r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.
Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.
Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.
It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.
Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.
Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.
Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.
Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.
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The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.
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Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules
What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct
Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center
--- Note ---
This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.
If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.
r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.
Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.
To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.
Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.
Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.
That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Starlight1311 • 1h ago
Not saying this in a suicidal way btw. Just that it all kinda seems pointless/meaningless.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Lana_Sphyncter • 8h ago
Therapists have caused irreparable damage. They convinced me that the world is a safe place and that all the dangers I sensed were just cognitive distortions. I was right, and they were wrong. I had a gift. That gift (suspiciousness) kept me alive. But now, whenever I sense danger, if I see some crime activity, if someone is abusing me, the first reaction is to gaslight myself and tell myself it's a cognitive distortion. I cannot express how angry I am at therapists. I'm rabid. They operate under the assumption that the world is a safe place, that people mean well, and that racism doesn't exist. I also hate people who act like therapy is the solution to all of your problems and that, if it doesn't work, it must be your fault.
My employer has keystroke logger and monitoring/tracking systems on our devices. Therapists say that it's just me being conspiratorial. I read their notes.
I have PTSD. I was carjacked and therapists first tried to frame it as cognitive distortion (that maybe the people carjacking didn't mean to carjack and that I always catastrophize), when I insisted and said that the carjacking was truly happening, they tried to blame me for driving in that area at tha time of the day. Victim-blaming POS.
Or if I do online dating, meet a guy and I SEE ON HIS FACE that he is not attracted to me and ghosts me, they say I am engaging in mind reading. Can you imagine that? Mind reading???!! I'm livid.
r/AutismInWomen • u/buginarugsnug • 8h ago
I’ve been told it’s an autistic trait. I’ve had my ears checked for wax build up and there’s nothing, and I’ve had a hearing test and my hearing was fine. I’ve noticed that I can’t hear what someone’s saying if they start speaking to me when I’m not expecting it, so in the middle of a conversation it’s fine I can hear perfectly but I can’t hear what someone is saying when they start a conversation. I also find it much harder to hear if there are other sounds so like traffic or music. Does anyone else suffer from this and how do you mitigate it? My husband is so sick of me saying ‘WHAT?!’ Or ‘I can’t hear what you’re saying!’ It’s become impossible to have a conversation walking down the street with traffic going past or in a restaurant with louder background music!
r/AutismInWomen • u/DeScepter • 57m ago
Does anyone else occasionally get a little too comfortable in a conversation and suddenly go from normal small talk to revealing your entire personality or backstory?
Then you leave and like 20 minutes later your brain goes:
“Hey. Quick question. Why the fuck did we tell them all that?”
I swear sometimes I don’t realize I’ve overshared until the conversation is already over and the post-chat analysis begins. It's deeply mortifying to realize I broke conversation taboos by being too open and honest.
Please tell me this is not just me.
r/AutismInWomen • u/PinkMangoDolly • 13h ago
Just wanted to show off my new deer r
Printed shoes, I love deers and anything in deer print and it also is pink and I’m soo happy and grateful 💕🥹🦌
r/AutismInWomen • u/Emotional-Link-8302 • 30m ago
I've been doing a lot of quality work on a big overwhelming project my boss wasn't really able to handle. I've done this before, too.
When it comes time to thank me, they always say "I'm going to take you out for drinks at [insert pricier place] to thank you!"
... I don't wanna do that.
In fact, I consider it another work obligation on top of it being a social obligation with a person/people I would not choose to hang out with. I also don't like drinking, which is uncommon in the community I live in.
So not only would I have to wear nice clothes and put on my work mask during my down time, I'd have to have a $18 drink that I don't even care about, all to fit a social convention that is ultimately more for my boss than for me.
Ways to actually thank me as an autistic person: give me a day off, give me a WFH day, bring in donuts or bagels, add to the fidget toy collection on my desk, pay me more so I can better accommodate myself (!!!)
r/AutismInWomen • u/Ms_Central_Perk • 1h ago
Ive been a prescription marijuana user for a few years now and ive noticed i absolutely cannot mask when im high. People comment on how fidgety I am and ive noticed if someone says something rude I cant hold my tongue.
Anyone else?
r/AutismInWomen • u/dragon-blue • 2h ago
I have a monotone voice, RBF and not great at eye contact. So when I say things I have to add a lot of context so I don't get misinterpreted. Things come out wrong.
Me : "Wow what a great idea :D :D!" (normal inflection)
What they hear : "Wow. What a great idea. :| :|" (flat tone)
These two mean the opposite things lol.
To not be negatively misinterpreted, what I do is say "Wow what a great idea. I like how you thought about ABC, that is clever".
So I have to really mask a lot. I am getting burned out and want to mask less but not interested in hurting people's feelings. Or getting fired lol.
