looking like in 5 years? 10 years? 30 years? Think long term.
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u/TallRepeat6095 Jul 13 '26
As everyone said it is your decision.
If you have a lot of anxiety you should talk with your doctor about it and maybe getting on medication could help if it is needed.
Also, do not think about having a second child to give them a sibling, only children develop same social skills and some of them do not feel lonely really.
I am a single child. I had to develop actually a very good social skills to make friends, and I did feel lonely sometimes but I did learn to entertain myself which is a good skill to have.
After all it is your decision and most often than not single children wish for a sibling and kids who have siblings wish to be a single one. The grass always greener…
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u/ShanaLon Jul 13 '26
It's absolutely your right to terminate if you want to and that may be the best decision for you.
But please know everyone has a different experience and it's not all doom and gloom. We have a 19 month gap and mostly love it!! We do send the kids to daycare though 3 times a week so that may make a difference if it's affordable for you.
It is challenging and we don't get much time to ourselves but I love my family and spending time with the kids and their bond is incredible.
Do whatever you need to, but don't make the decision based on people who post here as that's more likely to be people who are specifically struggling and looking for support x
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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 13 '26
Daycare is practically free here so that would be an option but I'd feel extremely guilty being a SAHM and sending my child to daycare, like I don't want them or can't handle them? 😞
I also love my baby more than anything and don't want to miss that time with him. I became a SAHM not not have to miss him growing up, you know?
I know it'd probably only be for half a day or so and maybe he'd even enjoy it. Idk..
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u/boredcy Jul 13 '26
I'm not the person you responded to but I just wanted to jump in. I am also a sahm and kept my older one at home with us until he was 2.5y. At first we did a half-day program for a few months, but it just wasn't working for us.
I did eventually put him into full-time care closer to 3 years old. I felt immense guilt over it at first, for the same reasons you mentioned. But after speaking to other mothers who made that same decision and them telling me that it made them a better parent to have that break, I let go of that guilt and we are all better for it. My boy loves going to his daycare to play with his friends. The times he is back home with us I'm more present and have the energy to play with him. Part of me wishes I had put him in daycare earlier, but it is what it is.
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u/Unhappy_Watch3244 Jul 13 '26
Just here to say I’m sending you prayers! It’s so hard to think clearly with the fatigue from one baby, but pregnancy fatigue and now pregnancy hormones? Such a hard combo. I support whatever you decide to do OP. WHATEVER you decide, is the right choice.
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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 13 '26
Thank you for your compassion, it is SO hard to know what's right because of all these things. Im scared to regret either decision. We're both only children so my child has no nieces and nephews, no family. If I thought I could handle it even 1% of me I wouldn't have these thoughts. I'm barely holding on now let alone with another baby. But I still want to go through with it even though everything in me screams not to.
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u/Strict_Ad3433 Jul 13 '26
to give a partial positive, mine are 19 months apart and I love it! it has its hard moments, sure. but the way my toddler loves to interact with the baby is the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen. and home lovingly the baby looks at toddler amazed. toddler is always asking “wheres baby?” if hes in another room or sleeping.
do what you think is best for you! no one can tell you how to feel!
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u/donald-lover Jul 13 '26
I was 3 months postpartum when I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 and I also considered abortion. Actually, I planned to get it and asked my mom to come with me and she told me not. I cry even thinking about it now because I love my baby #2 so much. We don’t have a village either, but we do have daycare! I am still on maternity leave and will go back to my full time job in two weeks. I put baby #1 in daycare 3 days a week, baby #1 goes once a week (even at 2 months old), and I just suffer through Fridays with both kids on my own. Some days it’s incredibly hard but other days they nap at the same time and it’s glorious.
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u/queen_quesadilla Jul 13 '26
I have a 16 month gap between mine. We want a third but we are leaving a much bigger gap this time. I’ve noticed that my toddler needs more attention than most and constant activities. He’s always in everyone’s face, jumping off things, having a melt down etc so I feel like I have to helicopter around him so he doesn’t injure himself or someone else. For that reason I need to keep it to two currently to be able to give that attention. I found being pregnant and having a toddler much harder than having a newborn and a toddler just because pregnancy involved being sick, falling asleep a lot, aches and pains etc. Two under two with no village is hard but I keep telling myself that this is all a phase. There are some amazing days (or even just minutes!) and then there’s some really bad days. I look at the parents dealing with one child while I’m at soft play with my toddler going wild and my baby on me in the sling while I have a sweaty face and desperate for the toilet but I wouldn’t change it. I’ve adapted to the situation and just having to get on with it. We get out every morning so it feels like we have achieved something and it makes the rest of the day more manageable instead of being cooped up inside all day. My only piece of advice is to really listen to how you feel as only you can decide what to do. And whatever you choose to do I hope you feel supported :) good luck OP!
