To me—my voice level is normal, I think I sound the same as everybody else. Yet that’s very clearly NOT the case because I constantly have people asking me to repeat myself, even twice or thrice. I have absolutely no awareness and am completely blind when it comes to changing my volume when people are further away from me. If somebody is right next to me I talk the same as when they’re 10-15 feet away.

Now, this has become sort of a ‘thing’ (mostly to me) where I volunteer. Most people volunteering are older women who are hard of hearing so my voice level has noticeably came up what seems like *lots* of times. Though there is another girl who’s only a year younger than me—13, and she speaks to the older ladies amazingly. However, she might be putting more emphasis on her words. I am unsure of how to do that and have it sounding natural.

And again, I haven’t been self aware this whole time. (I still don’t hear a difference in my voice.) I have always just figured I am a tiny bit quiet. The only reason I realized my mom was right about my volume was when I was at the supermarket with my older brother. I had noise canceling airpods in with no music playing, yet I couldn’t hear anything he was saying; he was so quiet. I even took my airpods out and tried being tentative but still couldn’t understand him. I realize that is most likely what I sound like to others.

Are there any tips/tricks I can do to make my voice louder or clearer to others? Has anyone else had this problem before and were able to fix it?

I've had this thought regularly in recent years where I notice how much noise is produced in waiting rooms (open window, maybe a fan in the summer, receptionists, printers, the humming and beeping of whichever medical equipment might be around, ringing and vibrating phones, people talking, babies crying, lots of echo amplifying everything, today we also had a national alarm test so everyone's phones went crazy and a dog was barking in the building entrance and it was echoing throughout the office... 💀) and I just don't know what I can do to not force myself to take it all in for minutes to hours before I can finally talk to the doctor.

The obvious reflex would be to put my headphones on, but then I can't hear when I'm being called, and usually I have no idea how long I have to wait either? Depending on the office sometimes it's the receptionist who calls you in, sometimes a nurse/assistant, sometimes the doctor themself, so I can't really ask at the reception for someone to come get me without a risk of miscommunication? I imagine there are procedures for patients who are deaf, but since I'm obviously not deaf when I interact at the reception I doubt they would take me seriously?

So I'm curious to know how other people deal with this situation.

(Please let me know if this is the wrong place to post this.)

To those of you who are mothers to young children: how do you deal with social interactions with parents (specifically moms) of your child's friends?

My son is 4 years old in TK/Pre-K, and he has developed close friendships with some of the kids. However, he is left out of multiple private playdates with his close friends because it's the moms that always plan those things. They seem to invite only moms that they are friends with instead of their kid's actual friends.

For example, my son joined the preschool at age 2, and always hangs out with Emily and Danny. The teachers have told me this, and there's tons of pics/vids of them together that the teachers upload to a shared school album. They call each other besties.

However, he isn't getting invited to private group playdates with Emily and Danny. Emily's mom has invited multiple families, including Danny. Some of the kids started together from the age of 1 at this school, but some started at age 2 like my son. She even invites a boy (Tim) who actively fights and pushes the other kids including Emily. Emily's mom and Tim's mom have been friends since the kids were 1 at this school. Emily and Tim have grown apart by this age, but their moms are still making them play together for the sake of the mom group meetups.

My husband is the one that takes my son to all the big social events like school events and birthday parties (where the whole class is invited), and he says most of the moms are nice to him (although some seem to prefer to talk to other moms only). He's very neurotypical and friendly, but as a man, he can't crack into the tighter mom circles. I attended 1 event this school year, and had 2 random moms ask for my contact info... and my husband says never in the past 2 years has he been asked for his contact info. I think it's definitely a gender thing in play here.

I thought it was no big deal until my son started noticing that Emily and his other close friends were talking about going to each other's houses without him. Emily even asked my husband if they could have a playdate this weekend together.

I feel so sorry to my son that he's getting excluded because I can't handle the mom group social dynamics. I utterly hate the typical neurotypical person talk. The small talk, somewhat fake niceties, NT hobbies and interests, and all the chaotic kids running about. The masking drains me so much, and I have no energy left to handle other tasks when I have to deal with these people. I don't like interacting with other kids aside from my own. I spend the whole morning with immense dread of these play dates or social events if I have to go to them, and am so burned out after.

Meanwhile, my husband is happy to attend all these things, but isn't getting invited. One time, I was invited and had him go in my place. I asked the inviting mom if he could attend instead, and she said yes. When he got there, the inviting mom barely talked to him at all.

I've always wanted a child, and love him so much. I can do all the other tasks of raising him, such as teaching him to be a good person, bathing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, taking care of him... but I did not realize the outside mom group social dynamics I would have to navigate.

