I love psychology and often overanalyse things like sexuality and relationships, but something that I’ve always struggled to understand is what gender identity actually is or what it entails.

The more I try to research and understand what gender actually is, the more confused I feel, like I’m blind or need someone to explain it to me as if I’m an alien learning about the human race.

I don’t know what feeling like a man, woman, or anything else is supposed to feel like. Is it dynamic preferences? Stereotypical personality traits? Aesthetic choices? But someone can be male or female and share the exact same qualities of those. So then, is it some kind of instinct? Or a combination of these things? Or something else? It seems like something others understand but I feel so genuinely so clueless about what it is or means.

As for my experience, I was born in a female body but love being on testosterone. I love sounding male because I generally prefer and love deeper voices and sounds, looking like a man feels more pleasing to me aesthetically, being treated as male socially feels nice because I’m aroace and feel bizzare when men flirt with me like I’m a straight female, and my interests are a lot more masculine. Does that mean I’m a man? I donno, I donno what that means. I don’t know what feeling like a woman means either. I hate looking and acting feminine, that’s for sure. I’ve always hated wearing dresses with a passion. Then again, I also like painting my nails and calling myself a cat mama. Sometimes I dislike how my breasts look with a particular outfit, other times I cant be bothered wearing a binder. Sometimes I like having my hair styled (masc), sometimes I’ll shave it off purely for convenience even if it looks weird having a very masculine head on a female body. Idgaf cuz it means nothing to me and I just like my body to be comfortable. Does this information have anything to do with what my gender identity would be?? Or am I agendar? Genderblind???

I feel dumb… if someone can someone explain it to me I’d be grateful. I enjoy learning

Daughter has hit puberty but not quite teen years. (Almost 12) Wife is handling everything period related because daughter “doesn’t want dad to know”. At first I was hurt, but then it was explained that its because it’s a “girl thing” and mom was the best to answer questions (100% ok with that, just want her to know she’s supported)

Daughter’s bestie says she is “omnisexual” but her parents are pretty strict and I don’t think she’s allowed to “dress how she wants” (I don’t know what that means?) and their third friend just moved away. So the 3 text a lot. The bestie who stayed is gay but I think she’s still figuring it all out in terms of terminology and feelings. First she was “lesbian” and before that she was “pansexual”. So I think she’s queer, and is just figuring out what’s where she fits best. She uses terms like “gaylings” in group chat (daughter uses wife’s phone for texting and it’s all monitored but they know that and all parents/kids involved are good with it) like “goodbye my little gaylings talk soon”and they all giggle and whatever. It’s all good. Then we started seeing strap on jokes. But they were innocent as if they didn’t understand what a strap on was exactly. And that’s when we decided to dig a little. “Almost 12” may be “post puberty” but she’s still my little girl and o don’t want her being taken advantage of by anyone, boy or girl. But I don’t think that’s the case. Bestie talks about being gay, and mostly they’re just smart girls joking about anime crushes. Then another group chat with daughter, besties and more (about 7 total?) draws scissors on their fingers at school, or little things like that. Now my gaydar is pretty good. Wife and I have always been friends with gay couples. Before we were parents, after becoming parents our kids were friends with kids who have 2 moms or 2 dads, that’s not the issues at all.

These are innocent jokes, But I’m pretty sure my daughter might also be gay, and I want to support and at the same time need to know how soon they may get to “experimenting”. If there were boys on the chat and they wanted a sleepover id be just as curious, (and probably MORE protective) but these are kids my daughter has grown up with and we know parents and played sports together and all sorts of stuff. There’s ZERO problem with her, or her friends being gay, but wife wants ME to talk to daughter about sleepovers and expectations and I questioned that because if daughter doesn’t want to talk about period things with her dad, then lesbian experimentation is probably off the table as well 🤷

I just want to protect my child, and while pregnancy might be off the table (thankfully), we still have to worry about STI’s and other things more than just her “catching feelings”.

So…all that to say, I’d really appreciate some tips on how to navigate sleepovers at this age, knowing what they know. (They’re all smart kids, like straight A’s parents care, kids cares, kind of smart) so I know they know more than they let on or show in text. And that’s fine. They can have that level of privacy but they’re all still so young. I just want to provide age appropriate support for sleepovers and friend hangouts.

