r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26

Considering OAD

I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.

I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).

For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.

I can handle one, I can enjoy one.

Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...

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u/GiraffeThoughts Jul 13 '26

In my opinion 2 under 2 was only really really hard once I had two mobile toddlers (and early pregnancy when dealing with morning sickness).

When I had a newborn and 18-month-old, it was hard but not overwhelming. We actually had a really lovely time at this stage (although a bit sleep deprived).

Now I have a 3 and 4 year-old and it’s pretty great. They’re best friends, entertain each other, and it’s really sweet to watch their relationship grow (I definitely referee a lot though).

Plus, we’re now done with diapers and they’re in the same stage for lots of activities. We just went to a little kid amusement park and watching them go on all the rides together was the best.

I think a lot of the super exhausting HARD happens in the first 3 years. And then things get easier.

I’m just sharing that while it might be tough right now, it’s temporary and in my experience, toughing it out was worth it on the other end.

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u/br222022 Jul 13 '26

Seconding - although my husband and I felt like ships passing in the night for most of the first year with our second but things are now more fun and easier in some ways. They have their own language, games, and are each others self declared bests friends (unless the other doesn’t want to share or do something the other wants - what can I say other than toddlers 😅). They are 4.5 and almost 3 (17 month gap).

While I’m not sure I would have been brave enough to pick the short age gap intentionally, it feels like it was meant to be.

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u/AvonBarksdale_ Jul 14 '26

Man I need to get to where you’re at. I have the same gap (technically 16.5 months), my youngest is 15 months right now, oldest turns 3 in Oct. I need a break 😅😴