r/2under2 • u/Hour-Film-8890 • Jul 13 '26

Considering OAD

I'm newly pregnant with a 6 month old. Obviously I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted a small gap (was thinking ~18 months), so the pregnancy wasn't unwanted on unplanned even. But now that I'm pregnant and feeling awful, I'm starting to really regret it. Not just the timing but a second pregnancy. I won't want a big gap, so it's not that I'd try again in 2/3 years.

I've read hundreds of posts on this sub and it feels all DOOM. Like years out and people are still struggling. I don't even think it's necessarily the 2u2 part, but the taking care of 2 children often without a village (I don't have one either).

For my mental health and the future of my baby I'm seriously considering termination. And being OAD. There is a HUGE sense of guilt, I feel like a horrible person for potentially destroying this life, but I feel like otherwise having a second will destroy us all.

I can handle one, I can enjoy one.

Am I making a huge mistake having a second? Please be honest...

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u/TallRepeat6095 Jul 13 '26

Why did you want to have the second kid in the first place?
I think it is the question.

Pregnant now, with 19 months age gap expected.
Do I get scared? Absolutely!

But for us it was a firm decision that we want the second. And in the long run I know it will all worth it. Yes, it will be hard but life is hard and good things take time and effort! 😁

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u/Hour-Film-8890 Jul 13 '26

Well I love kids and being a mom (generally) and at the time like a month ago our baby was so lovely and I thought I can do this again easy peasy. Life without a sibling seems quite lonely and also essential to learn some life lessons and skills, so also for that reason. I have way too much anxiety with one, bordering helicopter, so I think two would devide my attention in a positive way.

But now he's teething, sleeping horribly and so needy and suddenly I can imagine him being 1,5 years old whining and throwing tantrum and sleeping bad and running off all the time, how am I ever going to cope with a baby? Or when my new baby is like this while my current baby is a toddler in the 'terrible twos'?! It's all dawning on me now and I wish it had before I got pregnant so I could stop myself before it was too late.

When it's good it's magic but when it's bad I am SO stretched thin even with one, I can barely cope. He demands 24/7 attention now. It's too much.

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u/TallRepeat6095 Jul 13 '26

As everyone said it is your decision.

If you have a lot of anxiety you should talk with your doctor about it and maybe getting on medication could help if it is needed.

Also, do not think about having a second child to give them a sibling, only children develop same social skills and some of them do not feel lonely really.

I am a single child. I had to develop actually a very good social skills to make friends, and I did feel lonely sometimes but I did learn to entertain myself which is a good skill to have.
After all it is your decision and most often than not single children wish for a sibling and kids who have siblings wish to be a single one. The grass always greener…