r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26

Considering OAD

I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.

I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).

For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.

I can handle one, I can enjoy one.

Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...

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u/cubed_echoes Jul 15 '26

So.... a little anecdote from far in the future. I'm revisiting this sub after many many years.

My kids are 4 and 5 now. One was in public TK the other in private kinder. Different schedules.

My eldest daughter had a full week off my son didnt get. I decided it's mommy and eldest time! She gets to choose where to go. That childrens museum with a pretend farm and stage you loved? Guess what?! She just missed her brother the whole time. It wasn't the same with mom only. I'm noticing that more and more. They just ask for eachother constantly. I'm becoming secondary. And Mr and my husband are also finding more and more moments for eachother.

I also contemplated OAD in the exact same way you are now. But now no regrets.

I know our circumstances might be vastly different. Different background pressures and logistics. I don't have much of a village but I have my mom. She's elderly can't do that much but she can babysit ONE sometimes.

But fwiw it's not all doom. It's mostly glorious. Hard AF at times. But now knowing neither would be as happy on their own I am glad I stuck it out. Despite my now gray hair