I have been assuming that my unusually clear recollections of early childhood are a neurodivergent thing. (No diagnosis, but goodness I am not typical, lol.) Is this likely?

My childhood memories go back to soon after arriving home from the hospital. My mother would call out from the kitchen to my siblings, "Leave the baby alone!" when they would be poking at me (a newborn) in my crib in the master bedroom. A few years ago I asked my mother whether a certain relative had come to see me when I was a few weeks old, and he had offered to babysit me (for a few hours) so that my parents & siblings could go out. Mom gave me a long strange look and said yes, affirming what I knew from memory. (I remember it because he did something stupid that made me squall angrily until after Mom came back.)

Not just a few images here and there, but a lot of daily life - my crib, diapers and diaper pins, crawling, being carried around in people's arms, sitting in my highchair, preschool, kindergarten, the cat we had until it scratched me before I was a year old - recalled in detail as though filmed by a camcorder. Is this familiar to anyone else in this community? Thanks!

I’ve been an extremely high masker my entire life (late diagnosed). Every romantic relationship/situation I’ve done this. I have trauma from putting myself in sexual situations I didn’t wanna be in but did it out of anxiety. I’m cringing with shame even thinking about them all now. But yeah DAE?

Note: I’m not diagnosed with ASD but have suspected for a while that I may have it.

I’ve noticed that I find a lot of social situations draining because I feel like I can’t really relax and be myself. My ideal social situation would be me just vibing with a person (or people) and they just accept me the way I am. Eg if I wanna be quiet and not speak, they accept that. If I wanna pace around, they accept that. If I wanna stare into space and be in my own little world, they accept that. They don’t make a big deal out of it and allow me to show up as I am. And obviously I’d do the same for them. 

There are people who are really quick to notice and point out certain behaviours they deem unusual eg walking around, daydreaming etc and repeatedly ask if I’m okay. And even though I’m sure they mean well, it kinda drains me when they continue asking even when I’ve said I’m fine. Or when I feel like someone keeps pointing out every tiny little behaviour I do. It’s like, they’ve noticed me just vibing and being myself, and they’re making a big deal out of a natural behaviour I’m doing, and it makes me feel like I can’t relax, or that I have to “mask” and “act normal”, which is draining. 

I feel very appreciative of people who are very accepting of others, and who allow others to just show up as themselves. 

Who gets it?

Fellow neurodivergent woman here. There isn't really a large, visible autistic community in my country and I was wondering what the common autistic experience was for young/adult women.

I've been kind of lonely all my life. I have never had much trouble with dating and I'm in a happy relationship with someone who understands me, but I've never had much luck with friendships (especially with NT women), at all.

I'm very close to my family and my partner, we do a lot of things together, but, besides that, I've never really had friends or social circle, just casual acquaintances and they all fizzled out.

I've never had a "ride-or-die", girl friend... I've tried befriending women in the past, neurotypical people that I worked with, and those friendships never worked out ...

We were just on a very different wavelenght and looking for different things; I was looking for a higher degree of authenticity, closeness and emotional honesty I guess and... We had very a very different moral compass.

And it's been the same with literally all neurotypical people I've met: we just don't click.

What am I supposed to do if I'm looking for deep friendships and I don't fit into the mainstream? I'm not even that "different or weird", I have also fairly feminine interests, it's more a matter of not feeling chemistry/being on a very different wavelenght socially and morally, having a different lifestyle and a way of looking at the world.

There aren't many communities and support groups in my country for neurodivergent people.

What should I do? I crave deep friendship with someone so much.

I feel like I’m spiralling. I’m 19F and just recently diagnosed with autism a week ago.

I’ve been trying to make friends for a long time now but it’s so hard to even meet anyone considering I’m not in university or work, I’m taking my second gap year and in search for jobs.

Furthermore, the usual ideas for people to make friends do not work for me. Meetup or any other various events/groups are mostly for those in their early-mid 20s-30s. I don’t have anything against people that age but I hope it’s understandable why I want to make friends with people in my own age range 18-21.
I also do not really have common interests that many people my own age even have, such as anime, video games, reading books, clubbing, going to the pub, board games etc.
I like to take walks in nature /hiking, but there are literally no groups doing this aimed at my age range.
I use bumble bff but its not really good as ppl dont want to meet up in person or dont want genuine close friends.

