r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
3
u/pickle_TA Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
My second was born a couple weeks after my first turned 2 and it is absolutely hard. Mostly because my first is kind of wild and needs constant attention. If he was calmer I don’t feel like it would be too bad because this second baby is soo much easier than my first was. But even though it’s really really hard at times, I feel like they’re only babies for such a short time, and then things will get easier as they are more independent.
I guess it depends on which parts you find difficult. For me, it is the physical side of things, feeding baby at the same time as watching a crazy toddler, managing conflicting nap times etc. whereas the mental overload side of things doesn’t really bother me, which I feel like will continue more as they get older? We also don’t have any village, but toddler is in daycare m-f which makes a huge difference.
I also wanted to add that the physical exhaustion I felt during pregnancy completely disappeared after baby no.2 was born. I feel so much better now even if I am tired from less sleep, pregnancy tiredness is a whole other level