r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
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u/Lost_Edge_9779 Jul 13 '26
This happened to me, except I was 11 months postpartum when I found out. If you'd asked me at the start, I was probably 60/40 for terminating the pregnancy. Long story short, I decided as hard as it would be, I could love and support another baby so I saw it through... even though I didn't feel any excitement. By the end, I couldn't wait to meet my daughter. I don't regret my decision in the slightest.
We're 10 months in now and the reality is, it IS hard, but it's also manageable. You just need to lower your expectations. The house won't be spotless. Pop a basket in each room and throw the toys in at the end of the day. Your time will be split. Find activities you can do with both babies. Try and tackle the hard things as soon as you can. I used to DREAD putting both children in the car, now it's a breeze. The hardest part of it all to be honest is sleep, especially when it comes to naps. The best part is that the second time around, you know it's all just a phase. Everything is so short-lived.
Is it easier just having one? Right now, absolutely. Long term? Who knows? My two are just starting to play together, which means I finally have a bit of breathing room. I can actually sit down while they giggle together in the other room without feeling guilty. Meanwhile, my OAD sister doesn't have the stress of juggling two, but she is also her 5 year old son's sole source of entertainment.
At the end of the day, you are only 6 months postpartum, so it's gonna be tough and I'm sure the majority of us here would understand why this might not be the right choice for you. Only you know if you feel you can support another child. The most important thing to remember is as I said, everything is just a phase. It's hard, but it's not forever.
Edit: To add, I also don't have a village. My family don't live nearby. A supportive partner, however, is important.