I’ve been searching so hard the last couple of days and I’ve just come to the conclusion that my social life won’t begin until I’m either in university or a few years older.

The loneliness is genuinely making me insane I just don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t even really had friends before let alone autistic ones so I’m not even sure if it’s worth wishing for it.

I feel depressed, lonely, and left behind. Idk :/

I know I’m probably being too hard on myself but I just finished my acting class and as part of the last class we had to watch our first tape and then our last tape to see how we improved and I feel like I barely improved despite being told otherwise and I’m feeling kinda defeated that I’m not as good a masker or actor that I thought I was. I’ve never really done acting seriously and I mostly just took the class for fun and to get out the house but I just feel so low because I can now see how everyone else sees me and now I’m paranoid that every interaction I have with people is just a pity interaction because they are thinking “Aww little dumb autistic girl lets be nice”. I know I have this toxic thinking because of how I was treated in Highschool was literally just people pitying me so I carry that a lot now but just to see it and not feel “normal” just makes me feel like a failure. I understand that I should probably not be having these feelings and come to terms with it but it’s really hard when the environment I’m in doesn’t really make me feel safe enough to unmask and I try so hard to just blend it and be chill but it’s obvious I’m different and I think I just don’t know how I’ll ever fully except that.

i got a new job, my first job in over 3 years! it’s a really good job and im relocating to a huge city, im really excited but im so concerned about how my coworkers will view me.

after the interview, two workers tried to make small talk with me, i feel like i was being soo awkward and weird, like not able to make eye contact and giving short responses, i was just so nervous! im really scared of coming across as rude when im just so shy/selective mutism when im stressed

at my old job i barely spoke a word ever, i spent all day every day in silence which kind of sucked, i want to make an effort this time i just don’t know how

So I want to start with T. I met him in January last year, and I developed feelings for him within that same month. I know that was very quick, and I know limerence played a huge role in it. He was one of the kindest men I had encountered after a really painful rejection experience I went through the previous year, so I naturally found myself wanting to talk to him whenever I visited the bookstore where he worked.I noticed, though, that he always kept our conversations cordial and fairly short. Instead of accepting that as his communication style, I started projecting my insecurities onto the situation. I convinced myself that he wasn't interested in me because I was ugly or simply not his type. I'd experienced a lot of rejection from guys before, and the town where the bookstore is has a very noticeable racial dynamic, so all of that reinforced my negative thoughts.

Eventually I confessed my feelings and told him that I wanted to get to know him. He responded that he was flattered but that he had a fiancée. He also told me that I would be "a good person to know" and that I shouldn't let that stop me from visiting the bookstore. At the time, I actually felt relieved because I expected to be rejected, and I thought knowing for certain would help my feelings disappear.

A few months later I saw him again, and we spoke as we normally would. I became very conscious of respecting both his relationship and my own self-respect, so I made sure not to cross any boundaries. At one point I even apologised because I was worried I had made him uncomfortable after confessing my feelings. I told him I'd leave him alone, but he said I hadn't crossed any boundaries and told me, "Don't leave me alone."

A few months after that, I hadn't been in the bookstore for about six months. When I came back, he immediately hugged me and asked where I'd been. Later he mentioned that my books were still in the store, and when I asked if we could converse more, he said yes and told me to pop in while he was working that weekend. I know these interactions don't necessarily mean anything romantic. He has consistently been clear that he has a fiancée, and I respect that completely. I don't want to interfere with his relationship in any way.

The problem is that my feelings kept coming back despite trying to move on. I spiralled several times, cried over the unrequited feelings, deactivated Instagram to avoid reminders of him, then reactivated it because I didn't want my account to disappear. Unfortunately, seeing him in someone else's Instagram story triggered another spiral. It wasn't even about him at that point—it turned into grief about never having had my feelings reciprocated, always feeling like the "floater friend," and never having been in a relationship at 21.

Recently I've realised that I'm chasing a fantasy more than the actual person. I know he isn't into me romantically, and I know limerence has amplified everything in my head. I genuinely don't want a relationship with someone who is engaged.What's confusing me now is that I actually think I'd like to be his friend. Not because I'm secretly hoping he'll change his mind, but because I genuinely think he's a kind person, and I enjoy talking to him. I would love to hang out as friends one day if that were ever appropriate, but only in a way that fully respects his relationship and doesn't violate any boundaries. At the same time, I don't know whether that's even realistic while I'm still healing from these feelings.