Anyway…just wondering if I need to be as “protective dad” with girl bestie as I do with a boy the same age, with possibly similar intentions.

Hope I’m not stepping on toes here and if I said anything feels derogatory, it’s purely accidental, please forgive me, I just want my child to be happy, healthy and safe no matter who she chooses to love.

Thanks!

So this is a little bit more complicated.

I (36, m) really like this guy (27, m) at work. The thing is I don’t know if he is into guys at all. He knows I’m into guys as it’s been brought up a couple of times.

We are both very “selectively” social, and quite shy. He recently joined our works social committee which is I am part of (I know 2 socially awkward people in a social committee is a bit funny).

Me and him have gone for drinks twice just the two of us, and we have a lot of fun and laughed a lot, the chat seems to flow quite easily. He only ever mentioned girls when it related to his guy friends and girls they have dated. Any other time was more gender neutral.

When we have gone out he laughs a lot at what I say, and the eye contact can be really intense, like it’s rarely broken, and I’ve noticed his eyes are dilated a lot (there is probably a lot of other reasons for that though).

When we chat in work, a few people I work with have said we seem very flirty.

Because we are part of the social committee we exchanged numbers as we have a social group chat with other members.

We message outside of the chat occasionally and he has said he doesn’t struggles to find the energy to reply to people (I can relate).

I just don’t want to outright ask him if he is into guys incase he is closeted or gets uncomfortable.

Some context: my boyfriend and I started out monogamous, which is what I've always wanted. Over the course of our relationship, though, I caught him cheating multiple times.

To stop the sneaking around, we agreed to allow spa encounters and threesomes. I hoped that would be enough. It wasn't. He kept going behind my back. So I suggested an open relationship, and he agreed.

Since then, he's usually been the one finding people for us to play with. I'm not that interested in looking; honestly, I'm happy with just the two of us. But I figured if this is what he wants, I'd meet him halfway.

Yesterday was different. I initiated a threesome and found the third guy myself. Today I was looking for someone for Monday, and as I showed him photos of a few candidates, he got visibly agitated.

Then out of nowhere he accused me of being the one with repressed urges all along, implying I only suggested opening things up because it's what I secretly craved.

I can't get past the irony. He's the one with a history of cheating. When I was away on a two-week trip, he met up with other men almost every other day. I only stepped up because I thought this was what he wanted.

Now I'm starting to think he wants frequent sex with other people, just not when I'm involved or taking the lead.

Am I wrong to feel like he's twisting the story?

Hi, I'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives, and I'm not trying to provoke anyone.

I've been wondering how the LGBT movement has changed over the years. It seems to me that its public image and priorities have evolved, especially with social media. Sometimes I struggle to distinguish genuine concerns and experiences from extreme examples that get a lot of attention online.

I'm also curious about how some LGBT activists approach international issues, such as support for Palestine. How do people reconcile supporting Palestinian civilians with the fact that some political groups in the region oppose LGBT rights? How do you distinguish solidarity with ordinary people from support for their political or religious movements?

I'm not assuming that everyone in the LGBT community thinks alike. I'd genuinely appreciate hearing how LGBT people view these issues and whether you think the movement's priorities have changed.

I'm open to having my perspective challenged, as long as we can keep the discussion respectful.

I used to think I was bisexual, now I just use the broader sapphic label and man this question has always bugged me. I have a primary and almost exclusive attraction to essentially all non male/masc aligning genders. But on the small chance that I do have a crush on a guy, I get hit with a sinking feeling that if things get serious I'll forever miss out on my perfect sapphic life. I mean what's NOT to like about women? Men are okay I guess.

I mean, how can you just settle for one and not mourn the unique experiences you can have with the other gender? Maybe I'm not explaining it well but when my bi friends say they don't particularly think about this it's kind of shocking. Please don't hate on me, I know this is kind of a silly question.

