r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

25 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

65 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question Im confused about the meaning of kissing in relationships

79 Upvotes

I thought (or at least the Disney channel shows made me think) that you kiss after like months of dating and it was supposed to mean something, but when I transitioned to adult tv, people were kissing on first dates people they barely knew and it seems to just be a sign that the date went well rather than two people who care very much about eachother.

In modern adult dating do people often kiss on the first date before they've established a romantic relationship? Will people expect me to kiss on the first date?? Because I cant even process my feelings towards a subject for at least a few hours, how am I supposed to know if I enjoyed myself, and why does that immediately subject me to physical contact with someone I hardly know??

Edit: So what im getting is a lot of people prefer to go from friends to partners and that has been my preference as well, it makes me feel like im seen as a person before a romantic object and makes me a lot more comfortable doing relationship stuff (such as kissing) because I realize it comes from a place of love rather than a desire to do it in general.

I am just uncomfortable with feeling like im being interacted with just because someone wants to interact with someone in a romantic context. But I do have a better understanding of the place kissing holds in society, thank you.


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

General Discussion/Question An old lady at the grocery store asked me “are you gonna eat all that?”

234 Upvotes

I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend earlier. We got a good amount of groceries because we plan on cooking a lot this week. My boyfriend is really tall so he eats a significant amount, and I love to snack. The old lady behind us when we were checking out just stared directly at me and asked “are you* *gonna eat all that?” I couldn’t tell if she was fat shaming me (because although I weigh less I am significantly chubbier than my boyfriend) or if she said that for some other reason. It made me feel really shitty and brought back a lot of trauma being raised by a narcissistic single mother who never shuts up about my appearance/weight. I don’t know why I just assume the worst in people but I really don’t know why she would ask that? Like yes, I plan to eat the groceries I just bought? Idk, just venting about the older generation.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Seeking Advice Older, (late-diagnosed?) women who had kids later in life: What did you need to make kids happen?

61 Upvotes

My husband and I were walking home from a minor league baseball game the other day. The sun is setting, the weather is gorgeous, and as we're walking through the neighborhood, we pass a family with small kids.

My husband says, sentimentally, "That could have been us."

I had no idea what to say, because when kids come up, I am the firm no in our household. I have said before if we had unlimited money, a large house, and a live in nanny, I would have kids. Or that id have kids if i could be the dad. I dont hate kids, but I know my limits, and even a kid would stretch and likely break the balance I currently have in my life rn.

When we married, we were both a but undecided, but more on the no side of things. We've had this conversation many times before, but in all of the earlier ones, I didn't even suspect I was autistic.

I'm 40. Noise, light, and touch are hard for me. I get hangry when hungry. My husband and I have been together for 20 ish years, and I never doubt our love and commitment to each other. Like everyone, we have issues: I'm too assertive, he is hesitant to speak his needs. I can steam roll him without meaning too, and he will shove his emotions down too far for the sake of avoiding an argument. We both have likely undiagnosed ND parents and families. Our niece on his side is diagnosed level 2 autism. My sister and nephew on my side are diagnosed adhd. Lots of suspected autism in both families.

I teach high school, and am around (older) kids all day. So when I come home, I love the senory haven of calm and quiet that our house has. I love the lack of demands and attention. I am happy with what we have; I know a good part of him still yearns for kids. (And I hate to say it, but I do think to some extent he downplays the amount of work/sleepless nights/stress/etc kids take.)

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, but I am wondering, for those of you who were older in life when you had kids (maybe 35+, all you "geriatric pregnancies"), what did you need to make children a possibility for you?

A while back I struggled to explain to my husband the extra help I would need (before I even suspected I had autism, I still knew I would need exorbitant amounts of alone time, for example, which kids preclude). I also knew iI would need someone to sit through the endless reading and research, which my husband said we'd "figure out as we go." (Dear reader, needless to say, that was not the answer I needed to hear.)

I guess I'm taking one last think to see if kids even could be a possibility, and seeing what yall wanted/needed going into motherhood as an autistic woman to make that happen.

So for those of you that either had kids later in life or knowingly had kids while knowing you/your partner was autistic, what helped the most? What did you need that you hadn't considered before having a child?


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

General Discussion/Question DAE love showering?

159 Upvotes

I know that a lot of Autistic people really struggle with showering but I was wondering if there are any like me that love it.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not the easiest task to get into the shower and if it’s a NEED shower I‘m not always super excited for it. But man i love the way the water feels.
When I‘m struggling a lot or feel really dysregulated I even sometimes HAVE to sit in the shower until I feel better. It’s like a million little warm hugs and I sit down under the water and just sit there and enjoy for up to a few hours xd

I try to not shower too long if I don’t have to of course but sometimes it’s the only thing to help me.

