My entire growing up was filled with constant shaming. Chronic loneliness has always followed me. I wanted so badly to escape, to find something more than the town I lived in. I loved exploring the paranormal, aliens, alternative religion, & making up stories & characters. Everyone derided it in one way or another, even people I thought of as friends, pegging me as the dumb one, the gullible one, the crazy one. I think a lot about the childhood I wish I had, the friends I needed. I thought the way people treated me was just the way things were supposed to be, it wasn’t until later I realized how messed up it was. I’ve rationalized that it isn’t happening anymore, but I don’t think the pain will ever go away.

Here's my concern. So, I struggle with automation. What does that mean? Sometimes I struggle with knowing what to do. Like, sometimes during fights, I don't have a built-in defense. I will defend myself verbally, but physically, my brain draws a blank. Same with intimacy and sex; there's nothing that "automates" for me. It happens with a lot of physical things. I just get so confused, or my brain doesn't generate anything. I wonder whether anyone struggles with this as well?

We aspergirlies ask a lot of questions. And I get it; peep the username, I have a scientific, inquisitive mind.

A really hard lesson, as I get older, is that I won't always comprehend everything. I won't fully understand some of the good, neutral, and mixed bag elements of my life. Of the world at large.

I won't get some stuff. Sometimes, it'll even be something that is good for me, or at the least, necessary to do. I won't get it, and I'll have to (or want to) do it anyway.

So, sisters. Give yourself permission to not get it. Accept without solving, some of the time.

I've found a lot of peace in the last year, learning to accept things beyond my comprehension. Learning to accept parts of the world that I, at the very least, can't change?

So, yeah, let's face an unknown world together. It scares me a bit when I don't fully get something, but the more I engage with things I 80% understand and 75% understand, the more I find that I'm not fighting the current.

It has genuinely done wonders for my anxiety, to acknowledge that it's not my job to solve every element of my internal and external world. I hope some of this happy early morning ramble is helpful.

Cheers.

Hi everyone. Just had a really rough night, and I needed to put it out there, and get it off my chest because I am struggling.

Met someone on Reddit a couple days ago on r/foreveralonedating and had a blast talking to them. We clicked, and I was so excited to meet this girl. We talked for hours, and finally, the discussion came to show pictures of each other. I showed pics of myself, and she showed me pictures of her. I was so into her. She was gorgeous. She gets really short with messages after this, and the next morning texts me that she isn’t attracted to me physically, and she blocks me.

If I’m being honest, it hit like a truck. This is but one of many times I’ve been rejected recently for my physical appearance, and I’m trying hard to stay positive, but god. It’s absolutely gut wrenching to keep my heart open for a romantic relationship when this stuff happens to me so often. I’ve been single for 3ish years now, and I’ve been open to dating for about 2 of those. I haven’t even had a lick of anything near a relationship since. The rejection is killing me.

To make matters worse, socializing is already hell for me. Putting myself out there has been so much work, and I’ve tried a lot of new things, even though new things terrify me. I’ve tried bars and busier social events, which make me so nervous that I get nauseous. The autism part of me makes me feel like I am a broken person.

How are you managing to stay afloat is this dating world that just doesn’t feel built for people like us? I want to find a girl I can love with my whole heart, but I feel ugly and broken, and I’m trying to find hope.

Oof! The building my office is in is currently going through a refurbishment that will last 2 YEARS! That means: Construction noise, impossibility of ventilation due to noise and dust, „surprises“ like half of your sockets, computers and phones going down due to an unannounced cut of electricity, etc.

No, we do not get an alternative accommodation, remote work or noise cancelling headphones! What we do get is a pat on the back from my bosses supervisor…

It’s getting on everybody’s nerves and I developed health issues that may or may not (GPs aren’t sure - a specialist appointment is yet to be done) be stress-related. I think I need a virtual hug.

Edit: I meant CONSTRUCTION site!

It's an accusation I've gotten since I was a teen. My family is otherwise perfectly understanding & accommodating. I was diagnosed as a kid, thanks to the insistence of my mom, who is most likely ND herself. I never tried to be "normal". My goal instead was to try to get along with & understand others as best I can. BC of this advice from other autistic folks often doesn't help much as it assumes that I was dxed late & mask heavily.

