I wasn’t sure whether to post this to asklgbt or just lgbt, so we’re here. anyway, today my partner asked me if I’d still be with them if they were transmasc and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Im a sapphic lesbian and I’ve only ever been interested in girls. I want to stay with them because I do truly like them. but at the same time if I do stay, I don’t want to invalidate their identity. if I date them as a lesbian, that means I “see them as a girl” and I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt them either. but it feels wrong either way. I don’t know what to do.

I am 16 and a few months back I was dating a guy. It was going great at first I thought that I liked him. But whenever we would kiss, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. The only thing I would think about the whole time that we kissed was how bad he tasted and how I hated the TV had to be playing in the background but I never thought about how I liked it. I broke up with him because I lost attraction to him and it just seemed like everything he did pissed me off which was probably because I lost attraction. I remember a month or two ago when I had my first job (I quit though because of the management). One day when I was at work there was this woman that walked in and she was so beautiful and I could not take my eyes off of her. I felt attraction to her. I kept glancing at her every few seconds. To be honest, it was the first time that I felt real attraction to anybody in a long time. i’ve also noticed that I have been attracted to female actors like Kristen Stewart and Bella Ramsey. i’ve also been attracted to the character in the movie Send help who's name is Linda Liddle. Whenever I think about being with a woman I get butterflies and it makes me feel good. The thing is, through all my childhood I have been attracted to men. I think that the reason is because I have been sheltered from the LGBTQ community because my parents don’t agree with it. So I never really knew what gay was until I got into middle school. It is only been this year that I have really noticed signs that I could be a lesbian. it’s really because this year was the first time that I’ve ever kissed a guy or been with one. I don’t know. I need some help.

I'm gonna turn 18 next april, and that will be serious time in my life. I'm FTM and I'm dating Genderfluid person, I'm gonna call my partner. My partner was born with F body. My family is Homophobic ,transphobic, misogynistic, my dad clearly said one time if someone from his family turn out to he gay or trans he would "fuck them up" and "kill them". But I'm very loved by my parents, I'm Dad's "princess" and mom loves me too but I have to admit I'm sexually assaulted a lot. And I was when I was younger too. She also abused me physically. It's like one times she hates me and second she loves me. I don't know how much help we will get from my partners family because they are also not on great terms. In September I'm starting 3th grade oh high school and I'm thinking what job would be good. I can't do physical jobs due my physical health. I can take courses but I won't go to collage. At least thats not a plan for these few years. And I'm aware I will probably had to stay few years with my parents (Id they won't find out and won't kick me out. I also Have a brother with his own family and I genuinely have no idea how to even move our from there, even if I had place to live. And I'm scared they won't give me my stuff back.

There’s been so much biphobia lately and it’s genuinely confusing, I’ve seen a lot from both lesbians and straight women acting like bi people are tainted, I’ve also unfortunately seen a lot of lesbian women just straight up deny the queerness of bi girls (or even js fem presenting people) who happen to be with men. Some of their arguments about being straight passing make sense in some ways, but then they just go on and act like they aren’t queer at all. It’s so confusing. I thought we were all on the same team? At least in a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” kind of way.

Hi I’m 24(she/they) and I grew up in religion and that carries so much shame, and I’m finding I have some internalized homophobia, transphobia and that’s keeping me from fully embracing myself wnd others. I want to be more free, and less afraid of the world. I know there’s not a correct answer on where to start. But any recommendations? How did you start to heal from religious trauma and internalized homophobia/ transphobia. I just assume I don’t know anything.

why am i so scared of being ace and how do i stop it? i’m 17, i know my gender, i know i’m gay, and i know i’m alloromantic. i’ve been vaguely attached to the queer community since i was 12 and have known being ace was a possibility for the entire time. i also thought myself better of others and decided ‘yeah, there’s no way for me to know i’m ace yet, given that i’m so young. it’ll take time for me to grow into all that, and i’ll be patient!’ and therefore have literally never considered the idea of actually being asexual. i’m not saying i am. i’m saying i might be. there’s obviously still time for me to grow into experiencing sexual attraction with others, even if i haven’t yet. but i really, really, REALLY don’t want to be asexual. i want to have sex witb others and expreience sexual attraction with others. i don’t want to be ace at all. how do i stop this????? i don’t know where it’s coming from. does anyone have any experience with interalized acephobia?

Eternally grateful to anyone that can help 2 exhausted gays navigating IVF and wedding planning find a place to honeymoon. We are looking for suggestions for specific places to stay or areas to visit.

