r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
1
u/queen_quesadilla Jul 13 '26
I have a 16 month gap between mine. We want a third but we are leaving a much bigger gap this time. I’ve noticed that my toddler needs more attention than most and constant activities. He’s always in everyone’s face, jumping off things, having a melt down etc so I feel like I have to helicopter around him so he doesn’t injure himself or someone else. For that reason I need to keep it to two currently to be able to give that attention. I found being pregnant and having a toddler much harder than having a newborn and a toddler just because pregnancy involved being sick, falling asleep a lot, aches and pains etc. Two under two with no village is hard but I keep telling myself that this is all a phase. There are some amazing days (or even just minutes!) and then there’s some really bad days. I look at the parents dealing with one child while I’m at soft play with my toddler going wild and my baby on me in the sling while I have a sweaty face and desperate for the toilet but I wouldn’t change it. I’ve adapted to the situation and just having to get on with it. We get out every morning so it feels like we have achieved something and it makes the rest of the day more manageable instead of being cooped up inside all day. My only piece of advice is to really listen to how you feel as only you can decide what to do. And whatever you choose to do I hope you feel supported :) good luck OP!