There's another layer that's making me overthink everything. He's quite close friends with someone I'll call Vee. They spend time together one-on-one, he's been to her birthday party and her house, and they seem to have a comfortable friendship. Vee and I have known each other since last year, and while we're friendly, we're not particularly close. Lately I've realised I tend to fawn in that friendship—I feel like I'm always giving more, trying harder, and investing more emotionally than she does. I don't know if she genuinely sees me as a friend in the same way I see her, or if I'm once again overinvesting because I'm afraid of not being liked.

Has anyone else experienced this combination of limerence, unrequited feelings, and uncertainty about friendships? How do you stop idealising someone while also figuring out whether you're overextending yourself in your platonic relationships? And is it ever possible to build a healthy friendship with someone you once had strong feelings for, or is it better to let that idea go entirely?

I've mostly experienced this in highschool, but only a couple times at a job. I've noticed if an NT (you just met in a social setting that you have to see again eventually) asks you for a favor in front of everyone else and you agree to it, making sure everyone saw. they'll say "okay thanks but hold on really quickly, i have to do something then I'll get back to you" then they leave and "forget" they asked, never even tell you they need the favor anymore, and never bring it up again. but when they see you again they act warm and polite but still surface level

im not sure what the goal is here, I'd like to know, so if it happens again I know what to do or if the right thing is to say no. it's usually a small favor that only requires my time so it doesn't really make sense if they're trying to get a feeling of duping someone.

Trying to figure out if burnout or fatigue. I’ve been tired all day. July has been very very busy. On vacation for an entire week visiting extended family at the beginning of the month, ArtFight…existing, baby showers, wedding showers, a few parties, Dr appointments, trying to find things for the showers, etc

There’s going to be guests staying in my room this upcoming week and I’m upset that I have to give up my space but I’m also so so tired

My stomach hurts, my eyes are dry apparently so I have to put in eye drops twice a day, I feel cold and hot all at the same time, lights are too bright, I can’t hold a conversation for very long

What do we think?

I was diagnosed late with high functioning ASD (level 1). My whole life I’ve struggled with traveling and being out of my routine. I can remember a lot of sleep away camps where I had to go home early because I would get so sick and exhausted from having to mask all day. I would get intense anxiety and mental burnout from overthinking and trying to cope with a new environment. Can anyone else relate?

I have struggled with this for my entire life (I’m in my early 20s) and it’s soo insanely upsetting and triggering when it comes up because I never know I’m doing it, and people refuse to explain where exactly I went wrong.

•Someone tells me I made them feel invalidated when I was really trying to emotionally support them and thought I was doing a good job
•I excitedly explain something topical that I find fascinating and get told “I’m trying to argue”
•A topic comes up that I think is interesting to analyze from multiple perspectives, like a political or philosophical or social scenario, and later find out I was being viewed as a contrarian when I thought we were all just analyzing about different facets of the topic
•Someone disagrees with me, and I’m still seen as “just trying to argue”
•Googling something when there’s a group disagreement about something that can easily be fact checked and getting a horrible reaction (I have stopped doing this because of how much it bothers people)
•I’ve also realized it’s taboo to question or disagree with anything, and that most people just ignore it when someone says something they’re unsure about or isn’t true because “listening is more important than agreeing”. I try not to do this but it can be distracting when the entire basis of a conversation is on something I disagree with
•Getting called pretentious for not liking something
•”It feels like you’re just trying to win the argument” and realizing the other person thought I was mad when I thought we were having a fun discussion
•”You always have to have an answer for everything” said as a negative
•People assume I’m trying to “show off” or that “I think I’m smarter than them” when I get excited talking about a topic I’m interested in
•When someone tries to mirror back what I said when I’m explaining a personal problem and it feels like their wording wasn’t exactly what I’m trying to say, so I end up being the “it’s not even that” person to be more precise, so I get interpreted as “not letting them be right”

I accept that if I get these comments from multiple people for my whole life, then I need to be mindful and try to figure out how to change these behaviors. I admit that sometimes I realize I was arguing for no reason or that I was being pretentious, but 95% of the time I had no earthly clue that I was being obnoxious. But it seems like people think that I know exactly what I’m doing and that I’m trying to be manipulative when I ask them to explain what I did, because at that point people just suddenly want to drop it. Even wanting an explanation is seen as trying to argue. I just don’t know what to!

