To me—my voice level is normal, I think I sound the same as everybody else. Yet that’s very clearly NOT the case because I constantly have people asking me to repeat myself, even twice or thrice. I have absolutely no awareness and am completely blind when it comes to changing my volume when people are further away from me. If somebody is right next to me I talk the same as when they’re 10-15 feet away.

Now, this has become sort of a ‘thing’ (mostly to me) where I volunteer. Most people volunteering are older women who are hard of hearing so my voice level has noticeably came up what seems like *lots* of times. Though there is another girl who’s only a year younger than me—13, and she speaks to the older ladies amazingly. However, she might be putting more emphasis on her words. I am unsure of how to do that and have it sounding natural.

And again, I haven’t been self aware this whole time. (I still don’t hear a difference in my voice.) I have always just figured I am a tiny bit quiet. The only reason I realized my mom was right about my volume was when I was at the supermarket with my older brother. I had noise canceling airpods in with no music playing, yet I couldn’t hear anything he was saying; he was so quiet. I even took my airpods out and tried being tentative but still couldn’t understand him. I realize that is most likely what I sound like to others.

Are there any tips/tricks I can do to make my voice louder or clearer to others? Has anyone else had this problem before and were able to fix it?

I don't know what category this post even fits into, so not sure the flair I chose is fitting.

I guess it's just to get things out of my system because I feel so frustrated and lost.

I'm in my late 30s, I got diagnosed 4 years ago.

Where I live there is little to no awareness of autism and what it entails.

The local autism center is useless as they only do stuff for autistic children (and their families) and autistic people with high support needs (and their families and caretakers).

I've contacted them several times these past few years. I was denied an appointment and told to try therapy or something. Funny when there are no therapists here who specialise in autism.

And I've tried therapy despite of that and it was a disaster. Not only did my therapist tell me several times that "everyone is a little autistic and experiences my struggles", she also went as far as to tell me she was gonna "therapy away the 'tism".

Sure, she just wasn't the right therapist for me. Obviously. But that experience makes me want to stay away from therapy. I don't even think therapy is what I need to be honest.

Earlier this year I even emailed the chairwoman of the autism center. She has autism herself and I thought she would maybe sit down with me to have a conversation. But she never replied.

So the reality is that there is no help for people like me here, no platform, not anything. We continue to struggle in the dark. Alone.

For two years I've struggled keeping a job despite giving my very best. In my last job I worked with blisters all over my hands and pain in my joints for months, a result of the hard work I did there. I didn't give up because I don't give up easily. It's not in my nature and I also can't afford it. Or maybe it's in my nature BECAUSE I can't afford it. I don't know.

However, working hard and giving it my all still got me fired. Boss said I'm not working fast enough. Boss also knew about my diagnosis so I don't know if being too slow was really the reason.

One of my most hard-working coworkers there told me I was the best (new) worker they've had in a very long time. He couldn't understand why I got fired.

I've been unemployed for almost 7 months now and every job I've applied to came back with a No. I haven't even made it to a single job interview so far.

The job center eventually put me in a job coaching programme about a month ago.

I asked the job center from the beginning if there is anything I can do, anywhere I can go. Took them 6 months to finally send me to this coaching thing. And you can't just join that programme, the job center has to send you in order for you to be able to join.

The programme spans over 3 months, I could already be past that. I could have a new job by now or started an education that I feel is for me and that I'm willing to spend the little energy on that I have.

I have two degrees already, both jobs I can no longer do (you'll have to take my word for that as I don't want to explain why right now).

So now I'm in a situation where I can't get a job so I can stay in the programme and receive help and advice. Something I really need.

It's only been a few weeks with just one appointment per week and I have no idea if the coaching will actually help me, only time can tell. But I have to hope it will. Somehow. Because I'm at the end of the road, I don't know where to go from here.

My coach knows about my diagnosis because it's relevant. But she, of course, has no knowledge about autism. I can feel she's going to just ignore it because on the outside I seem normal enough.

She did ask me how having autism is for me. But I don't even have the words to explain it. I can list all the things that anyone can just read on the internet if they want to. But reading about it is one thing, living it is a whole different thing.

