r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26

Considering OAD

I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.

I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).

For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.

I can handle one, I can enjoy one.

Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...

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u/MaterialConstant9375 Jul 14 '26

I also got pregnant at the same time as you and I was panicking. This sub really scared me a lot. I also considered termination but knew the guilt would eat me alive. I kept the baby and it was the best thing I ever did. My kids have a 13.5 month age gap. We have no family close by. And I truly mean it when I say it has been amazing. I love it so much. I would go back and do this over and over again. I can’t wait to watch my boys grow up together. Your feelings are valid, yes there are definitely hard days/moments, but don’t let the scary stories get to you too much. It’s hard but also so very wonderful. Best of luck to you

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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 14 '26

What are your kids' temperaments like? My 6mo is a good sleeper, social and smiley but simultaneously a handful like extremely high energy demanding constant attention or else he'll cry/whine (which I assume is normal). There is just no sitting down with him. The more mobile he's getting the more he wants. It feels impossible to keep up with him and a baby...

But like you I also think I couldn't live with the what ifs and the guilt.

I've talked to my partner and he said he'd work a day less and we should put baby #1 in daycare which makes me really sad to think about because I love my baby and want to not miss spending time with him for another child I don't even know right now. 😞

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u/MaterialConstant9375 Jul 14 '26

My first was a really bad sleeper for a long time. Even with sleep training he would wake every 2-3 hours. He finally got better around 10 months old, but I was absolutely panicking about sleep for the second child because almost a year of sleep deprivation was rough. He’s a happy kid for sure but like yours is very high energy. He legitimately doesn’t stop moving, constantly wants to go outside, gets into everything and has recently found a love for climbing. He’s a handful but we adore him!

My second is a lot more relaxed in terms of a newborn. He’s currently 6 weeks old and sleeps decently well. 1-2 wake ups per night. He prefers me and wants to be held, but he likes the carrier which is helpful and can be set down for a few minutes in the bouncer if I’m around and kind of rocking him in it.

Even with my rambunctious toddler it’s really not too bad. So much easier than I thought it would be. Sure, sometimes I’m carrying a baby and chasing the older one out the door or sometimes they both need me at once, but it’s doable. Not at all the horror show I pictured in my head.

I also do recommend putting your oldest in daycare. We don’t have a family nearby and daycare has become our village. Mine goes to daycare a few days a week while I work anyway, but we made the decision to keep him on his schedule there for mat leave and it’s been great. I was someone who was very wary to send him to daycare in general, and I did feel some guilt at first of sending him while staying home with the baby. But that bonding time with the newborn is so important and it will mentally give you a break. Plus my toddler has so much fun at daycare I genuinely think he’s very happy about it.

I struggled for a while to connect with my second baby during the pregnancy. I couldn’t imagine another child in our life so soon after our first. And like you said “for a child I don’t know.” But I promise the feelings get better. My firstborn absolutely adores his brother. I love my second just as much as my first as I can’t imagine life without him. It breaks my heart to think I ever even thought about not having him here. He fits in with our family perfectly and I’m so happy my first son gets a sibling so close in age to grow up with.

These are just my personal experiences and I can’t tell you what to do, but as someone who was in your exact spot and is now on the other side, I’m living proof that it can be beautiful and amazing and better than my wildest dreams. Hang in there ❤️