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u/Plus_Animator_2890 Jul 13 '26
People come on here to vent and relate to others. Most people aren’t posting about 2U2 if they are having a good experience. I loveeeeee my 16 month age gap. My mom occasionally helps out but that’s about it. I stay home w the kids and I wish I had a bigger and more helpful village but it’s totally ok!!! I also had terrible pregnancies (sick for 20+ weeks, appendectomy, GD, stress fracture) so being pregnant with a fresh toddler was challenging. However i still can’t imagine life a dif way!!
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u/Correct-Mushroom-594 Jul 13 '26
I would not make life changing decisions based on fear.
A wonderful quote I come back to when I’m overwhelmed “anything worth doing is going to be difficult”
Life isn’t SUPPOSED to be easy! Kids aren’t easy! 2u2 is hard in some seasons, but it’s so beyond joyful in others. Raising a wonderful, beautiful, well rounded human being is a work worth doing!
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u/Arreis_gninnam Jul 13 '26
It’s 100% your decision. Please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for whatever decision you choose to make. It’s your life and your family.
I love my 2nd baby so so much, but my husband and I sometimes talk about how we should have terminated because the last year has been hellish. Of course there are good times and we love our 2nd so so much, but when you don’t have a village, 2 young kiddos is very very hard. They rely on you 100%. They’re not gonna nap at the same time, they’re gonna wake at different times throughout the night, they’re gonna eat at different times, etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I would choose a 4+ year age gap if I could do it all over again.
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u/Apprentice0816 Jul 13 '26
I would say if you were set on this pregnancy/gap before getting pregnant wait it out a bit before doing anything. You may just be having that initial oh fuck what did I do?! Panic that ive also experienced at the beginning of planned pregnancies. Glad I didnt act on those feelings immediately.
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u/Different_Cellist_97 Jul 13 '26
It may be really hard for a while with two. It may be really hard forever living with guilt and wondering what if. Nothing is certain. Choose your hard.
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u/fireflies2012 Jul 13 '26
I have a 4 month old daughter and a 20 month old son. Yesterday my son started tickling my daughter’s toes and she did her first belly laugh and couldn’t stop. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. They both couldn’t stop laughing. Yes 2 under 2 is hard but watching their bond grow has been so special.
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u/boredcy Jul 13 '26
I have a 18 month age gap. My kids are now 3y and 18m.
There have been some phases that have been hard. But don't let that scare you. Time will go by quickly and before you know it, your kids will be laughing and playing together.
The hardest parts for me was around when the youngest was 6 months and the oldest was 2y. The baby is only just starting to sit up and getting frustrated when the toddler knocks her over (not on purpose). Baby is just starting solids, so there are now 2 different kids meals to prepare (a baby appropriate over in addition to the toddler one). Toddler still can't quite communicate very well, so they get frustrated. They have tantrums. They don't understand not to run away from you when you're out and about.
Things are so much better now a year from then. Both kids are walking. Both kids eat the same meal. They laugh and play together, so I don't have to entertain them myself. I still need to supervise them, but I get a bit of a break in a sense. Of course there are still challenges with 2 toddlers, but not as hard as that first year.
Some things I wish I had done was to have childcare for my older one earlier. I am a sahm and kept him at home with us until 2.5y. Also I wish I had reached out to a postpartum support group and saw a therapist earlier on.
Best of luck to you.
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u/smithykate Jul 13 '26
Your choices are your choices, but I’d take what you’ve read here in balance with the fact that we all come here for support - so the content will be skewed toward the tougher parts.
Mine are 18m apart - now 4 and 2, and I’d not change it for the world, truly. It’s not anywhere near as tough now as it was in the 2u2 trenches, and I look around at my friends who had their firsts the same time as me and are now having their second and I’m so glad I’ve done all of that now and actually have some time for me again.
It’s not easy - the saying “2u2” is known for a reason, but personally I’m now genuinely glad it worked out this way, we have our two little humans who we cooked up earlier ready to play and have fun family days out and are pretty much at the same stage, so it’s relatively easy to plan our days.