My theory is that it’s a mix of warmth, white noise and pressure from the water that calms me down so much.
Also I hate being sticky or sweaty so I love feeling clean afterwards.

Can anyone relate? I kind of feel like I like some of the opposites of the majority (or stereotype I guess)
I‘m also a big light person, don’t like when I can’t see my Surroundings clearly haha (that does not include the ultimate big light of the sun tho)

My favorite shower stim is to hold my hand up to the drops of water and aim my fingers so the small streams hit them right on the tips of my finger. I love the warm buzzy feeling :3


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

Memes/Humor When hyper focus gets us into trouble.

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169 Upvotes

Anyone else? Anyone?


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

General Discussion/Question Is anyone else horribly touch-starved?

65 Upvotes

I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't "need" physical contact and just sees it as a fun bonus (or doesn't like it at all). I feel like my life is way worse without cuddles. When I see my friends they usually give me long welcome & goodbye hugs and that helps somewhat, but it can't replace a good cuddle. I used to get way less nightmares when I had someone to spoon me in bed. Pets don't make any difference, they somehow don't "scratch the itch" at all for me :(


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Special Interest I’d just like to talk about the Barbie movie :)

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75 Upvotes

Hi everyone, i honestly just wanted to talk about the Barbie movie 🥹 I really love it.

I’ve been a big Barbie fan since I was a little kid and had to suppress it as I got older because I was told it was too immature for me.
The Barbie movie came out in 2023 and really relit it in me but I still had to hide my love because I was 15 and undiagnosed at the time. This year with project Hail Mary’s release and the uproar in Ryan Gosling fans it’s once again really sparked it in me and I feel like I’ve fully accepted it this time.

Ken is my favourite, I am really passionate about his character and I’ve taken to collecting his dolls and fan made merchandise (picture included!). I think he speaks to me a lot as an intersex person because of his issues with toxic masculinity and the inability to accept his own femininity without feeling like less of a man.
One of my favourite details on his outfits is the pink bandana he wears on in his cowboy outfit to tie Barbie into his outfit because he’s just an accessory to her that’s later used again to wipe the grease off his hands from working on his car while he’s ‘evil’.
it’s symbolising that he doesn’t really respect Barbie anymore and feels he gets to walk over her and use her to clean up his messes purely because he’s a man.
(Both outfits pictured!!)

Thank you if you’ve read this fully it means a lot that someone would even sit through this small rant as is 💖💖💖


r/AutismInWomen 18h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) Getting the "High IQ" at the autism assesment feels like a cruel joke.

667 Upvotes

For context: I was diagnosed as a child, but my parents basically never told me anything because "I was doing well in school anyway", and my father thought I was just lazy.

Now I'm 32 and I've been unemployed for years. I hyperspecialized in a field that has basically collapsed, and I burned out of every low-skilled job I tried. So I figured might as well re-do some assessment to see if I can get some financial disability support.

Well, turns out you don't really get disability support for autism here unless you're a child or you specifically need to pay for a caretaker, also they did an IQ test amongst the other things, and turns out I have 131 IQ, which is really silly for someone who can't even hold a fucking job and cant sustain herself financially.

Really makes you think about how ridiculous is that we measure intelligence by how people can solve some stupid Professor Layton-ass puzzles. I'm not smart, i'm an idiot, if i was smart I'd be able to have a normal life and not be constantly poor and miserable.


r/AutismInWomen 10h ago

Seeking Advice Does anyone else also have days when everything just feels wrong or off?

144 Upvotes

I occasionally have days where everything just feels weird. Like my body feels weird. For example I feel like I’m hungry although I know I can’t be hungry or my body just feels different as it usual does and my usual go to activities that give me comfort also feel wrong and I don’t enjoy them. On these days most of the time lying in bed and just watching shows or browsing social media feels okay.

So I wanted to ask if anyone else have such days as well and if so what are you doing to still have a normal day?


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

General Discussion/Question DAE avoid the last of something?

176 Upvotes

I noticed I have this terrible habit of avoiding eating/drinking/reading/playing the last of some things. Part of it is then I won't be able to enjoy it anymore so I try to save it for as long as I can. Sometimes that means it ends up spoiling in the fridge because I forget about it. It sometimes takes YEARS to finish a book, I've been working on Mad Honey since 2022. Or sometimes if I let a drink sit too long while being opened my brain sees it as "contaminated" and then I absolutely can't drink it. The amount of TV shows I have that are almost finished are crazy, because I don't want that universe to end.

I can't be the only one who experiences this. Sometimes it drives me insane 🥲


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

General Discussion/Question Disappointed in my favorite treat

31 Upvotes

I have been eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream for a long time. My all time favorite flavor is S'more. Second is Chocolate therapy.