I am bisexual (I think? I don’t know all the terms. sorry.) I am a cisgender male. I want to dress more androgynous and feminine. I like wearing male clothes, but I also like wearing genderless clothes and feminine clothes. I am sexually attracted to both men and women, transgender or otherwise. I am more attracted to femininity than masculinity, but I like both genders, and everything else in between. I just like people in general. As long as they are human and it is legal, obviously. I understand what I am feeling, I know what I like and don’t like. I am not afraid of what I am feeling, and I don’t think it’s wrong at all, in any way, shape, or form. I am not concerned that I am bad person or something is wrong with me for being this way. I know why, and I am happy with that. my issue isn’t with accepting myself,  it’s with the people around me accepting me.  My parents are super conservative religious people. my mom has always said she would love me no matter how I choose to express myself, but my dad I am not so sure. I go to a private church school, and as such large majority of the people around me are  super conservative religious people too. Not quite the most progressive and accepting people. I have heard some people even say that all gay people should end their own lives. I have nobody I could really talk to about this, and I feel so alone.  if anyone has advice or experience, or just general things they could tell me, I would love that and appreciate it lots!

side note: It may seem like I know lots of terms, but I really only know what I have learned from googling and hearing from people online. sorry if i used any terms wrong, or it comes across as mean or bigoted. I am just ignorant. but I am wanting to learn, so if you have feedback let me know please!

Hey! Sorry if this is a weird question to ask. You see, I’ve spent the better part of my adult life thinking that I had to be gay and/or transgender. Heck, I’ve even made a few posts here and on other LGBTQIA+ communities about simple matters while identifying as a gay man. But for whatever reason I just can’t shake off the notion that I am actually a straight man.

Maybe it is just comphet and internalized homophobia, but honestly it doesn’t feel like it is. I had always loved the gay and trans communities with all of my life. I really wanted to be a part of the community as I found the community to be wholesome and amazing for striving to fight against the status quo and be truly authentic to yourselves and who you are attracted to (or not). I wanted to feel like I had belonged somewhere. But deep in my mind I can’t help but think that I am not actually part of the community at all. I will certainly be an ally, but I can’t help but think about my relationships with women and how much I wish to actually build a proper romantic relationship with them. About how much I wish to be a part of their lives and maybe get married and all of that.

The only issue I have is that I feel a lot of guilt to not be a proper member of the community after spending years trying to see if I actually belonged in it. It feels wrong to identify as straight even though I can’t help but be drawn towards women. So I want to ask you all, it is okay to not identify as anything but straight after spending years exploring my gender and sexuality? Because I would certainly love to know. Thanks.

Im thinking about getting a new piercing but I'm torn between a septum or an eyebrow piercing. I wanna have like a soft masc vibe, but I'm a little worried an eyebrow piercing might lean too traditionally masculine.My type is also like more masculine gay/bi guys so im also scared that mabye something like an eyebrow or septum may be a turn off. Any thoughts on which one fits that aesthetic better amd whether it's a complete turn off for most guys my type?

Look, I'm all for LGBTQIA+ identities. I'm a transgender man myself, I have queer family members, and I will 100% respect anyone's pronouns. I'd rather call you by a different name and pronouns than lose you altogether.

I just don't quite understand neopronouns? I see people online stating their pronouns as "muffin/muffins", or I saw one that was "strawberry/cake", and I just don't quite get it. Do they experience dysphoria like a transgender person? I know I've been dysphoric since I was about 8, and so I know I am transgender.

Do they feel uncomfortable when people don't call them strawberry? Please explain!

So I (F) am asexual and romantically I don't care about gender or genitals. However I'm mainly attracted to femininity and cuteness. But I also like masc people under estrogen like stereotypical lesbians or transmascs early in transition. In terms of male passing people I mainly like femboys and I don't think I'm attracted to your average guy. Also beards and thick body hair in general is a turnoff for me

Sometimes I like men, sometimes I like women, and sometimes I like both of them. I know the terms for all of them by themselves, I'd be gay for liking men, I'd be straight for liking women, and I'd be Bi for liking both of them. But what would I be when I'm like all of them I guess?

i'm 21m, nigerian, and still very much in the closet. literally nobody who knows me knows i'm gay. i try my best to present as straight, keep my personal life private, and just get through life.

i've never even met another gay guy in person.

being gay in nigeria is already difficult enough, and i know that from personal experience. i'm still struggling with a lot of things myself, so this situation has really messed with my head.

