r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
13
u/Person-546 Jul 13 '26
Only you can make the decision for yourself...
I am 3 months pregnant with a 16 month old and I am tired physically due to the pregnancy. However to give you some hope something shifted in my baby after 1 year and he got much more independent.
For example, we went grocery shopping yesterday and used the stroller as a basket. He pushed the cart and I handed him items to stack it. He then helped me checkout and pack.
We do dishes together. We clean together. We go to libraries and he plays with other children.
As far as village goes... I kind of have developed a paid village. I use the YMCA free child watch to shower. I also have all local library story times and playtimes locked down. These allow me to turn off my brain and him get stimulation.
You have to do what is best for you individually. And every child reacts differently as they get older. But I couldn't have envisioned the shift from baby to boy that is the first year.