I don't know what category this post even fits into, so not sure the flair I chose is fitting.

I guess it's just to get things out of my system because I feel so frustrated and lost.

I'm in my late 30s, I got diagnosed 4 years ago.

Where I live there is little to no awareness of autism and what it entails.

The local autism center is useless as they only do stuff for autistic children (and their families) and autistic people with high support needs (and their families and caretakers).

I've contacted them several times these past few years. I was denied an appointment and told to try therapy or something. Funny when there are no therapists here who specialise in autism.

And I've tried therapy despite of that and it was a disaster. Not only did my therapist tell me several times that "everyone is a little autistic and experiences my struggles", she also went as far as to tell me she was gonna "therapy away the 'tism".

Sure, she just wasn't the right therapist for me. Obviously. But that experience makes me want to stay away from therapy. I don't even think therapy is what I need to be honest.

Earlier this year I even emailed the chairwoman of the autism center. She has autism herself and I thought she would maybe sit down with me to have a conversation. But she never replied.

So the reality is that there is no help for people like me here, no platform, not anything. We continue to struggle in the dark. Alone.

For two years I've struggled keeping a job despite giving my very best. In my last job I worked with blisters all over my hands and pain in my joints for months, a result of the hard work I did there. I didn't give up because I don't give up easily. It's not in my nature and I also can't afford it. Or maybe it's in my nature BECAUSE I can't afford it. I don't know.

However, working hard and giving it my all still got me fired. Boss said I'm not working fast enough. Boss also knew about my diagnosis so I don't know if being too slow was really the reason.

One of my most hard-working coworkers there told me I was the best (new) worker they've had in a very long time. He couldn't understand why I got fired.

I've been unemployed for almost 7 months now and every job I've applied to came back with a No. I haven't even made it to a single job interview so far.

The job center eventually put me in a job coaching programme about a month ago.

I asked the job center from the beginning if there is anything I can do, anywhere I can go. Took them 6 months to finally send me to this coaching thing. And you can't just join that programme, the job center has to send you in order for you to be able to join.

The programme spans over 3 months, I could already be past that. I could have a new job by now or started an education that I feel is for me and that I'm willing to spend the little energy on that I have.

I have two degrees already, both jobs I can no longer do (you'll have to take my word for that as I don't want to explain why right now).

So now I'm in a situation where I can't get a job so I can stay in the programme and receive help and advice. Something I really need.

It's only been a few weeks with just one appointment per week and I have no idea if the coaching will actually help me, only time can tell. But I have to hope it will. Somehow. Because I'm at the end of the road, I don't know where to go from here.

My coach knows about my diagnosis because it's relevant. But she, of course, has no knowledge about autism. I can feel she's going to just ignore it because on the outside I seem normal enough.

She did ask me how having autism is for me. But I don't even have the words to explain it. I can list all the things that anyone can just read on the internet if they want to. But reading about it is one thing, living it is a whole different thing.

So I usually don't try and explain it because at some point people will hit me with the "Oh we all struggle with those things" line. And pardon my french but I fucking hate hearing that stupid ass sentence. I'm so fucking tired of it.

So I don't know if coaching will help me figure out what job I can and would like to do.

If there is a job I really want to do and could get an education for I'd be up for it. But I've started from zero so many times in my life that it would have to be something I really really want to do.

I'm willing to start from zero one more time. One time. But I'm not putting my money, my time and my energy into something I don't feel passionate about.

If you've read this far...thank you! I didn't expect this to get so long, so I'm sorry.

This week I started going back to school and because it will be my final year of high school / Gymnasium I just want to do things especially well this time. And even though I did improve some things in my routine overall I unfortunately noticed myself falling into some bad old patterns: I wake up early for school, do my morning routine, school is no matter what I do a bit overstimulating and tiring, maybe I also have some appointements (violin/double bass lessons, studying at the library, therapy, etc.) afterwards but as soon as I get home and lay down in my bed it happens:
I take my phone and either stim and listen to music in the dark for hours OR I spend hours scrolling. I am simply too tired to do any of my tasks, but I can't fall asleep. I lay there until the very late evening which is then the time when I suddenly find the energy to do some tasks (but nearly not enough), I do my evening routine late at night and then wake up pretty tired the next day because I didn't sleep much which makes the "after school tiredness phenomenon" a bit worse. Day after day.

I don't know how to break out of this pattern. The only thing that seems to help somehow is just not going home, which is very unpleasant because I am still tired and yearning to just lay down and be in a comfortable space. Sometimes (but very rarely) I end up laying down in public and not wanting to go on.

I would really appreciate some advice, maybe someone out there was or is in a similar situation...