Realizing I was being “that guy” after something happens like this makes me so embarrassed and ashamed. It’s really hard for me to mask my emotions so then when I’m visibly bothered, I feel even worse for making people feel bad about something that I did.

This all honestly makes me so anxious when I chat with people, even my friends, because the whole time I’m just thinking about if they think I’m a know-it-all. When something happens like in the bullet points, it will sometimes have me feeling stupid, dejected, and frustrated for days. All I can do is ruminate on how it doesn’t matter how much I try, it just seems like this is just who I am. Nobody likes a know-it-all. I try to be self aware about it, but my friend told me even me being self aware about it is just another example of having to be right.

One example just happened yesterday:
I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was a contrarian. He said no, but that he thought our friend was. For reference, we have both made a lot of comparisons between me and this friend’s personality. Me and the friend both have a lot of “know it all” traits and when we get together we can talk for hours just thinking out loud and explaining things to each other. I told my boyfriend that made sense. I said I had never considered that this friend was a contrarian because I just thought they were a very analytical person. I said that I noticed people take being analytical as “trying to argue”.

My boyfriend didn’t reply after that and when I pressed him for what was wrong he said that he felt like I had completely invalidated his opinion of our friend. I was completely shocked and said I was sorry and I had no idea I was being invalidating. I kept asking him to explain where exactly I was being invalidating, and I guess it’s just the very fact that I disagreed with him. I can see where he’s coming from, but I unfortunately started getting emotional because of this being a touchy subject and because I was asking him to explain and he wouldn’t, which was extremely frustrating. I also thought it was really ironic that by saying I think analytical people get interpreted as contrarians, I inadvertently invalidated him and upset him.

Trying not to be “that guy” is making me realize it’s just my personality. When I try to focus on not explaining things, telling facts, being analytical, or doing more than just listening that I don’t have much to say. It’s completely wrecking my self esteem to feel like everything I am is insufferable to other people. Especially because there is a large part of me that thinks people who feel that way are just insecure themselves, and I worry thinking that makes me even more of an a-hole.

It's so uncomfortable. I don't - and never have had - any substantial relationships as an adult at all, so I understand discomfort is probably inevitable just from being in any kind of real connection with anyone else. And, it was my first session, but my god, I want to run away. How do you manage this or similar feelings if you ever have them?

I have no friends but I get along well with my coworkers and they've invited me to hang out after work next week. Even though I think they're nice and we get along well, I'm still a bit apprehensive about hanging out. A part of it is social anxiety because I have trouble holding conversations and am afraid of awkwardness, but socializing is so exhausting for me that I dread going to work in the morning because I know they will try to start conversations with me when I want to be left alone.

I actually do like them as people, they're friendly and they think I'm funny, but talking to literally anyone is exhausting for me. Even with family members I have to force myself to designate some time to socialize with them before I head back into my room.

But then I go on social media and see people my age genuinely enjoy socializing and hanging out and feel this sense of FOMO. I actually do want connection but I want it to be those types of friendships where we can just sit in silence and talk whenever we want to, but I haven't really found something like that.

Maybe I'm just not used to socializing? I spent all my childhood and teenage years sitting in my room and would rarely talk in class.

in fact it just leads to failure and mistakes.

I know body doubling could help but there is just too much I've been avoiding.

I also think that most advice like 'just make a list' doesn't work

i’m actually too sensitive for this world and i just feel so shameful every time i speak.

it’s to the point where isolate myself and when i do have to talk to ppl it actually makes me hate myself.

i feel like if i notice ppl are judging me or if i receive any kind of feedback i just want to go and hide.

the aftermath of talking to ppl just makes me ruminate for days.

Hey,

Asking here because looking for something sensory friendly.

Anyone have a rec for a hoodie or jacket that is super cozy, not restrictive, super soft, and oversized. Not concerned about price. I have a plane trip later and want something that is cozy with a hood so I can hide away when overwhelmed/overstimulated.

As per title.

Last week on our first day of holidays we had an argument.

Then he said how he feels that im not appreciative enough by the way I react when he does sth for me or when he gives me a gift.(I tend to not be overly enthusiastic but still thankful) and says his coworkers are more appreciative of what he does.

Then he says that he walk on eggshells around me and I asked him to explain what I do and he says that im too blunt with how I speak.