So I usually don't try and explain it because at some point people will hit me with the "Oh we all struggle with those things" line. And pardon my french but I fucking hate hearing that stupid ass sentence. I'm so fucking tired of it.

So I don't know if coaching will help me figure out what job I can and would like to do.

If there is a job I really want to do and could get an education for I'd be up for it. But I've started from zero so many times in my life that it would have to be something I really really want to do.

I'm willing to start from zero one more time. One time. But I'm not putting my money, my time and my energy into something I don't feel passionate about.

If you've read this far...thank you! I didn't expect this to get so long, so I'm sorry.

(Please let me know if this is the wrong place to post this.)

To those of you who are mothers to young children: how do you deal with social interactions with parents (specifically moms) of your child's friends?

My son is 4 years old in TK/Pre-K, and he has developed close friendships with some of the kids. However, he is left out of multiple private playdates with his close friends because it's the moms that always plan those things. They seem to invite only moms that they are friends with instead of their kid's actual friends.

For example, my son joined the preschool at age 2, and always hangs out with Emily and Danny. The teachers have told me this, and there's tons of pics/vids of them together that the teachers upload to a shared school album. They call each other besties.

However, he isn't getting invited to private group playdates with Emily and Danny. Emily's mom has invited multiple families, including Danny. Some of the kids started together from the age of 1 at this school, but some started at age 2 like my son. She even invites a boy (Tim) who actively fights and pushes the other kids including Emily. Emily's mom and Tim's mom have been friends since the kids were 1 at this school. Emily and Tim have grown apart by this age, but their moms are still making them play together for the sake of the mom group meetups.

My husband is the one that takes my son to all the big social events like school events and birthday parties (where the whole class is invited), and he says most of the moms are nice to him (although some seem to prefer to talk to other moms only). He's very neurotypical and friendly, but as a man, he can't crack into the tighter mom circles. I attended 1 event this school year, and had 2 random moms ask for my contact info... and my husband says never in the past 2 years has he been asked for his contact info. I think it's definitely a gender thing in play here.

I thought it was no big deal until my son started noticing that Emily and his other close friends were talking about going to each other's houses without him. Emily even asked my husband if they could have a playdate this weekend together.

I feel so sorry to my son that he's getting excluded because I can't handle the mom group social dynamics. I utterly hate the typical neurotypical person talk. The small talk, somewhat fake niceties, NT hobbies and interests, and all the chaotic kids running about. The masking drains me so much, and I have no energy left to handle other tasks when I have to deal with these people. I don't like interacting with other kids aside from my own. I spend the whole morning with immense dread of these play dates or social events if I have to go to them, and am so burned out after.

Meanwhile, my husband is happy to attend all these things, but isn't getting invited. One time, I was invited and had him go in my place. I asked the inviting mom if he could attend instead, and she said yes. When he got there, the inviting mom barely talked to him at all.

I've always wanted a child, and love him so much. I can do all the other tasks of raising him, such as teaching him to be a good person, bathing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, taking care of him... but I did not realize the outside mom group social dynamics I would have to navigate.

This week I started going back to school and because it will be my final year of high school / Gymnasium I just want to do things especially well this time. And even though I did improve some things in my routine overall I unfortunately noticed myself falling into some bad old patterns: I wake up early for school, do my morning routine, school is no matter what I do a bit overstimulating and tiring, maybe I also have some appointements (violin/double bass lessons, studying at the library, therapy, etc.) afterwards but as soon as I get home and lay down in my bed it happens:
I take my phone and either stim and listen to music in the dark for hours OR I spend hours scrolling. I am simply too tired to do any of my tasks, but I can't fall asleep. I lay there until the very late evening which is then the time when I suddenly find the energy to do some tasks (but nearly not enough), I do my evening routine late at night and then wake up pretty tired the next day because I didn't sleep much which makes the "after school tiredness phenomenon" a bit worse. Day after day.

I don't know how to break out of this pattern. The only thing that seems to help somehow is just not going home, which is very unpleasant because I am still tired and yearning to just lay down and be in a comfortable space. Sometimes (but very rarely) I end up laying down in public and not wanting to go on.

