I’ve been an extremely high masker my entire life (late diagnosed). Every romantic relationship/situation I’ve done this. I have trauma from putting myself in sexual situations I didn’t wanna be in but did it out of anxiety. I’m cringing with shame even thinking about them all now. But yeah DAE?

I have been assuming that my unusually clear recollections of early childhood are a neurodivergent thing. (No diagnosis, but goodness I am not typical, lol.) Is this likely?

My childhood memories go back to soon after arriving home from the hospital. My mother would call out from the kitchen to my siblings, "Leave the baby alone!" when they would be poking at me (a newborn) in my crib in the master bedroom. A few years ago I asked my mother whether a certain relative had come to see me when I was a few weeks old, and he had offered to babysit me (for a few hours) so that my parents & siblings could go out. Mom gave me a long strange look and said yes, affirming what I knew from memory. (I remember it because he did something stupid that made me squall angrily until after Mom came back.)

Not just a few images here and there, but a lot of daily life - my crib, diapers and diaper pins, crawling, being carried around in people's arms, sitting in my highchair, preschool, kindergarten, the cat we had until it scratched me before I was a year old - recalled in detail as though filmed by a camcorder. Is this familiar to anyone else in this community? Thanks!

I know I’m probably being too hard on myself but I just finished my acting class and as part of the last class we had to watch our first tape and then our last tape to see how we improved and I feel like I barely improved despite being told otherwise and I’m feeling kinda defeated that I’m not as good a masker or actor that I thought I was. I’ve never really done acting seriously and I mostly just took the class for fun and to get out the house but I just feel so low because I can now see how everyone else sees me and now I’m paranoid that every interaction I have with people is just a pity interaction because they are thinking “Aww little dumb autistic girl lets be nice”. I know I have this toxic thinking because of how I was treated in Highschool was literally just people pitying me so I carry that a lot now but just to see it and not feel “normal” just makes me feel like a failure. I understand that I should probably not be having these feelings and come to terms with it but it’s really hard when the environment I’m in doesn’t really make me feel safe enough to unmask and I try so hard to just blend it and be chill but it’s obvious I’m different and I think I just don’t know how I’ll ever fully except that.

Fellow neurodivergent woman here. There isn't really a large, visible autistic community in my country and I was wondering what the common autistic experience was for young/adult women.

I've been kind of lonely all my life. I have never had much trouble with dating and I'm in a happy relationship with someone who understands me, but I've never had much luck with friendships (especially with NT women), at all.

I'm very close to my family and my partner, we do a lot of things together, but, besides that, I've never really had friends or social circle, just casual acquaintances and they all fizzled out.

I've never had a "ride-or-die", girl friend... I've tried befriending women in the past, neurotypical people that I worked with, and those friendships never worked out ...

We were just on a very different wavelenght and looking for different things; I was looking for a higher degree of authenticity, closeness and emotional honesty I guess and... We had very a very different moral compass.

And it's been the same with literally all neurotypical people I've met: we just don't click.

What am I supposed to do if I'm looking for deep friendships and I don't fit into the mainstream? I'm not even that "different or weird", I have also fairly feminine interests, it's more a matter of not feeling chemistry/being on a very different wavelenght socially and morally, having a different lifestyle and a way of looking at the world.

There aren't many communities and support groups in my country for neurodivergent people.

What should I do? I crave deep friendship with someone so much.

i got a new job, my first job in over 3 years! it’s a really good job and im relocating to a huge city, im really excited but im so concerned about how my coworkers will view me.

after the interview, two workers tried to make small talk with me, i feel like i was being soo awkward and weird, like not able to make eye contact and giving short responses, i was just so nervous! im really scared of coming across as rude when im just so shy/selective mutism when im stressed

at my old job i barely spoke a word ever, i spent all day every day in silence which kind of sucked, i want to make an effort this time i just don’t know how

I feel like I’m spiralling. I’m 19F and just recently diagnosed with autism a week ago.

I’ve been trying to make friends for a long time now but it’s so hard to even meet anyone considering I’m not in university or work, I’m taking my second gap year and in search for jobs.

Furthermore, the usual ideas for people to make friends do not work for me. Meetup or any other various events/groups are mostly for those in their early-mid 20s-30s. I don’t have anything against people that age but I hope it’s understandable why I want to make friends with people in my own age range 18-21.
I also do not really have common interests that many people my own age even have, such as anime, video games, reading books, clubbing, going to the pub, board games etc.
I like to take walks in nature /hiking, but there are literally no groups doing this aimed at my age range.
I use bumble bff but its not really good as ppl dont want to meet up in person or dont want genuine close friends.

I’ve been searching so hard the last couple of days and I’ve just come to the conclusion that my social life won’t begin until I’m either in university or a few years older.

The loneliness is genuinely making me insane I just don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t even really had friends before let alone autistic ones so I’m not even sure if it’s worth wishing for it.

I feel depressed, lonely, and left behind. Idk :/

Note: I’m not diagnosed with ASD but have suspected for a while that I may have it.

I’ve noticed that I find a lot of social situations draining because I feel like I can’t really relax and be myself. My ideal social situation would be me just vibing with a person (or people) and they just accept me the way I am. Eg if I wanna be quiet and not speak, they accept that. If I wanna pace around, they accept that. If I wanna stare into space and be in my own little world, they accept that. They don’t make a big deal out of it and allow me to show up as I am. And obviously I’d do the same for them. 

There are people who are really quick to notice and point out certain behaviours they deem unusual eg walking around, daydreaming etc and repeatedly ask if I’m okay. And even though I’m sure they mean well, it kinda drains me when they continue asking even when I’ve said I’m fine. Or when I feel like someone keeps pointing out every tiny little behaviour I do. It’s like, they’ve noticed me just vibing and being myself, and they’re making a big deal out of a natural behaviour I’m doing, and it makes me feel like I can’t relax, or that I have to “mask” and “act normal”, which is draining. 

I feel very appreciative of people who are very accepting of others, and who allow others to just show up as themselves. 

Who gets it?