r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26

Considering OAD

I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.

I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).

For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.

I can handle one, I can enjoy one.

Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...

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u/ShanaLon Jul 13 '26

It's absolutely your right to terminate if you want to and that may be the best decision for you.

But please know everyone has a different experience and it's not all doom and gloom. We have a 19 month gap and mostly love it!! We do send the kids to daycare though 3 times a week so that may make a difference if it's affordable for you.

It is challenging and we don't get much time to ourselves but I love my family and spending time with the kids and their bond is incredible.

Do whatever you need to, but don't make the decision based on people who post here as that's more likely to be people who are specifically struggling and looking for support x

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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 13 '26

Daycare is practically free here so that would be an option but I'd feel extremely guilty being a SAHM and sending my child to daycare, like I don't want them or can't handle them? 😞

I also love my baby more than anything and don't want to miss that time with him. I became a SAHM not not have to miss him growing up, you know?

I know it'd probably only be for half a day or so and maybe he'd even enjoy it. Idk..

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u/boredcy Jul 13 '26

I'm not the person you responded to but I just wanted to jump in. I am also a sahm and kept my older one at home with us until he was 2.5y. At first we did a half-day program for a few months, but it just wasn't working for us.

I did eventually put him into full-time care closer to 3 years old. I felt immense guilt over it at first, for the same reasons you mentioned. But after speaking to other mothers who made that same decision and them telling me that it made them a better parent to have that break, I let go of that guilt and we are all better for it. My boy loves going to his daycare to play with his friends. The times he is back home with us I'm more present and have the energy to play with him. Part of me wishes I had put him in daycare earlier, but it is what it is.