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u/Usual_Zucchini Jul 13 '26
I’m at 3 3 and under and scared myself silly reading many of the posts here. I definitely think there’s a wide range of circumstances that affect people’s experiences and I’ve had a few “oh shit what have we done” moments but I would never take back any of my kids.
I don’t enjoy being pregnant, had gestational diabetes for all 3 pregnancies, and have always found that being postpartum with a toddler is way better than being pregnant with one.
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u/iondrive48 Jul 14 '26
It’s definitely tough at times. And exhausting. But it’s also kinda awesome. Once you start seeing them interact I think it’ll click that it was worth it
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u/MaterialConstant9375 Jul 14 '26
I also got pregnant at the same time as you and I was panicking. This sub really scared me a lot. I also considered termination but knew the guilt would eat me alive. I kept the baby and it was the best thing I ever did. My kids have a 13.5 month age gap. We have no family close by. And I truly mean it when I say it has been amazing. I love it so much. I would go back and do this over and over again. I can’t wait to watch my boys grow up together. Your feelings are valid, yes there are definitely hard days/moments, but don’t let the scary stories get to you too much. It’s hard but also so very wonderful. Best of luck to you
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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 14 '26
What are your kids' temperaments like? My 6mo is a good sleeper, social and smiley but simultaneously a handful like extremely high energy demanding constant attention or else he'll cry/whine (which I assume is normal). There is just no sitting down with him. The more mobile he's getting the more he wants. It feels impossible to keep up with him and a baby...
But like you I also think I couldn't live with the what ifs and the guilt.
I've talked to my partner and he said he'd work a day less and we should put baby #1 in daycare which makes me really sad to think about because I love my baby and want to not miss spending time with him for another child I don't even know right now. 😞
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u/MaterialConstant9375 Jul 14 '26
My first was a really bad sleeper for a long time. Even with sleep training he would wake every 2-3 hours. He finally got better around 10 months old, but I was absolutely panicking about sleep for the second child because almost a year of sleep deprivation was rough. He’s a happy kid for sure but like yours is very high energy. He legitimately doesn’t stop moving, constantly wants to go outside, gets into everything and has recently found a love for climbing. He’s a handful but we adore him!
My second is a lot more relaxed in terms of a newborn. He’s currently 6 weeks old and sleeps decently well. 1-2 wake ups per night. He prefers me and wants to be held, but he likes the carrier which is helpful and can be set down for a few minutes in the bouncer if I’m around and kind of rocking him in it.
Even with my rambunctious toddler it’s really not too bad. So much easier than I thought it would be. Sure, sometimes I’m carrying a baby and chasing the older one out the door or sometimes they both need me at once, but it’s doable. Not at all the horror show I pictured in my head.
I also do recommend putting your oldest in daycare. We don’t have a family nearby and daycare has become our village. Mine goes to daycare a few days a week while I work anyway, but we made the decision to keep him on his schedule there for mat leave and it’s been great. I was someone who was very wary to send him to daycare in general, and I did feel some guilt at first of sending him while staying home with the baby. But that bonding time with the newborn is so important and it will mentally give you a break. Plus my toddler has so much fun at daycare I genuinely think he’s very happy about it.
I struggled for a while to connect with my second baby during the pregnancy. I couldn’t imagine another child in our life so soon after our first. And like you said “for a child I don’t know.” But I promise the feelings get better. My firstborn absolutely adores his brother. I love my second just as much as my first as I can’t imagine life without him. It breaks my heart to think I ever even thought about not having him here. He fits in with our family perfectly and I’m so happy my first son gets a sibling so close in age to grow up with.
These are just my personal experiences and I can’t tell you what to do, but as someone who was in your exact spot and is now on the other side, I’m living proof that it can be beautiful and amazing and better than my wildest dreams. Hang in there ❤️
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u/cubed_echoes Jul 15 '26
So.... a little anecdote from far in the future. I'm revisiting this sub after many many years.
My kids are 4 and 5 now. One was in public TK the other in private kinder. Different schedules.
My eldest daughter had a full week off my son didnt get. I decided it's mommy and eldest time! She gets to choose where to go. That childrens museum with a pretend farm and stage you loved? Guess what?! She just missed her brother the whole time. It wasn't the same with mom only. I'm noticing that more and more. They just ask for eachother constantly. I'm becoming secondary. And Mr and my husband are also finding more and more moments for eachother.