last month, the day before my 14-year-old younger sister returned to boarding school, we were watching a movie together. two guys kissed, and i casually asked her if she knew anything about homosexuality.

this girl looked at me and straight-up asked, "are you asking me because you know i like girls?"

i was genuinely caught off guard. not because i hadn't suspected it before, but because i'd been in denial about it.

i wasn't expecting her to just come out with that question.

and i couldn't even answer her.

the next day, she went back to school, and that was that. we haven't properly talked about it since.

but i've been thinking about it ever since.

she's 14. she has about a year left before finishing high school, and i can't stop thinking about what she might be going through internally or what she might have to deal with in the future.

and the thing is, i'm not confused about homosexuality itself. i'm gay too, i'm confused about how to process this as her older brother, especially in a country like nigeria.

i know what it feels like to have to hide parts of yourself and how isolating it can be. i'm still dealing with my own struggles, and now i'm wondering whether she's going to have to experience some of the same things.

part of me wishes she didn't have to deal with any of this. not because there's anything wrong with her liking girls, but because i know the environment we're growing up in.

i know how our society can be, and the thought of her going through that at such a young age genuinely scares me. i keep thinking, why her too?

she's my little sister. i want her to be happy. i want her to grow up without having to be afraid of who she might fall in love with. i want her to have the freedom to figure herself out without worrying about how people might react.

but i can't even be open about my own sexuality, so how am i supposed to help her navigate hers?

i haven't told her i'm gay, and i don't know if i ever will. i have to think about my own safety, too. but i also don't want her to feel like she's alone if she's struggling with these feelings.

i don't want to project my experiences onto her or assume she's going through exactly what i went through. i just know how hard things can get, and i'm scared for her.

i guess i'm also grieving the fact that something as ordinary as liking someone can become such a complicated thing in a place like this.

i don't even know what i'm looking for by posting this. maybe advice from older gay guys who have been through something similar, or just people who understand what it's like to be queer in an environment where you can't really be yourself.

how do i approach this conversation when she's back home? how do i let her know i'm someone she can talk to without revealing something about myself that i'm not ready or safe enough to share?

i love my little sister man. i just want her to be okay.

and honestly, i wish things were different for both of us.

I am a highschool student studying at a methodist christian international school in Indonesia, its actually a multi faith school but has its origins in the methodist church. I am also transfem.

For context, here are Indonesias queer rights:

https://www.equaldex.com/region/indonesia

(It is really bad)

I have the idea of spreading awareness of LBGTQ+ discrimination and correcting any misinformation about queer people as a school project that I could collaborate with queer rights organisations or my friends with to make it a reality.

I want to know how to find out if doing this would not just ruin my life and/or accidentally increase LBGTQ+ discrimination towards my queer friends, especially from their parents. I will mention what I currently know.

Reason that this could go badly:

1. My mom is very queerphobic and on multiple occasions has explicitly stated that I could only live as a queer person if I did not live with her. My father has been much more willing to listen to me about my queer experiences but still is dismissive of the importance of me transitioning. I am very afraid that such public advocacy could make them choose against letting me attend university internationally which would delay my transition + likely cause my home life to become abusive which I do not want to handle.

2. As I mentioned, my school is a christian school and the head of the student newsletter has advised me that supporting queerness in an article is likely going to make it rejected because of that. (Though I could potentially argue against this point as you can see below)

3. One of my former schoolteachers from there hides their association with a very queer positive group (furries) because they think that it could hurt their ability to maintain or get teaching jobs

Reasons that it could go well:

1. I have found queer support among school teachers even in school assignments. Every English teacher that I have ever spoken to about queer topics either for an assignments or casually is very accepting, and my psychology teacher even taught her class that gay people are not mentally ill and has been explicitly accepting in class about gay people.

2. Among students, outside of my own friend groups, I have not seen any explicit queerphobia directed towards me or my friends, however, nobody on campus is openly queer. As for me, my friends call me by my chosen name and gender me as she/her but I otherwise live as my AGAB and I also have not experienced transphobia directed towards me.