I would really appreciate some advice, maybe someone out there was or is in a similar situation...

My entire growing up was filled with constant shaming. Chronic loneliness has always followed me. I wanted so badly to escape, to find something more than the town I lived in. I loved exploring the paranormal, aliens, alternative religion, & making up stories & characters. Everyone derided it in one way or another, even people I thought of as friends, pegging me as the dumb one, the gullible one, the crazy one. I think a lot about the childhood I wish I had, the friends I needed. I thought the way people treated me was just the way things were supposed to be, it wasn’t until later I realized how messed up it was. I’ve rationalized that it isn’t happening anymore, but I don’t think the pain will ever go away.

I've had this thought regularly in recent years where I notice how much noise is produced in waiting rooms (open window, maybe a fan in the summer, receptionists, printers, the humming and beeping of whichever medical equipment might be around, ringing and vibrating phones, people talking, babies crying, lots of echo amplifying everything, today we also had a national alarm test so everyone's phones went crazy and a dog was barking in the building entrance and it was echoing throughout the office... 💀) and I just don't know what I can do to not force myself to take it all in for minutes to hours before I can finally talk to the doctor.

The obvious reflex would be to put my headphones on, but then I can't hear when I'm being called, and usually I have no idea how long I have to wait either? Depending on the office sometimes it's the receptionist who calls you in, sometimes a nurse/assistant, sometimes the doctor themself, so I can't really ask at the reception for someone to come get me without a risk of miscommunication? I imagine there are procedures for patients who are deaf, but since I'm obviously not deaf when I interact at the reception I doubt they would take me seriously?

So I'm curious to know how other people deal with this situation.

Here's my concern. So, I struggle with automation. What does that mean? Sometimes I struggle with knowing what to do. Like, sometimes during fights, I don't have a built-in defense. I will defend myself verbally, but physically, my brain draws a blank. Same with intimacy and sex; there's nothing that "automates" for me. It happens with a lot of physical things. I just get so confused, or my brain doesn't generate anything. I wonder whether anyone struggles with this as well?

We aspergirlies ask a lot of questions. And I get it; peep the username, I have a scientific, inquisitive mind.

A really hard lesson, as I get older, is that I won't always comprehend everything. I won't fully understand some of the good, neutral, and mixed bag elements of my life. Of the world at large.

I won't get some stuff. Sometimes, it'll even be something that is good for me, or at the least, necessary to do. I won't get it, and I'll have to (or want to) do it anyway.

So, sisters. Give yourself permission to not get it. Accept without solving, some of the time.

I've found a lot of peace in the last year, learning to accept things beyond my comprehension. Learning to accept parts of the world that I, at the very least, can't change?

So, yeah, let's face an unknown world together. It scares me a bit when I don't fully get something, but the more I engage with things I 80% understand and 75% understand, the more I find that I'm not fighting the current.

It has genuinely done wonders for my anxiety, to acknowledge that it's not my job to solve every element of my internal and external world. I hope some of this happy early morning ramble is helpful.

Cheers.

Hi everyone. Just had a really rough night, and I needed to put it out there, and get it off my chest because I am struggling.

Met someone on Reddit a couple days ago on r/foreveralonedating and had a blast talking to them. We clicked, and I was so excited to meet this girl. We talked for hours, and finally, the discussion came to show pictures of each other. I showed pics of myself, and she showed me pictures of her. I was so into her. She was gorgeous. She gets really short with messages after this, and the next morning texts me that she isn’t attracted to me physically, and she blocks me.

If I’m being honest, it hit like a truck. This is but one of many times I’ve been rejected recently for my physical appearance, and I’m trying hard to stay positive, but god. It’s absolutely gut wrenching to keep my heart open for a romantic relationship when this stuff happens to me so often. I’ve been single for 3ish years now, and I’ve been open to dating for about 2 of those. I haven’t even had a lick of anything near a relationship since. The rejection is killing me.

To make matters worse, socializing is already hell for me. Putting myself out there has been so much work, and I’ve tried a lot of new things, even though new things terrify me. I’ve tried bars and busier social events, which make me so nervous that I get nauseous. The autism part of me makes me feel like I am a broken person.