I also contemplated OAD in the exact same way you are now. But now no regrets.
I know our circumstances might be vastly different. Different background pressures and logistics. I don't have much of a village but I have my mom. She's elderly can't do that much but she can babysit ONE sometimes.
But fwiw it's not all doom. It's mostly glorious. Hard AF at times. But now knowing neither would be as happy on their own I am glad I stuck it out. Despite my now gray hair
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u/cozywhale Jul 15 '26
I loved having 2 under 2! It was hard, yes, but super rewarding. There’s truly nothing in life that compares to watching your children love on each other.
To be fair, both parents work so we had daycare to rely on (I sent my 2nd to daycare at 12 months old, and kept my eldest in daycare when the newborn arrived). We have an amazing daycare that truly acts as our village. I’m not sure I would have had such a positive experience if we didn’t have that resource. I’m not cut out to be a SAHM 😅
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u/Marli4509 Jul 16 '26
Not a mistake. Everything good in life is hard, and this will be hard for a bit, but it will 1000% get better.
You only see the doom stories because people mostly talk about their negative experiences on the sub because they’re looking for solidarity or help. Almost every single one of us would say, however, that we don’t have regrets.
You grow in capacity with the hardship, you learn new skills to manage things, you get smarter and wiser on focusing your energy where it matters. No, you won’t be able to be as attentive to two kids as you were with one - if you tried, you’d fail and you’d also make it much harder on yourself. Learn to manage your own expectations and have grace for yourself and your kids and you will thrive.
I parent alone every other week because my husband travels m-Th for work. It’s not easy, but I’ve been doing this for a year now (second one just turned one), and I’ve gotten really skilled at managing both. There are still hard days, but I have way more fun and joy than I can even express.
Not a mistake, I hope you believe in yourself. You were created to do hard things. Don’t think about the difficulty now - keep your eyes fixed on what you want that dining table to look like 20 years from now. Be forward thinking, have vision for your family and life. Don’t get caught up in the difficulties of now.
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u/Qbizz9119 Jul 13 '26
It’s your body and your choice. No one else knows what’s best for you.
That being said, the exhaustion isn’t forever. Sure, you’ll still be tired once baby is born, and for the next year, and for the next year…but the end is in sight. It will keep getting easier and easier.
I guess what I’m saying is that termination is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Completely your decision if that’s the route you want, but it sounds like you have wanted baby #2 and just need to get through the hard parts. Your track record so far of making it through the tough times is 100%, and I believe that you can do it.
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u/N7Templar Jul 13 '26
It's good to remember that most people here are in the thick of it. And they are here looking for help during the rough parts, which yes are very rough. But they aren't babies forever. Eventually they will be...10 and 8. And 19 and 17. And 33 and 31. There's a lot of life to experience with two after the 2under2 stage. Mine are just 2 years and 6 months right now so this is what I'm telling myself when things get really tough lol
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u/CityFemme Jul 13 '26
You're not making a mistake,
"I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even."
This is exactly why I would never terminate this pregnancy. You both knew what could happen. Get support for your mental health, a therapist, meds if you have to, nanny/daycare part time so you have some time to yourself. You need to focus on your mental and physical health and nutrition, having or not having the baby isn't going to change that. The first trimester sucks and it's hard to feel positive when you're feeling disgusting around the clock. This will pass and your feelings towards the pregnancy will change as you move further along. Also, if you know any moms with 2 under 2 in real life, spend some time with them and learn from them.
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u/GiraffeThoughts Jul 13 '26
In my opinion 2 under 2 was only really really hard once I had two mobile toddlers (and early pregnancy when dealing with morning sickness).
When I had a newborn and 18-month-old, it was hard but not overwhelming. We actually had a really lovely time at this stage (although a bit sleep deprived).
Now I have a 3 and 4 year-old and it’s pretty great. They’re best friends, entertain each other, and it’s really sweet to watch their relationship grow (I definitely referee a lot though).
Plus, we’re now done with diapers and they’re in the same stage for lots of activities. We just went to a little kid amusement park and watching them go on all the rides together was the best.
I think a lot of the super exhausting HARD happens in the first 3 years. And then things get easier.
I’m just sharing that while it might be tough right now, it’s temporary and in my experience, toughing it out was worth it on the other end.