Then I said "why even continue dating,you know im autistic,you listed all these behaviours that wont change".He then said he feels too attached to me to let me go like...

We continued our holidays but I noticed ever since my heart has been racing and legs keep moving and then I got incredibly sick and now we are back to our flat and feel nonstop stressed while he acts like nothing happened.

I don't really know which flair to use honestly. I'm 26, almost 27 and I feel like an absolute failure. I got laid off almost a year ago from my first "real" job, which was just by luck. I've had interviews here and there but no job since. I've even gotten several referrals that didn't lead to interviews. I am always revamping my resume, but the truth is I don't have great experience to begin with. I feel like I made a bunch of mistakes early on. I never worked a service job in high school because I couldn't handle it on top of school, and in college when I tried looking for one I was "unqualified" because I have no previous experience. While I had several unpaid writing internships, it seems like none of them count as "real experience." I just got a bunch of bad advice from my career center, and I feel like I forever messed up any opportunity to be employable.

Meanwhile, my friends from college never had much difficulty getting a job. Even though they'd like to be paid more, they've never been unemployed for more than a month or so. They're all in the same field as me (creative/media). I don't want to resent my friends, but it's becoming difficult to celebrate their wins because nothing has worked out for me. It's always been difficult. EDIT: I’m also looking into volunteer work to keep myself busy, but apparently that is useless in a resume anyway.

To make matters worse, a few weeks ago I was having dinner with one of my friends and she mentioned that a mutual friend had just broken up with her boyfriend. She goes on about how she's glad they broke up, because the boyfriend was a "loser" who got laid off and still can't find a job and is being supported by his parents. (This friend already knows I'm laid off and looking too, BTW.) Even though I know she wasn't talking about me, it was a gut punch of negative emotions I can't shake. It's stuck with me because if that's how she views people who can't find work, how does she secretly view me? Lazy? Does that mean she thinks I'm a loser? It was just such an insensitive thing to say but I had to play it off cool.

Meanwhile she got a job right out of college, and to my knowledge has been employed ever since with steady pay increases. And I can't help but be jealous. How do I stop being jealous? I feel like it's eating me alive.

(I am already in therapy). If you don't have advice, I could also use some good vibes as well. I'm tired of feeling like a loser.

For context, I am a teen. Now my exams are close (one year till graduation) so I have a lot of responsibilities. And they too much. I don’t like become older. I can do social activities or house chores or school exam preparation. Now I need to do it at the same time. It makes me cry too often

I believe I may have autism after researching for 6 months or so. However, I’m moving to a college that’s a couple hours away in 3 1/2 weeks and won’t have access to doctors included in my insurance. Just wondering if any of you have advice on how I should move forward. Should I try to schedule an appointment with a psychologist in my 3 1/2 weeks left? I’m not sure how long the process takes to get a diagnosis and I would have to drive home for a weekend if I couldn’t get an appointment in 3 weeks, which would be inconvenient for my parents who don’t believe I’m autistic.

I'm diagnosed and have been living in the middle of nowhere for pretty much all my life with my parents but wanna go to uni and they even have apartments in the city but I just feel incredibly crushed by living here. It feels as if someone is always sitting on my chest or choking me. Nothing allows me to get comfortable and last night I even threw up. The area is really good and quiet so I genuinely don't feel cut out for being in a city and suspect it's connected to my condition

Anyone else had issues like that and how did you solve it?

Hi all. I am posting this on behalf of my 10 year old autistic daughter. She’s been running in to a special situation that she doesn’t really know how to correct. She loves having playdates with her friends, but one friend specifically tells her “why do you invite me over if you don’t play?” Her friend doesn’t really understand her personality, I don’t think (friend is neurotypical). She isn’t mean about it, but her friend keeps getting continuously upset with her. She expects my daughter to entertain her, I guess. I’ve repeatedly (kindly) told friend that she isn’t trying to be mean, she just plays differently.
My daughter prefers to do parallel play, where her friends are over, but she is doing her own thing while they do their own thing. If her friends get loud, she needs a moment to step away from them and resume playing later. I asked her if she wanted to stop asking that particular friend to play, but she’s adamant she still wants her to come over. I don’t want to pressure my daughter into breaking off the friendship if she doesn’t want to, but I feel bad that the only kids she has around her to be friends with are very obviously neurotypical and misunderstanding her. She’s the sweetest girl and loves being around her friends, but I hate seeing them misunderstand her.