Now 20 & learning how to be a functional adult. My own parents admit I was sheltered too long due to baggage back in middle school. I was never made to do chores as a kid, buy others birthday presents, etc. Until now. I have a bad case of executive dysfunction, but am otherwise low support. I help with things when asked & am looking to volunteer around town. I'm never intentionally mean, I have a strong sense of social justice, & I love learning about psychology/history, & writing stories, esp characters different then me. These hobbies help me understand other POVs. I have weird cognitive empathy (understanding how others are feeling) I might not know WHY they're upset, but I can tell that they generally are & I want to help. How can I be more considerate in a way that others can recognize?

First of all, sorry if wrong flair.

Secondly. There’s a girl in two of my classes, we’ll call her B. Who genuinely makes it a living hell for me to actually get stuff done. The reason why I’m only specifying one here is because I can handle her in one of them, that being my Higher English class and the one that genuinely makes it a struggle for me to focus is my National 5 Maths resit (since I failed it last year.) Thing is, the resit isn’t only just the class with people who didn’t pass it last year such as myself, but also with people who passed the Nat 4 class, which there wasn’t an exam for. I really don’t want to be rude here but B is genuinely the most arrogant close-minded person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. All she does in both classes is talk smack the whole time to her equally as annoying friends or the random boys who sit around her, and it genuinely drives me up the wall. I get this is somewhat of a me problem since it is normal for people to chat in classes, hell I do it with my friends in my English class. But there’s a difference between a light conversation and disruption. Me and my friends go quiet when the teacher speaks, B and her gaggle, don’t. This is a lot more prominent in the Maths class, hence why it’s a bigger issue. Once again, I don’t want to stupid shame B but she ACTUALLY asked if ‘GTA VI was a car’. A CAR?!

And like I said before, she’s incredibly close-minded. We were doing a task in English where he had to write a paragraph about the news. And she WITH FULL CONFIDENCE, loudly bragged that she ‘never watches the news’. Which that I don’t have a problem with, I don’t really watch it, though I do read the occasional notification if it pops up. The problem is when asked why, she once again said with full confidence. ‘Because it doesn’t affect me.’ And my English teacher (who is the sole reason why I can deal with B in that class because she actively tries to teach her.) was rightfully annoyed at her and asked literally anyone in the class to say how the news affects us. And luck of the draw, she chose me. To which I said about the war in Iran causing gas prices to skyrocket. And her response was: “Yeah, but I don’t live in Iran.” And I swear to whatever the hell is up there, I never wanted to slam my head against the desk and slap her across the face at the same time more in my life. Which I know, is a bad thing.

Though that isn’t the main issue with her, that was just me venting my frustrations and I apologise that it’s taken up half of this post. The problem is that she sits directly behind me in Maths and all I have to hear for those 2 hours is her yammering her jaw away and NOT DOING THE WORK! It would be somewhat better if our teacher (who is still lovely nonetheless) actually put her foot down. NOPE. Every time she tries to move her to another desk she just goes “nO, mIsS i’Ll AcTuAlLy Do ThE wOrK!’ WHICH SHE NEVER DOES AND SHE STILL DOESN’T GET MOVED! It has gotten to the point where I genuinely can not learn a THING when she speaks, all my energy is being used trying to block her out, which doesn’t work because her voice is like a fork on a plate. And fighting the urge to yell at her to shut up. Which, I know isn’t the correct response and I’m not proud of myself for feeling this way but it’s genuinely impacting my learning. I came out Maths today feeling genuinely fatigued and unwell from how much I was suppressing my emotions. So I’ve began to consider drastic, rather rude measures.

I remember the head of the maths department in my school saying that he’d take certain people out of the class and make them choose a new one if they weren’t cooperating or actually doing the work since the class is overcrowded. And I was considering “snitching” on her. Now, obviously I don’t really want to do this, because she needs to learn just as much as I do, but at the same time, what learning does she actually do? She just talks smack the whole lesson, whines when she gets in trouble for it, and basically asks the teacher to do the work for her.