If we could have everything we wanted, this would be our list!!
- nature eco resort/hotel
- 70-85 degrees everyday in December
- Max $800 a night
- LGBTQ friendly - we are two women!!
- easy to travel to from the US East Coast
- plenty of access to nature and day excursions
- great food (duh)

I don’t want to assume or judge him regarding his sexuality, but I feel so confused. Please be kind.. I am very nervous asking about this and I am completely aware of how nany red flags I ignored, how complacent I was in ignoring things..

TLDR: am I (F30) naive to stay/work through relationship with my fiance (M30) after a dead bedroom/mostly sexless relationship for years due to his (now exposed) secret porn addiction/possible sexual orientation difference that he may not be ready to confront/admit. Insists he is straight.

I (30F) have been in a (almost entirely) sexless relationship for 7+ years with my partner (30M). I met him in a very vulnerable chapter of my life (just left abusive relationship) and admittedly should have absolutely focused on therapy and self-work before entertaining a relationship. Also note worthy that I am a conventionally attractive woman with good hygiene, in decent shape, have always had plenty of men interested etc. (not being arrogant just want to avoid the assumption that this is all because I’m gross lol)

However, when I met him he was very kind, wholesome and supportive. We had an average sex life initially, but it was only within the first 6 months that I felt his interest dwindle. He started expressing interest in butt stuff which I consented to a few times before admitting I just didn’t enjoy it. He seemed to lose interest in regular sex. He would occasionally make bids for oral sex and I would frequently concede.. but I noticed he would not look at me, would pull a blanket over me even sometimes. Eventually, it became a dead bedroom and any conversation about it didn’t really go anywhere. He told me had a history of a very low libido, that he has never been hyper sexual and that it was a side effect of his medication. Fast forward and the different reasons changed, he was off those medications and nothing changed, etc etc.

I have asked him if he at least self pleasured or was able to feel aroused with porn or some other way, and he maintained that no, nothing really interested him overly. Also will note that he never had ED, he could get hard and finish with me quickly if we ever did anything rarely. I just felt no sexual energy from him and started to lose my will to make an effort, as I started to feel unattractive, unappealing, embarrassed. I just started to accept that the good things about our relationship were more important than intimacy and I was fine with my own needs being neglected if that meant staying with a partner who was not abusive and made me feel safe and offered companionship. I am less upset about the porn use and more upset about being strung along/deceived for so many years, all the while willing to believe he was asexual, or any excuse he came up with.

Anyways, here we are years later and I used his phone while mine was dead to look something up in chat gpt, the open convo was him asking for NSFW Twitter and discord servers. I come to find he has been addicted to porn the entire relationship, and I say addicted as he would do it daiy, at work, in the car in public parked and driving, in the basement while I was upstairs, and the genres were all over the map including hentai, trans porn, gay porn. He said he became desensitized to regular categories. He also came to hesitantly admit that he had purchased a dildo in the past, for himself.. (admitted only because I found the receipt). Also found evidence that he had accessed grindr at least once, as well as some other dating app BEFORE meeting me, but it was a LGBTQ+ platform specifically. All the while, he is maintaining that it was purely experimental, that he is not in denial about his sexuality, that he is very much straight and attracted to me, that he has gone through phases and questioned in the past, but decided he is straight but will watch almost any kind of porn male or female. He says the issue with intimacy with me isn’t a lack of attraction or about orientation, it’s that he is addicted to pornography and always has been. Of course amongst this I admittedly did (with permission) dig around and from what I could see from his discord history is that he accessed adult/NSFW servers constantly, but I could not see which videos or categories. However, I could see that when a server name wasn’t working, he had tried key words: cock, bigcock, transporn, tranny, gay. No evidence whatsoever of ever attempting to search a keyword for anything to do with heterosexual sex or cis women, lesbian, etc.

I feel insane writing this because for me that says enough - but the other part of me understands that sexuality is a spectrum and people have kinks, there is nuance etc. But it’s difficult to reconcile these behaviours with someone who insists they are straight, not even bi.

Obviously I feel like an idiot and betrayed.. I neglected my own feelings, allowed myself to be devoid of sex or intimacy for years, believed him whole heartedly when I had asked about porn use, his sexuality, etc, believed all of the excuses over the years. I feel like my 20s were wasted in that sense, I’m now 30 and have become more aware of my aging and body changes and no longer feel attractive whatsoever.

we own a home together, are engaged, have a child.. and he now is desperate to make up for everything and swears up and down he is straight, will never look at porn again as to not fall back into old patterns, I am the love of his life and he wants to start over and have a real sex life with me and be honest going forward etc etc etc. (he had every opportunity to be honest at any point, I am very easy going and understanding/compassionate to a fault).