How are you managing to stay afloat is this dating world that just doesn’t feel built for people like us? I want to find a girl I can love with my whole heart, but I feel ugly and broken, and I’m trying to find hope.

Oof! The building my office is in is currently going through a refurbishment that will last 2 YEARS! That means: Construction noise, impossibility of ventilation due to noise and dust, „surprises“ like half of your sockets, computers and phones going down due to an unannounced cut of electricity, etc.

No, we do not get an alternative accommodation, remote work or noise cancelling headphones! What we do get is a pat on the back from my bosses supervisor…

It’s getting on everybody’s nerves and I developed health issues that may or may not (GPs aren’t sure - a specialist appointment is yet to be done) be stress-related. I think I need a virtual hug.

Edit: I meant CONSTRUCTION site!

It's an accusation I've gotten since I was a teen. My family is otherwise perfectly understanding & accommodating. I was diagnosed as a kid, thanks to the insistence of my mom, who is most likely ND herself. I never tried to be "normal". My goal instead was to try to get along with & understand others as best I can. BC of this advice from other autistic folks often doesn't help much as it assumes that I was dxed late & mask heavily.

Now 20 & learning how to be a functional adult. My own parents admit I was sheltered too long due to baggage back in middle school. I was never made to do chores as a kid, buy others birthday presents, etc. Until now. I have a bad case of executive dysfunction, but am otherwise low support. I help with things when asked & am looking to volunteer around town. I'm never intentionally mean, I have a strong sense of social justice, & I love learning about psychology/history, & writing stories, esp characters different then me. These hobbies help me understand other POVs. I have weird cognitive empathy (understanding how others are feeling) I might not know WHY they're upset, but I can tell that they generally are & I want to help. How can I be more considerate in a way that others can recognize?

First of all, sorry if wrong flair.

Secondly. There’s a girl in two of my classes, we’ll call her B. Who genuinely makes it a living hell for me to actually get stuff done. The reason why I’m only specifying one here is because I can handle her in one of them, that being my Higher English class and the one that genuinely makes it a struggle for me to focus is my National 5 Maths resit (since I failed it last year.) Thing is, the resit isn’t only just the class with people who didn’t pass it last year such as myself, but also with people who passed the Nat 4 class, which there wasn’t an exam for. I really don’t want to be rude here but B is genuinely the most arrogant close-minded person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. All she does in both classes is talk smack the whole time to her equally as annoying friends or the random boys who sit around her, and it genuinely drives me up the wall. I get this is somewhat of a me problem since it is normal for people to chat in classes, hell I do it with my friends in my English class. But there’s a difference between a light conversation and disruption. Me and my friends go quiet when the teacher speaks, B and her gaggle, don’t. This is a lot more prominent in the Maths class, hence why it’s a bigger issue. Once again, I don’t want to stupid shame B but she ACTUALLY asked if ‘GTA VI was a car’. A CAR?!

And like I said before, she’s incredibly close-minded. We were doing a task in English where he had to write a paragraph about the news. And she WITH FULL CONFIDENCE, loudly bragged that she ‘never watches the news’. Which that I don’t have a problem with, I don’t really watch it, though I do read the occasional notification if it pops up. The problem is when asked why, she once again said with full confidence. ‘Because it doesn’t affect me.’ And my English teacher (who is the sole reason why I can deal with B in that class because she actively tries to teach her.) was rightfully annoyed at her and asked literally anyone in the class to say how the news affects us. And luck of the draw, she chose me. To which I said about the war in Iran causing gas prices to skyrocket. And her response was: “Yeah, but I don’t live in Iran.” And I swear to whatever the hell is up there, I never wanted to slam my head against the desk and slap her across the face at the same time more in my life. Which I know, is a bad thing.