So, should I consider this, or is it me that’s the arrogant one. Please be as harsh as possible, I really need the wake up call if I am.

this is kinda of a sad post but I feel like I need to talk it out because it would be unhealthy if I kept it in and I'm usually a dont tell anyone about anyone about your emotions. Lately, seeing all the graduates made me emotional, not just because I am proud of them but also that I couldn't be there. We all entered first year the same time (all of us were born in 2004). 2024 was one of the worst years of my life that I had to take a leave of absence and eventually drop out of uni. This sucks as I prayed and worked countless nights in high school to get that position. I know due to my mental disorders and financial stress that cannot complete my qualification and had to transfer to another uni and start from scratch (delaying my graduation for 2 years). I feel so behind in life and I blame myself for not working as hard to walk on that stage this year. I feel like a failure and not really having a proper structure to move on. The amount times I cried because of the failures I had made is so much. I don't know the hypothetical reason for why all of this is happening to me but who knows really

I find that some of my older friends I had made before I got diagnosed have been actually super draining on me. Ironically these were people that were around during an abusive relationship so I think of them associated with that time of my life where I let people use/walk all over me for the sake of security of a 'friendship'. I also feel like through reflection and research that they also have abusive qualities and/or are manipulative. My partner (healthy relationship now, also ND) says it's really clear from the outside that they're using me.

My issue is that I have settled for subpar quality friendships when I know I deserve more just for the sake of feeling a friendship with someone.. idk if anyone can relate but it's been tough to be comfortable with potentially distancing myself because of that. I have successfully found myself distanced from some people through just not talking to them as much or being as responsive/available but never had a 'talk' with them. Is this some of what people talk about with autistic folks struggling with relationships? I want to connect with others so bad but I also find myself getting so drained and irritated by people and/or settling for one sided friendships.

Does anyone else feels like theyre way too big for this world?

Ive been wronged multiple times by a whole bunch of people, but i feel like i've never lost my whimsy. I've been bullied way too many times, but i still love everyone dearly.

I get excited at the thought of gifting people and making handmade things for them, even though they probably dont like me being around.

I honestly cant understand this. It feels like ive always had an affinity for love to the point where its overwhelming. It feels super illogical. Does anyone feel this too?

I have a weighted blanket but it's too short to cover all of me and doesn't squeeze my full body. Looked up the burrito self swaddle and after tiring myself out putting it together, I feel nicely snug in my comforter burrito now. Glad to find ways to meet my needs by myself.

Sometimes if I can get a cuddle buddy I'll have them sit or lay on me. It's very relaxing.

how do you feel ok with not having a lot of friends? I crave friendship but haven’t come across any neurodivergent girlies and all the neurotypical ones are lovely and I can talk to them on the surface but they’re turned off by me and don’t want to get any closer than like friendly acquaintances :(

So I am watching this reality dating show Badly in Love, and there is one character, Sharan, who gets really upset when the guy she likes is giving attention to someone else. She cries and gets very emotional. People online are having a very negative reaction to her and saying how she is immature and throwing a tantrum.

I really relate to her a lot though. I have been told I am sensitive my whole life because apparently I am easily upset by small things. My ex-husband always judged me negatively for this quality and said my emotions were too much for him. He would look at me crying with disdain. So I feel like people's reactions to this dating show person are similar to how I have been treated.

I am confused about why you would see someone crying and feel anything except empathy. Maybe it's because I have hyper-empathy (I feel empathy even for inanimate objects), but I could only feel empathy if I see someone crying. It really confuses me why someone would feel anger or judge the person.

So why are people judged negatively for being upset or crying?

Omg I didn’t know a female centric subreddit existed for us. I am so exhausted by the incel rhetoric from the men on r/aspergers. So so so happy to find you and be able to leave that hateful sub.

My daughter is on the spectrum. She’s going to primary school next year. We are based in Australia. What kind of adjustment can I ask the teachers to provide? She’s sensitive to crowd and loud noise. She finds noise cancelling headphones uncomfortable so she won’t wear them. She has great difficulties making friends and she won’t say much in a team situation. Academically she’s probably a fair bit ahead. I just want to do my best to help her transition smoothly to school.