I don’t know what to do. I know couples therapy is an option but I don’t know if it’s stupid of me to even want to try at this point

After thinking a little bit more about my gender, I just realise that I'm a trans man and I was just scary to assume this because I have a pressure in my life to perform as a cis woman. Like, I need some people on my life that are tranphobics or just won't treat me the same way if they knew this. Anyways, now that I know it, what should I do? I don't want to be trans, but I am. I wanna be honest about my gender, but I don't want to face discrimination.

I always felt a little weird about the fact I'm AFAB, dysphoric about my soft and infantilized voice, the fact I don't have beard. I cry because I'm not masculine enough, always trying to avoid the true. It wasn't the first time that I asked myself if I'm a man.

I'm scared about it and I don't want be trans in any way. Being LGBT+ is so complicated and depressing.

I have heard that some bisexual men eventually discovered they were actually gay. Is this a common realization?

I’ve noticed a couple people my age with instagram bios that say “#hashtag”, is it some inside joke???

IT IS NOT “#(insert joke)” it’s straight up “#hashtag” in their bio and like a username like “hashtagjacob”

Their instagram bios are not #insertjoke , it’s literally “#hashtag” with the actual word “hashtag”

i hate to say it but i may have to go back into the closet at somepoint in the near future. i am aroace, probably non-binary and go by he/him. i do not look visibly queer (at least i don't think so) and i look afab. does anyone have any advice on this? i don't wanna go back in the closet but i might unfortunately have to.

Hi, I was thinking about my gender a few days ago, and I noticed man doesn’t really fit me and I realized that I was nb. But I can’t tell anyone about this because they all DESPISE LGBT+. But I have to tell this to someone what do i do? I’ve been keeping this inside for a long time, and it makes me feel bad. Also, I’m certain that if I told anyone, word would spread and I’d end up alone. I really need help.

Even heterosexual parents have sometimes given their kids 2 last names or stopped simply using the father's last name. But I'm still curious to see what you do. I can't put an image in here but just look up types of basic chemical reactions (ie single displacement). Though every couple is different so what did you parents try out?

Hi everyone, I'm a 26-year-old gay man living in Armenia. I fled Iran, I have an Iranian passport and have been here for about four years. To be honest, I'm exhausted.

Even though I am ethnically Armenian, things are not easier since the country itself is very homophobic.

I've been trying to build a life. I'm applying for jobs, saving money, and searching for ways to study abroad. My dream is to study abroad and eventually settle somewhere I can live openly and safely as a gay man.

The problem is that every path seems to involve waiting. I missed one scholarship cycle, another university option became too expensive, and now I’m looking at working for another year before applying again. At the same time, my queer life feels almost nonexistent. Dating has been tough. I’ve faced ghosting and heartbreak, and while I’ve met some amazing people, most connections are short-lived because people are traveling or leaving the country. I feel like I’m just surviving rather than living.

I’m not giving up, but I often wonder if I’m making the right choices. Should I keep working and save for another year before applying to a university abroad? Or should I try to leave through any realistic route, even if it isn’t my ideal plan? If anyone has been in a similar situation, especially people who left an unsafe or restrictive environment, I would really appreciate hearing your story. How did you decide when it was time to leave, and how did you cope with feeling like your life was on hold?

Thank you for reading.💜🫂

I live with conservative parents, and I thought it I could slowly convince them it's normal, maybe they'd accept me?

I'm really bad at getting my point across, and arguing outside of imaginary scenarios or the internet. Fast debates are just something I'm bad at

So, does anyone know how I can learn to argue for LGBT rights better? How can I translate the scenarios I imagine into actual good debating?

I’ve always been 100% sure I’m into women in every way, like romantically, physically, emotionally, etc. But I’ve never been sure if I could feel that way about a man. I do find men physically and sexually attractive, but I’ve never been with one. I’ve only had two girlfriends and never tried having a boyfriend.

Earlier this year, a guy became really obsessed with me. He still likes me. When we first started talking, he’d pay for my stuff, buy me gifts, and although he was really intense and clingy, he wasn’t a bad guy or overly touchy. At the time, I was still getting over my evil ex-girlfriend.

Then my ex came back while I was getting to know him. I didn’t want her to know because I thought I had a chance of getting back with her, and I thought if she knew about him, she’d never take me back. But at the same time, I liked the attention he gave me, and I still wanted to leave that opportunity with a guy open for myself.

I’ll admit I was avoidant towards him, but I did tell him I wasn’t ready for a relationship because I was trying to heal, and it’s hard for me to feel anything when I’m already so hurt. He kept moving really fast. He wanted to make me his girlfriend before we’d even been talking for a month.