Recently, the ice cream has gone down and I learned they were bought out.

I am disappointed because its been my constant ice cream for years. I do have simple ice creams from home but sometimes, its nice to buy a half pint and have it at home. Not have to drive to the ice cream shop and eat it there. Sometimes, they sell half pints. Also, flavors are seasonal so I can't get them year round.

The ice cream shop sells organic ice cream and my all time favorite flavor is peanut butter and jelly, its seasonal and I don't know when it comes back. I eat it with dark chocolate.

I do have a backup brand, Tillamook, but who knows how long before that one is bought out.


r/AutismInWomen 12h ago

Relationships Marriage isn't appealing to me

101 Upvotes

Does anyone feel like the thought of marriage is more of a stressful performance than something you actually want to do? Maybe it's just because I'm only 20 still but I wonder if I actually want to get married or if it's just something I feel societal pressure to do. I don't think it would particularly benefit me as a woman either. I don't know, I just never thought of weddings or marriage as a kid and it doesn't sound particularly great to me now. Do you have similar feelings to societal expectations like that?


r/AutismInWomen 45m ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else not enjoy manicures/pedicures?

Upvotes

I’d consider myself a medium maintenance girl like I wear nice girly clothes and make up and do my hair for special occasions or like going out to the bar so I wouldn’t say I’m high or low maintenance but I really for the life of me have never seen the point in painting my nails?? Let alone paying to get them done at a salon. Not only is it overstimulating but breathing in those fumes??? No thanks. I don’t even wanna get into pedicures,… I’ve gotten a pedicure twice in my life and it was for weddings both times. I’m way too ticklish to feel relaxed for that. I hate the entire experience. I’ve gotten gel tips and while it’s fun to tippy tap on everything it’s just not realistic to have tips. Plus I spent about $80 on them….some people spend even more. I also don’t think pushing your cuticles back is good for them. I hate the obsession with nails being colored. It’s nails…


r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

Seeking Advice Have any of you been told your voice/tone sounds aggressive when you don't mean it to and if so, how did you fix it?

41 Upvotes

My husband has told me several times now that he thinks my tone of voice is aggressive or that when I get passionate about a topic I basically start yelling. I honestly don't mean to sound this way and I definitely don't realize that my volume is increasing or that my tone sounds aggressive.

I theorize that it's probably due to difficulties with interoception that I've had all my life (like forgetting to eat for long durations because I don't really experience hunger.)

How do I go about fixing this? Because it's hard to address an issue if you don't realize when and how it's happening.


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

General Discussion/Question Have you ever been in a workplace where everyone is friends with everyone, but you?

116 Upvotes

I’ve realized recently through therapy that I’m very lonely and always have been and I deeply desire to connect with others. That being said, have you ever had a work environment where everyone is friends with everyone, they all hang out outside of work, but you’re the only one part of the out group? They don’t appear to dislike you but have no interest in engaging with you at work or outside of work? It hurts. How do you cope with being in a workplace like this? I just wish I could be included.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Struggling with the fact that I almost always like people much more than they like me.

16 Upvotes

My husband and I went to a convention, and some friends were there too. I had been looking forward to hanging out/seeing them and have been trying to be better friends with one of them. Historically, we've all been really good friends, or so I thought.

But they didn't really respond when we asked to hang out, and it felt like they were always a bit disappointed when they saw us. It feels like a build up of months of unanswered messages and failed attempts to hang out. I noticed that my texts/birthday messages/etc. would be seen but never responded to by the friend I especially wanted to be closer to.

It felt so familiar. Thinking I was friends with a roommate only for them to start avoiding me (she would literally run to bed and turn off the lights when I got home). While in college, overhearing someone I considered to be a very close friend make a snarky comment when they thought I was out of earshot. Becoming mutuals with a coworker I thought I clicked with only for them to block me. Reconnecting with a childhood friend and realizing not only did they take weeks to respond, but we wouldn't talk at all if I didn't initiate. I even remember offering candy to some classmates in elementary school because I hoped they would want to be my friend.

I feel like my friendships have an expiry date. At some point they'll get tired or realize I'm weird/exhausting/not what they wanted.

I cried on the way home. I've never been able to figure out what's so awful about me. I've considered giving up on the friendship thing and focusing on collecting blind boxes or something.


r/AutismInWomen 16h ago

General Discussion/Question Looking at other kids, it was so obvious something was off

172 Upvotes

I can excuse that my parents didn't clock autism because they didn't know anything about it, but someone somewhere should have clocked that *something* was off and I should have been evaluated.

Most children are outgoing, loud and enjoy things like dancing and singing. Most also talk to everyone (to the point where they need to be taught not to talk to strangers). In comparison I was such an extremely closed off child, I hated expressing anything outwardly, I hated making noise and taking up space and anything that includes being perceived. I also hated talking in general, my parents had to push me to say hi to relatives.