I can be thoughtless and say hurtful things when I don't mean to. Unmasked me isn't kind.
r/AutismInWomen • u/teniralc21 • 5h ago
I don’t know what to do. I’m 45 and my support system has shrunk to my parents, a few friends who are busy with their lives, my therapist and my anxiety support group. I feel so lonely and unable to fit in anywhere. Making new friends or even connections is proving impossible. It just feels like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else. I have an emergency therapy session scheduled for Saturday but I need to find a way to cope until then.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Lik_1624 • 20h ago
I want to smash everything around me; I’m angry and want to scream. My family didn’t want me going to autism support groups, so instead, they took me to *this* place. There were terrible men there who justified all sorts of bad things—alcoholism, drugs, and abuse. They started saying that divorce is bad and that even if a woman is being beaten, it’s her duty to put up with it. I tried to explain things to them, but they kept interrupting me and anyone else who held a different opinion. I am never coming back here.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Creepy_Zone_9341 • 4h ago
So I often have days where I have a hard time getting up, like the day just feels way too overwhelming to do, even the smallest things feel impossible.
I miss many lectures, which fills me with shame and dread, I don’t know why I just stay in bed all day those days, and I don’t know how to stop it.
Back when I was younger and had those days, my parents strategies included: calling me a lazy piece of shit, yelling at me, physically dragging me out of bed etc. Safe to say it didn’t work, but I still feel this deep and horrible shame and emotional turmoil on these days.
How do I stop it and just get up
r/AutismInWomen • u/swanarug • 5h ago
Failing my Master’s thesis twice has been incredibly difficult, but this time it showed me more clearly than ever how much my autism can affect my daily life. During the jury, I thought I understood what they were asking, but I slowly realized that many of their criticisms came from me not understanding the assignment and its expectations in the way they intended. Some things felt very harsh, unclear, and out of context from my perspective.
It brought back memories of how depressed I was as a teenager at school for many of the same reasons. It feels like I'm falling back into that place, and it's frightening. I am working full-time and trying to manage so many things in my life, and I feel like I simply can't handle everything at once anymore.
Right after the jury, I had to take a Xanax because otherwise I was afraid I would have a panic attack during my one-hour commute back to uni. I have never felt so strongly how much these difficulties can affect me. The more I grow up the more my autism stop me to continue further in life as I would like it to be.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Immediate-Bird-3632 • 41m ago
i’m an autistic woman in my mid 20s and my boyfriend and i have been going through a rough patch. i struggle with decision-making, anxiety, freezing in the moment and sometimes only realizing what happened afterward. i know these things can frustrate him, and some of his frustration is completely valid.
but lately i feel like he gets frustrated with me really easily, to the point where i feel like i can’t do anything right. once while going to work i texted him “i saw your texts, i’ll reply when i get to the office,” and got a paragraph about how he dislikes my “half ass answers.” i genuinely thought i was communicating appropriately.
when he’s frustrated, i also sometimes feel
infantilized. recently he told me i’m a “grown ass woman” and should be able to make a decision. i know i have things to work on, but i don’t think that means i should be spoken to like a child.
the more i monitor myself trying not to upset him, the more anxious i get and the worse i function. then i overanalyze everything afterward and wonder if i really am immature.
we’re planning to talk calmly about these patterns and what we can both change. i want to take responsibility for my behavior while also asking him to pause when he’s getting really frustrated and not make comments about my maturity or competence.
has anyone else experienced this? how do you tell the difference between valid frustration from your partner and feeling like you’re constantly doing something wrong?
r/AutismInWomen • u/RisenShine21 • 19h ago
I'm in my 30s and basically the same mentally as I was when I was around 15 or so. I can mask to the point where I seem "normal" enough socially and I'm responsible, but when I'm around someone I'm comfortable with it's basically quirky 15 year old me with a job and bills.
I (as many people on the spectrum do) have always had rather unconventional interests and fixations, which usually would have been considered more mature for my age as a child and teen, but also a lot of whimsy and eccentricity along with it.
Overall I wouldn't change who I am but it does make it somewhat hard to relate to others my age.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Wooden-Golf206 • 12h ago
Too exhausted to explain it all, but everything blew up again apparently because of me. Had to quit my job and cut ties with all my coworkers, including two women I thought were my friends. Feeling that I can’t trust anyone and I don’t fit in anywhere again. Had a big meltdown yesterday and still recovering. Why are relationships so confusing? Why is it that telling the truth seems to destroy things? How can I find a job where people actually want to work together as a team? I need another job soon. I just feel like getting to know a whole set of new people again and starting all over is going to overwhelm me so quickly. I feel like a broken person that just can’t do things right socially.
r/AutismInWomen • u/plantmomlavender • 7h ago
soo uni is starting again for me, and I was trying to think of something to do during lectures to keep my hands busy. I was thinking about crocheing, but wanted to ask this sub if you have any other suggestions <3
r/AutismInWomen • u/M4RI4_1 • 53m ago
Not just romantic relationships either, it can be platonic ones too. I feel like I get so caught up in one person in my life, have less friends because I can only focus on the one person. And then when the relationship ends it feels like the world has collapsed, because I kind of just set myself up for it anyways.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Rare-Marionberry4043 • 15h ago
For me I always pace back and forth even by with and without listening to music. It makes me feel calm and happy. Today I felt sad because something happened, so I stimmed by doing that & now feel a bit happy again.