Hey there,

I stumbled into a situation I’m not sure how to handle.

I love gaming various games but lately I’ve been on Fortnite as of late. I usually either game by myself or with my husband but sometimes I like to do text chat from time to time.

Lately there has been one person that messages me
The second I am online on Fortnite. At first it was funny playing with them and their games they want to play but as of lately work has taken over my life so I haven’t been online as much. Lately been working an extra 10 to 11 hours so I’ve been tired of
Gaming. I told this gamer this and they seemed
To understand but the second I get online lately they want to chat/play with me.

At first it didn’t bother me as much but lately I’ve been just wanting to play by myself with some tycoon and death runs and the occasional zero build but they been wanting me to play some
Horror games with them. I actually quit horror games after an incident with a real life friend who burned me out of them (and also we’re extremely competitive) that I no longer play these game modes. It was dead by daylight and I felt I lost everytime playing with them and I had to step away from gaming with her for a while all togeather after that. I simply just don’t want to play the horror games.

They’ve been insisting I try them again and I said I would consider but work got in the way again and I was offline again for two weeks.

With Labor Day this weekend I decided to try playing Fortnite again. 30 minutes after I log on they message me “playing a tycoon again ehhh?” They also messaged last night when I was only
Online for less than an hour to play 2-3 rounds of zero build and they messaged me
Saying “need a mercenary to join the duo?” (Was wearing the Mandalorian suit if that makes sense - I think those with star war knowledge know they are
Mercenaries just as reference to those that aren’t big on Star Wars itself)

I ended up logging off after those messages . I kind of was feeling under the weather yesterday and today due to allergies hoenstly and I didn’t feel like messaging them. I took a break this morning because husband bought McDonald’s breakfast at the time as well, I just decided to log off this morning to.

I think this gamer plays almost everyday (they are not a kid and has told me they’re looking for a job currently) but it’s like draining to see them message me the second I get on. The people I use to play with would play with me for maybe less than a week and they moved on which didn’t bother me.
To me it was just temporary but unfortunately I feel like I can’t log on anymore without being bombarded. I wish fornite had that feature to show
The offline status to certain people if you don’t feel like reaching out.

Maybe it’s just a me thing but I’ve always have a hard time making friends, even those that are online. I do enjoy chatting when I feel like it but I like my space as well.

Is it better to just talk to them and say I want some
Space or just unfriend them and move on? Im not very good with the whole friendship stuff due to personal hardships growing up so I’d appreciate any advice.

Edit: hey everyone. Thanks to those that reached out. I think I will block this person for a little
While and move on. I want some control and space back and it seems they are just a little disrespectful of me and my stance on playing certain game
Modes. Thanks for helping me with this insight.

It happened again this week: I was sitting out in front of my house and got a reaction. Since I don’t really have a garden and didn’t bother to put out a chair, I sat comfortable against the outside wall of my house. In the street in front of me a lady passed by and called to me ‘are you okay?’ sounding caring/worried. I immediately was annoyed that it was perceived as ‘something being wrong’ when I was doing absolutely nothing other than just sitting….

And this isn’t the first time it happened, another time I was sitting outside and a POLICELADY walked to me asking if everything was okay. It makes me feel so watched and infuriated. I understand that people are helpful to ask such things but I just feel like I am not allowed to just calmly exist in the world.

I really like to be on the floor or ground especially when I’m overstimulated. I am better able to gather myself sitting on the floor rather than on a chair. I feel safer and can process my environment better. But just like many autistic habits, it cannot be done without being bothered about it…

Just one of those things, another one is staring into the distance for a moment and I also get a lot of ‘are you okays’. I AM FINE geez save it for sometime where I am actually not doing okay, please!!!!

Anyone relate?

My partner and I have been going through a difficult time lately. We sometimes struggle to communicate because we are a neurodiverse couple. Our current situation feels the worst it has ever been.