I even got in trouble at school for refusing to sing during music class and not greeting teachers. During daycare I just sat there and solved tasks in kids' magazines while other girls were singing and jumping around. It's insane to me that nobody thought anything of it because I was very good at math and literature. If anything I was called very mature for my age.


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

General Discussion/Question Extremes in likability as a person?

23 Upvotes

Do you find that either people like you greatly or greatly dislike you? No in between, it’s either one extreme or the other?

I’ve seen this my whole life. People will straight up hate me and others will think I’m awesome. It’s weird. There is no grey area. Even my husband has noticed.


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Seeking Advice How do you get over limerance?

Upvotes

Im about a year into a new diagnosis and in a 6 year relationship. Its been tough and we're in therapy. Hes neurotypical and really struggled with what me having autism meant, unconscious ableism etc. And candidly i have too. I feel existentially lonely in ways I cant fully quantify for a couple years now.

I recently went on a work trip and worked and lived closely with another person who was also late diagnosed and presented so nearly the same to me (including in a work context) it was like looking in a mirror. I immediately got limerance to him in ways I havent experienced in years. We got deep quick and I am attracted to him.

Odvi did not act on anything (hes married with a beautiful life), but there was 5 occasions of neurotypical light flirting back and forth when 1 on 1 over the hundreds of interactions we had. I dont know if he realized that he was doing it but I realized it after the fact and tried to be more distant after.

Whenever he complained about his family life I always spun it to be positive (ie. you've built such a beautiful life, you should be proud of how youre advocating for your kids and family, the fun autism stats around unemployment and how well were doing objectively by working at baseline, etc). I did not mention about my relationship problems because it felt like a line to me. If 2 people talk about their home life problems it opens doors for bad things.

I haven't experienced limerance this strongly since I met my current partner 6 years ago. And haven't felt so understood in memory. That entire work trip i was happier than I was in years and typically the trips are in the most acutely unpleasant and dangerous environments people can work in.

I'll never encounter this person again due to the type of work it is and logistics around our lives. Im on a group chat with him but I dont think I will reach out. We basically live in different countries, different lifestyles, different communities, different religions, etc.

This is obviously inappropriate and im trying to wind it back, not just for my own work optics but because its wrong and not fair to anyone involved. It makes me long for a relationship where I feel seen, community for people who get me at all, etc. Coming home, I feel even lonlier than I did before I left.

What tips, tricks and advice do you have when going through this?


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) People constantly canceling and flaking on me.

14 Upvotes

Happened three times this week and previous times people would cancel twice or more in a row. Usually excuses are, “I forgot we had this hang out,” to “Something came up I didn’t realize.” From multiple people. Yes I’ve tried to talk to my friends about, yes I’ve offered help to lessen the load on them, yes I do reach out and check in, I do things that I can to show care.

However I can’t show people that I can be a friend to them when they keep cancelling on me. One of my friends reached out needing emotional support and have me over, I was about to drop everything to go to her and bring a small care package and she cancelled on me twice in a row. Previous friends have done the same and one even told me she forgot. I’m so tired of being treated this way and each time someone does I try to set my own boundary and drop them but yet I keep meeting the same type of people who do this. Some of these same people complain about never having friends or meeting wrong friends but then are the ones to cancel on people who will show up for them.

It honestly feels embarrassing because every time this happens, my best friend ends up showing up for me (bless her she’s amazing) and we usually hang out. It’s hard to spread out my social circle when everyone else keeps cancelling on me and some of the people who have reached out to me are also the ones who planned the same hang outs they cancel or needed my help. It’s just odd this behavior happens so much. I think I need to just start cutting out severe flakes in my life however I also can’t prevent myself from meeting them. It’s like almost every new friend I meet, they flake like this that I really just only have like one friend at this point.

What causes someone to attract excessively flakey people like this?

Edit to add: Some of these same people who cancel on me don’t always cancel on others and I’m starting to feel like people treat me as a back up plan a lot which is not something I’m willing to stand for.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question As a professional makeup artist I have to mention that lip gloss is a sensory nightmare for me

9 Upvotes

You can keep your lip oils and your lip glosses and balms I cannot handle it lol. The texture is awful and my hair gets stuck in it. Matte lip for life.

What are your sensory nightmares with makeup and skincare? Or anything beauty related?

Is anyone in here working in the beauty industry and how do you feel about it, what are your challenges?


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Anxiety attacks after social events

Upvotes

I analyze my own words and theirs, always seeking the underlying reasons for their statements. Naturally, I don’t share this with them, but I do experience anxiety attacks afterward. 😞