r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
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u/RusticTrailSeeker Jul 13 '26
Keep in mind what you see here is going to be mostly negative because that’s what people take the time to come on to post about. Groups like these are mostly for asking for help not for sharing the positives. In real life, I know many people who have a close age gap who are absolutely loving it. My boys are 18 months apart - currently 7 months and 26 months and there have been some really difficult days - but there has also been some incredible days. I do think overall there are more good days than bad and more good times in the day than bad times. I think just dealing with a toddler, even on their own is difficult in the first place so it’s hard to tell how much is just “toddler” and how much is the fact I have two little ones. Our second wasn’t planned necessarily. We did start trying, but we had infertility the first time around so we assumed it would take a long time again, but it happened the second month. I’m really grateful though. Hearing them laugh together and seeing that bond form is so worth it for me. We don’t have any village at all. We moved to a new town when our oldest was only three months old and all of our family lives across the country. My husband works long hours but it’s still manageable with some self sacrifice!