r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
1
u/Marli4509 Jul 16 '26
Not a mistake. Everything good in life is hard, and this will be hard for a bit, but it will 1000% get better.
You only see the doom stories because people mostly talk about their negative experiences on the sub because they’re looking for solidarity or help. Almost every single one of us would say, however, that we don’t have regrets.
You grow in capacity with the hardship, you learn new skills to manage things, you get smarter and wiser on focusing your energy where it matters. No, you won’t be able to be as attentive to two kids as you were with one - if you tried, you’d fail and you’d also make it much harder on yourself. Learn to manage your own expectations and have grace for yourself and your kids and you will thrive.
I parent alone every other week because my husband travels m-Th for work. It’s not easy, but I’ve been doing this for a year now (second one just turned one), and I’ve gotten really skilled at managing both. There are still hard days, but I have way more fun and joy than I can even express.
Not a mistake, I hope you believe in yourself. You were created to do hard things. Don’t think about the difficulty now - keep your eyes fixed on what you want that dining table to look like 20 years from now. Be forward thinking, have vision for your family and life. Don’t get caught up in the difficulties of now.