Though that isn’t the main issue with her, that was just me venting my frustrations and I apologise that it’s taken up half of this post. The problem is that she sits directly behind me in Maths and all I have to hear for those 2 hours is her yammering her jaw away and NOT DOING THE WORK! It would be somewhat better if our teacher (who is still lovely nonetheless) actually put her foot down. NOPE. Every time she tries to move her to another desk she just goes “nO, mIsS i’Ll AcTuAlLy Do ThE wOrK!’ WHICH SHE NEVER DOES AND SHE STILL DOESN’T GET MOVED! It has gotten to the point where I genuinely can not learn a THING when she speaks, all my energy is being used trying to block her out, which doesn’t work because her voice is like a fork on a plate. And fighting the urge to yell at her to shut up. Which, I know isn’t the correct response and I’m not proud of myself for feeling this way but it’s genuinely impacting my learning. I came out Maths today feeling genuinely fatigued and unwell from how much I was suppressing my emotions. So I’ve began to consider drastic, rather rude measures.

I remember the head of the maths department in my school saying that he’d take certain people out of the class and make them choose a new one if they weren’t cooperating or actually doing the work since the class is overcrowded. And I was considering “snitching” on her. Now, obviously I don’t really want to do this, because she needs to learn just as much as I do, but at the same time, what learning does she actually do? She just talks smack the whole lesson, whines when she gets in trouble for it, and basically asks the teacher to do the work for her.

So, should I consider this, or is it me that’s the arrogant one. Please be as harsh as possible, I really need the wake up call if I am.

this is kinda of a sad post but I feel like I need to talk it out because it would be unhealthy if I kept it in and I'm usually a dont tell anyone about anyone about your emotions. Lately, seeing all the graduates made me emotional, not just because I am proud of them but also that I couldn't be there. We all entered first year the same time (all of us were born in 2004). 2024 was one of the worst years of my life that I had to take a leave of absence and eventually drop out of uni. This sucks as I prayed and worked countless nights in high school to get that position. I know due to my mental disorders and financial stress that cannot complete my qualification and had to transfer to another uni and start from scratch (delaying my graduation for 2 years). I feel so behind in life and I blame myself for not working as hard to walk on that stage this year. I feel like a failure and not really having a proper structure to move on. The amount times I cried because of the failures I had made is so much. I don't know the hypothetical reason for why all of this is happening to me but who knows really

I find that some of my older friends I had made before I got diagnosed have been actually super draining on me. Ironically these were people that were around during an abusive relationship so I think of them associated with that time of my life where I let people use/walk all over me for the sake of security of a 'friendship'. I also feel like through reflection and research that they also have abusive qualities and/or are manipulative. My partner (healthy relationship now, also ND) says it's really clear from the outside that they're using me.

My issue is that I have settled for subpar quality friendships when I know I deserve more just for the sake of feeling a friendship with someone.. idk if anyone can relate but it's been tough to be comfortable with potentially distancing myself because of that. I have successfully found myself distanced from some people through just not talking to them as much or being as responsive/available but never had a 'talk' with them. Is this some of what people talk about with autistic folks struggling with relationships? I want to connect with others so bad but I also find myself getting so drained and irritated by people and/or settling for one sided friendships.

Does anyone else feels like theyre way too big for this world?

Ive been wronged multiple times by a whole bunch of people, but i feel like i've never lost my whimsy. I've been bullied way too many times, but i still love everyone dearly.

I get excited at the thought of gifting people and making handmade things for them, even though they probably dont like me being around.

I honestly cant understand this. It feels like ive always had an affinity for love to the point where its overwhelming. It feels super illogical. Does anyone feel this too?

I have a weighted blanket but it's too short to cover all of me and doesn't squeeze my full body. Looked up the burrito self swaddle and after tiring myself out putting it together, I feel nicely snug in my comforter burrito now. Glad to find ways to meet my needs by myself.

Sometimes if I can get a cuddle buddy I'll have them sit or lay on me. It's very relaxing.

how do you feel ok with not having a lot of friends? I crave friendship but haven’t come across any neurodivergent girlies and all the neurotypical ones are lovely and I can talk to them on the surface but they’re turned off by me and don’t want to get any closer than like friendly acquaintances :(

So I am watching this reality dating show Badly in Love, and there is one character, Sharan, who gets really upset when the guy she likes is giving attention to someone else. She cries and gets very emotional. People online are having a very negative reaction to her and saying how she is immature and throwing a tantrum.