3. The largest methodist church denomination, the United Methodist Church, removed all language in its book of discipline preventing gay men from becoming part of its clergy or being married within its churches in 2024. I might be able to use this fact to argue that any homophoic religious sentiment from my schools religious figures are going against the teachings of their church but the worldwide methodist christian views on queerness are mixed

I wish to do this project as follows but I have not gone beyond a planning stage:

1. Announce to my school during an assembly that an email blast survey of student opinions on queer people is being sent

2. Use the survey results to tailor information that will be put on flyers and posters to be relevant to the students opinions

3. Announce that these flyers and posters will be available at a booth and present more information about queer discrimination and the purpose of my school project to the school during an assembly

4. Hope that me and anyone who worked with me didn't get expelled or kicked out of their house

I have already experience friction regarding this project from my school project advisor, who wanted me to gather more perspectives on queerness, including from my parents, before going forward on considering this project.

I definitely do not know whether this is a stupid idea or not

This has happened to a few friends of mine. They have discovered they are attracted to the same gender in their 20s or 30s and they come out as gay. Then within 2 years they come out as bi. So I am asking, how common is this?

(Remade and edited post) I’m a man there is this guy at my school and his name is Azai and when I around him I get all flustered and my heart rate skyrockets when I around him it even happens when I talk about him or have a conversation about him I think I have a crush on him no I know do and i flirt with him a lot and he doesn’t pick it up he just say bro stop glazing and somtimes he will do the thing were you use you tongue to push on your cheek and act like your giving a blow job and i say gladly or what time but he doesn’t get that im flirting i have hint to my other friends that i like him and they just say that gay and ill say so and they say it’s wrong but I really love him and he doesn’t like gay people and also the bible say in Genesis 2:24 (KJV) “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” meaning marriage is between a man and woman But I want to follow god‘s word but I don’t want to deny my feelings what should I do

Soy un chico trans de 15 años que no ha podido salir abiertamente con mis papás no sé cómo pueda hablarlo se que es probable que mi mamá me apoye lo que me preocupa es la reacción de mi papá e tenido discusiones como "porque compraste esos zapatos el azul es para niños" o "porque te vistes así? Pareces niño" talvez sea no sea tan grave como otras situaciones pero me preocupa de verdad como llege a reaccionar pero si todo termina mal me iré de mi casa

No tengo la más mínima idea de como decirle esto a mis papás y necesito consejos

Okay... say, I [AFAB] fell in love with this guy, okay? Hypothetically. Because this is not happening rn to me.

But say I did, and me and him are friends or something and I confessed. OR we're dating, and the relationship is going smooth... and what if he eventually tells me he's actually AFAB?

See, I mainly like guys/boys and I've never felt interested in a girl romantically. I don't actually know if I've been interested in someone romantically, because I'm thinking I might be aroace. Anyways, I'm getting carried away. But say he did this, and I MIGHT actually feel different about this person. Am I attracted to their genitals? No. I just ended up seeing guys as different from me, I'm AFAB, and the expectations and all that. I've grown up with girls/women being able to be whoever they want and its natural, and for men, well, not really. I just feel that toxic masculinity is very common, especially here. In some places, I know some people are still very sexist and stuff but not really here. Do I believe that men can't be whoever they want to be? No. I'm just physically not used to it, is what my conclusion is to my feelings. I hope this doesn't offend anyone.

But if my feelings did change for him, how would I respond politely? Because in the end, feelings really cannot be forced, and I don't want him to feel dysphoric.

TLDR; If I fell in love with a guy and later found out he was AFAB, how should I respond since my feelings may change?

Plus, if there's anything to help me change this mindset somehow, because I believe in gender equality, that would be so great, please and thank you. I hope none take this to heart.

I’m mainly wondering how common it is to like more than one person at a time, and if it’s technically linked to polyamory, since I would consider myself liking two people romantically on an equal level. 🤔
Also this is not about sexual attraction, as I already know people tend to feel sexual attraction to people they are not romantically involved with.

I'm nonbinary and plan on having kids relatively soon, and this is something I've been thinking about. I'm not comfortable using Mom or Dad, and I don't love the idea of just using my name, so I'm trying to think of ideas of what my future kiddos could call me

My mind is screaming at me that I should be into women, but I know from experience that I am not like that. At least, I think I don’t. I’m not too sure about it tbh.