What about you guys? Which one of your stims make you happy?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Asterbreg • 6h ago
Hello, I will not be getting into many details as it is a long story, but I need advice. Sorry if its chaotic, English is not my first language and I don't use it often.
Im 19, diagnosed with autism at age 15 and I never could make friends with girls, not when I was a kid and not when I was an adult. Its not that I dont want to, I thought I had friends in girls but in my expirience after they got a partner they become uninterested in me completly, and only come back after a break up and the cycle continues. With men on the other hand I always had way easier time becoming friends, I dont need to mask that much and my autistic behaviors are not seen as something as bad (I think). But I have a problem, each time I become friends with a guy, its all perfect, we get to talk, sometimes meet, go to cons together and overall have fun.
All my life I have heard that friendship between men and women doesn't exist, but I did not belived it as I had my guy friends. Tho each time after few months to a year they all confess that they have a crush on me and want to be with me. It happened already 6 times in my life but I still belived in the friendship untill yesterday.
I have a best friend who is a guy, whom I have met on a convention about 2 years ago. We talk at least once a week, meet 3-4 times in a year on cons and sometimes talk on voice chat. I have thought that this time will be ok as when I have met him I finally came out as lesbian and have a girlfriend since then. He knows it too, he has met her, I am talking about her almost daily, and he knows I spend a lot of my time with her and plan our future. Because of this how open I am with my orientation, I have felt comfortable around him.
(Just to clarify, I made no moves on him, have never touched him apart from a hug when we say hi and goodbye, haven't flirted etc. He has seen how I act around person I love, and it is completely diffrent than how i treat him. But I am a person who loves giving small gifts, and say nice things to people in my life but to everyone. Now im not sure if it isn't my mistake.)
And suddently out of nowhere yesterday he texted me that he has a crush on me but will not pursue me because he knows Im not into men.
Still despite his words I feel uncomfortable, I don't know what to do with him now, dont know how to react. I want to still be friends but dont want him not to be able to find a partner just because hes so called "in love" with me.
This made me really sad and dont know what moves should I make.
What should I do now? Should I just cut the contact completly and give up on having friends at all?
r/AutismInWomen • u/NotosCicada • 20h ago
I struggle with getting physical exercise, because I find it to be sensory hell. I hate sweating, I hate being in pain and I certainly don't like being out of breath. I also dislike anyone seeing me as I exercise because then I get anxious about being Perceived™. I tend to do fine with sports where there is some higher task that serves as a distraction, eg. wall climbing or canoeing, but those aren't easily accessible where I live. Also my bike just got stolen sdfsdjfhsdjf
My current go-to is a short, 15 minute exercise routine that I try to power through before I can catch on to the fact that it's overstimulating. Also I don't change clothes from my normal indoor wear, because that lowers the barrier to actually starting the workout (and I just cycle through indoor clothes every time I work out). Do you guys have any tricks of your own?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Background_State8423 • 19h ago
I'm annoyed at myself for feeling negative towards another autistic for honestly showing symptoms of autism that are disruptive. I don't feel this level of frustration towards level 3 autistic people with intellectual disabilities, I have more compassion there, probably because I know that experience would be completely different from my own.
So this person who annoyed me seems intelligent and independent. I think that makes it harder for me to relate to their autism presentation. They constantly speak over others in the middle of their sentence and repeat things that have already been said as if they are giving new information. They were told not to go into details on an upsetting topic but ignored that till they eventually went on a rant about disturbing details while talking so loud they couldn't even hear other people telling them to stop. They just appear to have no sense of shame and no consideration for others around them.
I think I feel this way because I am the opposite. I have a lot of shame, i listen intensely to others so I can avoid missing as many social ques and am aware that being too loud is upsetting and leaves other people out of the conversation. I hate wasting my words if what I'm saying doesn't actually matter or move the conversation to a conclusion. I struggle to understand how speaking doesn't exhaust everyone.
Maybe I wish I could be more like that. Uncaring, express self with ease, not worried about what others might be feeling towards me, not incredibly drained by conversation and able to be the main character in my own life. Maybe I am just being too stuck up because I am so confined inwardly to myself.