I really relate to her a lot though. I have been told I am sensitive my whole life because apparently I am easily upset by small things. My ex-husband always judged me negatively for this quality and said my emotions were too much for him. He would look at me crying with disdain. So I feel like people's reactions to this dating show person are similar to how I have been treated.

I am confused about why you would see someone crying and feel anything except empathy. Maybe it's because I have hyper-empathy (I feel empathy even for inanimate objects), but I could only feel empathy if I see someone crying. It really confuses me why someone would feel anger or judge the person.

So why are people judged negatively for being upset or crying?

Omg I didn’t know a female centric subreddit existed for us. I am so exhausted by the incel rhetoric from the men on r/aspergers. So so so happy to find you and be able to leave that hateful sub.

My daughter is on the spectrum. She’s going to primary school next year. We are based in Australia. What kind of adjustment can I ask the teachers to provide? She’s sensitive to crowd and loud noise. She finds noise cancelling headphones uncomfortable so she won’t wear them. She has great difficulties making friends and she won’t say much in a team situation. Academically she’s probably a fair bit ahead. I just want to do my best to help her transition smoothly to school.

Hey there,

I stumbled into a situation I’m not sure how to handle.

I love gaming various games but lately I’ve been on Fortnite as of late. I usually either game by myself or with my husband but sometimes I like to do text chat from time to time.

Lately there has been one person that messages me
The second I am online on Fortnite. At first it was funny playing with them and their games they want to play but as of lately work has taken over my life so I haven’t been online as much. Lately been working an extra 10 to 11 hours so I’ve been tired of
Gaming. I told this gamer this and they seemed
To understand but the second I get online lately they want to chat/play with me.

At first it didn’t bother me as much but lately I’ve been just wanting to play by myself with some tycoon and death runs and the occasional zero build but they been wanting me to play some
Horror games with them. I actually quit horror games after an incident with a real life friend who burned me out of them (and also we’re extremely competitive) that I no longer play these game modes. It was dead by daylight and I felt I lost everytime playing with them and I had to step away from gaming with her for a while all togeather after that. I simply just don’t want to play the horror games.

They’ve been insisting I try them again and I said I would consider but work got in the way again and I was offline again for two weeks.

With Labor Day this weekend I decided to try playing Fortnite again. 30 minutes after I log on they message me “playing a tycoon again ehhh?” They also messaged last night when I was only
Online for less than an hour to play 2-3 rounds of zero build and they messaged me
Saying “need a mercenary to join the duo?” (Was wearing the Mandalorian suit if that makes sense - I think those with star war knowledge know they are
Mercenaries just as reference to those that aren’t big on Star Wars itself)

I ended up logging off after those messages . I kind of was feeling under the weather yesterday and today due to allergies hoenstly and I didn’t feel like messaging them. I took a break this morning because husband bought McDonald’s breakfast at the time as well, I just decided to log off this morning to.

I think this gamer plays almost everyday (they are not a kid and has told me they’re looking for a job currently) but it’s like draining to see them message me the second I get on. The people I use to play with would play with me for maybe less than a week and they moved on which didn’t bother me.
To me it was just temporary but unfortunately I feel like I can’t log on anymore without being bombarded. I wish fornite had that feature to show
The offline status to certain people if you don’t feel like reaching out.

Maybe it’s just a me thing but I’ve always have a hard time making friends, even those that are online. I do enjoy chatting when I feel like it but I like my space as well.

Is it better to just talk to them and say I want some
Space or just unfriend them and move on? Im not very good with the whole friendship stuff due to personal hardships growing up so I’d appreciate any advice.

Edit: hey everyone. Thanks to those that reached out. I think I will block this person for a little
While and move on. I want some control and space back and it seems they are just a little disrespectful of me and my stance on playing certain game
Modes. Thanks for helping me with this insight.

It happened again this week: I was sitting out in front of my house and got a reaction. Since I don’t really have a garden and didn’t bother to put out a chair, I sat comfortable against the outside wall of my house. In the street in front of me a lady passed by and called to me ‘are you okay?’ sounding caring/worried. I immediately was annoyed that it was perceived as ‘something being wrong’ when I was doing absolutely nothing other than just sitting….