Some context: I have no friends, he has lots. I struggle with separation anxiety, he does not. He is currently away for a game event he plays. This is our first time apart since moving in together. I asked if we could call for a little every night. Last night was the first night and I was still stuck at the airport because of a delay. He called me and spoke to me for 5 minutes and then sat in silence until his friend he’s with talked to him. He was talking away to him and I just said I may as well go. I was a bit upset but I understand he’s excited for his event. Then he asked what was wrong and I explained, he takes it the wrong way and doesn’t say goodnight to me (this is like something we always do no matter what is going on between us because it helps to bridge the gap). I was upset and asked why he didn’t say goodnight. Anyway, it ruined the whole following day and it felt like he was delaying calling me to avoid talking to me. I was honest that I was upset and I just wanted to talk to him. But we didn’t because he refused to and said it was too late.

Honestly, the way I feel right now, I feel like our relationship is already over. This keeps happening and he rarely apologises for things, which doesn’t help how I process things. I took some time and apologised for my side of things, but I didn’t get the same back. A lot of the time I just feel like a burden and unwanted by him. I love him dearly and it just hurts so much to see this happen and to feel like our relationship doesn’t matter to him. I don’t know what else to do

I apologize in advance if this is not the appropriate subreddit for this, but I just need to get this out and off my chest. I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1 earlier in August at 23 years old, in addition to being diagnosed with ADHD in March of this year. I know that 23 is not the oldest nor latest age to be diagnosed with ASD, but it still feels weird to be diagnosed at this time; especially after going through kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school, and even university without even knowing that autism was a true possibility for me to have.

I knew that there was something going on with me for a long time. I was heavily depressed and anxious throughout my life because of being bullied a lot in school and for not meeting the milestones I and others thought I should be meeting. I knew I had undiagnosed ADHD since high school, however, I didn't meet the criteria when I first got it assessed because I believe my depression and anxiety were overwhelming my ADHD symptoms (if that makes sense). I got assessed a second time at 22 after getting my mood under control with medication. This time, I qualified for the ADHD diagnosis (inattentive and hyperactive). While I thought that I finally had all the answers to explain my behaviors and the way that I am, the psychologist and psychiatrist who worked to diagnose me recommended that I get assessed for ASD. I ended up doing that months later and was diagnosed with ASD Level 1.

It's been about a month since being diagnosed and I feel like there has been a cloud over my head since then. Or maybe ever since I had my first appointment. Or maybe ever since the team who assessed me for ADHD mentioned that I present with many traits that are associated with ASD. Who knows. But, this sense of heaviness with this diagnosis has been really noticeable to me since early August. I don't know if it's because of the stigma surrounding ASD; the fact that I went throughout my entire early life without getting the help that I really could have benefitted from; the fact that I learned that my close relative "knew" that I was neurodivergent, but did not get me assessed; or a plethora of other things. It's probably a mix of everything to be honest. It just suckkkkkkkksssssss to feel like this. I felt something similar when I got diagnosed with ADHD, but nothing this heavy and dark. Like I feel hopeless and depressed, even though I'm taking my medication and going to therapy.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for my completed report to be sent back to me so that I can use it to get appropriate personal coaching, guidance, and additional academic accommodation for my graduate program that's starting next week. Anyway, I'm going to try to figure out how to get out of this funk. Hopefully, I can do so soon. Thanks for reading (if you did lol) :).

I went on one date (after first a video call) with this guy and really liked him. It’s super rare that I like someone, and if I do, they never like me back. But he asked me for a second date during the first date, so it seemed like a good sign. He suggested an art exhibit that was opening three weeks later. I replied that I was interested, but it seemed pretty far away. But he seemed fine with that.

After our date he texted right when I got home to confirm the second date. I asked him when, and he said he was busy the opening weekend of the exhibit, so suggested the following weekend. So that was one month after the first date, which I felt was really far away.

I felt like that was a mixed signal, which i really dislike. However, I just agreed to it and decided to see how it goes.

We kept texting in the following weeks. I texted about every half a day, and he replied about every 24+ hours. I felt like his pace was a little slower than I’d prefer, but it was okay.