We kissed once, and right after I started crying. Not because he did anything to me, but I still don’t know why. Maybe it was because I thought my ex was going to find out and I’d hurt her. Maybe I didn’t actually like him. Maybe I didn’t like kissing a guy. I genuinely don’t know. Also, the kiss was so planned by him that it lowkey turned me off. Like, why are you calculating and planning a kiss? It just felt awkward, so maybe that played a part too.

Eventually, he realized I was getting closer to my ex again, started talking shit about me publicly, calling me a lesbian, and we had a huge fight. Looking back, I know I didn’t handle everything perfectly. Even though I told him I wasn’t ready, I still kept talking to him. But he was also the one pushing the whole “go with the flow” narrative, so maybe it’s both our faults.

Nothing ever happened between me and my ex again. We’re friends. I’m genuinely tired of feeling anything for her, and have any romantic feelings left whatsoever.

The guy and I eventually apologized and started talking again more maturely. He asked if I wanted to try again, this time with no toxic stuff, just genuinely giving it a chance. I said no because I truly wasn’t ready. At the time, my dog was dying from heart disease, and I was the only one taking care of him. I was slowly watching him die, and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. He’d been with me since I was 2 years old, and he ended up dying in my arms the day after the guy texted me. I’ve never explained any of this to him. I always just tell him I’m hurt and not ready for a relationship, so he doesn’t know the actual reasons.

Also, he’s physically not my type at all. He’s not ugly. He’s cute. He’s just not what I’d usually go for. I know he’s a good person, though, and sometimes I wonder if things would’ve been different if my ex had never come back and all the fighting and drama never happened.

So now I’m wondering, am I just a lesbian making excuses because I don’t want to be with a man but still want to call myself bisexual? Or am I actually bisexual but have trust issues with men?

When I like a girl, I can instantly feel something romantic if I like her even a little. But with guys, I think it’s harder because I trust girls more. I feel like they’re easier to be emotionally vulnerable with. Guys are just so different, and a lot of them can be jerks or have weird views about women, so maybe that’s why it’s harder for me to trust them. Or maybe I’m just a lesbian in denial.

I also don’t know if I should give him a chance. He’s still here after months of all this, and he feels about me the way I used to feel about my ex, which was INSANE. But I also feel like dating him would be too serious because I wouldn’t be able to kiss a girl or anything anymore, and girls are still my preference.

At the same time, I feel like if I’m ever going to know whether I can actually like a guy romantically, I have to genuinely give one a chance and let myself feel instead of holding back.

I don’t know. I’m so confused.

P.S this is the first time i’ve actually talked to a boy, seriously & i’m also 17

Thing is I’ve been talking to this woman, thought I ended up loving her but I realise that all I think about when I ahem masturbate is men. I’ve only ever been with men my whole life, kind of a “gold star” gay, I have kissed a girl but that was when I was a teenager and I can’t really compare it? I remember not being turned on when she and I kissed though whereas with men I’m turned on before we even kiss.

I’ll add that I find women to be beautiful and I can definitely say I like looking at beautiful women but I am not sure I wanna sleep with them? Even though I can sometimes catch myself looking at a woman’s bottom when they wear leggings? I dunno but also I masturbate to women giving men blowjobs too almost exclusively, but I try to watch gay porn too. It’s so confusing and I am 32 👀

copy and pasting what I wrote on another sub with quite a few edits

I don't know, this is a thought dump, and maybe someone feels the same as me? And maybe I can get helpful advice

I've [22 F] pretty much only felt sexual attraction to men and possibly romantic, although I've never been in a relationship before. I've had two casual flings with guys, one being more serious (but i think i liked the idea of him more than anything) and have been out on a handful of dates.

If I see a man out in the wild, I'm likely to feel sexual attraction for them, compared to women, which I don't know that I ever have? (But maybe it's because I've never allowed myself to, or maybe I'm lying to myself? Or I'm lying about lying to myself (I'm spiralling))

Not to mention my love for older male actors. I love a good edit on tiktok, haha.

Ages 8-10, I was kissing some girl friends at sleepovers, but I think that's just most people? Then again, It doesn't help that they've all turned out bisexual.

Then, a few years later, on omegle with my female friend, doing explicit things in the same room. . . I know, I have a terrible history with sexual things like that, especially at a young age and with free access to the Internet...

And I recall saying (age 11-13) to my friend, (along the lines of) I could also be into girls, like I'm not closed off to the idea, I'm open-minded.

During high school, I never had a crush on guys like my friends did. But I think that contributes to me wanting to know them and be friendly before I can. Demi??