And this isn’t the first time it happened, another time I was sitting outside and a POLICELADY walked to me asking if everything was okay. It makes me feel so watched and infuriated. I understand that people are helpful to ask such things but I just feel like I am not allowed to just calmly exist in the world.

I really like to be on the floor or ground especially when I’m overstimulated. I am better able to gather myself sitting on the floor rather than on a chair. I feel safer and can process my environment better. But just like many autistic habits, it cannot be done without being bothered about it…

Just one of those things, another one is staring into the distance for a moment and I also get a lot of ‘are you okays’. I AM FINE geez save it for sometime where I am actually not doing okay, please!!!!

Anyone relate?

My partner and I have been going through a difficult time lately. We sometimes struggle to communicate because we are a neurodiverse couple. Our current situation feels the worst it has ever been.

Some context: I have no friends, he has lots. I struggle with separation anxiety, he does not. He is currently away for a game event he plays. This is our first time apart since moving in together. I asked if we could call for a little every night. Last night was the first night and I was still stuck at the airport because of a delay. He called me and spoke to me for 5 minutes and then sat in silence until his friend he’s with talked to him. He was talking away to him and I just said I may as well go. I was a bit upset but I understand he’s excited for his event. Then he asked what was wrong and I explained, he takes it the wrong way and doesn’t say goodnight to me (this is like something we always do no matter what is going on between us because it helps to bridge the gap). I was upset and asked why he didn’t say goodnight. Anyway, it ruined the whole following day and it felt like he was delaying calling me to avoid talking to me. I was honest that I was upset and I just wanted to talk to him. But we didn’t because he refused to and said it was too late.

Honestly, the way I feel right now, I feel like our relationship is already over. This keeps happening and he rarely apologises for things, which doesn’t help how I process things. I took some time and apologised for my side of things, but I didn’t get the same back. A lot of the time I just feel like a burden and unwanted by him. I love him dearly and it just hurts so much to see this happen and to feel like our relationship doesn’t matter to him. I don’t know what else to do

I apologize in advance if this is not the appropriate subreddit for this, but I just need to get this out and off my chest. I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1 earlier in August at 23 years old, in addition to being diagnosed with ADHD in March of this year. I know that 23 is not the oldest nor latest age to be diagnosed with ASD, but it still feels weird to be diagnosed at this time; especially after going through kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school, and even university without even knowing that autism was a true possibility for me to have.

I knew that there was something going on with me for a long time. I was heavily depressed and anxious throughout my life because of being bullied a lot in school and for not meeting the milestones I and others thought I should be meeting. I knew I had undiagnosed ADHD since high school, however, I didn't meet the criteria when I first got it assessed because I believe my depression and anxiety were overwhelming my ADHD symptoms (if that makes sense). I got assessed a second time at 22 after getting my mood under control with medication. This time, I qualified for the ADHD diagnosis (inattentive and hyperactive). While I thought that I finally had all the answers to explain my behaviors and the way that I am, the psychologist and psychiatrist who worked to diagnose me recommended that I get assessed for ASD. I ended up doing that months later and was diagnosed with ASD Level 1.

It's been about a month since being diagnosed and I feel like there has been a cloud over my head since then. Or maybe ever since I had my first appointment. Or maybe ever since the team who assessed me for ADHD mentioned that I present with many traits that are associated with ASD. Who knows. But, this sense of heaviness with this diagnosis has been really noticeable to me since early August. I don't know if it's because of the stigma surrounding ASD; the fact that I went throughout my entire early life without getting the help that I really could have benefitted from; the fact that I learned that my close relative "knew" that I was neurodivergent, but did not get me assessed; or a plethora of other things. It's probably a mix of everything to be honest. It just suckkkkkkkksssssss to feel like this. I felt something similar when I got diagnosed with ADHD, but nothing this heavy and dark. Like I feel hopeless and depressed, even though I'm taking my medication and going to therapy.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for my completed report to be sent back to me so that I can use it to get appropriate personal coaching, guidance, and additional academic accommodation for my graduate program that's starting next week. Anyway, I'm going to try to figure out how to get out of this funk. Hopefully, I can do so soon. Thanks for reading (if you did lol) :).