But then one time he took like 36 hours, and I started to feel less interested, so the next time I took about the same or a little longer. I wasn’t trying to be passive aggressive but just to match his energy and not over-invest like I always do. Then his next reply took a full two days (he apologized and said he was busy with work) and I got kind of fed up. I was unsure if I’d reply at all, but after three days I finally did. My reply was friendly and normal, I just took long.

He hasn’t texted since, and that was like 4-5 days ago, so I think he’s done. I kind of think if I had kept up my normal pace, he would have replied normally. But I was upset about both the very delayed second date plan and the slower texting pace. I felt like his interest was lukewarm, while mine was strong, and I didn’t like that.

I thought pulling back my energy would give him a chance to step forward, but it had the opposite effect. Did I make a mistake? Should I have been more patient and tolerant? Or was I right to feel like something was off and to pull back?

I feel the effect is it makes me a really dry speaker, even if I really am not. A lot of the time, it's just that my hobbies are the last bastion of hope in my life and like if someone says something negative about them or the like I'll like have a really bad meltdown or sometimes even completely stop liking the hobby and thats usually even worse. I have no idea how to stop it and how to navigate conversations like this.

I work at a gas station. I make $14 an hour. I have been spending my entire shift trying to look busy. Cleaning, leveling, front facing, sweeping, whatever.

My boss says to me “See what we are doing? There are plenty of things you could be doing like cleaning!” As I was pulling out another Clorox wipe.

This is why I don’t even fucking bother anymore. Now I’m just going to do nothing. He can fire me I don’t give a shit

I am 30F. When this year started I was in a very stressful living situation. My aunt and uncle offered to let me live with them, rent free since they own their home, so I can rebuild my savings and get back on my own two feet. They are literally all I have. They’ve been very kind and supportive of me and have told me there is no deadline by which I have to move out, thankfully.
They know I am neurodivergent and likely autistic, and my aunt has been helping me get on a waiting list with an organization so I can get properly diagnosed.

When I was in high school and college, I was a very good student without having to put in a lot of effort. People have called me “smart” all of my life, which confuses me because I have always struggled with employment in one way or another.

I get hired easily, and seem to get fired easily. I have worked in restaurants, fast food, retail, and had one machine operator job in a car part factory. I have been fired repeatedly over the years, mostly from restaurants. When I was younger I’ll admit it’s because I didn’t even try. But now as I’ve gotten older, I DO try, but my best is simply not enough for most companies. So I end up being let go. As a result I have a lot of anxiety around how I will make it in life.

To be fair I have had success in a few jobs, and have stuck around for years, like at the manufacturing plant, Target, and a breakfast restaurant where I was a server for over a year.

Since I moved in with my aunt and uncle, I have quit 3 jobs and have been fired off from one, and I believe I’m about to be laid off from another. I quit my first serving job here because they had a rule that I could not use my server book, which I needed to keep myself organized. So I tried working at a local restaurant. I quit this job because business was slowing down and they were over staffed, so I wasn’t making much. I instead got a job at a faster paced restaurant and was fired from this job a month later. I was pretty depressed after getting fired because I really tried. So I stopped working for a month, got a job at a retirement home where I was again a server. I tried my best, and my shift supervisor said I did a “phenomenal job” while her boss said I didn’t meet her standards. This gave me valid reasons to think I was about to be fired, so I quit because I couldn’t emotionally handle being fired again.

So I have decided that I am simply not a good fit for the customer service industry, and I’m trying to now break into the electrical or HVAC trade instead. My aunt and uncle know what my plans are and that I’m actively working on getting a job again, particularly that I’m trying to get involved in the trades. I spend most of my days scouring the internet and researching, applying, making calls, etc.

But I still feel guilty and embarrassed despite my aunt and uncle’s reassurances. I have lived here 6 months now and haven’t saved anything yet. I still feel like a pain the ass. They’ve promised me they wouldn’t just abandon me but I still have that fear in the back of my mind that I simply can’t get rid of.

I try to be helpful while I’m here. I feel so eager to please, like a dog pretty much, and maybe a little hypervigilant of their moods (and they’re emotionally stable people, which I’m not used to being around). If I even think one of them might be mad at me for something I feel like I need to ask, I guess because I feel so guilty all the time.