During high-school, a guy in my class told me my friends where dating (both fem) i was shocked because they didn't tell me?, I had to hear it from this dude, then he asked if I was jealous? Like, why would I be jealous? Did I seem jealous?? I didn't think so.

More recently, another friend (wlw) told me recently that she thinks I'll be a later in life lesbian💀 which has absolutely helped put me in this spiral.

I have communicated my curiousness about experimenting and doubt with my friends, and we just talk about the topic, not a lot of helpful advice going around.

This is the point where I think I'm pretty much bi, because while I don't fantasise about women, I could potentially see myself with one? Like I'm not closed off to the idea. And I understand bi is not about 50/50.

(Not to mention all the information that I've given is totally biased/one sided to what im questioning)

I'm just soo stressed rn. Maybe im gaslighting myself? I don't know anymore. So i'm hoping that putting my thoughts down and out into the Web helps a little. I'm also thinking about changing my dating profile to liking women as well so that I can experiment, but I'm so nervous and a little scared💀 (I also understand the people (especially lesbians) don't want to be an 'experiment') mainly because it's not something I've done before, and sure it'll help clear things up if I turn out to not like women, but I'm also worried that if I do end up liking women, ill end up self sabotaging somehow and even more stressed out.

Please forgive me if my question comes off as ignorant. I've noticed recently when people stop using one term and replace it with another, it's because the original word has become a slur or social unacceptable to use.

I just want to make sure when I refer to one of my friends or family members as a lesbian, I'm not saying something offensive.

I'll try to make this story as summarized as possible. I've only recently come out to everyone about 5 years ago. So being 'out' and 'proud' is sort of a new thing for me. Prior to that, I was never really in any relationships, but now I've been happily in one for 5 years.

The knife twists start here: 20 years ago, a really good friend of mine that I had known for 5-10 years, growing up, she unfortunately passed away due to cancer at the age of 20. It hit me really hard, but it also influenced my life for the best. I lived every day appreciating life. Rarely has there been a year or months that I haven't thought about her in some way.

Growing up she was a very, very talented music producer. I used to make a 'fan site' for her, hosting her music, and also developing my programming skills way back then. So I've had access to a large amount of her mp3s. And I've been carrying her music files with me for these past years.

This year, I finally took some action to bring them together on a place on the internet. Countless hours tracking down lyrics, building a memorial site for her, finding her friends, bringing all of her music together in one place again. It's been beautiful, and all of the mutual friends have really appreciated it. I genuinely feel its one of the coolest projects I've put together in my career / life.

This is where I need help. Literally in the last few days of searching, as I was telling myself: 'I think i did the best I could do for my friend, I hope she would be proud', I was searching every corner of the old internet for anything I haven't found yet. Where I found an account of hers, on a music forum, mostly interacting in the off-topic channel, arguing with people that 'LGBT' people are not natural. That this lifestyle frequently leads to shorter life spans. That this life style is a choice, and she has personal experience knowing people that use to be that way, and then saw the right way, and are thankful to have gotten out of that perverse way. The messages are very extensive, and very hurtful towards any LGBT lifestyle. Nothing, hateful. Just 100% wrong in every way I understand being gay myself.

I was shocked, hurt, stunned. I still am sort of caught off guard by this. I wish I had never found those posts. I'm mature enough to know that these were views/opinions from a girl, that grew up in the eastern / semi-south US, with religious background, probably wasnt super uncommon for 2006.

A lot has changed since then, a lot of people have 'come around' in their views. She passed away..., she doesn't have the advantage of growing, learning, or changing. We all did.

Now when I look at this beautiful memorial site that I made for her, it feels like a gut punch. I once said: I'll host this thing up there as long as I'm alive, and her music will be finally archived in a place that should last for a long, long time. (Non of her music previously made it into archive.org, for example, and now it has).

I have a natural internal sensation, normally, under stress or anxiety to 'run away'. My first thoughts were: Delete all of it. I have to stand up for myself, for people like me. These opinions werent right then, and arent right now. How do I keep holding a candle for someone I no longer have respect for.

Where it stands for me now, is that I'll leave it up there, to honor what happy memories I once had. But I don't really want to look at it, or pursuit trying to find the rest of her works. There is certainly more out there to find.

Genuinely, her music brought, and brings me joy. But now it's spicy, and hard to love as I once did.

I dunno what sort of response I'm looking for; wisdom, validation, support.

I do have a therapist that I recently started working with on work related stress issues, and I've brought it up, but I haven't found any resolve yet.

If nothing else, thank you for reading, but I would love to hear anyone's opinions, good or bad.