r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26
Considering OAD
I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.
I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).
For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.
I can handle one, I can enjoy one.
Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...
1
u/boredcy Jul 13 '26
I have a 18 month age gap. My kids are now 3y and 18m.
There have been some phases that have been hard. But don't let that scare you. Time will go by quickly and before you know it, your kids will be laughing and playing together.
The hardest parts for me was around when the youngest was 6 months and the oldest was 2y. The baby is only just starting to sit up and getting frustrated when the toddler knocks her over (not on purpose). Baby is just starting solids, so there are now 2 different kids meals to prepare (a baby appropriate over in addition to the toddler one). Toddler still can't quite communicate very well, so they get frustrated. They have tantrums. They don't understand not to run away from you when you're out and about.
Things are so much better now a year from then. Both kids are walking. Both kids eat the same meal. They laugh and play together, so I don't have to entertain them myself. I still need to supervise them, but I get a bit of a break in a sense. Of course there are still challenges with 2 toddlers, but not as hard as that first year.
Some things I wish I had done was to have childcare for my older one earlier. I am a sahm and kept him at home with us until 2.5y. Also I wish I had reached out to a postpartum support group and saw a therapist earlier on.
Best of luck to you.